OVERLOOKED FOR THIS TIME.
Substantial Reasons Why Business
Firm "Stood For" Impertinence
from Employe.
The New York dry goods firm of
Tllnmstcln & Rosenltors had a travel
ing salesman named Richards. Rich
ards wns a pond salesman, and when
miner a genial fellow. Once, however,
after an unusually successful trip ho
Indulged In an unusually Hticrcsiful
wlebrntlon, a.id ended by going to
sloop In the public office of the com
ran.T. "(let up," said Mr. Rosenberg, shn
J.lnK him violently.
"finwy, jump on yourself," said
hU Bleepy employe.
The senior part nor tried it noKt am!
was rewarded with, the words:
"!.liintoln, you ro to thunder."
"The. II111T held an indignation meet
ing, decided to dispense wlh Rich
aviii' services, and nuked the hook
kerper what they owed tills erring
salesman. -
"Fifteen hundred dollars," he report
"Richards has sold $00,000 worth
of pmds In the pant three months."
The partners looked at each other In
Kilenre.
-Roses." said the senior partner.
"yoa go chump on yourself. I'm giv
ing to thunder." Success Magazine,
In a Pearl Factory.
The pate, beat. workmen were, most
of. then, drilling costly penrls, but
hnrc a ranu in kid gloves performed
tJio npeiatlon of skinning, the opera
tion of icmovlng a pearl's' ouicr, dis
colored foat so as to give it again Its
rrgin-i) lur ter, and by the window an
other man shook industriously three
pearls In a bottle.
"It Is a secret of the trade, of ths
flearl driller's trade," he said, "this
boUlc-shaklng. You see, In pearl drill
fog, a drill point often breaks off In a
pearl, and to got It out may take a
whole day's work that Is, If you don't
know the secret."
He loo'iod closely at the bottom of
the Rlasn bottle, and then, continuing
his BhaTIng, he resumed:
Tmt If you put your pearl In a bot
tle and shake it up, the drill point In
a few minutes will fall out of Itself.
Look! There's another out already.
The thlrd'l come soon now."
-A Peculiar Wish.
Yonnff Chap niamo the luck-! My
future father-In law has been Indicted
for forging a check for 10,000 marks,
ir he Is found guilty, then, I cannot
marry bis daughter; and if ho Is lnno-
t-.u, ovn i gei noining r.y way or a
dowry. My only hope Is that he will
le w Tree and also that he Is not
iaDM:wt.T-Fllcgendo illaotter.
pessimistic. ,
.""Well, what be yow klckln' about
now?" .queried the cross-roads store
keeper. "You sure have good crops aa'
ftho prices are good enough, I reckon."
"7aK8," rejoined the old farmer, "ih'
rrars air rood, but ef I null now th
.prices air hound ,' go up, an' ef I wait
:ler Via f git higher they air bound t'
git lower; bo I can't help losin' enuy
aray yew flgger It, by grass!"
On th- Trail.
Tramp Lady, I'm near perishing
from exposure.
Lady Are you a congressman or a
.Maalor? Tows Topics.
HOT
COMFORT
When the therometer
Glimbs up to the vicinity
of 100 in the shade there
is no one item that will
give more comfort to the
busy housewife than a
gasoline stove. Besides
eliminating the heat and
smoke problem, they are
cheap to install and cheap
to operate. We have
them, guaranteed in every
Tespect, at from $2.50 to
$24.00.
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JOHN
An Instantaneous Cups.
During the cattle plague of 1866 In
England a farmer who had lost a num
ber of ma cows grew so depressed that
h;o fully persuaded himself he Mad sl
ab contracted the disease. The medi
cal man whom he consulted tried In
vain to lausb him out of his fears,
but subsequently, bring font! of a
Joke, pretended to agree with the pa
tient's views, and solemnly tnjd him
if he would attend to his Instructions
he would be cured. He then gave
the farmer a prescription, which he
directed .should he taken to a neigh
boring druggist, but when the latter
op'V.ed the envelope and rend the con
tents he was as much startled as the
fanner. Fur tho prescription was lis
follows: "This man has the cattle
plague. Take 'him Into the backyard
and shoot him. according to act of
parliament." Neediest tA say, tho
cure was Instantaneous.
Inverting In Nature.
A man must invest himself near at
fiend, and in common things, and be
content with a steady and moderate
return, If he would know the blessed
ness of a cheerful heart and the sweet
ness of a walk over the round earth.
