6
The Commoner.
Vol. 2, No. 20.
II-
?v
WHETHER COnnON OR NOT.
Irrigation in the Philippines.
Washington, May 20. (Spoclal dis
patch to tho Lincoln, Nob., State Jour
nal.) Sonator Dlotrich today intro
duced an amondmont to tho Philip
pine bill making tho -waters of
Btroams, lakes and othor bodies of
wator in tho Philippine islands sub
ject to appropriation and uso by tho
public for domestic, mining, manu
facturing and irrigation purposes un
der such terms, rules and regulations
as tho- commission or its successor
may prescribo.
They havo poured tho island's waters
down tho Filipino throat
Till tho Holds and farms aro brown
and parched and dry;
Thoy havo drained tho islands' rivers
till thoy .will not float a boat,
And of course tho vogotation's bound
to dio.
Thoy havo irrigated natives through
tho funnels of bamboo
Till there's not enough of water for
tho land;
So comes Dlotrich of Nebraska now to
toll us what to do,
With a courtly littlo gcsturo of his
hand.
Irrigation there in Luzon is a systom
wo must uso,
For tho rainfall, as you know, is
very small
Eighty lnchos ovory twelvemonth,
counting not tho heavy (lows,
Which amdtint, as you perceive,
won't do at all
If wo'vo got to keep on giving to
our wards the "water cure,"
For we naed that much or more to
. dovit rght., m . .
,So we've got to dig some djtchesfor
-"tKeTf larma,- and that ia sure, '
If we wouldn't have 'em ruined by 'a
blight. ,
If we irrigate the natives and their
little fields as well,
Wo must haste to make provisions
for tho same.
We can't al tomato tho waters,' Irri
gating each a Bpoll,
For 'twould fail and wo would havo
to take tho blamo.
So while draining all their cisterns
to provide the "water euro"
Wo must 'dig somo irrigation ditches,
ytod? ' . .
Bb. conies lMotrb3bjpsNtoaskatha
motivo Kind v ana puro,. '
With his irrigation scheme held up
to view.
0, yo gods and littlo fishes! What a
statesman! What a brain!
Sure tho like was never seen 'noath
heaven's blue.
Ho would irrigate a section where
they havo six months of rain,
And another six of very heavy
dew.
He would have tho natives hanging
up their fields each day to dry,"
And then haVe thom irrigating 'em
at night.
Wouldn't that scheme sink your bob
ber? Irrigating the P. I.!
But no doubt that Dietrich thinks
tho scheme all right.
oration. But not so. Where havo you
boon keeping yourself all theso years?
Know you not that recently thoro has
boon dlgcovored a something called
'destiny' and a companlonpieco called
'duty'?"
"Bog pardon, sir; but I do not un
derstand." "df course you don't. Well, duty
and destiny mixed in equal parts pro
duco benevolent assimilation. There
fore I assimilate your silver, and not
having any uso for your chlnawaro
I dostroy it. Pray study present con
ditions. I bid you keep quiet, for I
am seriously considering tho matter
of taking possession of your houso."
Atrocious.
Tho Cheerful Paretic came to the
breakfast table with his faco wreathed
in smiles.
Instantly wo prepared for the shock,
knowing that tho Cheerful Paretic
would soon spring it.
"What," gurglod ho, "is tho differ
ence between Schley's flag ship at
Santiago and tho mon on board?"
Tho only answer was tho rattling of
spoons in the coffee cups.
"One is a cruiser and tho others
tho crew, sir."
A few moments later the ambulance
backed silently up to the door of tho
boarding house.
.-'
I S'(
Misunderstood,
The zealous temperance advocate
arose to address tho audionco In a
village of nippa huts sheltered be
neath the waving palms of Samar.
He was intensely in earnest.
"Ah, my dear friends," he exclaimed,
"why will you continue to put an
enemy into your mouth to steal away
your brains? Tho drink habit is a
curse to any people. Shun intoxicants
as you would a plague. Harken to
J me, o ye people. Put nothing liquid
Into your stomachs but water puro
cold"
But with a howl of terror tho na
tives rushed into tho jungle, leaving
the orator standing solitary and alone.
Today.
"What!" shrieked tho astonished
host. "I welcomed you to my home,
gave you food from my table, treated
you like a brother and offered to keep
you until you were ready to depart,
and now I And you stealing my sil
ver and demolishing my chinaware.
What doeB it mean?"
"I am astonished at your ignor
ance," replied the guest "You seem
-to. think thatbecause you thus treated
mo you are entitled to some consid-;
' One Omission.
r
Trust in leathers
And feathers
And soap; ,
Trust in quinine,
And beer, wine
And rope, .
Truiat ;in" health foods
And steel goods
We see
But, praise the Father,
Salvation's
Yet free.
.!. .
cat? I wasn't always dis way."
"Certainly, my poor man. What
brought you to this condition?"
