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The Commoner.
rfov. 7, 190a.
15
GOOD SHORT STORIES If
Tfce Bright SMe;
"What an optimist Bmksley Is"
"Yea., It'i. pretty hard to discourage
MmJ'
"When he foil and broke his leg last
week he lay there and, smiled while
they were bringing; the ambulance.
Finally some one asked him if it didn't
hurt. 'Oh yes' he said 'But I, can't
help being tickled because it's: the left
one I have a bad corn on the little
toe o that foot and it'll have a chance
to go away while I'm laid up.' " Chi
cago. Record-Herald.
A CkBtleHlnt;
The head of the house had already
played the genial' and kindly host for
two weeks beyond the time, of the in
vitation sent ta the third cousins once
removed who were his guests.
41 canJt stand this- much longer," he
said behind closed doors to his wife.
"But what can be done? They are
under our roof"
"That's all right I'll give them a
little- hint, very gently.'"
"I haven't much confidence In your
little hints. Hadn't you better leave
the matter to me"
"Why should I leave the matter to
you? I guess I can manage a little
thing like- that."
"Then suppose neither of us does
anything. They haveseen almost ev
erytnlng In town. 'They must bo
thinking of going home pretty soon."
"Now, don't you worry. They'll
never guess what I'm after. There
won't be occasion for the least par
tide of offense."
"What a beautiful day," the third
cousin once removed greeted him at
the breakfast, the next morning;
"Yes," ho. responded; "a beautiful
day fcr couWhs to go home." -New
.York Sun.
Star reporter, "and yet why should I?
It Is really a very simple thing re
quires.1 nothing but close observation!
I Tfoi Inutnnna If to vnvrn- xiaai t-n tail k
man's occupation. His facial expres
sion, his actions, oven his dress are
stamped by his daily work. You see
thai man sitting oposite us? Well,
I am: just as sure as though he had
tcU me that he is a barber."
"You are mistaken," replied his
friend. "That man is a butcher."
"Impossible," exclaimed the amateur
dotectlve. "You never saw a butcher
with slim, white hands like his."
"Perhaps not," admitted the other,
"but he Is a butcher just the same."
"How do you know he 1b?"
"How do I know? Why, the scoun
drel shaved me once."
but Jack's, a boy of eight
"Why, Jack, why are you opposed to
fti- war?" atlrod the. tcachor,, and
Jack's, surprising answer was:
Cause, Miss Sophio, war makes
history, and there's more, o' that now
'aa I can, ever learn." Exchange.
us
The Wrens. Ohms.
"Now, I: rather- pride myself on my
ability to-read character,' said the man
who was given to.- buying, detective
tales- In the hearing of a Kansas City
A HOI ft SJTIM and a luce
salary always await sa expert
BoakKeepen Wo taacb.yM
boolMcecptag thoroughly by
mau. inn.' siKr AMoiuieiy no
charge; for tultloauntil wc place
yonTn-apaylajf position. If you
wilfctoUetterY8niM!.wrUcfor
'our1 cuorantte offer and our
KKEK hook.. COaWKJWIlL
.rnimKflrftgBKKCK schools,
S0W.Ofl.tUB4ehslar, K. X.
11 fjry
' awssM'
Bl
MAKE POULTRY PAY
fcr feaUe gf.J-b'. TfcaBaaqAwy
GrMU Baaa aafYfefjctafcl Cer ! gBara-
tearftaeat men bcaalaylMaUam wMi 1cm labor
taay otter cotter ra4a StaafarfrMfeaak
coataiatoc;bBa for era yaarti gx wear.
HwasfcwrfcSaaey Bene &f MM, Ii.
A. New Author.
The assumption of knowledge one
does not really possess sometimes gets
a person into an embarrassing predica
ment, says the Chicago Chronicle. A
well-known professional man who
spends his life entirely immersed in
books has a wife who never reads any
thing more ambitious than a fashion
column,, bur she likes occasionally to
pretend an inlet est In her husband's
hobby, and so from time to time she
goi-3 to ihe lifciary nn;l takes down a
book just for the soke cf appearances.
"I chose a book this morning," she
remarked the. other day to her hus
band, with a bright smile, "by an au
1hor named Vollx. Is he considered a
good writer?"
"Vollx!" said the good man in a
i puzzled tone;, and, then, not liking to
confess himself ignorant of one of the
books; in his own library, he added,
"Yes, my dear, a, writer of very con
siderable power, who possesses a re
markable insight, into his subject"
But when she had. completed her
elaborate, toilet and had gone off to
her garden party hei sneaked around, to
her bedroom to discover the bok of,
the author of whom he had never
heard. It turned out to be a volume
of Browning's poetry which happened,
to. have been bound with, no name on
;tho back,, where it, merely bore the
' legend' VoL IX.
