A PUZZLER.
Th Enigma th Secretary Was UnibU
to Dtciphar.
From Horace Urecley'i time great
men have been noted for their poor
chlrosrapliy. and lu this connection
Joaquin Miller, the "poet of the Sier
ras," Is no exception. Hut the best story
regarding the poet's handwriting that I
have heard came recently from the
secretary of a well known local club.
It seems that the club desired to have
the poet address the organization at
an annual affair at which an elaborate
program hud been prepared. The sec
retary addressed a letter to Joaquin
telling blni of the purpose of the Jlukj
and requesting his co-operation. He
was scheduled for a recitation.
In duo tlmo there came an answer
from tho poet. It was In his own
hand and covered four pages. In vain
the secretary pored over tho mnnu
script. He turned it over to the presi
dent, tho board of directors and tho
members in turn, but all failed to de
cipher tho scrawl. The question be
fore the club was, lias Miller accepted
or has he declined 7
The secretary finally took the mat
ter Into his own hands and addressed
the following note to Miller:
My Doar Mr. Mlllor-Your letter re
ceived, but I have been unable to deter
mine whether you have accepted or de
clined our Invitation. If you will be pres
ent on the date mentioned will you kindly
make a cross on the bottom of this letter?
If It will be Impossible for you to appear
will you kindly draw a circle?
In due time the letter camo bnck
marked as requested, but tho secre
tary could not decldo whether it was
a cross or a clrcle.-Snn Francisco Call.
The
Scrap BnnttlrlTOcPlatemou!hTclcPhonc(:oh
Don't Seek Trouble.
Dispel thnt prophetic gloom which
dives Into futurity to extract sorrow
from . days and years to come and
which considers Its own unhappy vi
sions as the decrees of Providence.
We know nothing of tomorrow: our
business la to be good and nappy to
day. Sydney Smith.
A Popular Role.
Mrs. Rogers bad the barrel of russet
apples placed In the attic because they
were not quite rtpo enough to eat, and
she warned her three boys, whose
ages rr.nge from five to eleven years,
not to touch them.
Then one rainy day when she sought
the attic to get something from a
trunk sho came full upon her sous sur
rounded by apple cores. At her ap
proach two of the boys drew closer
together, but the third, a little distance
An Embarratting Blunder.
Toward the closo of a lawsuit. In
Massachusetts the wife of an eminent
professor arose and with a Darning
face timidly addressed the court
"Your honor," said she, 'If I told you
I 'had made an error lu my testimony
would It vltlute all I have said?"
Instantly the lawyers for each side
stirred themselves In excitement, while
his honor gravely regarded her.
"Woll, madam," suld the court after
a pause, "that depends entirely on tho
nature of your error. What was It,
please r
"Why, you see," answered the lady,
more and more red and embarrassed.
"I told the clerk I was thirty-eight I
was so flustered, yon know, that when
he asked my ago I Inadvertently gave
him my bust measurement." Everybody's.
Life's Compensations.
Why should we ever weary of this life?
Our aouli should widen ever, not con
tract;
Grow stronger and not harder In the
strife.
Filling- each moment with a noble act
If we live thus, of vigor all compact.
Doing our duty to our fellow men
And striving rather to exalt our race
Than our poor selves, with earnest hand
or pen,
We shall erect our names a dwelling
place
Which not all ages shall cast down again.
Offspring of time shall then be born
each hour,
Which, as of old, earth lovingly shall
guard
To live forever In youth's perfect flower
And guide her future children heaven
ward.
James Russell Lowell.
The First Patient.
An eminent New York surgeon, now
very wealthy and the envied possessor
of a large practice, often tells with
glee of an incident of bis younger
days.
When be first bung out his shingle
and started In to win fame and for
tune things looked pretty gloomy. Six
whole weeks be sat in bis modest lit
tle office without a call from a single
patient and bis first fee seemed a long
way off.
At last, one night there came a
ring at the oitlce bell. The servant
flew to the door. The doctor could not
make up his mind whether he would
rather be called to a good chronic pa
tient or to some sensational accident
to a well known citizen. He opened
the door of the consulting room as
calmly as be could and saw a young
man there.
"Excuse me, doctor," the young man
said. "I wished to know If I could ar
range to collect your bad debts on
commission."
Her Aim,
Two men who bad apparently been
doing the towu and not missing any
of the places where liquids were dis
pensed were unsteadily ambling home
ward at an early hour after being out
nearly all night
"Don't your wife miss you on these
occaslous?" asked one.
"Not ofteu." replied the other. "She
throws pretty straight."
