O BY
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.Whether Common or Not.
His Final Defeat.
He worked a syndicate in steel, -
In railroad stocks and oil;
And syndicated wool and coal
And battened honest toil.
He formed a combine big and strong -
In sugar, gas and soap;
And gobbled up the salt and lime,
And cotton, pulp and rope.
He syndicated crock'ryware,
Tobacco, oats and wheat; s
He formed a trust in eggs and milk,
In alcohol and meat.
He organized a lumber trust
And syndicated rum;
And all who had to buy of him
Were well beneath his thumb.
He syndicated all in sight
And then he longed for more,
But suddenly he was called hence
To Jordan's further shore.
Once there he tried to syndicate
' The harps and crowns of gold,
But Justice met the man at last,
' , Anu now he's never cold.
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Definitely Fixed.
The American diplomat and the Russian diplo
mat foregathereu for the purpose of coming to an
amicable understanding.
"Pray tell me," said the American, "when you
will remove your troops from Manchuria and al
low the territory to reassume its former rela
tions?" It will be noted by the bluntness of the ques
tion that the American belonged to the shirt
sleeve school of diplomacy.
But the Russian was not caught unawares.
"I opine," said the representative of the bear
that walks like a man, "that our withdrawal from
Manchuria will be at a time satisfactory to you.
"We are arranging to withdraw the day after the
government of Cuba is left to the people of the
island in accordance with a congressional
promise."
Winking solemnly at each other, the diplo
mats wiped their lips and made out their expense
accounts.
Our Own Omar.
A lot of water first of all;
A pull, and then a lot of gall;
Some purchased laws to give it weight
And there you have a syndicate.
One Exception.
"Never," said Scraggson, "put off until to
morrow what you can do today." - -"That's
all right, old man," retorted Wragg-
son, pushing back from the dinner table, "but how
about breakfast?"
The Shock That Woke.
, As the constituent walked down the street he
met the representative in congress from the dfs
. trict.
Clasping the congressman's hand the consti
tuent said:
"Truly we are well met. Pray tell me what
you have dono for us?"
The congressman inhaled a bale or two of air
and said:
"I have tried faithfully to represent the senti-
. ments of the people of my district. I voted against"
all unnecessary appropriations; I did not trade
my vote for political pie; I did not speculate in
commodities affected by congressional legislation;
I did not abuse my frank; I worked early and late
to destroy the trusts by securing the repeal of
tariff laws that rob the consumer for the benefit of
m
The Commoner,
the manufacturers; I declined to accept a pass to
Europe on a palatial steamship owned by men who
want to securo a slice of the government's monoy,
and I did not demand and secure any concessions
in our insular possessions. On the whole I have"
Just then the constituent woke up and arose
to attend to the morning's milking.
Air. Blldad's Lesson.
As Mr. Bildad arose from the supper table
and lighted a cigar, ho sighed with satisfaction
and prepared to sit down in his easy chair to read
the evening paper.
"Mr. Bildad," said the wife of his bosom, "I
wish you would step down to the grocery and get a
few things for breakfast."
"That's always the way with you women!"
shouted Mr. Bildad. "You never seem to" think that
a man becomes tired hustling from morning till
night trying to make both ends meet. Ain't it
enough that I've been working like a slave all day?
What's the matter with you throwing a shawl over
your head and going after the groceries?"
"What have you been doing all day, dear?"
queried Mrs. Bildad, a steely glitter showing in her
eyes.
"Working like a slave while you loitered
around the house."
"Mr Bildad, you got up this morning at 8
o'clock. You ate a leisurely breakfast and got to
the office at 9:30. You dictated seven letters to
your stenographer, read a noon extra, went out to
lunch w4th Tom Smartleigh, drank three bottles
of ale, returned to the office and read three letters,
answered them, went over to the court house and
copied a few names, returned to the office and read
'The Police Fake,' went down to the bowling alley
.and rolled three games, played a game of billiards
and got home at 5:30. That's what you call a
dreadfully hard day's work.
"Now, Mr. bildad, I got up at 6 o'clock, got
breakfast, washed the children and got them ready
r for school; cleared up the breakfast dishes, made
three beds, swept seven rooms, darned nine pairs
of stockings, got lunch ready for the children at
noon, cleared up the luncheon dishes, turned that
old Sunday skirt of mine, wrote a letter to mother,
put a patch on Willie's trousers, mended Katie's
apron, sewed up the lining in your coat, pared po
tatoes, chopped slaw, made biscuits, set the table,
had supper ready when you got home; am now
about to wash the supper dishes, then I must mend
Willie's pants where he tore them today, wash put
Katie's aprons, darn a few more stockings, get the
children ready for bed, think about what we'll
have for breakfast and "
But Bildad jammed his hat down over his
head and started for the grocery store, muttering
to himself.