"Wunst I was rich, mum rich be
yond tho dreams of avarice. But I
wuz determined t' die poor. Somehow
or other I miscalculated an' got me
money all spent before I wuz ready
V go."
A Mathematical Prodigy.
"This is my littlo brother, Willie,
Mr. Spoonamore. Ho is going to school
now and is quito a student."
"Glad to see you, Willie. What do
you study?"
"'Rithmetic, writln', spellin', and
jograffy."
"Good! How old are you, Willie?"
"Huh, that's a' 'rithmetic problem.
Sister wuz ninoteon years old when 1
wuz born. Kids ain't allowed ta
school till they is six years old. I've
been goin' t' school two years and sis
tor is just twenty years old now. Can
you flgger out how old I am?"
Not being deeply interested in'
mathematics Willie's sister managed
to chango the subject.
English as She Is Spelled.
There was a fair maid in St. Louis,
Who tripped through the grass when
'twas douis.
At the old-fashioned style
Stood her love with a smyle,
And the twain in the moonlight grew
couis.
'1 Futile.
lFate thought to conceal him by nam
r ing him Smith, ' '
But there's where fate made a mis
take. For fate never reckoned that a wild
thirst for gore
Would change it to "Hell Roaring
Jake."
Brain Leaks.
True friendship goes all tfie way.
Selfishness wants all and enjoya
nothing. '
There are no birds on next year's
hats yet. .
The man who reaches his ideal did
not have far to go. .'
Truth often stutters, but scandal
talks' without a break.'
Tho foolish! man saves his growls for
his home and his smiles for his "office.
The man who. fails is disposed" to
attribute his neighbor's puccess to
luck.
Tho best room in the house is- tho
one in which the children have the
most fun.
Content lies so close' to our doors
that most of us step over it without
ever seeing it.
We haven't much use for the man
who is a bull on the market and a
bear in tho home.-
There is a time in every boy's life
when his highest ambition is to beat
tho snare drum in the brass band.
More than one woman entertains tho
idea that heaven must bo a place
where there aro no dishes to wash.
Somo men who shudder at tho
thought of business dishonesty boast
of tile dishonest tricks they perform
in politics.
Some mothers refrain from putting
enough food on the table bpcause, ,they
fear the children may drop some on
the carpet. . . f
Don't be afraid to work in the open.
Observe the postal card. it .hides
nothing from the public, gaze, but it
gets there just the same.
Somo politicians are so busy con
gratulating themselves about captur
ing the markets of the world that
they never become able to establish
credit in the local markets.
Will M. Maupin.
WILL YOU LEND A HAND ?
In Doubt.
Mrs. Kyndharte "Where, ;i youv
homo, poor man?"
Tuffold Knott "I ain't sure, mum.
Do Bwitch engine was in Its wicinity
w'en I left dis mornin'."
Gratified Ambition.
"Please, mum,wouldyou bo so-kind
as to give mo a bite-b'somethin' 'to
Considered as a business proposi
tion the "Lots of Five" plan of sub
scriptions inaugurated by The Com
moner is one of the best ever presented
to the active agent. Considered as a
means of arousing democratic enthus
iasm and placing the issues squarely
before the people, none better has been
suggested by any democratic newspa
per or party worker Interested in the
dissemination of democratic litera
ture. It is a splendid business propo
sition because it offers to canvassers
extra inducements to secure subscrip
tions. It is a splendid democratic
"campaign proposition because it offers
an easy method whereby democratic
literature may be placed in the hands
of those who seek by study and obser
vation work for "the greatest good
to the greatest number. In recent
campaigns the democratic party has
boon embarrassed by a lack of papers
having a large circulation. The Com
moner discusses live topics, live is
sues and live principles and it has a
largo circulationvIt applies democratic
principles to all questions now before
the people for settlement. It is, there
fore, a good paper to place in the .
hands of the voters.
If you want easy and profitabfe em
ployment, the "Lots of Five" plan is
commended to your careful .considera
tion. Subscription cards, each good
for one year's subscription to The
Commoner, are sold in lots of five at
tho price of $3 per lot. These cards
may be easily sold at $1.00 each, thu3
affording a profit of $2 on a $3 invest
ment, and 66 2-3 per cent commission,
which is, we believe, the most liberal
terms ever offered by a periodical of
national circulation.
If you desire only to distribute dem
ocratic literature, to increase the in
fluence of 'The Commoner, and to
arouse democratic enthusiasm, the
cards may be sold at the cost price of ,
60 cents each.
From whatever standpoint the pro
position) embodied in the "Lots . of
Five" pian may be considered, it "is
deservingSof your earnest support., ..
These subscription cards are .n'cjw
ready, andVTho Commoner asksyoyr
hearty co-operation in its efforts to
oxtond its influence and . upbulftl-he
party and th .principles of democracy;
I
i
:m