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The Commoner.
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Whether Common or Not.
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Whip Behind.
The meanest man on life's highway
Is not the one who's bent
On making loans for thirty days
At ton or twelve per cent..
He's not the man who wore his brain
Into a frazzled wreck
To -make a button of a wart
That grew upon his neck.
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The meanest man is not the one
Whose greed insatiate
Caused him to climb the fence to save
The hinges on his gate.
He's not the one who saved his heels
By walking on his toes;
He's not the one who saved his teeth
. By talking through his nose.
The meanest man on earth today
Is not the man who totes
A quart of shoepegs to his horse
And palms thorn off for oats.
Nay, all these men are gentlemen
Of wondrous hearts and kind
Compared with him who is so mean
He always whips behind. "
God bless the man who's kind enough
To smile and look ahead;
Who never growls because a boy
'Hooks" on a little sled.
'May health be his, and length of years,
And may he fortune find;
For nothing is too good for him"
- .Who. never whips behiiid:
Vy
Longing:.
Tell me", ,ye winged winds that roar
About me day by day;
That rush athwart my cottage door
Like Titans at their .play
JVill not some gen'rous man or maid
. Speak up so's to be heard
"And say they'll send me, express paid,
v A fat Thanksgiving bird?
i' Engaged.
' - "What's Writerly doing now-?"
- - "He's writing a biography of' the
next candidate for president."
"But how does he know who the
candidate will be?"
"He don't know, but he's writing it
anyhow. It'll bo easy enough to take
a rubber stamp and insert the name."
Of Two Evils, Etc.
Mrs. Harry Stockracy "Sophie, if
anyone calls this afternoon tell them
I am not at home."
Sophie (recently landed) "Ay vill,
boot Ay tank dat be a lie."
Mrs. Harry Stockracy "Of course
It will, but if you do not tell It I will
have to meet the caller and say I am
glad to see her, and that would be a
greater. He."
Blacklisted.
Hitte De Pyke "Please, mum, will
yer help a poor workin'man who Is
blacklisted an' can't git nuthin' f do?"
Mrs. Nuweddo "Yes, poor man.
Here is a nice sandwich and a cup of
coffee. What kind of work were you
engaged in before you were black
listed?" Hitte De Pyke "I wuz foreman o'
de gang w'at wuz digging holes f'r
de poles uv a wireless telegraph
line."
Brain Leaks.
A word of cheer costs nothing but is
beyond price.
A good character is not to be builded
on hate or envy.
Jealousy is the hope that what you
are looking for does not exist.
Well earned glory will last much
longer than unearned prize money.
Some men are so constituted that if
you fill their stomachs you may slap
their faces when you will.
Some men are so lazy' they will spend
an hour praying for something they
could get with five minutes' work.
Some men are agnostics because that
is the easiest way they can find of
inventing excuses for their ignorance.
A little man can never fill' a big
place, but a big man In a small place
soon makes the place large enough to
fit.
Some church members dearly love
to have the minister announce the old
hymn, "I'm glad salvation's free." It
eases their conscience when they filter
the dollars through their fingers and
grasp a penny to put in the contribu
tion basket.
The Usual Fate.
,A maiden in far Pocatello
Couldn't pick out a suitable fellow.
.'. Shd is now an old maid ,!,.. .
I i-TJfeo is sad and affaidlv ,f
She has passed to the sere nd the
yellow. l J
With the Shades.
The shade of Admiral Nelson was
sauntering down the flower-strewn
pathway when his one eye saw some
thing fluttering in the distance.
"What is that?" he asked.
"It appears to be a wig-wag signal,
my lord," replied the shade of Stephen.
Decatur, happening along most op
portunely. "Can you make it out, Steve? My
blind eye bothers me."
"I'll try, my lord. But it's been a
long time since I tried to read the
wig-wag flag."
"Well, what is it, Steve?" asked Nel
son, after a long silence.
"Hush, be still! It seems to be the
shade of Commodore Perry trying to
communicate with you. It is, too.
Wait till I spell it out."
Then Decatur slowly spelled out the
following signal:
"Hello, Nels, old boy! Have you
noticed that no one has yet stood up
to dispute the statement that there
was glory enough to go 'round at
Trafalgar and on Lake JDrie?"
Then the shades of Nejspn and De
catur wandered slowly oh down the
flower-strewn pathway,
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Items of Interest.
The oil wells of the United States
produce about 100,000 barre'ls of oila
day.
Women are employed as porters and
guards on some French lines of rail
way. Natives of South Africa distill an in
toxicating liquor from the fruit of the
umganu tree.
Manchester leads the list of English
cities in the number of public houses
called saloons in the United States.
Before a Norwegian girl may marry
in her own country she must demon
strate that she can knit, bake and spin.
Great Britain exports about 50,000,
000 tons of coal a year, chiefly to
France, Russia, Spain, Sweden and
India.
Japanese mills run day and night,
the shifts changing at noon and mid
night. Most of the mill workers are
children.
The production of alcohol in Ger
many is close to 100,000,000 gallons a
year, two-thirds of it being distilled
from potatoes.
A Portland, Me., liquor dealer re
cently played a ghastly joke on him
self. He "complained because a car
of beer consigned' to him had been
seized, while a car consigned to an
other man was not touched. His of
fer to pilot the officers to the car be
longing to his business rival was ac-
Mrs. "Window's Soothing Syrttp.
Has boen'used for over sixrx teaha by mii
lions of motitisub for their cniLUUKN while
TEKTniNO, yjtlJ terfect success. It SOOTnES
tho oniiiD, softens the gums, allays nil tain,
cubes wind colio. nnd is tho best remedy for
DiAREnosA. Sold by Druwists in cvpry pnrt of
tho world. Bo euro and nsk for "Mrs.Winslow's
Soothing: Syrup," nndlnko no other kind. Twen-ty-flvo
cents a bottle. It is the best of all.
cepted, and he had the satisfaction of
seeing the officers seize another car
consigned to himself, he having made
a mistake in pointing out the car.
On May 24, 1819, the first trans-Atlantic
steamboat started from Savan
nah for Liverpool. That was the day
on which Queen Victoria was born.
The Canadian fisheries department
has sent a consignment of salmon to
be placed in Tasmanian streams. A'
prior experiment with Canadian trout
proved wonderfully successful.
It is asserted that some of the Egyp
tian obelisks bear figures of men
mounted on two-wheeled vehicles
greatly resembling the old-fashioned
velocipedes.
Mrs. Milford Brady of Morrow coun
ty, Ohio, owns and operates an old
fashioned water-power mill, Her only
assistant; is a boy. The mill is over
100 years old.
It Is reported that a tribe known as
the Nulate Indians, living within the
Arctic circle, speak the same lan
guage as the Apaches of Arizona and
New Mexico.
Mrs. F. M. Smith, wife of the "borax
king," is preparing to start a colony
for homeless girls. She will build ten
cottages, in which .one hundred girls
will be located and trained in domestic
arts.
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