This is a lesson the American has yet
to learn capability of amusement on
a low key. He expects rapid and ex
traordinary returns. He would make
the very elemental laws pay usury.
He hjia nothing to Invest in a walk;
It ,1b too slow, too cheap. VHj crave
the astonishing, the exciting, the far
away, aid do. not know the highways
of the gods when we see them always
a sign of the decay of faith and sim
plicity of man. John Burroughs.
Worldly Wisdom.
As there is a worldly happiness
which God perceives to be no more
than disguised misery; as there are
worldly honors which In 'his estima
tion are reproach, so there Is a world
ly wisdom which In his sight Is fool
ishness. Of this worldly wisdom the
characters are given in the Scriptures,
and placed In contrast with those of
the wisdom which is from above.' The
one la the wisdom of the crafty, tho
other that of the upright; the one
terminates In selfishness, the other In
charity; the one is full of strife and
bitter envylngs, the other of mercy
and of good fruit s. Blair.
Bean Milk.
"Pigeon milk fa a myth," said a
milkman, "but there actually Is a bean
milk. It Is drunk, put in tea and cof
fee, and even frozen for ice cream.
The Japs are its Inventors. This milk
Is mode of the Soja bean. Tlie bean
Is first soaked, then boiled In water.
After the liquid turns white sugar and
pfcosphato of potash are added, and
the boiling la kept up till a substance
of tho thickness of molasses is ob
tained. Nobody could tell this bean
milk from condensed milk, and when
water is added it can't be told from
the fresh. The Japanese popr use
uothlng el bc."
Handicapped.
"She can never be a success social
I"."
"Never. She has tho bad habit cl
iying what aha means." Kansas City
Tlmas.
Virtue In Patient Waiting.
Cotller: Patient waiting Is often the
highest way of doing God's will.
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WEATHER
BAUER
JOKE WAS ALSO ON BUTLER.
Brt of April Fooling That Doubtless
Meant Disgrace of Dignified
Functionary.
Charles Frohnran, In the smoking
room of the Lusltania, told an April
fool story. i
"A Fifth avenue millionaire)," ho
said, "had a butler of humorous bent.
The butler was English. Ho hitd
! ivorkod seven years In a duhe'a house
j hold. Therefore his wonf was law
on questions of etiquette. t
j "To oblige his friends the rtilllloU-
aire would let them send theJr own
j young butlers to his palace to scrvu'a
j day or tv.o under the English veturah'.
The youngstera leaned a lot In this
way. The Enrjlshman was made a
rogulp.r freo school of. But he didn't
mind.
'Tt happened, one spring day, that
tho millionaire was giving a dinner tQ
a German prince. A friend's butler,
as usual, was helping the veteran to
get the table and wine ready and fit
the same time was taking a lesson in
butleipihlp. ' " j
" 'Stnco tills here man's a prince,
Mr. Potts, Is, there anything special In
the way wo are to serve him?' tho
pupil Inquired.
"The humorous butlor Potts, re
membering that it chanced to be the
Isttof April, soil calmly:
'"There'B only one specialty, and
I'll leave that to you, my boy. .When
his highness sits down you must take
up his napkin, unfold it and knot it
round his neck, continental fashion.'
"'Hadn't you better do it, Mr.
Potfs?" said the youth, timidly.
"'No, no; it ain't my place,' was
the reply.
"Potts forgot all about his Joke (ln
the presB of work that followed.
Therefore his surprise and horror al
most equaled his master's when, the
guests- having seated themselves that
evening at the magnificently laid ta
ble the young butler leaned over the
prince, took his napkin, shook it out
with, a nervous flourish and then knot
ted it ' like a bib about the dumb
founded potentate's neck."
Agricultural Resources of Chile.
"Chile is one of the richest coun
tries in South America," remarked
H. A. Vingut, a mining engineer, who
has spent the last ten years in that
country. "Not only Is It rich in mines,
but Its agricultural resources are un
limited. In the southern part of Chile
are Immense stretches of cattle and
sheep lands and as good grazing
grounds as those of Texas. In the cen
tral part of Chile are hundreds of thou
sands of acres of fertile lands that will
grow almost every known crop. Of
course, Argentina Is the premier
wheat producing country of . South
America, but it cannot surpass Chilo
rn the quality of grain grown.
