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10
The Commoner.
VOLUME 4," NUMBER a.
- . im pwwrr'rw-i'!T"-
Tlio Road To -Swlfevlllc.
There are golden roses that bloom and
blow
In tho balmy winds and the golden
glow
To greet and inspire as I gaily go
Along the road to Smileville.
Tho winds sing sweet In tho leafy
trees,
And a rich perfume lades the summer
breeze,
."While a nectar sweet calls the hum
ming bees
Along the road to Smileville.
There arc shady nooks in the flowered
. lane,
And a vista clear of the waving grain;
.There's a balm for every acho and
pain
Along the road to Smileville.
There are songs to cheer as I wend my
way;
There are echoes' sweet as the children
play; i
And tho skies aro blue and my heart is
gay
Along the road to Smileville.
In a cosy cottago on Quiet street.
My darlings wait with their kisses
sweet,
And they run to meet me with flying
i'eet
Along tho road to Smileville.
' i
'Tls a charming road that is over now,
And tho cheery ending is e'er in view;
And a lasting welcome is waiting. you
.Where ends tho road to Smilovllle.
barback on ol' Dobbin 'cross country;
I've walked nine miles back an' forth
across the woods pasture lot; I've
swum the crick eight limes; I shot
and scalped three fox squirrels an' a
woodchuck; I challenged ol Bill
Skeeziks to a wraslin' match an'
flung him three times out o' five; I've
stacked two ton o' hay, mowed- an
acre o' that wet medder, dug nine
post holes and nailed up the looso
boards on that back cea lot fence, an
I wus just wonderin' if th' notification
committee hadn't dropped in to tell
mo I'd been nominated f'r somethin
or other."
Rehearsing.
"What's the matter with Posticus?
He's performing all kinds of queer
antics over there by tho wash basin."
"He's rehearsing."
"Rehearsing what?" '
"His surprise. He was nominated
for road overseer last week "and the
committee is going to tell him about
it today."
Th Dally Press.
"I have bin readin' the Daily
Whooper f'r seventeen year," said Un
cle Billy Haicede, speaking to tho city
editor, "an' I thought I'd just drap in
an' git orqualnted with th' fellors
that make it. My father aforo mo took
tho Whooper, an' I've took it ever
since he died."
"Glad to meet you Mr. Haicede,"
said the city editor'. "Just look around
and raako yourself at home."
"Thank'eo. I want to see th' feller
that writes all them strong articles
ag'in th' opposition.. That follor is a
wonder, an' I want to shako his hand."
"You moan Mr. Dlgdown. That is
tho gontleman over there by the
desk."
"What, is that consumptive, thin,
peaked-looking feller th' ono that
makes life miserable f'r th' opposi
tion?'! "Yes, that is Mr. Dlgdown, the editor-in-chief."
"But I thought that fine Iookin'
feller all dressed up like a prince or
a jook, was th' man that writ all
them strong articles."
"0, no; that is Mr. Squeesom, tho
manager of tho advertising department."
Waiting.
"Mlrandy," said Mr. Squeedunk, as
ho entered tho house, wiping tho pors
"poratlon from his brow with ono hand
and waving his hat like a fan with
the other, "have they como yet?"
"Ha3 who como, Abinldab?" asked
Mrs. Squeedunk.
"That notification committee."
"Abinldab SqueedttnK, exclaimed
Mrs. Squeedunk in a sharp voice,
what on earth are you talkln' about?"
"Well, Mlrandy, I've chopped down
'leven big trees an' cut 'em up into
cord wood; I'yo rid seventeen miles
Trouble.
The campaign poet Is steeped in gloom
And grasps with a frenzy his hair.
Tho candidates names have proven his
doom
And filled his heart with despair.
Ho yearneth in vain for a suitable
rhyme
t To fit with the candidate Fairbanks,
And seoms to bo having a- terrible
time
With
"air tanks' i
"share thanlcs,"
"square pranks,"
"bare shanks."
"fair cranks,"
ana g ;
"square planks.-'
He turns him at last with a heart
rending moan
And tackles tho strong opposition;
And find he is groping aweary, alone,
And still in an awful condition.
He seoketh in vain lor a suitable
rhyme
To fit with the candidate Davis,
And seems to bo having a terrible
time
With
"save us,"
"brave us,"
"crave us,"
"lave us,"
"cave us,"
and
"shave us."
The voters would count It a bountiful
gain
Well worth their eternal endeavor
If poets would loaf in the country's
campaign
And cease their bad rhyming for
ever. But it is too much to be hoping they
will;
They'll keep up their rhyming eter
nal. And columns and columns of space
they will fill
With rhymes that are really infernal.
CoapeBsattea.
"This packing house strike is not an
unmixed evil," declared Snoresby as he
suspended his hat on the usual peg
and reached for his office stool.
"Well, go on!" exclaimed Gorgely,
who was complaining all the timo
about his boarding house.
"Since the strike and tho resultant
elevation of tho price of meat," con
tinued S'noresby, "1 am no longer
awakened about 5 a. m. by tho coolr
pounding a shoulder steak to faake it
eat like prime porterhouse."
Unplaced.
"Is Wicherly a rich man?"
"That question puzzles me. He
shaves himself, and I dont know
whether he does it because he is rich
or whether he is too poor to dwn a
safety razor.'