"WUATEVEll ABB iOU DOnJO?"
off, who lay on bis stomach contented
ly munching an apple, apparently paid
no attention to his mother's entrance.
"Juck: Henry! Willie'." she exclaim
ed reproachfully. "Whatever are you
doing? And those apples! Didn't
tell you not to touch them?"
"Yes, mamma," replied Jack, the
eldest, "but we're not really eating
them. We're acting the garden of
Eden. Willie and 1 are Adnni and
Eve. and Henry, over there, Is the scr
pent trying to lead us to our downfall
by showing us how good the apples
are."
"Hut," began the mother as sternly
as she was able, "you two must have
been eating apples. Henry hasn't done
It all. I see as mauy as ten cores
around you."
"Oh. yeth." returned Willie, the
youngest, "we've all been taking
turnth being the therpent." Green's
Fruit Grower.
. Mistaken Identity.
a man going home at a late hour
in the night saw that the occupants
of a house standing flush with the
street had left a window up, and ho
decided to warn them and prevent a
burglary.
Tutting his bead Into the window he
called out:
Hello, good peop"
That was all he said. A whole pail
ful of water struck bim In the face,
and as he staggered back a woman
Dhrlcked out:
"Didn't I tell you what you'd get
If you wasn't home by 9 o'clock!"
One Way of Doing Business.
Biliy Emerson, the minstrel, took a
company of black face artists to Aus
tralia In the old days and bad hard
luck. On the way back he landed at
Shanghai and gave a show.
Emerson saw there was a good
house. "Doing pretty well," be said
to the box otllce man.
"Fine!" that otllclal replied. "We've
gut lu $400 In money and $1,400 lu
chits."
"In what!" gasped Emerson.
"In chits."
"What are chits?"
"Why. promises to pay. Everybody
uses chits here. Give a chit and settle
it the end of the month."
"Do you menu to tell me that you
have let $1,400 worth of seats go for
them chits, as you call them?"
"Sure! Why not?"
"And those people Just sigued their
names and dldu't pay cash?"
"Certainly."
"Heavens: What a business I could
do that way lu tio States!" groaned
Emersou. Saturday Evening Post
No Puvor Needed.
The story Is told of the I!ev. James
Patterson of Philadelphia that he once
declared in u circle of his brethren
he thought ministers mmht to be
humble and poor, like their Muster. "1
h:ive ofteu prayed." said he. "that 1
might be kept humble. I never prayed
mat i might be poor. I could trust my
church for that!"
Counterfeiters.
Tommy had been reading a great
deal lu the newspapers about senators
and congressmen and lawmaking, and
his tnlnd was tilled with legislative
mutters. On tunuy occasions bis fa
ther had explained as best he could
the articles of which the newspapers
treated and took pains to voice his
opinion, which was not always favor
able. With lils mind so actively fertilized
and growing Tommy could not help
asking his father one day:
"Say, pop. why Is a senator like a
counterfeiter?"
"That's too Rtrong for me." replied
his father. "What's the answer?"
"Recause." answered Tommy trlum
phantly, "he makes and tries to past
Home pretty bud bills."
ill Install Telephones on
Short Notice
Business rate per month $2.00
Residence rate per month $1.00
650 Telephones on the Platts
mouth Exchange.
Office Next Door to Post Office.
The Platlsmoulh Telephone Co
SEE PLATTSMOUTH SUCCEED
See Plattsmouth Succeed, Smoke Acorn Cigars,
IVIade here at home and famed near and far;
Of flavor the finest you smoke and repeat
Kings of their kind They cannot be beat.
Every Puff is a pleasure, enjoyment complete.
And their fillings selected from Cuban choice fields,
Complete satisfaction the Acorns yield.
Over the country they jumped into fame,
Right from the start they are always the same.
No Products are better all men have agreed.
Smoke Acorn Cigars See Plattsmouth Succeed.
Manufacturers
George Hild accompanied by
Joseph Bcril went to Omaha on the
first train this morning. Mr. Beril
has been in America but eleven months
yet he speaks English very well.
He came from Bagern, Germany.
In that country the farmers live in
villages and till the land adjoining,
having their schools and churches
more convenient than in this country.
John Fredrick of McClcan Nebr.
and Philip Phorniff, of Pckin, 111.
arrived from the east this morning,
and will visit relatives in Cass county
for a time.
Over the Mil to Ferry.
Yesterday County Clerk D. C.
Morgan, appointed Fred Patterson
as viewer of the road from Wintcrstine
Hill over to the ferry, with instruc
tions to report by Feb. 10. After the
report of the viewer is in the hands of
the parties interested they will have
not less than sixty nor more than
ninety days to make their objections
and requests for damages. As fast
as the law will allow the matter will
be pushed so that before many moons
the highway to the ferry will be in
shape for autoa and other vihiclea.
