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A Boyish Nightmare.
"When tlio load of life is heavy and I bend beneath Its wolght;
When I think my luck has left me, and I mourn and rail nt fate;
When I long for days of boyhood, for the days when life was gay
As I picture it in fancy, now my hair is tinged with gray
It is then a mem'ry rises till I fully realizo
That o'en in the days of boyhood clouds oft hid the azuro skies;
For what woe o'er comes to manhood that is half as hard to benr
As those cut-down pants of father's that my mother made mo
wear?
I can seo them yet, in fancy, always short, with ample slack
That would puzzle as to whether I was gone or coming back;
Built on plans of architecture that were certainly unique,
With the nap well brushed and dusted till the cloth was thiu and
sleek.
And when manhood's cares beset me I recall those days of yore,
Full of second-hand apparel and a heart with anguish sore
For no matter what ray sorrows, none as great can ever bo
As thoBO out-down pants of father's that my mother made for mo.
Stocks and bonds may lose their value; markets wobble till they t
burst;
But a moment's thought convinces that long since I passed the
worst
Of life's trials and afflictions, so I smile and try again,
Knowing that tho "now" is better than the mournful days of
" then."
For the man that strives tho hardest never gets the ridicule
That was heaped upon mo when I wore those awful pants to .
school. '
So I grin and bear tho burdens, and am thankful as can bo
That no cut-down pants of father's will again bo put on mo.
Borrowing Trouble.
No sooner had he discovered the use of oil than
Aristeus began to weep.
" Why weepest thou?" queried Atlas, shifting- his
load to the other shoulder.
" I fear that ray fame as a discover of the use of
oil will be eclipsed in about vfour or live thousand
years by one Rockefeller."
At this Atlas also began to weep.
" Why weepest thou, Atlas?" queried Aristeus.
"Alas, when that day comes I will be bearing
upon my shoulders property belonging to another."
How fortunate for man that he can not pene
trate the future. The gods could, hence their prone
ness to sorrow.
as st sat si
Woman.
i
When bird or beast was suffering
She could not look upon It
But just the same she had to hayo ",
A stuffed bird on her bonnet.
Exonerated.
A committee of Indignant Citizens waited upon
the Returned Legislator.
" It is reported that you got money for your vote
in the senatorial fight," said. the chairman.
"It is false!" shouted the Returned Legislator.
"Before leaving for Washington the man I voted for
ordered the bank not to honor the check."
At the next election the Indignant Citizens re
fused to return the Legislator, properly arguing that
the man who would accept a check for his vote and fail
to cash it before voting was not of sufficient mental cal
iber to reflect credit upon our Public Institutions.
. B3E33S3
Impudent Demands. '
The multi-millionaire arose in the morning, his
nerves shaking and his eyes looking like two holes
burned in a blanket; all because his sleep had been
broken by horrible dreams of (lying disgracefully
rich.
" Let us close up the matter I was considering
last evening," said he to his faithful secretary.
" What was that, sir?"
"The matter of giving a check for $2,436,98-1.27
to found a home for indigent and blase millionaires.
At any cost I must give away my fortune in time to
die respectable."
"Very well, sir. Rut a committee waits without,
and would have a conference with you."
"Good! Doubtless it means another chance to
The Commoner.
escape the disgraceful end I hold in such dread.
Who is it?"
"A committee representing tho employes in your
mills. The men want an increase in wages from 70
cents to 72 cents a day."
"1 can not see them! Their demands are impu
dent! Can they not seo that if I listen to them and
grant them what they ask I will not be able to give
millions to municipal corporations that are amply
able to build their own buildings? Tell the commit
tee 1 am busy giving my money away to worthy municipalities."
The Difference.
The politician faced tho school
A question to propound.
The pupils sat and waited for
His thrilling voice to sound.
"Whatdlfforenco twlxtdeorgo Washington,"
He slyly asked, "and I?"
"George Washington," an urchin cried, '
.."Would never tell a lioi"
Gold, Not Love.
Cupid sat and gazed upon a quiver full of bent
and blunted arrows,
"Alas!" he -cried, "I have run up against the
metallic heart!"
Better for Cupid if he took a course in a modern
school of financiering.
Uncle Hiram.
"I hev noticed," remarked Uncle Ilirain, shifting
the straw to the northwest corner of his mouth, "that
th' fellers thet air so terribly afeered thet Uncle Sam
will git too much fiat in his money don't sweat no
hairs about th' feenawnciers gettin' too much water
in their stocks." W. M. M.