Hja Regiriar Formula.
The reader for the publishing, house
was doing a little marketing, and tho
grocer had handed him In- change a
suspicious-looking dollar bill.
He looked at it absent-mindedly,
and handed it back.
"I find myself unable to use this," ho
said, "and herewith return it You
are not to understand, howover, that
It is decllaed on account of a lack of
merit, but because for my particular
purpose It la unavailable." Chicago
Tribune
JtXXl
' VH Iff JUnrinii
t ami Klmttry Lair. Kmlorat
rsfetMTtlN tharae. Court bw4 by
Jolt LHft Henmtnv iwir,i
JAM TV. TtmVUT, KX.UWV. MVIMMI,
1IM. . HryMi H fHiK mmicihi.
Full CammmreU, NrtMl d A
4al cieeartmeftta. Tait-books I re
Hcatadairta TMMMtaoMWM.
YW? MSASC aSSUtf aajBttClsP
Swvl. I, yfr
ISaSa.
I
Discriminating Agaiast Americans.
The American citizen is required to
pay $3.23 for one kind of harness
snap, $2.24 for one and $1.37 for an
other kind.
These same harness snaps are sold
by tho American manufacturer to tho
foreigner for $2.40, $1.08 and $1 re
spectively. Here is a difference of 3, 33 and 37
per cent in favor of the foreigner.
This imposition upon tho homo con
sumer Is made possible by a trust
breeding tariff, maintained by tho re
publican party, whoso campaign funds
are derived from, tho trusts.
Why should any American citlzon,
other than a trust magnato or a re
publican office holder, vote with a
party that is not only responsible for
this imposition, but promises to. main
tain tho policy that will perpetuate
Impositions of this character?'
Similar discrimination fs made In re
gard' to many articles of commerce,
and will continue to be made so long
as tho people continue to vote for the.
trust candidates to make and admin
ister the. laws of this country. Why
shouldn't the people cease voting for
the trusts and. do. a little, voting for
themselves? -Jbplin Globe.
with mm ; la
JltUatl mill, far wr
Mimii w WaM U
or tottotaiia U
MmIu W U a
UlUl U CAM 4 IM
nlMiMMklr. Wm41
TMf ttUHttU ( Jr
llMMI
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i m kttfbMlnMVf 11 U fcWHljWM
... -. . . m . . . n - ua w. - " mmmm
aW1f M WVJ. nvfmri mm np" n -. n ww
Dlnm4 li, aid lift a (JunaM CnMnu with rrtrf M I
w. HiiaiuLuMii hi dM la Um ftt, altovlM Mi. ttta
erlMfttU. W n tut ttiht Mt MM. IBUIi4bbr MotMtMl
Unb & blu. Tmt ttal UakM i rifcr kit teat m i
BnUtnmUltCammi unji wwiwimw.
Ova klilMMJ." umil mrt tfiU akUa IN awU A. w I
Mnd It U 1Ui I'JiuWM tmtutm " fwjr nni wy.
LOPTIK BROS. A. CO. HM.8a,MMlHa-
OrromMaaiiuu.riauaOo. CHKJ1W1, IM, t,bi
GINSENG
Whr Hj Opposed. Wan.,
At the.' beginning of our' war "wltn.
, Spain a teacher of a primary class.
;told, some, of, her boys about the- war
and askedi all' who favored ft to hold
. up- their hands.. Up went everyj handt
Ananias Lyman.
"Talk: about names!" writer a
former Washington woman1, who; is
now living down, in, Virginia. "I?vo
come across the- best yet, and- if s true.
'A colored' girli came to mo. the' other
'day to. ask: for work. told her I
should' meed' her in a- week: or so, and
asked' her where, I should send for her.
;She- toldi me where, she; was- livings
fTm staying;? said she,, 'with my un-
;cle. His name1 Is: Mr. Ananias Ly
'mani?'" Waahlngton Post,
i
96 to 912 WEEKLY. rorcoOTliHflettofB'far o In yoar
gwh, home, eotfltti and: imrUcnlars free. Addrcaa,
lAdlfta' Boms Magazine, Philadelphia, PennsyrranSB..
WmB
-iYtiAKs. weniv e&an
; Fk. I W
teestbyViwt
Stark Nnrvr, f wfti". M.: rkurrWa. N. Y
Thi Old Lint Bankiri LiftJRSuraRGS
Gt. of Lincoln, Nebraska,
will write yon a poliey of $1,000 and guarantee
on. Ita face tbat the net eott to 70a from date
till' it mataritr in 20 yearawili not exceed 1.00
er year at age twenty up to $6.20 per year at
age fif ty-fiye. Every poliey teeured by a de
posit with the State of Nebraska. Bend' age at
mearett birthday aad gar lUnatration.