The Kansas City Weekly Star
The most comprehensive farm paper AH the
nens Intelligently told Farm qusstlons an
swered by a practical farmer and experimenter
Exactly what you want In market reports.
One Year 25 Cents.
Address THE WEEKLY STAR, Kansas City, Mo.
ColdWeafter
lH'T'H"r'H'H"H"H"H"fr'H"H'
Comforts
Our Coal is the best cool weather comfort
that you will be able to find in town. These
chilly fall winds will soon turn into winter
and you will need the comfort that our coal
will give you. Better order early to avoid
disappointments when an extra
chilly day comes.
I; J. V. Egenberger j
1 ..
J. W. CRABILL
Watchmaker and Jeweler.
JUST RECEIVED
New Belt and
Collar Pins. New
Bracelets. New
Hat Pins. Dia
monds, Signet
and Plain Rings.
CALL AND SEE THEM
ART STUDIO and GRAFT SHOP
If Instruction In water color, art leather, hrwsjh
and copper. Home decoration A graml op
portunity to learn art. When you once know
it. you ca.i earn a treat deal of money in your I
Lome Heat of instruction by teacher who spent I
many yenis in a:t centers in the east, and in 1
Atlifs H.rin Write for free particulars. I
Mrs. M REX COTTON. 607 Bos Bl Jo-Omaha, Web.
Postponed.
The first appearance of the Grew
Stock Company at the Parmele has
been postponed to February 9th
instead of February 4th as has been
advertised. They will play the "In
vader" at the opening.
Buys Eusche Property.
A deal was closed today completing
the sale of the Jonh Busche property
a block cast of Columbian school to
Ed Bratner.
A BOY OR A GIRL
CAN EARN AS MUCH AS A MAN
We want boys and girls who want to earn money to so
licit subscriptions to The Kansas City Weekly Star. Don't
hesitate because you are young, as you can do the work
as readily as older persons and we will pay you just the
same. The Kansas City Weekly Star is the best known
weekly newspaper in the West and your spare time spent
working for it will pay you handsomely, not in toys,
watches or other small wares, but in Cash. Write today .
for terms and full information. Address
THE KANSAS CITY WEEKLY STAR,
Kansas City, Mo.
An Anocdoto of Maeready.
One of tin most amusing anecdote:
fif MiicromlyV petulance of temper re
lates to n revival of 'Henry VIII." un
der tho management of Maddox nt the
Princess' theater. In Londou. The pari
of Cardinal Catnpelus was assigned to
a brother of Mr. (Spurge Augustus Sain
whose stage tin me was Wynn. for
whom Macready hud an Inveterate (lis
like. The tragedian had Implored tti
manager to see that Campelus was fur
nlshed with a costume which should
tiot seem entirely ridiculous beside the
splendid robes he himself wore as
Wolsey, but Mnddoz, of course, disre
garded the Injunction.
At the dress rehearsal Maeready. en
throned In n chair of state, hud the
various characters to pass before him
He bore all calmly until, chid In scar
let robes bordered by silver tissue pa
per and wearing an enormous red hut.
Wynn approached. Then, clutchln
both arras of bis chair mid closing bU
ryes, thp (treat tragedian gasped out.
"Mother Suipton. by heoveu!"
Dr. A. P. Barnes, moved his house
hold effects into the Wilson three
story dwelling on south Ninth street,
formerly occupied by ex-county trea
surer J. L. Barton. The Doctor will
will be properly equipped to take
roomers.
It has become necessary to postpone
tho first appearance of the Grew
Stock Company nt the Parmele and
instead of showing on next Friday
night they will be here on the follow
ing Wednesday night and will open
with "The Invader."
Fed. 9 the time.
MASQUERADE BALL.
The Jollv Six Indains will hold their
Masnucradc ball at Coates hall on
Saturday cveninir Feb. 5. to which
the public b attention Is called. Ihoe
Lichen the Aksarben costumer is to
furnish tho costumes and will be in
Plattsmouth from noon Saturday till
midnight, having a special room at
tho Coatca block for the purpose of
displaying the suits. Phono Anton
II. Koubck No 87.
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"Tired at Three O'clock?" "No Sir! I Use the Monarch"
MONARCH
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Write For Illustrated Descriptive Literature.
THE MONARCH TYPEWRITER COMPANY.
411 South 15th Street, Omaha. Nebraska.
Executive Offices: Monarch Typewriter Building, 300 Broadway, New York.
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