Clerical Repartee.
A country minister In the course
of h's dining out on the circuit came
to a house whore roast chicken was
served for dinner. He had previously
emtitintered a aeries of corned bee
dinners, and the chicken looked good.
-Will," he remarked, "here's where
the chiikcn enters the ministry!"
"Hoiie it does belter there than in
lay work," rejoined the host.
Vhite Horse of Kilburn.
The litest artificial horse 'In tho
world is the famous White Horse of
Kilhmn, near Thirsk, which was
formed by a native of Kilburn 50 years
ago. who cut away the turf In the
correit form and then covered it with
limestone the whole occupyiiiK some
two acres of the side of the hill. The
flxure makes a couhiiIciiouh landmark
or over 20 miles round.
A Light Hint.
He -"Wouldn't you rather live in
these days of electricity than In your
father's time, fur instance? Think of
what primitive times they must have
been when people used candles." She
(wearily) "Oh, 1 don't know that
candles were audi primitive things.
They knew enough to ro out some
times." Gossip,
1 don't like these women who gos
sip about others, do you?" "1 should
say not. Now, there's Mrs. Gudsley.
She's always telling mean tilings about
bor neighbors. And Mrs. Hainerton
talks perfectly dreadful about her
friends. Thank goodness, I never say
anything about nobody!" Cleveland
Tlaln Dealer.
Speech Before a Dressing.
Uncle (Jeorgo "Hullo, Willie; been
having a swim?" Willie "Yes, uncle;
but I'm only learning, same as you."
L'ncle (leonge "Hauie as me? What
ido you mean?" Willie "Why, dad
was telling us only yesterday as
bow you had an awful Job to keey
jour head abovo water." Sketch.
True Philosophy,
! 1 have been told of a Spaniard who
always put on his spectacles when
about to eat cherries, that they
might look bigger and more tempting.
In like manner, 1 make the most of
pnj enjoyments, and pack away ray
troubles In as small a compass as I
can. Robert Southey.
"Strive to See the Bright Side.
A fatal penalty awaits those who
always look on the dark side of every
tkinjr, who are always predicting evil
and failure, who nee only the seamy,
disagreeable aide of life; they draw
opon themselvoH what they see, what
itbey look for. Marden.
'Enigmatical Calamity.
Men have often abandoned what
was visible for the sake of what waa
uncertain, have not got what they ex
pected, and have lost what they had
being unfortunate by an enigmatical
oil of calamity. Demetrius Plial
ercuB. raise Pretense.
Mrs. Uyup "I was ho disappointed
fa Dr. I'ullein!" Mrs. Hyer "In
what respect?" "Mrs. Hyup "I un
denstood he was a great bridge ex
pert, but he was only a dentist."
.Puck.
Skillful Driving.
First Irishman (In London tube)
"Sure an' 'tis a mighty strange way
of traveling." Second Irishman "Re
dad. "t la a wondher we don't sthrlke
.a&d burst somo wather pipe." Punch
Total Depravity.
; 1 suppose you have a wlfo and
ighl children," sneered the heartless
man. 'Great 8cott, no!" answered
Plodding Pete. "If I had. don't you
a'poae I'd be home makin' 'em work?"
College of the Future.
"We shall be pleased to have your
daughter matriculate at our univer
sity." "How about flirting?" "That Is
one or the optional Kliitliea." Louis
wllla Courier-Journal.
Grudging Tralse.
"Did the critics say anything favor
able about your performance of Ham
let?", "Yes." answered Mr. Storming
ton Harnes. "They admitted that J
bad selected a pretty good play."
A Curiosity..
The Pennsylvania engineer who
stopped his train to rescue a kitten
iislccp on the track is no doubt an o'i
ject of curious Interest to automobll
isU. New York World.
Gucrsed His Money Was Gone.
"You didn't go tliicnigh my pockets
last night, as usual." "No; when I
found n long hair on your coat I know
ft wouldn't do any good."