"There are fewer Americans ' in
Chile than in any other South Amer
ican country, I believe. I don't know
the season for this, unless it Is that
the Chilean people are not overfond
rst Americans. Germans and English
men seem to be in favor with the peo
ple of Chile, and the people of those
two countries are capturing a large
part of the trade."
The Language of Clothes.
A pompous eolor-ed woman wheeled
Into the cloak department of a down
town store.
"Can I direct you, madam?" Inquired
ene of the managers. ,
"Tessah. Ah wants the gown de
pahtment." "What kind of gowns, madam?" fur
ther Inquired the official.
' "Why, women's gowns, of oo'se,''
replied the customer, disgustedly.
"Tall think Ah wants a gown fo' a
man?"
''But, madam," eplalned the maa
ager,'"joii gee we hays differed kinds'
of gowns. There are tailor-made
gowns, evening gowns and night
gowns."
"No, san," put In the woman, I
promptly, "Ah don' want no tallah
made ajowns, or night gOwns, or early
In the evenln' gowns. What Ah wants
Ib Jes' a plain gown to do washln !n.
Ah wants a oallco wrapper. That's
what Ah wants." -Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
Forty as the Voting Age for Women.
One of the objections to woman's
suffrage has been that It destroys the
home. The woman wh goes to the
polls neglects her yonng brood I am
now referring to those who are mar
ried. The unmarried woman loses
her maidenly charm and reserve and
young girls will be too apt to ;be
swayed here and there by emotions
or some consideration. Very well.
Iet " all women vote at 40 years lot
age, and not before. Here Is a solu
tion. The matron of 40 would have
children quite well started toward ado
lescence. The unmarried lady of 40
would fmd a metier, in case she bad
not one, and at that age there would
be less chance of her marrying than
at 20, and she should certainly at this
time ef life know her own mind.
Vogue.
An Author's Initials.
Initials are sometimes the resort of
the writer who is anxious to conceal
his Identity, and a glance through any
one of the 700 volumes that comprise
the catalogue of tha British museum
reading-room will discover some
strange Instances. A theological
book entitled "Inquiry Into the Mean
ing of Demonlacks in the New Testa
ment" Is attributed to T. P. A. P. O.
A. B. I. C. O. 3. Its real author was a
certain Arthur Sykos, and the Initials
revital his position as "the precentor
and prebendary of Alton Borealls In
U4 cliurch ot Salisbury."
NOT A CORPOREAL DELIGHT.
Real Nature of ttjo Kiss, as Viewed
by a Writer Who Has Clearly
Studied the Subject.
It Is the fashion of the more bilious
moralists to put kissing among tho
j gross pleasures, wjth rating, yodllng,
! snoring and the use of tobacco; bat,
as a matter of fact, it is not a corpor
' eal delight at all, Eays a writer in the
I Baltimore Sun. Its sole physical ac-
cempanlmcni, Indeed, Is a sensition
I of suffocation, and this, as all v. Ill ad
I niit, Is scarcely agreeable. No; tho
insidious charm of the pastime must
j bo :ousht In Its psychic effects in its
, marvelous and delightful interfevenco
! with the normal processes of ratloci
I nation. A man kissed is.a man trat!3-
figured and transmogrified. Let him
j be the worst of misanthropes before
I the sweet Impingement of nose upon
j nose, and he may yet emerge from the
turmoil a philanthropist. 'One kiss,
properly stage-managed, is enough to
i transform a pirate into a poet, a poli
: tlclan Into a philosopher, or vice ver
sa. One small kiss, Indeed, is suffi
cient to turn' a proud, heaven-kissing
bnhelor Into a servile married man
the most slupejidous, antipodal and
lamentable transformation possible, at
this writing, in a nicre human being.
NEWEST USE FOR NAIL FILE.
Guest at Philadelphia Dinner st First
Caused Great Consternation '
by His Action.
A Philadelphia doetor Iras discov
ered a brand new use for a nail file
which a likely to become much more
prominent than the old use. A short
tirne ago this doctor was a guest at a
dinner in one of Philadelphia's most
exclusive houses. When the last
course had been served and the cigars
were being passed the doctor reached
down Into his trousers and extracted
a penknife. Slowly he opened a blado.
Everybody gassed. Could it be that
Dr. would so far forget himself
as to manicure his nails at tho AQle?