FOB IALK-AMGUS CATTLK
40 head, both cexes, any age; large
herd to select from. MailT orders a
specialty. Satisfaction guaranteed.
Write for catalogue- and circular, with
-words from customers in 17 states
Farm 1-4 mile from town.
JNO. F. COULTER, Bxcello, Mor.
Poems You, Should Remember
Kreak, Break; Break.
Break, break, break,.
On. thy cold, gray stones, Q Sea!
'. And I wish. that my tongue could utter
Tha thoughts that arise In me.
O well for the fisherman's boy,,
That he shouts with his sister at
play!:
0 well for the sailor lad,
That he sings in his boat on the
bay!
And the stately ships go on
To the haven under the hill; -
But O for the touch of a vanlsh'd
hand, 4
And the sound of a voice that hr still 1
Break, break, break,
At the foot of tho crags; O Sea!
But the tender grace of day that is;
dead
Will never dome back to me.
-Alfred- Temnysoa.
Tfe Lip and the Metrt.,
One day between tho Lip audi the Heart
A wordless strife arose,
Which was. expertest in the art
Hist purpose to disclose.
The Lip called forth the vassal Tongue?
And made him vouch a. lie!
The slave his servile anthem, sung;
And braved the listening sky-
The Heart to speak In vain essayed,
Nor could his purpose reach
His will nor voice nor tongue obeyed,
His silence was his speech.
Mark, thou- their difference, child of
earth!
While each performs his part,
Not all tha Up can speak is worth
The silence of the fieart.
John Qulncy Adams.
23,000 ra4f from ora-ImK ears.
Ka&lly grown thruughuut the UM4
Ktatra and Panada. Itoom la rear
garden to grow Uiounamla or d&Uara worth. Heee aa4
teed foe sale, b'wid 4o tut postage and get our beefc
lot tclllnif all about It '
McDewail Olrutagr Garden, Jeplla, Mlaaearf.
rnrrwe Klre one beaaUtuL relied gold aellWMre
rilLCl'urlUa rose dlaracmd ring, eoJld.gold at
a -"tcm.forw!lllHgJ0 package CI arfteW Vev
uura&ioccnw apacxago. jrineHunaui; ew.i
Send name; womaU gian. ThUm sold wnd momrt
wo mall ring. 7th year. Hundreds or ttioiuanda
pleased. customem Catalog; free: showing hwndird
prwnlHins. Garfield auin.C'o. 11ox.70j, Jaeadvllle,i'a.
tfB'BT Pf SIaa aa4 Xxpaat no xtae
Tl !' eld: position permaneBt; i0f-HHi
W i fJF rxaaMva.Cb..aUatfQ )Olaeicia44; O.
STUDY LAW AT HOKE
Prepare for the Bar or for advanced- standing f n
resideataefeool brnegyoacBir ttwonly,iud at
your own home. Coorsee of study, text book,
practice work and Hoot Court same an In resident
school. Superior to studying in a law oloce. Oaa
etudentwrltea: "ITareleRrnodinore law in thre
weeks In your school than I learned In four zaonlha
In a law office." KegolacCoUege Opiitw, (2 years),
Post'OraduaU) Courne Jl year) and lludnese Law
Snurse (1H weeks). Endorsed by the bench and bar.
orrlall paxttewlani addrecw
CHI0MO' COftRESPONDINCE SCHOOL fF UW,
Reafr lieelu, thlMiv.
Raafer Graod ffotel
Seattle,. Wash.
Xoropeaa Plan: Kate f LOT aad'apward.
KZ.roB3t. 7i roams. with bath. Kissst
Cafe. Ih. tha. northwest; stotad. for tha
pallar exeeUeses ! iht CnJslaa.
latkr 6rui Utd Ci.
H. B. DUNBAR. Prw Wt a4 Hgr.
I
Don't Struggle
Alar Witlmtt a Ptww.
BsaaJBJjBJsBBsaaMaMSSSSMBiaBBeia'fjv' my. j(1imB - --
AH Cs' mKiiWZ9V fpsjssjuavw
r.omauci Turn
WEBSTER
EM6INE,
tmHnrir U eeatateed,
Sta eTerysecd at Xh. Hum
r, salllw, SAwyar, dairy-
ua. . St 4h.1l ktfu
- rui. I. ta t ruiti uriuMr. BIm.
Katmol, efficient. Tally gaartuauwd. JfiSR
101 veroewiuaiw'tiwi'"""
aaUedlrs.
wmftTCsi Mrt. ma
W7t. Wat th trtv ON foa, I K.
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