A Rule.
As a rule you can form a fairly ac
curate opinion of what your neiglibon
think of you by what they say of oth
m Chicago News,
Baseness Punished.
Whosoever of mortals is of ba?e na
tsit, him the gods chastise. Eurlpl
Also Somewhat Rare.
Tho best treasure among men It a
frugal to gue. Ilc.slod.
! Ca"" al Insured for Large Sots
8t ' 'b Cathedral, London, is la
urer' 1175,000.
Bolivia's Mineral Wealth.
Poll via Is famous for Its silver, but
also possesses considerable quantities
of gold, which, however, cannot be ex
tracted without great expense. In
the seventeenth century an Indian
near the town of La Paz found a mass
of gold, supposed to have been de
tached from the neighboring moun
tain by lightning. I'.ollvia Is, on the
whole, In a backward condition, politi
cal changes and Internal conlllcts hav
ing hindered the development of Its
natural wealth.
The Dirty Face Fad.
The latest craze among the ultra
fashionables of London is to have
dirty faces. Some few years ago the
same young men developed a fancy
for perambulating the streets with
out hats, but the coming of the auto
mobile changed the mode of showing
that you are not quite as other men.
The idea is to carry just enough dirt
to look like fast, long distance riders
who have had no time to remove the
dust of travel. Dundee Advertiser.
A Great Character.
A great character, founded on the
living rock of principle, Is, In fact,
not a solitary phenomenon, to bo at
once perceived, limited and de
scribed. It Is a dispensation of Prot
ldence, designed to have not merely
an Immediate, but a continuous, pro
gressive, never-ending agency. It
survives the man who possessed It;
survives his age and perhaps his
country, his language. Edward Ev
erett. Sugar from Old Rags.
Sugar Is now manufactured In Ger
many from old rags. The rags aro
treated with sulphuric acid and con
verted Into dextrine. This Is treated
with a milk of lime, and Is then sub
jected to a new bath of sulphuric acid,
which converts it Into glucose. Tho
glucose obtained by this process Is
identical with that of commerce, and
may be used in the same way for con
fections, lees, etc.
Relic of Ancient Sculpture.
During excavations conducted near
Willendorf, on the Danube, by the pre
historical section of the Austrian Nat
ural History museum, a chalk figurine,
U centimeters high, has been discov
ered in stratum containing Instru
ments and weapons characteristic of
the stone age. The figurine shows
traces of having been painted and rep
resents a female figure with remark
able precision of artistic execution.
Industrial Education.
For training the workman the tech
nical school can never supplant the
workshop. The system thnt Is like
ly to give the best results Is a com
bination of part time apprenticeship
and compulsory attendance at tech
nical schools. London Electrical Re
view. A Strong Guaranty.
"Are you sure those eggs arc fresh?"
asked the woman, eying them suspi
ciously. "Yes, ma'am," replied the
grocer, with emphasis; "I guarantee
those eggs. If any of them aren't
good, I'll make 'em good!" Llppln
cott's. Erratic Going.
"It is easy enough to hitch your
wagon to a star," declared the theatri
cal manager. "Say on." "How to
keep from being bounced out of the
wagon Is the question." Louisville
Courier-Journal.
A Foxy Suggestion.
"I wish you would give my clerks a
talk on salesmanship," said the retail
dealer. "Better let 'em watch mo
selling you a big bill," suggested the
traveling man. Louisville Courier
Journal. A Primer of Life.
Only a dreamer asks Time and Tide
to wait for him. when he might "head"
them off, sell Time for money and
make Tide turn a mill wheel. At
lanta Constitution.
The Facts as They Were.
"Your grandfather used to be my
grandfather's hired man." "Yes, aud
your grandfather died owing him a
year's wages. Eh, what?" Cleve
land Leader.
Feminine Finance.
The girl who has the least chance
of being trained is the one wluwe fa
ther takes unactlon to himself in not
"bothering his womenfolk" with his
worldly affairs. The Queen.
