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The Commoner.
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Whether Common or Not.
Hoping.
I long for the day when tbo entire array
Of vaudovillo singers will cease
To flro at the throngs the tuneless "coon' songs,"
And give us a season of peace.
I own I am weary and dreary and leary
Of all of the hand-painted throng
That ever id singing and ringing and dinging nt'
The hated, detested "coon song."
The rhymeless, infernal,
Diurnal, eternal,
Senseless and tuneless "coon song.-
I earnestly pray for the glad, happy day .
I'll get a Bweet, welcome stage shock N
In the Fhape of the news that the stage is. to loss
The weary and dreary "calr,o walk." ' .
I own I am hurried and burrled and worried,. -
And eager the vile fad to balk; ; x
To banish, make vanish, compel to trot Spanish,. '
The .teams that put up the "cake -walk;"..
The awfully dreary,
Eternally dreary,
Silly and foolish "cake walk."
I am living in hope that the morn will soon "'ope ;"
When It will be known as. a 'crime '..'';. ?
For musicians to write, indict or incite ' .
The sloppy and foolish "rag time." 4
I own I grow sicker and dicker for liquor
To drown out the musical slime;
Long to Bhatter and batter the whole silly matter
That goes by the name of "rag time."
The shuffling, nerve ruffling
Harmony scuffling, ' -
"'Rattle-de-bang1 "rag time." :.'.
Aunt Hester.
"I have noticed," remarked Aunt Hester as
she ravelled out some loose stitcheB and started
again, "that most people who complain about
their crosses apent their younger days niakin-em."
Encouraging.
"We'll begin taking gold out of our mine next
month. There's lots of it there."
"Do you reckon any of it's got away since wo
put It there?"
s
The Revised Shakespeare.
"There's something in a name. A Kipling by
another name would-get the merry 'declined with
thanks.'"
ttl
Schley.
We have watched you day and night,
' Schley.
And we know that you're all right,
Schley.
" You were Johnnie-on-the-spot;
For the Don you made it hot
That's a fact we've not forgot
Schley.
But give credit where it's jlue,"'
Schley.
.Ml does not belong to you,
Schley.
Teach it in each public school-
Make of that an ironclad rule
Sampson killed one poor, lone mule,
Schley. ' '
Sure you smashed Cervera's fleet, -
Schley.
But in one thing you were beat,
Schley. -Though
the Spanish fleet you sunk,
Sampson got the biggest hunk
Of prize money won by flume
Schley.
Hounded by a navy clique,
Schley.
You're the winner we would pick,
Schley.
They may choose men like Maclay;
They may scheme from day to day;
But for you just men hooray,
Schley.
Fleeced. :
"Jack Simpson went down to New York last
week. He told me he -was going to make it hot for
some of those board of trade wolves."
"Did he accomplish anything?"
"I guess he made it hot, all right. Anyhow ho
wired me to pawn his ulster and send him the
money." , ,
o
Our Beautiful Language
A giddy young miss of Chihuahua f . J
Thought that she "knew more than her inuamua
She gadded all day .
And tried to convey f -
The'idea that she was a luahia. ' .
ttZ
Discouraging Outlook.
"I'm afeared, mother, that we ain't goin' t'
hev no success keepin' summer boarders next
year."
"Why not, pa?"
"Why this here dry spell has made all th' cannin
fac'tries shut down. How're we goin' t' pervide
fi esh vegetables f 'r our city boarders next sum
mer?" ' . ,
t&
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He Persevered.
"I see that they are going to charge Schley
with being drunk the day the Spanish fleet was
sunk. If lu was, all I've got to say is that the navy
clique ought to "
"0, come off! Don't spring that old gag."
"Old, nothing! I was just going to say that
if Schley, was drunk the navy clique ought to
got ".
"S'ayj that's the worst chestnut yet. Spring
something new."
"What's the matter with you? I was about to
remark tliat if Schley was boozed up the day he
"whipped Cervra the head of the navy department
ought"
MSay, I'll stand for most anything, but that's
too old. Why Lin"
"Am, go chase yourself. This ain't no . gag
about getting the same kind of wnisky for the
other naval officers."
