i"W
The Commoner.
6
I Whether Common or Not. I
'rS
M
THE MEN FROM OVER YONDER,
,J
In Operetta Founded on Facts.
i'
CHARACTERS
Nit n Tint Bkvkn Tjmhs, nson of his mother, King of Great Britain.
Jay CuoMMilUAiN, n wise one, Who knows how to make n ninrket for War Goods.
IlicitAitL MiCKS-HKACH, who has to Raise the Money nnd Manufacture Uxcuses.
KiiciiUNiiiM, Officer in the Koynl Guards nnd Cnble Expert to the Throne.
Writeraw I.cads, Representative of n Friendly Power (too friendly).
WKNititAL G1L8ON, nnothcr Repicscntative, Slightly Sccondnry but still prominent.
Chaku'.y Okiuion, nnothcr Representative; knows better but can't help it.
Villaobup, Taxpayers, Truiupctcra, Sight-seers, Toadies, Cockneys, Uast Indians, Aus
trnllnns, Cnnndinns, New Zcalandcrs, Roynl l'luukics, American Flunkies, Bradlcy
Mai tins, Vandcrbilts, Astors, Etc. ,
nnd
Jouv Shotk, Royal Jester and Tun Maker by courtesy of Uncle Samuel.
SPASM ONE.
Enter villagers, taxpayers, trumpeters,
sightseers, toadies, cockneys, East
Indians, Australians, Canadian, etc.
Chorus
I,et no sorrow our joy leaven;
Tills dny we crown JJdward Seven.
From the ends of catth they bring
Presents to our noble king.
Jay (advancing to center Good
morrow, merry friends! Glad to see
you thus in festal array. Get your
money's worth. ,
Villagors, etc. (snickering) Hello,
Jay!
Jay Welcome to our fete. Wo got
this up to entortaln you. Fact is, wo
got It up to entertain you so well .that
you'll forget all about having to foot
the hills.
Villagers, etc. 'Rah for Jay!
Jay Thank you. That impels me
to give a few snatches of song. At
tend, I pray, while I warble. (Sings )
When I get a hawf a chawnce,
By any circuiustawnce,
To mnnufncturc war goods up in Birmingham,
I keep the wheels n going,
Though death atul sorrow sowing,
And for the common people I never give a cent.
Villagers, etc. (singing) And for us
common peoplo ho never gives a cent.
Jay That's good. Now for the sec
ond stanza. (Sings.)
Though your groans are growing louder
StUl I keep on making powder,
And the way I sell my small nrms is delight.
So let everyone be willing
To give up his final bhilling,
To help your Uncle Jayseph in his fight.
Villagers, etc. (singing)
I,et us all be very willing
To give up our final shilling
To help our Uncle Jnyseph iu his fight.
Jay Once more I thank you, most
oxcellont friends. But who is it I see
approaching? Ah, it must be niv
friend, Micks-IIeach. It is. Ah, good
frionds; prepare to contribute.
(Enter Mick)
Villagers, etc. (Chortling)
lie's a jolly good fellow,
He's a jolly good fellow,
lie's a jolly good fellow,
Which nobody can deny.
Micks-Heach (bowing) Thanks,
good friends. Such expressions of
good will tickle me almost to death.
I must jot it down and recall it tho
next time I need money to send an in
volc of soldiers to South Africa. Shall
I sing for you?
Villagers, etc. Yes, warble a few
warbles, Mickey, old boy.
. Micks-IIeach I will. (Sings.)
I'm the boss of the royal treasur-ee.
Cough up your gold -when you see me.
rounds and shillings, and also pence
Cough, you chumps! we're nt great expense.
Dig up your gold .
For the Boers bold
Fight like thunder, nnd that's nd jolie,'
And if they keep'ou we'lfoou beVroke.
you
I'm
I'd sing some more, but I must save
my lungs to whoop it up for Ned when
ho comes along. I have good news for
you.
Everybody What is it, Micksey?
Micks-Heach Our great and good
friends across tho sea the fellows
who kindly sell us their bosses and
mules, have sent representatives over
to attend tho coronation of Ned the 7.
Everybody 'Rah! 'Rah!! 'Rah!!!
Micks-Heach That's right. Huv
rah. I'd hurrah myself if I wasn't
afraid-. of laughing.
First Cockney W'ot's th' bloomin'
names hof th' bally representatives hof
Hamorica?
