II.
f
I
m
- r-
Who Shall se President ?
Is It Harrison ? Is it Cleveland ?
k '.. Is it Blaine? Is it Hill?
OR IS THERE ANY X)THER HAN YOU WANT FOR PRESIDENT OP
I THE UNITED STATES?
NAME YOUR CHOICE !
FARM
Lv j-TJlaine, McKinley, Gorman, Boies, Rusk,
hyt Wanamaker. These
portraits are in
r' themselvesbeautiful
This space Is occupied
with engraved portraits of either
HARRISON, CLEVELAND,
BLAINE. HILL, CRISP.
WANAMAKER. McKINLEY.
OORMAN. RUSK. BOIES.
Whichever yoa may select.
works of art, reallr
splendid pictures,
JOURNAL
JANUARY
as fine as any steel
engraving, and in
no way an adver
tisement. They will
S I M I T I W T F S
-- -- 1 2
8 4 5 6 7 8 9
IO 11 12 13 14 15 16
17 18 192021 22 28
24 25 26 27 28 29 30
31
be an ornament to
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wall, or desk, and
Thit it a miniature of the Calendar.
The time u , by 1 incJUt.
Tf vnn r a CI erf-land man vou will
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Calendar; if a McKinley man order a
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a horse, or cow, or pig, or chicken, or has a farm big or little.
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ADDRESS,
THE .ZHZE-A-niD
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PLATTSMOUTH HERALD
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A,
BUSINESS
801 Cop Fifth
m knotts
The Farm Journal has, at large expense,
designed and printed a beautiful Counting House
Calendar for 1892, containing portraits of the leading
Presidential possibilities : Cleveland, Harrison, Hill,
and Crisp, also Postmaster-Genera:
PORTRAIT
after the Calendar
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TOM CYPHER'S , PHANTOM ENGINE.
A." Ghostly Cotn'Mnatlon That Ilauuts tk
' : Kiwrttarrm I'avclOo EarlBer.
Locomotive engineers are as a clana
said to be superstitious, but J. M.
Pinckoey, an enpjiueer known to al
most every Brotherhood .man, is an
exception to the rule. He lias never
been ablo to believe the different sto
ries told of apparitions suddenly ap
pearing on the track, but he had an
experience last Sunday night on the
Northern Pacific east-bound overland
that made his hair stand on end.
Hy the eourtesj- of the engineer, also
a Brotherhood man, Mr. I'inckney was
riding on the engine. They were re
counting experiences, and the fireman,
who was a green hand, was getting
t very nervous as he listened to the
tales of wrecks and disasters, the hor
rors ofi which were graphically de
scribed by the veteran engineers.
The night was clear and the rays
from the headlight Hashed along the
track, and, although they were inter
ested in spinning yarns, a sharp look
out was kept, for they were rapidly
nearing Kaglo gorge, in the Cascades,
the sceue of so many disasters and the
place which is said to be the most dan
gerous on the 2,5'X) miles of road.
The engineer was relating a story and
was just , coming to the climax when
he suddenly grasped the throttle, and
in a moment had "thrown her over,"
that is, reversed the engine. The air
brakes were applied and the train
brought to a standstill ' within a few
feet of the place where Engineer Cy
pher met his death two years ago. By
this time the passengers had become
curious as to what was the matter,
and all sorts of questions were asked
the trainmen. The engineer made an
excuse that some of the machinery
was loose, and in a few moments the
train was speeding on to her destina
tion. "Vhrt made you stop back there?"
asked Pinckney. "I heard your ex
cuse, but I have run too long on the
road not to know that your excuse ii
not the truth."
His question was answeied by the
engineer pointing ahead and saying
excitedly:
"There! Look there! Don't you see
it?"
"Looking out of the cab window."
said Mr. Pinckney, "I saw about 300
yards ahead of us the headlight of a
locomotive."
"Stop the train, man," I cried, reach
ing for the lever.
"Oil, it's nothing. It's what I saw
back at the gorge. It's Tom Cypher's
engine. No. 33. There's no danger of
a collision. The man who is running
that ahead of us can run it faster back
ward than I can this one forward.
Have I seen it before? Yes, twenty
times. Every engineer on the road
knows that engine, and he's always
vatching for it when he gets to the
gorge." i
"The engine ahead of us was run- I
ning silently, but smoke was pulling
from the stack and the headlight threw
out rays of red, green and white light.
It kept a short distance ahead of us
for several miles, and then for a mo
ment we saw a figure on the pilot.
Then the engine rounded a curve and
we did not see it again. We ran by a
little station, and at the next, when
the operator warned us to keep weU
back from a wild engine that Was
ahead, the engineer said nothing. He
was not afraid of a collision. Just to
satisfy my own mind on the matter 1
sent a telegram to the engine wiper at
Sprague, asking him if No. 33 was in.
1 received a reply stating that No. 33
had just come in, and that her coal
was exhausted and boxes burned out.
I suppose you'll be inclined to laugh at
the story, but just ask any of the boys,
although many of them won't talk
about it. I would not myself if I were
' unuiug on the road. It's "unlucky to
io so."