W. M. M.
Loving Word and Act. .
A good-bye kiss is a little thing,
With your hand on the door to go;
But it takes the venom out of the sting
Of a thoughtless word or a cruel fling
That you made an hour ago.
A kiss of greeting is sweet and rare
After the toil of day,
And it smoothes the furrows plowed by care,
The lines on the forehead you once called fair,
In the years that have flown away.
'Tis a little thing to say, "You are kind;
I love you, my dear," each night;
But it sends a thrill through the heart, I find
For love is tender, as love is blind
As we climb life's rugged height.
We starve each other for love's caress;
We take, but we do not give;
It seems so easy some souls to bless,
But we dole the love grudgingly, less and less,
Till 'tis bitter and hard to' live.
Exchange.
An Expert Penman.
Rila Kittrcdge, of Belfast, Me., champion small
witer of the world, has retired from the field,
leaving his record of 40,000 words written with a
common steel pen on an ordinary postal card for
ambitious microscopic penmen to equal or beat.
Up to two years ago he wrote a great deal, but
now, being within a few months of 00, he has given
up the laborious practice of writing volumes upon
small cards, his hand being less steady and his eye
less bright than In his best days.
Mr. Kittrcdge has long been famous for his
penmanship. He is a Vermonter by birth. His
practice of miniature chirography began early in
life and many a time he has gone without his din
ner rather than leave unfinished a piece of work.
His first serious competitive effort was made
in 1887, when some one sent to the Belfast Jour
nal a postal card upon which GOO words had been
crowded, and defied any one to beat it. A few
days afterward Kittrcdge handed in "a postal card
upon which he had written 1,000 words, and this
being beaten ho produced one with 3,000 words.
The 3,000-word postal card ended the competi
tion, but Mr. Kittrcdge kept on crowding his let
ters and words into still smaller space, turning
out In succession cards bearing 0,000, 10,000 and
20,000 words. His finest work was done In, 1889,
when he wrote 40,000 words upon an ordinary pos
tal card, and the entire text of the New Testament,
about 181,000 words, upon four postal cards.
He has written several presidential inaugural
addresses upon postal cards and has always con
sidered it easy to write the Lord's prayer eight
times wiihin the space covered by a five-cent
nickel. He wrote one of Gladstone's speeches upon
a postal card and sent it to the statesman, who
wrote a letter in reply, thanking Mr. Kittrcdge
and praising his skill.
Mr. Kittrcdge never used any magnifying
glasses or other aids. He has always worn a pair
of ordinary spectacles, such as most elderly men
use, and all his writing has been done with an
ordinary steel pen and common black ink. He has
competed with many would-be champions twho
have used magnifying glasses and sharp-pointed
hard lead pencils, and he has easily beaten them
all in spite of their advantage in the matter of
equipment.
His writing Is distinguished by its beauty and
the artistic arrangement and uniformity of the let
ters. Each letter Is separate and distinct, and
some framed specimens were shown at the Paris
exposition. He says that his eyes naturally mag
nify. National Watchman.
Unappreciated Genius.
The editor of the Automobile, a young maga
zin ) published in Lawrence, which is the seat of
the University of Kansas, adds this hitherto un
known chapter to the history of Mr. Kipling:
"During Rudyard Kipling's attendance at the Kan
sas university he had constant difficulty in mak
ing passing grades on his English composition.
He would write of 'smoking seas' and the depart
ment would substitute 'misty,' informing Rudyard
that seas do not indulge in smoking, 'Far flung
battle line' was converted to read 'far extended.'
Rudyard had a habit of using both the activo and
passive voice in one sentence and the department
labored long to break it. Finally he flunked in
English and went his way. Pretty soon the wind
brought back the echo of a voice singing of the
smoking seas, and the English teachers crawled
down from their musty chambers to jpin the rest
of the world in its clamor of approval." By the
same authority we are also informed that Elbert
Hubbard also attended the same university and
also flunked in English! Houston Post.
"Then what is your reason for marrying her?"
"I have no reason. I'm in love' Philadelphia
Times.
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