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Whether Common or Not
M-f"8"Mfrl IHII 11 I 1 1 111 11 1 III I I 1 I I I 111
The Strenuous Life.
Hi, there I Steady!
Now, then; ready I
Here comes Teddy
With his courago and his carnago on display. 4
Eyeballs gleaming, '
Nostrils steaming, . . . '
Coat-tails streaming, 1 V
And press agent feeling very blythe and yiiy. ' ? 5T
Ted's a fighter '
"With typewriter
Day or night, or .,
Any old time, be it early, bo it lato. . -
Shooting, boating,
Writing, voting,
Always noting f
That a kodak fiend Is handy with a plate.
Singlchanded t
Teddy landed
And disbanded
All the Spanish knaves that Cuba did contain.
Say, you'd ought'er s
Seen Ted slaughtor
With great hauteur "
Tens of thousands of tho warriors of Spain. , v
' Gun and bowic, it-
Slouch hat showy,
Brag and blow, ho ""
Leads a life that ho calls strenuous, you U now.
Wounding, killing,
Ked blood spilling,
Ever willing
In the magazines his prowess great to show.
BBB
Secret of Longevity.
Tho delegation of young men was ushered into
tlio presence of Methuselah, who warmly extended
greetings.
" What can I do for you, gentlemen?" inquired
the aged man.
'Sir, we have come to learn the secret of your
longevity," replied the spokesman.
41 That will I gladly reveal to you. I have lived
nine hundred and sixty years because "bacteria and
bacilli and microbes and germs will not be discov
ered for 0,000 years to come. Where ignorance is
antiseptic it is folly to study bacteriology."
So saying Methuselah bowed his visitors from the
office.
Rare Curiosities.
"Walk right up, ladies and gentlemen, and view
the greatest curiosities of the century! One dime
admits to alii They live, they breath, they talk
intelligently, answer all questions and appear wholly
human! The last chance to see the only living pair
of their kind!!"
" I don't see nothin' but a man and a woman who
appear to bo rather old," complained Mr. E. Z.
Thingge, as he gazed at the old couple on the raised
platform.
" Ah, my friend!'' explained the manager. " You
are gazing upon the only man and woman born in
1819 who never danced with the late Queen Victoria."
New Decoration.
"Hello, Blinks! What's that ribbon on.your left
arm? New decoration for bravery?"
' "Yep! Been vaccinated."
Promotion Richly Earned.
"Bub why are you promoted after living for years
in Washington, while I, who have served in several
Indian campaigns, am still a lieutenant?
The staff officer glanced hautily at the presump
tuous subaltern and exclaimed:
"It is plain to be seen that you know nothing of
the perils that beset the army officer detailed for duty
in Washington."
Tho lieutenant, who had served in many a hard
fight on the plains, admitted that he did not.
" What danger do you encounter in'Washington?"
he asked.
"ManylMaaid the staff officer. "Only last sum.-
The Commoner.
mcr I barely escaped being sent to Manila, and the
winter before I was detailed to fix the order of social
precedence at the white house functions."
The lieutenant shuddered at tho dangers that
confronted his comrade and gladly, returned to his
comparatively safe duties at Bagalong.
Leak.
Only tho rich love to talk about the blessings of
poverty.
A flower in life's pathway id better than a floral
design on the coffin.
Cupid loves a shining f.
Man hesitates to measuro himself by the standard
In sets up for woman.
The spendthrift and tho miser reach tho same
destination by widely separate routes.
There is a difference between accumulation and
accretion.
"Now, why should 1 study for four years or more,
And go to a great lot of bother.
"Whon I can scouro a commission because
I've a pull as tho son of my father?"
P'rom Army Rhymes by A. Goodson.
fe;
, A Task for Science.
Mr. Bildad "I see that fho scientists claim that
within the next decade they will solve the problem
of communicating with Mars."
Mrs. Bildad "I wish tho scientists would devote
their time to solving a greater problem right hero on
earth."
Mr. Bildad "What is that, my dear?"
Mrs. Bildad "I want to know why the baby
would rather play in the coal scuttle than in the
nurscrv."
f
1 I I I ? I U -H "M-M- Mil II H-8 4 I 1 1 1111 I 111
:: Municipal Ownership.
Willi I 111 Hill 1 1 1 Mil 1 I 1 1 1 1 U I I II i
The gas and electric light companies of the state
have united to defeat tho municipal ownership bill in
the legislature. That is certain. There is too much
reason to believe that the street railroad and other
companies have joined this combination, created a
common f and of great size, and stand ready to defeat
by united effort any legislation directed against any
of their interests.
We have therefore clear cut and reduced to its
simplest terms the struggle between those that want
to see the people free and the power that is interested
in keeping them bound that they may be safely
robbed.
Wo may as well look at this issue very soberly,
for it expresses in a condensed form the issue that tho
whole country will p'robably have to face.