With this comment upon the tale
Mr. Pinckney boarded a passing caboose
and was so n on his way to Tacoma.
It is believed by Northern Pacific en
gineers that Thomas Cypher's spirit
stil'. hovers near Kiigle gorge. Seattle
Frist- Titan..
Ten per cent of India's population
are widows.
Whjr Rube Stayed.
As I came along to where the. high,
way forked, I saw a colored man abouk
fifty years of age tied to a tree beside
the road. The rope was : around hit
waist, while his : hands were free to
reach the knot and release himself.
"Well,' what are you doing there?""
I asked, as I came to a halt.
"Dun waitin' fur Mars Chapin to cum
back," he, replied.! ;
1 "And who's Mars Chapin?"
' "He's de Sheriff, sah."
"Did he tie jou to that tree?"
"Yes, sah." !
"Witt -fwrP -
"Kase hee'resbed (me a' Meses White
Hxut a hog case, sah, r Moses he: dun
wouldn't stand, to be .'rested, but .cut
"an run. De Sheriff he tied me up bean
-while be went to look fur Moses.
"Seems to me it would be a r'ery easy
matter for you . to untie yourself and
walkaway-" :
"Yepvsau, it would. but-I reckon I
won't do- it." - . ;
- - "You are an innocent man, then?" -:
,:ft"No;'sa'b."" I helped Moses steal dat
bog fur sho, an' 1 reckon I'll git about
six months iu de coal mines."
-' "Well. you. are about- the queerest
darkey I erer saw.",- .
. "Mebbe 1 was, pan, but yo' see I, has
got to figgef a leetle, Arter. I has
curved out my time an' cum iome,
mebbe 1 shall" want ro go up to Mars
Chapin's jail some day an' ax him to
.took me iu far a months or two. lf I
wave to ontie myself an,' run away held
"member it of me, an' he'd . dun look
me al! ober an' say! ''
"Kenkmi, dat day I tied yo' to a
tree yiV dan promisd to stay right
dar? When I got back iWid. Moses yd
war gone. Yo' dun busted yor word,
an' ,1 can't trust y o no mo'. Mj jail
am a nice, dry place, wld plenty to eat,
an' I'd like to lake jin an' make yo
TOinfortsble,. but I can't- do -it.- When
ia nigger busts his word, wid. me dat
ret ties it. Yo' go right away an' starve
to death or Til aicTcde dawg onto yo'"t
' ,1 tossed hn a sjuatr for . bis. com
mon aense pbilosophn nd be was still 1
waiting for Mars Cnaaia' as I red
away. '
' A DETERMINED CLIENT.
Hw Kha Raiaad funds for Her Salt m4
Kxhortrd IIr Lawyer.
"My first case,? said a well-known
Harlem, lawyer to a N. Y. Commercial
' Advertiser man, "was a very unique
one. An Irish family of the name of
Murphy, living up on the rocks in one
of the fast disappearing remnants of
Shanty-town. were fraudulently evicted
from their tumbledown cabin by a
i rascally landlord. The practical head
of the household was the wife, and sho
; determined to fijrht the matter out.
For three weeks the Murphys.children,
furniture and all. lived in the back
Jard of their former home with noth
ng between them and heaven but a
flimsy tent made of old sheets, while
Mrs. Murphy tramped around town
looking for a lawyer who would take
their case for nothing.
"One day she charged into my office
and told me her story with the stereo
typed exactness that comes from fre
quent repetition. The case seemed to
be a worthy one, and as I wasn t over
burdened with work I agreed to take it
free of charge and reinstate the Mur
phys in their dilapidated homestead.
She wanted to get out a free summons
against the landlord and waive several
other small but. necessary expenses,
but I told her it would be mere politic
to pay these, as the total would not
amount to $5.
"Foive dollars!' she cried; 'divil a
cint have the Murphys seen since me
itusband losht his job wan month ago,
and tho lasht blissed thing thim pawn
brokers '11 take they've got already.'
When I offered to loan her the money
she went into such a rage that I
afiologized abjectly. 'Be the powers!1
she exclaimed, after pacing the floor
for about ten minutes, 'I forgot wan
thing! Wait, misther, an' I'll be back
in an hour!'
"She kept her word, and just as I
was closing up shop for the day she
reappeared with her hands full of silver,
which she poured upon my desk. Mrs.
Murphy,1 1 queried, 'where did you get
this? I thought your last valuable had
been pawned?1 'Yis,1 she replied, with
a gleam of triumph in the . gray e3'o,
'ivirything excipt the goat. I tuk
auld Nanny, whose milk me chiluer
lms lived upon, over to the Kenneys,
and they lint me $4.97 on her. There's
the money, young man, and now, le
the luv of hivin, go in and bate Mc
Carty!' "I take pleasure in 6tating that Mo
Caity was 'baten'."
In Ireland. Denis Kooeobec died
possessed of forty-eight cijiJdreri, l1t.
grandchildren, and 'JH great-grandchildren.
