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The Commoner.
10
Vol. a, No. 39.
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I Whether Common or Dot
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The Versifier Plaint.
I could sing of "Brown Octobor" as
the stately troes' disrober In au
tumnal season sober, were it not
, my vagrant thoughts so often
turn
JTo.a question now so pressing that It
always keeps mo guessing, with
- effects that are depressing, "Whoro
and how may I got anthracite to
bum?."
I could sing of "Autumn Season" in
fc a mariner perhaps pleasin' were it
not.for this one reason there's an
empty coal bin yawning and I'm
broke.
&nd my mind with consternation goes
through multiform gyration at
the awful elevation of the price of
Rock Springs, Hanna Nut and
coke.
I could sing of "Leaves Turn Yel
low" or of "Chestnut Burrs That
Swoll-o," if I knew just where a
fellow could procure three tons
. of coal upon his note.
But the "Cash" sign greets my vision,
while the dealers with decision
shake their heads in mild deri
sion when for coal some of my
v.orses I would quote.
ra for Baer, who bosses Reading, and
harks not unto the pleading of
tho miners starved and needing,
I could write some tripping
verses scorching hot
But I fear my imprecation on the
coal king of the nation would
bring on a complication and burst
up tho linotype upon the spot
Such a state my mind confuses, and
each one of the coy muses each
advance I make refuses, and Pe
gasus with a limp his journey
goes.
&nd I'm forced to do my swearing,
while for winter I'm preparing and
a load of trouble bearing, in a
mailable and proper kind of
prose.
Quite Correct.
Ifiji esteemed correspondent, whose
tiame is not mentioned 'at her request,
submits the following, which meets
"With the hearty approbation of this
department:
"A- Baos at tho mines is more to
l feared than a wolf at the door."
AJPable la Verne.
A lusty babe
Of coddled trade
iWaxod big and strong of muscle;
And took delight
Both day and night
In giving nurse a tussle.
One sunny day
Tho babo got gay
'And sought with nurse to mingle..
But nursie yanked
Tho babo and spanked
It with a free trade shingle.
Xt
Folk makes me tirod. Just because a
lot of business men have turned a
great financial deal in St Louis ho
must jump in and cause 'em trouble.
I know what's tho matter with Folk.
Ho's a jim crow, narrow-minded fail
ure as a business man, and ho's after
those captains of industry in St Louis
because he has allowed the dark and
evil vices of hatred and envy to eat
into his nature. What our big citietf
need is attornoys who will safeguard
tho peoplo's interests by making it
easy to securo paying investments."
Deserves It.
"No, I take no interest in politics,"
remarked Mr. Howson Lotts. "It is
dirty business too dirty for honest
ien to engage in. Only ward heelers,
tricksters and self-seekers engage in
politics."
"But do you not think that it is
your duty as an American citizen to
take an active interest in politics?"
we queried.
"No, sir; i am too busy engaged in
looking after my private business af
fairs to engage in politics. Besides,
look at tho class of men who make
politics a business. It's enough to
make a decent man sick."
' "But why not assist in purifying
politics?" we ventured.
"O, tLat's all nonsense. What's the
use trying? Just let tho politicians
run things to suit themselves. I'm
not going to interfere. It takes too
much time and I can't spare it from
my business."
"I- see that the legislature has just
enacted a law that will result-in rais.
ing the taxes on private property and
lowering the taxes on corporations,"
we ventured to say.
Then there was an explosion.
"That's what it did!" shouted Mr.
Howson Lotts. "The ordinary busi
ness man is ground into the dust by
unjust taxes, while tho corporations
escape. Our tax laws are infernally
unjust, so they are. The man least
able to "pay is robbed .blind, : while
the men who are able to pay escape
by the aid of unjust laws. The coun
try is going to1 tho demnition bow
wows- and I think it a shame. The
corporations and trusts are "
Here we interrupted -by rising and
starting for tho door. We had heard
all that so often that it is wearisome.
It was a good opportunity to proach
a sermon to Mr. Howson Lotts, but
after a moment's thought concluded
that he deserved all he was getting.
The moral here
Is very clear'
trusts not rear and swear if
. Tholr fierce abuso
Should pry them loose
'From their fat graft called "Tariff."
Prejudiced.
Ondea Quarc "Good morning, Mr.
Stockson Bonds. Have you seen tho
papers this morning?"
Stockson Bonds "No; anything in
teresting?" Ondw Quaro'Tes; Folk has got a
lot of those St Louis bbodlers in lim-
BiocKEon Bonds "Say hat
V
man
Pertinent Questions.
Why is it that just when you go to
sign your name in a neat book tho
pen always splutters?
Why is the coal scuttle the baby's
favorite plaything only when- baby
has on her finest fixings?
What does a woman say when she
is all alono and burnB her hand on
the oven door?
Did you over meet a crank who
agreed with you on all questions?
Tender.
delicate now to carry, in coal or do
any other hard work like that"
Tee Selena.
J. 0. Kerr "I have hero a good .joke
on the coal situation that I'd like to
sell."
Editor "Impossible. Can't uso it
The coal situation is no joking mat
tor." -
His Preference.
"I desire hero and now," declared
the" candidate, "to pay a tribute to the
splendid services rendered by the
Bungtown Bazoo to the cause of "
"Beg pardon," interrupted the editor
of tho Bazoo, rising in his seat, "but
I'd prefer to have you pay your subscription."