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Not a Bit Afraid.
Employer (to clerk who has been sent to collect
some money): "Well, what did he say?"
Clerk: "That he would break every bone in my
body and pitch me out of the window if I showed my
face there again."
Employer: Did he? Then go back at once and
tell him that he is vastly mistaken if he thinks he
will intimidate me by his violence." The King.
His Rulo, Too.
"See here, sir," exclaimed the successful manu
facturer to his dilatory bookkeeper, "you are not as
attentive to business as you might be. It has been
my rule through life to be at my desk early and late,
and"
"Me, too," replied he, "sometimes I get there
early and sometimes late." Philadelphia Catholic
Standard and Times.
"To My Books."
Dear books, I greet you! May you live
To greenest old age,
And may your backs be ever whole,
Nor missing be a page!
Hove my books more than my friends,
Their standing, wealth, good looks
For when I weary grow of them,
I can shut up my books!
S. J. Steinberg in the Rook Lover.
Clerk What style of hat do you wish, sir?"
Cholly Ah, I'm not particular about the style,
something to suit my head, don't you know.
Clerk Step this wcy and look at our soft hat de
partment. How shall we reach perfection? List -My
poor misguided brothers;
Just follow the advice you give
So freely unto others.
Philadelphia Presa.
43k
Miscellaneous.
1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 hi liiiniHiiHi-H n n n ii t
The saddest consequences of tho military opera
tions abroad in which tho so-called Christian nations
have been indulging in recent months is the fact that
they have laid what is known as Christendom open to
criticisms on the part of what have always been con
sidered heathens and pagans, llowever much we
may hope that tho war in tho Philippines, South
Africa and China may result at least in a wider reach
of Christian Influonco, It is hard to make tho victims
of tho present slaughter understand that these pro
cesses arc the work of a merciful God. From inter
views with tho leading Orientals of late It appears
tli at they have taken the Gospel message quite liter
ally, and why should they not do so? When they
read the injunction that we should love our enemies,
and should not covet, andshould not steal, and should
not bear false witness, they naturally conclude that
these to us arc divine commands which should bo lit
erally obeyed. 'It is difficult for them to reconcile
these to their gross violations, which are seen in for
eign parts of tho earth today. The so-called punitive
expeditions in northern China carried on by some of
the Christian powers are more covers for grand loot
ing enterprises, which leave in their trail murder and
misery, and a prejudice against Christian civilization
which will not die in a thousand years. Tho Ram's
lloru.
There arc brighter prospects of peace in tho Phil
ippines. So the country is assured by an Associated
Tress dispatch from Manila, which has earmarks of
military influence in dictating its composition. Theso
reports of early peace are now an old story. They
began to come in early in the spring of 1899. One of
them was personally vouched for by President Mc
Kinlcy in the early summer of that year. They pre
coded every battle and followed every victory. In
the presidential campaign they punctuated all tho
public documents, with tho reservation, however,
that their verification would depend upon the result
of tho election. Just before that event tho period
was fixed at sixty days, provided Bryan was defeated.
All these reports have given some reason for expect
ing the peace they predicted. The latest one is based
upon the rigor with which the campaign of arrests
has been made. The Manila "prisons are daily be
coming more crowded," says the Associated Press,
"and an additional one is being built on Subig bay."
General MacArthur probably expects to produce peaco
by putting the whole native population into jail.
Even that is a better mode of "benevolent assimila
tion" than the earlier one of putting them into their
graves. The Public.
Not content with reducing the price of water one
half by city ownership of the plant, and with deriv
ing a revenue of about 5200,000 a year from own
ership of the street car lines, Toronto intends to
municipalize the gas service. The voters have given
an overwhelming majority in favor of the city buying
the gas plant. The company supplies gas now for 90
cents per thousand feet, but the city expects to re
duce the price to 50 cents.
In every part of the woild -the tendency to place
public utilities in the hands of the people, instead of
the hands of private coi'porations, continues to in
crease in strength. Before the twentieth century is
half over people will wonder at the simplicity of their
forefathers of the nineteenth century who permitted
individuals to derive great fortunes from control of
public service. Denver News.
The anthracite coal combination now controls so
many mines that it can impose upon the miners any
terms that it chooses and defy any strike that is not
general. . The trust method of limiting output and
keeping some of the mines idle enables the combina
tion to shut down "struck" colleries and reopen others
in their' place, and the managers have announced that
such is to be their policy. "Divide and conquer" is
the motto of the coal trust. Philadelphia North
American,
I
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