"No? Well what is it?"
"I was just going to say that If Schley was
corned that day the secretary of the navy wants,
to see to it that he is sooer when he faces him
at that inquiry. Why don't you learn to keep
your mouth shut while a fellow's trying to talk
to you.?" W. M. M.
Reproducing Jefferson's Home.
x Ihe Virginia 'society of St. Louis, composed of
former residents of the "Old Dominion," who take
an enthusiastic interest in the Louisiana Purchase
exposition, has proposed to the exposition manage
ment the erection of a duplicate of Jefferson's
home at Monticello as the Virginia state building
on the exposition grounds. The favor with which
the proposition has been received warrants the pre
diction that it will be carried out, and that all
visitors to the exposition two years hence will be
able to 3ee a complete reproduction of the house
in which Jefferson live, and diet., ana which to
all Americans, especially dwellers on the Louisiana
Purchase, must possess a historic interest second
only to Mount Vernon.
The disposition of the exposition management
to render it historical and to recall so far as possi
ble incidents and leading characters associated
with the purchase is to be heartily commended.
The three Americans most prominently connected
with the acquisition of Louisiana were Jefferson, as
president, Livingston, as resident minister' at
Paris, and Monroe, as the special envoy. On the
French side were Bonaparte, as first consul, Mar
bols, as minister of finance, and Talleyrand, aa
minister of foreign affairs. By these men was tho
treaty consummated. Other Americans whoso
names were later identified with the transaction
were General Wilkinson and Governor Claiborne
as special commissioners to receive tho transfer of
sovereignty from France to the United States, at
New Orleans; Major Stoddard, who received tho
transfer at St. Louis, and Lewis and Clark and
Pike, who conducted the first exploring expedi
tions into the new acquisition. Denver News.,
As an investor In gold bricks Uncle Sam is un
rivaled. During the Spanish war he bought the
steamship Obdam for $250,000, spent $160;000 more
is .repairing and fitting her for sea; renamed her
McPherson and put her into transport service. Th
other day he sold her for $18,700, He .paid .about
$200,000 for another vessel called the Hartford and
rechristened her Terry and was glad to get rid of
her for $19,600. It is absurd to suppose that ships
fit to send to sea filled with American soldier
three years ago are worthless old hulks today,
good only to be broken for scrap iron. Either
the government was cheated shamefully by their,
former owners, in collusion with dishonest offi
cials, or it has been robbed by the ofllcials r&
sponsible for the condemnation and sale of th
transports. Philadelphia North American.
Man and Brother.
(The Filipinos are fond of watermelons. M&
nila Letter.) , '-...'
Ah doan,: kyah whut dey,say,,erbout a 2
Dat Filippiner man. . . . Al
Dey claim he mean, en sly, en bad,
En steal, too, ef he can;
But when dey say he hang errouh'
De watahmelon vine
Den all Ah got ter say is dis,
- Dat he some kin er mine.-
.
"T V
Dey say he wufless. Huh! Who ain't?
Dey say he sholy lie. ;
But,-lawzy,Ah des bet he-won't
Let melons pass him by.
No, suh, dey run dem fellers down,
En bus' de whole combine, '
But dis hyah melon symptom show '
Dat he some kin er mine.
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H-t
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Dey boun' ter be some goodness in
Er man who has er tas'e
Foh red h'aht-meat, en doan let '
None ob hit go ter was'e.
Des any man, whut like ter-feel
. His nose ergin de rine
Des any man, whut fond er dat
He am some kin er mine. ' l
Josh Wink in the Baltimore American.
Where the Hitch Came.
"Yes," said Miss Miami Brown, "we done give
up de Shakespeare club."
"What made the trouble?" inquired Mr.
Erastus Pinkley.
"It done happened when we put on 'Othello."
'Dar wasn't no one in de club dat could let s his,
pride down to tloin' a cullud impussonation.
Washington Star. ';
Just Cause.
Millionaire to His Daughter "Why is it that
the Baron insists upon your being married so
soon?"
His Daughter "I'll bp frank with you, father.
The tickets for his coronet and family jewels ex
pire next month." Brooklyn Life.
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