All watched with bated breath. Slowly
the doctor reached out and secured a
match which wai hear his place. Then
he deliberately struck his match on
the rough part of the nail file and lit
his elgar. The suspense was ov&r and
the doctor had not committed the
frightful breach of etiquette which his
associates had feared. Now the cus
tom Is spreading fast, for it Is less ef
fort than It isto stand on one leg to
strike the match on one's shoe, and
decidedly more elegant than the time
honored method of striking it oa one's
trousers.
Probably True.
"Say," said the farmer, who was un
loading potatoes at the grocery, "Ho
you believe that story about little
George Washington and the hatchet
and the cherry tree?"
i "Don't ask me," laughed the grocer.
"Well, I thhik it Is probably true.
Fve got a boy ten years old at homo,
and after he had teased me for a year
or so I bought 'him a boy's ax."
"And did he cut down your favor'e
chert y tree?"
"He did a heap better than that.
He cut down most of the apple or
chard orchard."
"And did he tell a Ho about It?"
"Nope. Owned up like a little
man."
"And, like Washington, you praised
him?"
"Unlike Washington, I didn't dd
any euch blamed thing. I gave him
a hiding on the spot, and have licked
him once a day since and am going
to keep It np until he is twenty-fiv-e
years old."
Request for a Loan..
Hanging In our front hall was a
large .Iia anese hat made of rice straw,
and the colored girl In the kitchen was
preparing to go to a masquerade ball,
so we were not surprised when she
sent the Infant daughter of the house
into the parlor Mardi Gras evening
with the fotlowinu note:
"Deer ladj will you please mam lond
me that hat that hing up in the frolnt
hall please ami let' me have 25 c again
and this will be the last time I am
going to wory you but please lond ma
that hat please mam this la the last
time I am going to mass (mask) pleast)
lond me the hat please from Myrtle
"Please lond me the hat.
"Answer soon.
"Don't come send me word."
She got the hat Houston Post
First Fare on the Comet.
Dr. John Inglis remembers a conver
sation with an old gentleman who
claimed to have been the first to pay
passage money on -board the first pas
singer steamer in Europe the hi
torlc Gomet. The voyage undertaken
Was from the Broomielaw to Dalmulr
--fourpence now by tramway car and
the fare was four shillings. It was
taken by Ifenry Bell himself, the Com
et was stopped and waited for halt
an hour till Bell and his passengei
adjourned to an Inn, where the first
fare wet the toast of prosperity to, the
pioneer passenger steamer. Glasgow
Herald.
Ths Hour Glass.
Instead of heing obsolete and sim
ply an Interesting relic, the hour glass
In various forms Is a twentieth cen
tury necessMy. A machinist author
tty points out that for such purposes
as timing, harderhig and tempering
heats In twist drill manufacture,
where seconds or minutes must be
gauged accurately, nothing serves like
the hour glass with the right amount
of sand. Accuracy to fractions of a
second can bo had much more easily
than by watching the bau(,l of a
wUk
Way to Make the Meat of Lift.
A well-regulated mind, a dignified
Independence of the world, and a wist
preparation to possess one's soul it
patience whatever circumstances may
exist. Is In the power of very man.
nd Is greater wealth thaa that of tha
Indies, and greater honor than Ctvesar
ever acquired. Timothy Dwlght.
A Y-;vng Artist.
Tvo gentlemen mvMne one dSf on
the street tfUwd id.'y tafclng when one
s?iJ to the other: "Say, Ed, I w'.ali
you couid see thu little flvo-ytar-old
i girl of mine drew. Say, r.ho drew a
j lien this nni-nin, and i v,'m s?a natur
I a! that When she threw it In We waste
j basket, it lull tl.erj.'' Ju3e.
i
! The Fiirt Chickens.
j It Is generally understood ttat tho
I ancestry of thi chicken tribe may ba
trae? to the juntlo'fov.1 of India. All
of the various varieties of our domes
tic fowls Imve bean produced,, It is
claimed by tho uuthorijics on tr.ft sub
ject, from the wildfowl of India.
Feminine Lack of Logic.
Tell a wife that men are selfish, she
will readily acquiesce. But tell that
same' woman that by spoiling her boys
whother In the injrsery or at school
or unlycraity she U sowing the seed
of egotism, tlut will give you an em
pbaMc denlil. Car.'
- I
Worth of Adversity.