No arguments are urged against municipal own
ership. No one suggests that it would be anything
but a benefit. No one debates about it or questions
it. There is no difference of opinion, no conflict of
arguments for and against. There is none and there
will be none.
The interests arrayed against municipal owner
ship have no argument on their side but money.
We shall have an opportunity to see, when this
matter comes up for a vote, just how strong that
argument is against a reform demanded by practically
all the people.
The corruption fund at the disposal of the gas
highwaymen last year for use at Springfield was esti
mated at 8300,000. This year the new combination is
supposed by experienced observers to have about five
times that 3um in ready cash and unlimited supply at
their demand.
Well, patriotic American, how do you like the
idea of all the monopolists that legislation is no longer
a matter for argument, bub of a bargain-counter price
list? Hearst's Chicago American.
ri iiM-M-i mm intnm-HHHMin
Side Lights on Tolstoi. ii
fr-M 4-1 -HkM HfHtU k l-H4 W-fr-M-Hr
In an article (copyrighted) written for the
Christian Herald, Ernest II. Crosy gives two in
teresting incidents in the life of Tolstoi; the first
led him to reflect upon tho tics of human brother
hood and the second illustrates his philosophy of
non-rcsistanco:
(1) Leo Nickolcovitch Tolstoi is a cprcsentativcof
one of tho old and noblo families of Russia. Born in
1828, he was brought up as a nobleman's son, and in
due time became a student at the great University of
Kazan. He gave up his studies there suddenly, and
the story which they tell of him to account for his de
parture throws a light upon his whole life One bit
ter winter night ho went to a ball at a nobleman's
house in tho neighborhood of Kazan. When he en
tered the house he left his sleigh which brought him,
with its peasant coachman, outside to wait for him.
He passed the night in feasting and dancing, thinking
of nothing but his own pleasure. When in the early
morning ho was about to return to the city, ho found
that his coachman was nearly frozen to death. For
several hours tho man lay unconscious, and it was
only by the most strenuous efforts, by continuous
chafing of his arms and legs and tho administering of
every remedy at hand that his life was saved. Tho
mind of young Tolstoi was much struck by this dra
matic incident. It scorned to present to him a pict
ure of the society in which he lived. There was he,
a young nobleman with all tho money ho could use,
although ho had never been of any use to anybody,
going into the warm, gay and brilliant house to pass
the night in costly amusement, while his driver, the
representative of the great working class, which
builds the houses and prepares the food and drink,
and does the hard manual work of tho world, was shut
out there in the cold, and not allowed to enter into
the luxury which he and his fellcvs had produced by
their toil. Tolstoi left tho University for ho could no
longer find it in his heart to devote himself selfishly
to his own intellectual improvement, while the great
mass of his countrymen were in poverty and want.
(2) I had the great pleasure of visiting him at his
country home in 1894, when he had already been lead
ing this life for a dozen years. In his peasant's blouse,
with his patriarchal beard, his kindly, searching
eyes, his frank and sincere manner, his geniality and
his seriousness withal, he looked as the early Chris
tians must have looked, and tho love which had be
come the essence of his life was evident in every word
and gesture. A little story of an event which occurred
a day or two before my arrival will show how he
asseits his influence in his own family. It was told
me by the governess who was living with the Tolstoi
family, and who saw it with her own eyes. His little
daughter, Sacha, ten years old, had been out in front
of the house playing with one of the peasant boys
from tho village. They had quarreled, and the boy
had struck her with a stick on the arm, making it
quite black and blue. She came running into her
father to complain of him, the tears coursing down her
face.
" Oh, papa, whip this naughty boy."
The count took her up on his lap and wiped her
eyes and reasoned with her.
" Why, Sacha, what good would it do to whip
him? He struck you because he was angry and hated
you. If I whip him he will hate you more than ever
and hate me too. Wouldn't it be better to make him
love us? I tell you what I would do if I were you. I
would go the pantry and get some of that raspberry
jam that we had for lunch and take it out to him."
And this she actually did, and if I know anything
of human nature there was far more chance of that
boy's turning out a good man than if he had received
the whipping which he doubtless deserved.
Chawloy Gotrox "I think it's delightful to have
nothing to do." ,
Dolly Dimples ''And you do it so well, Charlie,"
Ohio State Journal.
A little boy declared that he loved his mother
" with all his strength." He was asked to explain
what he meant by "with all his strength." He said:
" Well, I'll toll you. You sec, wo live on the fourth
floor of this tenement and there is no elevator, and
the coal is kept down in the basement. Mother is
dreadfully busy all the time, and she isn't very strong;
so I see to it that tho coal hod is never empty, I lug
the coal up four flights of stairs, all by myself. It is
a pretty big hod, and it takes all my strength to get
it up there. Now, isn't that loving my mother with
all my strength?" Uncoln (Neb.) Post-
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