Consumption
Can be Cured.
ilanreleus Discovery by the Fsmmsjs Decter
- Yonkerman el Kalasaaze7 Mich. State
Officials and Great Med IcalMea Pre-
aouncc It the Only "Cure far Cea-
surastlea and all Tkroat
and Lung; Troubles
Brain Leaks. , '
The man who is always whlstling'is
never whining.
- Carelessness is often mistaken for
absent-mindedness.
There is nothing as heavy as a
heart without hope. ,
It's an aWfUlly bad neighbor' that
has no good qualities. -rv:-'
When it is your own fault, don't
grumble. Cure the fault
Tell the truth, but remember.- that
it is not always necessary to tell the
truth.
Some big men would, shrink to noth
ingness if deprived of their pocket
books. Men who can least afford it are the
men called upon most often to make
sacrifices.
A ballot in the box Id worth two
objections after the new administra
tion takes' hold; '- -
Some men fail 'Ho distinguish be
tween making a reputation and build-1
ing a character.
You waste time talking agnosticism
to the mother who weeps over the
bier of her babe.
The man who makes opportunities
is the man who usually has a chance
to grasp opportunities.
The man who votes without think-,
ing is usually the man who fails to
vote for his wife and children. ''
The shortest prayers bring the
quickest answers, because they leave
more time for the. petitioner. to work.
People who look for eood .Drlvate
monopolies would achieve, quicker re?,
suits by trying to wash - charcoal
white. , .
A great many people will not learn
tho difference between sanctity and
moral dyspepsia until after it is too
late for them to profit by their knowl
edge. Will M. Maupin.
Consumptives Given up to Die and Sent Back
From California Hopeless and Help.
less are Now 'Alive and Well
.Through This Wonderful
Cure for Consump-
tien.
A Free Package Containing Sufficient toCon-
vlace tke Most Skeptical Sent te all
Who Write
. Consumption can at last bo cured, Marvelous
as it may seom aftor tho many failnres, a sore,
positive and certain cure for the deadly con-
"Land's sake, Mrs. Tootles! Why
on earth don't you make your son car
ry in that coal instead of doing it
yourself?"
"0, poor Charley is so delicate. Be
sides ho is not feeling well."
"What's the matter with him now?"
"Well, he was in a football game
yesterday and had his nose broken,
one eye gouged out, his ankles dis
located, his shoulder bone broken,
three fingers dislocated, his back
sprained, his neck twisted and a knee
sprung. Poor Charley is entirely too
Promise and Performance.
The republican party promised, in
its national platform of 1900, to "favor
such legislation as will effectively re
strain and prevent" the abuses of
monopoly and the extortions of the
trusts. Two sessions of congress, both
absolutely dominated by the republi
can party, have been held since that
promise was made, but not one line
of legislation intended to "restrain and
prevent" trust extortion has been
written into the federal statutes. On
the contrary, not tho slightest effort
has been made to enact such legisla
tion. Meanwhile, to look no further
than to the two facts which stare ev
ery householder in the face, the beef
trust has raised tho wholesale price
of meat an average of 76 .per cent
above tho price of 1896, and the hard
coal trust has caused prices of that ar
ticle to be raised 100 and, at some
points, 200 per cent without stirring
the republican administration to make
ono effective move under the laws
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If You Haye Consumption, Throat er Lung
trouble Write Today, Delay
J Means Sure Death.
sumption has at last been discovered by Dr.
Derk P. Yonkerman, & great Michigan doctor.
who.has made a-llfe study of this fatal disease.
His wonderful remedy has been f ally tested and
rigidly proven a sure cure by state officials, and
noted medical men all over tho world testify to
Jt power to kill the dread germ that causes coa.
sumption. Tho doctor makes- no secret of the
ingredients otitis wonderful cure believing that
the pcoplo are entitlod to such a production of
science, and ho is setfding free treatments all
pvor the world,'bringing joy of knowledge of cer
tain rescue from this awful, fatal disease. Such
eminont scientists as Koch, Luton, Pasteur and
all the great medical and germ specialists and
chemists have alroady repostodly declared that
the consumptive germ cannot live a minute i
the prosonoe of the ingredients of this wonderful
remedy that has already revolutionized the
treatment of consumpti6a and has taken it from
the cataloguo of deadly fataL diseases and
placed it in the curable list. Free trial pack
ages and lotters from grateful people former
consumptives roscued from the very jaws of
death are sent freo to all who writo to Dr. Dork
P. Yonkorman. 888 Shakespeare Building, Kal
amazoo, Mich. Dr. Yonkorman wants every
consumptive sufferer on the face of the earth to
have this marvelous and only gonniuo cure for
consumption. Write today. It is a sure cure
and tho free trial packago sent you will do you
mpro good than all the medicines, cod-liver oils.
convince ypu that at last thero has been discov
ered the true cure for consumption. Don't de
laythere is not an hour to loso when you hava
consumption, throat or lung trouble. Send to
day for Freo package.-
which already exist Further com
ment on the way republican promises
square with performances is unneces
sary. Illinois State Register.
Would Jielp Some. '",'
The election- of all judges ,by the
people, .and for limited terms; would
help, to solve our trust And labor
,1 citizens. San Francisco Examiner.