Why Gold Bricks Sell.
"De man dat answers a gold brick
circular," said l'ncle Ehen, "makes
de old mistake. Instead o' tellin'
Satan to git behind 'tin, he thinks he
kin git nhead o' Satan."
A Question.
Would It be permissible to refer to
the bureau before which the modern
society lady dresses herself as a bu
reau of fine arts?
Morals and Manners.
To have a respect for ourselves
guides our morals, and to have a
deference for others guides our mau
ners. A Poor Way to Rise.
It Isn't often that anyone succoeds
In getting high by calling down hit
boss.
Restraint Best of All.
Striking manners are bad manners.
Hull.
Brief Local
Happenings
Little Items Concerning the Go
ing and Coming of People .
You Know.
Acorn cigars 5 cents each. Smoke an I
'Acorn" and be happy.
Have you had cofTue and biscuit this i
week at John Bauer's. If not, why not? j
Sam. G. Smith wass looking after
business matters in Omaha yesterday.
Greatist range in the world. The
Majestic demonstrated at John Bauer's
this week.
Mr. and Mr?. Henry Boeck have re
turned from a visit with relatives at
Johnson, Neb.
William H. Larkin is in the city for
a few days visiting with the family of
his son, J. W. Larkin.
Mrs. II. Fitch has returned to her
home at Bartlett, Iowa, after a visit in
this city with Mrs. Karnes.
Benjamin Harrison, principal of the
High school spent Saturday and Sunday
with his parents in Dunbar.
Mrs. Judge Archer left Thursday for
Chicago and other eastern points, where
she will visit for a few days.
Charles Herger went out to Louis
ville on the Schuyler last evening to
look after some business matters.
George A. B. Hicks was in from his
farm near Cullum Friday attending to
business matters in the county seat.
Miss Dora Fricke, who has been en
joying a visit with relatives in Ger
many, will sail tomorrow for America.
Miss Clee Applegate and Miss Blanche
Bell, teachers in the central building,
visited at Union Saturday and Sunday.
Miss Anna Frey who has been making
an extended visit with friend at O'Neill
has returned to her home in this city.
Ralph White, manager of the Neb
raska Telephone Co. at Nebraska City,
spent Sunday in this city with friends.
Mr. and Mrs. Leon Burton of Omaha
spent Sunday in this city the guests of
their parents, Mr. and Mrs. G. F. S.
Burton.
MissAliston Johnson, who teaches
languages in the High school, spent
the last of the week in Lincoln with
her two sisters.
F. E. Lorenz left this morning for
Omaha, where he will spend the day
attending to business matters and tak
ing in tho carnival sights.
G. M. Porter left this morning for
his home in Lincoln, after having spent
Sunday in this city with friends. Mrs
Porter will remain several days yet.
Waldemar Soenniehsen and Howard
Hilton went to Omaha the latter part
of the , week for a visit with friends
and to take in the sights of the Ak-Sar-ben.
Mrs. James E. Bird and daughter of
Riverside, Calif., who have been visit
ing in Iowa, changed cars here yester
day on their way to Nehawka, where
they will also make a visit.
Notice the ad of C. W. Bnylor, the
coal man, in this issue. Mr. Baylor
expects to conduct a vigorour advertis
ing campaign this fall and winter and
it will pay to keep tab on his announce
ments. Miss Harriet Kcrney, the dressmaker
at room G, old Sherwood block at the
corner of 5th and Main streets, has re
turned from a two week's visit with
friends and relatives in Treynor and
Council BlulTs. Iowa.
R. A. Bates was up from Kansas
City the latter part of the week look
ing after business matters. He has
already undergone one operation and
feels confident that he will eventually
return entirely cured.
F. R. and C. E. Cunninghnm and
James Miller were in the city Saturday
via automobile from Nehawka. These
gentlemen hnve just sold out their liv
ery business in that town and nrc now
looking up n new location.