He that haj never known adverstly
Is but half acquainted with hlnfself
or with others. Consi ant success showi
us out ona staa or nr.?. Tnere is a
merit which wo may win by our mi
takes. Thor-eld.
Idle Questions.
This, may be an age when time is
money, but first reflect on tho numbe
of ussless questions which we ass
each other every day, and to which
we neither receive nor expect an
swers. Madrid Mundo.
The Insanity Plea.
' "Sir," said the young woman, with
rhat seemed to be indignation. '
The young man looked embarrassed
"Yea, I did kiss you," he admitted,
but I was impulsively insane."
"That means that a man would be a
lunatic to kiss me?"
"Well, any man of discretion would
be just crazy to kiss you."
This seemed to easJ the strain, and
no jury being present to muddle af
fairs a satisfactory verdict was
leached. Philadelphia Ledger.
Of Learning. '
Reading rr.aketh a fall man, con
ference a ready man, and writing an
exact man; and, therefore, If a man
write a little, ho had need of a great
memory; if he confer little, he had
need have a present wit; and if he
read little, he had need have much
cunning, to seem to know that ho
doth not. Francis Bacon.
Emerson's Philosophy.
The things that are really for thpe
gravitate to thee. You are running to
seek your friend. Let your feet run,
but your mind need not. . . . For there
Is a power, which as it is in you, Is
In him, also, and CQirid therefore very
well bring you together, if It were for
the best. Emerson.
The Horue for HimI
"When you have an automobile,"
said Mr. Chugglns, enthusiastically,
"you depend on your own Intelligence
entirely. Now It's altogether differ
ent when you drive, a horse." "Yes."
answered the unassuming man, "that's
one reason why I think maybe a horse
la safer."
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Herold Book &
Special
The sample line of a leading manufacturer we have
bought at a liberal discount, and are in position' to
MAKE very close prices. Special on Croquet Sets. A
$1.50valuo at 98 cents. "
20 per eent discount on all Spalding's Base Ball
Goods, that we have in stock. We are determined to
reduce our stock of Base Ball Goodg, and in order to do
so will give 20 per eent discount from catalogue price.
We have a full line of Gld Medal, Mushroom and Au
tograph Bats, Catcher Mitts, Bjlls, etc. 20 per cent
discount on these goods is just 2 per cent saved.
or
b
One Door West of Fanger's.
LITTLE LOCALS.
J. M. Meisinger had business in the
c'.ty Saturday.
Wyatt Hutcheson of aear Rock Bluffs,
had business in the city Saturday.
Attorney A. L. Tidil made a business
t ip to South Dend this afternoon.
John IUisel arrived in Tlattsmouth
Saturday for a visit with relatives.
Walter Erittian and family returned
Friday from their visit at West Burling
ton. Emrr.or-.s' Richcy returned Saturday
from a, business trip to Louisville and
other points.
Mr.s.tJohn Svoboda and children re
turnee! Saturday from their visit at
Frague, Ntbr.
H. S. Sherwood went to Pacific Junc
tion Saturday to resume work on the
school house there.
Vincenc Pilny had the misfortune to
S2verely mash his thumb last wctk and
has been n fche relief for a few day3.
E. R. Todd and wife were in the city
Saturday to bid the Black boys good
bye on their departure for California.
W. H. Seybcrt and Geo. Peck of
Cullom wore in the city Saturday. Bill
had just finished laying by his corn and
catting his wheat.
Adam ForncsT and son Jake of near
Cedar Creek, were in town Saturday.
Mr. Fornoff states the boys had just
fint&ad laying by his corn.
Farm Bargain in Cast County.
400 acres at $67.50. No buildings.
Splendid stock and grain farm. Close
to town and school. Good terms. Ad
dress, R. A. Nicholson, Newton, la.
YOUR DOLLAR
Will come back to yon if you spnd It at
homo. It it tana forever If you send It to
the Mail-Ordar House. A glance through
our advertising columns will give you aa
idea where It will buy tha most
Farm
ers
Why do you pay $1.50 J
; per month for an indif- ; ;
; ferent grounded line ; ;
; Telephone service, when j;
i by building your own x
j lines you can secure bet-
I ter service at 25 cents J
per month. It is a busi
ness proposition, and
that it is satisfactory
can be verified by 3600
farmers now connected
with the Nebraska Tele-
S phone Company in Ne
braska, and over TiOO in
Cass county.
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Sample Hammocks
-AT-
Stationery Store
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