Strong.
'Bilkins has the strongest will pow
er of any man of my acquaintance."
"How do you know?"
'He can read a patent medicine ad
vertisement without experiencing one
of the symptoms described."
ound Ve. Spelling
"My biggest fish got away."
"0, come off! That's the same old
gag."
Well, it's a fact Had my pocket
scales along. It weighed nearly three
pounds."
"
Outre.
"That Mrs. Pneurych is really vulgar
In her display of wealth."
"What has she been doing now?"
"Why, at the DeSwell's reception
last night she woro a receipt for two
pounds- of porterhouse- as a neck ornament."
Brain Lo.kJ.
Sanctity is not necessarily serious
ness. '
Prayer is a petition, not an ulti
matum. Do Now is; always envied by Wait
Awhile.. ..,'.' - . ; ,
Unionism is of tho Heart; not of the
pocketbook. '"
The finest way to grow oia it to
forget about it.
The sermon that does not make men
wince is usually poor stuff.
A man never knows how little he
can. get along with until he. has to.
You'll never get close to God by re
maining away from your neighbor.
Some men are so anxious to avoid
doing wrong that they neglect to do
right
Did you ever pause and wonder if a
woman in summer is as cool as she
looks?
The "popular novel' is usually tho
ono that doesn't sell after the first six
montns.
We didn't win anything in tho Rose
bud lottery;- neither did we lose any
sleep over it.
Happiness consists largely in ror
gettlng the things that are not worth
remembering.
The husband who Keeps on court
ing his wife never complains about an
unhappy home.
Brag & Bluster may attract atten
tion, but Quiet & Quick accumulate
the persimmons.
About the worst fooled man we
know of is the man who says ho "can
drink or let it alone."
We rather like to hear a man toot
ing his own horn, providing he doesn't
forever toot in the same key.
A man is rich when he is contented
with what he has, although ho may
not be satisfied with his possessions.
ad
Once in a whiin -ma ..,.,,
, , ..-.- ,, .wu oviusa
moiuuuui, wuu is very liberal in a
vcrtising his wares ana very eacer
conceal his weighs.
Every city laborer' envies the Inde- J
a
1-
to
pendent life of tho farmer, and everv
farmer's boy rather envies the easy
lot of the city workman.
There is nothing quite so pitiful as
the spectacle of a man who spends
all. of his' time preparing for death
The wise man devotes himself to prep
arations for living.
'; Oom Paul.
Tn'liis rude rorce, his crart, his fan
aticism, his passionate assertion of
the-rights of aclass, his intolerance,
in 'a' certain savage solitariness of
disposition, even in his avarice, Paul
Kruger suggested' some English com
monwealth's man.
"Nearly seventy years ago he trekked
across the Vaal. The loneliness of
the veldt was in his blood and that
of his follow Boers. They were pos
sessed by an implacable Independence.
' Their autonomy was overthrown at
last, but not until after such a strug
gle as shook the power of England
and showed these farmers as among
tho best fighters, in the world.
The patriarchal ruier or the Trans
vaal was the orgamzer or that war.
The foresight and the secrecy with.
which he prepared for the inevitable
contest would be sufficient to give him
the high rank as a statesman, even if
he had displayed no other marks of
statesmanship. His unmasking and
thwarting of the Jameson raid re
vealed the man, swift to act and as
Utoioiigh as Strafford.
Hi? signed deeds were done at an
age which is old ago ror most men.
The flame burned inextinguishable in
him to the last. He naa a primitive
and an original quality, self-sustained.
Something of the slyness and
patience of Jacob, another pastoral
chief, appeared in him. But it is fu
tile to find comparisons for the in
pomparable. Oom Paul has not left
his like behind. . ,.
i The rugged old man, smoking his
pipe, has long been, a ngure in tho
gallery of the imagination. Associated
with a hopeless and heroic struggle
for freedom, his name is sure of per
manent survival. New York -Sun.
Curious Coincidences
Curloua, coincidences mark the lives
of two women who married Dr. A. T.
Knox ofBowen, Powell county, Ky.
One is dead, the other living with
her husband. Both women were
named Alice, both removed to Ken
tucky when 8 years of age, and each
bore him three children. The father
of each wife is dead, the mother of
each is living and each is named Ann.
The parents of each wife had nine
children four boys aha five girls
each wife has three brothers whose
names aro exactly alrae, and each has
two sisters whose names are alike.
One wife was born in North Carolina
and the other in Virginia. 6ne was
the eldest of nine children and tho
other the youngest of nine children.
Three children of Dr. Knox are living
and three are dead. The wives were
intimate friends. Kansas City Journal.
Aged Lsrnrs At Harvard.
(Boston Telegram to the Philadelphia
Record.?
The Harvard summer school has
tho distinction of having a group oi
students older than any other college
can boast of. The oldest is Rev. Ed
ward Roblo of Greenland, N. H., eiga-ty-threo
years old, who is taking spe
cial work in theology. The next old
est is Dr. Leonard Wolspy Bacon, a
Congregational minister, of Assonet,
Mass., whose, lectures have been wioe
ly published in America. Dr. Bacou
ia sovonty-four years old and w
tireless student. The Rev. W. Jf
kel, the Rev. Warren Ach, each i aw
years obi, complete a quartet, nameu
the "Deans.' of tho summer school.
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