J. II. Marsh of Nebraska City, dis-.
trict manager for the International
Correspondence schools, was in the
city Friday attending to the business
of his company. Mr. Marsh states that
his Plattsmouth business is very satis
factory. Prof. J. W. Gamble left Friday after
noon for Beatrice where he attended
the dedicatory exercises of the new
high school building. From there he
went to Lincoln where ho attended
meeting Saturday night of the jSchool
masters' club.
BAILEY & r.lAGU
THE DENTISTS
latest D'Uace Rl.t-Gnit Drntl - Irmt
t)lifrl(M. Brst-'qaiDptd batd Of
fice la tni UiMt Wtt.
mcii discount to cti iito.
Id floor H.iion Bit., mil a r.rn.m. OMAHA. NEB.
And be Happy
ATCHISON
LEAVENWORTH
KANSAS CITY
sr. LOUIS
I Are Best Reached by the
Reduced rates via. Missouri
Pacific to Chicago, St Louis.Kan
sas City and St Joe. Dates of
sale August 28th to Sept. 8th
and September 11th to 19th. See
agent for rates, limits, and etc.
Hugh Norton, Agent.
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ACORN!
Let Steam Do Your Work
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M. E.
Ciihonrihn
jOMHUG
Piles
eral
t
to last
WRITE FOR BOOK ON PILES AND
DR. E. R. TARRY. 224 Be
Attention Farmers
Horses, Cattle, Sheep and Hog Salvct or medi
cated Salt is the best remedy for all kinds of
stock to make them tat well and aid digestion
and also a blood builder. If not satisfied with re
sults money refunded. Sold at the feed store of
j. v. tmmm
PLATTSMOUTH, NEBRASKA.
OHHBanSaEHUCTUSHHEEEE
Last R
ales of
$25.00 TO CALIFORNIA: These very Low one-way rates
are in effect until October ?5th. The Burlinrton runs daily through
tourist sleepers to Los Angeles and San Francisco, via Denver,
scenic Colorado and Salt Lake C'ty.
$25.00 TO WASHINGTON, OREGON AND THE
NORTHWEST until October 15th. You have choice of two Bur
lington through trains, via Billings to the coast, ove via the great
northern, one via the northern pacific All classes of through
equipment, including tourist sleepers.
HOMESEEKtRS' EXCURSIONS: October 5th and 19th
to the far west and northwest. Inquire about Mondell 320 acre
homestead lands.
WINTER TOURIST RATES: Ask nearest agent about
winter tourist rates to south and southeastern resorts.
The United States Land and Irrigation Exposition at Chicago,
Nov. 20th to Dec. 4th, will be of vital interest to the farmer.
3B
And yon can have your work done a
whole lot easier and faster than if you
had horse power. Lot steam saw your
wood, pull stumps, do heavy hauling,
plowing and overland freighting. One of
the most important requirements of a
traction engine is a safe strong boiler of
suitable proportions well made and thor
oughly tested before leaving the factory.
You find in the CASE engine the best
there is in engines. You will be able to
get more power out of this engine than
any other rated the same. The CASE
engine is built alone: lines that give it the
greatest tractive quality of any engine
on the market. Its large wheel base,
boiler mounting, double gears, more
equal distribution of weight on front and
rear axles and their great power make
the CASE the premier puller up hill or on
the level and over all conditions of roads.
In order to find out more about this won
derful machine write me for catalogues
and particulars.
MANSPEAKER
nil
D
FISTULA Pay When CURED
All Kectal Diseases cured without a surgical v
operation. No Chloroform, Ether or other gen-l
aneasthetic used. CURE GUARANTEED
a LIFE-TIME, (examination preb.
RECTAL DISEASES WITH TESTIMONIALS
Building-, Omaha. Nebraska
and Stock Raisers! I
eason
IkS
W. L. PICKETT, Ticket Agent, Plattsmouth, Neb.
L. W. Wakely, G. P. A., Omaha.
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