Micks-Heach Writelaw Leads is
one. He's our kind of people. Wen-
oral iGilson is another. Never heard
of him before, but as he !comes with
Leads he must be all right. The other
one is Charley Oregon. Look out for
Charley. He's a scrapper, and by tho
tilt of his nose I opine he's disgusted
with his job, but too good a 'sailor to
say so. But Writeraw is our friend
And there's Joey Shote ah, there's a
peacherina for you. I've laughed at
Joey till my sides ache. He's the great
est royal jester that ever happened.
First Villager Pray tell us one of
Joey's jokes.
Micks-Heach All right. The other
day Joey and Ned the 7 were talking
and Ned asked Joey: "Say, Joey, what
do tho American people say when thev
hear that I've about got them bloomin'
Boors subjugated?" And what do you
suppose joey replied?
Villagers, etc. What was his reply?
Micks-Heach He looked up at' Ned
and said: "They don't say nothing,
Ned; they just laugh."
Villagers, etc. Ha-ha! Ho-ho! Like-
Jay Chomberlain (pushing into the
crowd) Stop the laughing, you
chumps! There's nothing funny about
that.
(Trumpot sounds in distant!
Micks-Heach There comes Kitcb
onhim to announce that the coronation
is about to take place. Kind friends
it costs money to draw to kings. Come.
now: dig up.
(Villagers look downcast, but they
dig, just the same.)
Micks-Heach (taking the money)
Good! Now, here's Kitch, old boy.
We'll hear what he has to say.
(Enter Kitchenhim, one eye black.)
Villagers, etc. (Singing.)
Here is Kitchenhim
Rail, rah, rah!
Ain't his glory dim?
Ha, ha, ha!
One eye purple,
T'other eye black; ' i -' -Kitchenhim,
Kitchenhim,,
o awny back. " ' " 1
Kitcneiihim (scowling) Well' Jt
ain't my fault. Look at the, class of
Tommies I've liad to do business with.
And if you blokies think It's a picnic
to tackle them blawste(T Boers
just go out and-try it yourselves.
Villagers, etc. (Singing.-)
Kitchcnliim, Kitchchliiin,
ilow he scoots.
Bocrrf arc lickin hirii 1
Out'n his boots.
I,ost Ills'' reppytation,
Feclin' mighty sore.
Cot n qtiartcr millioit men
And hollcrin' for more.
Kitchenhim (angrily) That's cost
you a conscription and some more
taxes. I'll '
(Trumpet sounds in the distance.)
Jay Chomberlain Shut up, all of
you. There's the signal for the coro
nation of Ned tlio 7. Come, let us
away to the festive scene.
(Exit Villagers, etc., singing.)
I,ct us haste to the crowning of Victoria's son,
And place the gold crown on his head.
There never was such a good fellow, not one.
As our jolly good monarch named Ned.
N-n-N-e-d.
He's the real thing.
Don't you see?
Enter WriteraW Leads, Weneral
Gilson and Charley Oregon. Lock
arms and dance gaily to center, sing
ing: Three gay boys from o'er the sea,
Tra-la-la, la-la, tra-la-la.'
Gay and happy arc we three,
Tra-la-la, la-la, tra-la-la.
Representing Uncle Sam,
For expense don't give n cent,
Watch us kow-tow and salaam,
Tra-la-la, la-la, tra-la-lee.
Charley Oregon (aside) This sort o'
thing makes me tired.
Writeraw Leads (Solo.)
When Horace G. founded the great Tribune,
'Twas an organ of justice, I ween,
But you bet I rapidly altered its tune
Now 'tis the voice of the reg'lar machine.
Old Greeley was naught but a dreamcrof dreams,
Who thought that he had to do right.
But Horace is dead as a mackerel, it seems.
And' I preach the' gospel of might".
Charley Oregon (aside And I've
got to participate in that sort o thing
just because I'm a sailor and under
orders. Wish I could loon a loon out
o this.
Weneral Gilson (Solo.)
You may not know just who I am.
So I'll tell you in a rhymp. ' '',.
I'm a sojer fyoy of Uncle Saui,v'(,r
On'cartli the second time." !" V '
Of course I know why I aihjjere
'Tis a case of political wiles;' ' ' " .
Tis because, the bureaucrats sadly fear
That grim old warrior, Miles.
But what care 1? 1 will see the show,
And help crown our good friend Ned.
And I'll bow and wave my plumed chapeau
And bump three times my head.
Charley Oregon 0, what rot! Shiver
my timbers but this thing makes me
sea-sick. What a lubberly job to give
a fellow w'..o don't take any stock In
the king business. Tho more I think
about it the more I wish I'd run my
ship on a reef. But orders is orders
and 'Ive got to do it. So here goes
(Sings.)
With thy huge guns loudly booming,
Oregon, Oregon:
Thy huge bulk through smoke clouds looming,
Oregon, Oregon:
Through the salt sea waters dashing,
wun my quick-lire rifles flashing,
And thy thii teen-inch shells' crashing,
Oregon, Oregon;
With a speed all records smashing, Oregon.
Right on time to do the fighting,
Oregon, Oregon;
Had no time to waste typewriting,
Oregon, Oregon; '
On that July day so sunny
We'd no thoughts about prize mon'ey
Man for that was at Siboney,
Oregon, Oregon;
And he got it -aiut that funny?
Oregon!
Speaking) There, that's off my
mind. Now if I could only go home and
quit this king-making business I'd b
happy. Wouldn't mind ,it if I was
helping make a president;, pf a republic
, but this thing of sending an American
naval officer to help adjiisf 'acrown on
the head of an heredity monarch gives
me a pain to starhoard. .
Writeraw Leads 0, you nasty, mean
thing! How dare you talk that way
about Neddie? ;
Weneral Gilson Yes, you ' are per
fectly horrid.
Charley Oregon Shut up, you land
lubbers. I know what I'm doing. J'ni
in for a reprimand, but I can stand it.
Look at Schley.
Writeraw Leads Treason! ' v '
Weneral- Gilson Mutiny!
Writeraw 'Leads How dare you
mention the name of that that that
thing in bur presence?
Weneral Gilson Yes, how dare you?
Charley Oregon Why, you, you, you
why bless you, Schley was my su
perior officer. He's the best lighter in
the navy. He's it IT, I tell you! ,
Writeraw Leads He's a mean thing,
so there now.
Weneral Gilson 'Course he is. But
we are losing valuable time. We must
not fail to be at the coronation on
time. Come!
(Exit the three, singing as they go.)
Three gay boys from ofer the sea,
Tra-la-la. tra-la-la.
(Curtain)
SPASM TWO.
Scene, the throne room. Discovered,
everybody; Ned the 7 seated on a
paper mache throne. Joey Shote, in
knickers stands near, the- sawdust in
his padded calves leaking through" a
hole in his stockings.
Ned the 7 Well, what are we wait
ing for?
Joey Shote We're waiting for the
three representatives of the ge-lo-rious
republic that sent me here.
Ned the 7 Well, we'll wait till they
come. I've got to snuggle up to Uncle
Sam. We've got too much 'iu common
for to snub each other now. "
Everybody (Singinff.y
We have got so much 111 con
Don't yer know, . "
That we've got to trot together
Aswego. ' '
What with fighting Filipinos
And the Boers,
We have got to work together ; . '
k - On our chores.
JSTed' tho 7 Good; very good, eh
Joey;
Jdey' Shote You bet, Ned.. I wrote
that Ain't it be-u-te-fool? ' -
luo 1 iiiiegani. ay t,ne way,
-.-n .
common
Netf
J-?yi3ow are your folks coming on in
fLu7.on?
' 'J?ey Shote 0 ,so-so. Fully as well
as you are in the Transvaal.
Ned the 7 Now don't gel; gay, Joey.
Joey Chote I beg pawdon, don't
yer know.
Ned the 7 All right; but don't let it
happen again. There are some things
we u ueuer talk over in private.
Jay Chomberlain (advancing to the
throne) Your majesty, I just got word
from South Africa. We've achieved a
great victory.
Ned the 7 Good, good! Tell it to
the crowd.
Jay Chomberlain (turning to the
crowd 1 My Lords and Lordesses, to
say nothing of the common boys that
foot the bills. I've good news for vou.
Everybody 'Rah, 'rah, 'rah!
Jay Chomberlain That's right, hol
ler. Wo have just achieved a great
victory in South Africa.
Everybody 'Rah, 'rah, 'rah!
Jay Chomberlain Yes; General
Ham-Iamilton with 32,000 men has just
succeeded in escaping from Dewet's
ferocious band of a hundred and forty-
lwo uoers with the loss of only half
his supplies and all of his artillery.
Everybody (Singing.)
Bully! Bully! So we say
General Ham has got away.
Sound the timbre,
Pound the lyre
Another sad but glorio.us day l' ,
Charley Oregon (aside) That makes
me feel better.
Joey Shote I congratulate you, Ned.
Em