He had been marriud cvun
times.
A BABY'S DIARY.
He I"layel It I'retly Low Down on
I'our YcxiiiK Ial.
Hirt
First Week As near as I am able to
judge from appearances my arrival
lias kicked up quite an excitement, in
the household. I have been weighed
and the figures were given at eight
pounds. I have also been carefully
inspected ami have been pronounced
pound in wind and limb. It's a g as
far as I am concerned. My young dad
seems to be tickled half to death, and
his breath smells of beer. When he
heard I was a boy he went out back of
the house ami jumped on his hat for
joy. If I don't make him jump for
some other cause before I get over this
redness of complexion then vou may
play marbles on my bald head!
Second Week Nurse is here jet.
and I'm on my good behavior. She
looks to me like a woman who
wouldn't take much sass off a young
ster, and I don't want a row until my
muscle works up a little more. Sev
eral parties in to see me. and I had to
listen to the usual congratulations.
Some talk of bringing me up on a bot
tle, but I'll have something to say
about that later on. I'm laying low
and taking things easy. Dad is still
walking around, with a grin on his
face, and there was a. smell of gin
cocktail in the room last night. When
he remarked that I was just the quiet
est and most good-natured baby iu
New York ,1 came near giving myself
dead. away. There's a surprise in
store for that hayseed, and it'll hit
him like a load of brick.
Third Week Everything so so.
Nurse goes Saturday night. She brags
about what a little darling I am, but
she's talking for wages. I'm quite
sure she mistrusts me. People keep
coming in to paw me over and look at
my. feet, .The. general verdict is
(ahem!) that I'm just the cutest.hand
someatt young1un, ever born- That's
all bosh, however, and I'm , not at alY
stuck on my shape. They allowed
dad to carry me around a few minutes
last evening, and . you'd a-thought b
owned the, earth. He said he tould
walk with me tor a week, and rI just
gurgfed.' . Hell drop to something be
fore be is a week older. I haven't said
much tbns far. but I've done a beap o'
thinking just r the same. I don't pro
pose to take a4 vantage of , the baby act
much . longer. , . Had a row with the
nurse aadTnad to give in. Beaten, but
not conquered.
' ' Fourth Week I told you I'd do it.
and I did! The aighfc- after the nurse
left 1 took up that unfinished business
with 4ad and 4ong.abont 4 o'clock J n
the morning, be was the ieket man
ou ever sew. I didn't . want to kill
him in one night and so saved some of
him over for the-next. Colic, you
know. All babies have it and I wasn't
going to be left ot. Kirks, squirms,
wriggles, yellf.i with, dad- trotting. up
and dnwV until he finally shook his
fiat-under mv jnoee and boned I'd die.
Then I let up a littif, but I've got a. lot
more nolle saved up. The happy grin
has quit- vanished from -his face, and
they.- sav, b. h . lust five- -pounds
.Tbat-w avjl, right. I propee-to. take.a.
band in from ibisjimejori. . 11 the, old
man gets out ' U , lodge or. a .cheeker
part j agaln this winter yor just ask
me j&ow it happened: . I'm keeping the
ra of things under the proper dates,
and nowjuad' then Til dish vou up faalf
a eoluma er ed and let yon know who
'running the bouse: Dad may go any
day aext week, but as for I've
some te stay. .V. T. Wmrld.
IN NO CREAT DANCES,,
Th Old xan Proved '" it lrii
M II IOoked.
There wan a pretty old and a prcMy
verdant-looking man at the Third
Ureet dcjot the other day with three
Yours to wait for his train, nnd by mid
by ho approached Oilictr Ibittou ami
said he guexscd he'd wander around
for a spell. HH.V9 the Detroit Fri- ...
"Well, look out for yourself," replied
the officer.
"Any danger?"
"There's always rdick fellows about."
"Yas, I 'spose ihar' is, but I shan't
let nobody fool me."
He was gone about an hour, and
when he returned he showed liieoiliccr
a bank check for $2 )0 and asked:
"Doos that seem all right to you?"
"Uight? Of course not. 1 1'. a cheek
on a IJufTulo bank signed John Smith.
It's a dead fake, of course."
"Fake! Fake! What's a fake?"
"You've been faked. 1 expected
you'd jret into trouble when you went
j out of here. Seems singular that you
can t talk common sense into some
people."
"Then the check is no good?" asked
the old man.
"Why, of course not. How much
did you lend on itP"
"I gave him
"Well, you've been confidenced, and
now you'd fnitter go and sit down and
keep mum?"
"Is that what they call a confidence
Same
"Of course."
"Well, I thought so all the time."
"Then what did you let him walk off
with your money for?"
"I did n't, you know. H started to
go, but 1 grubbed him by the neck,
like this, and backed him up agin' a
wall, like this, and 1 pulled out this
old pistil and laid the hur'l on his nose
and he give up that money quieker'n
scat."
The. old man illustrated the case in
the most vigorous manner, even to
laying on the har'l, which was a por
tion of" a weapon seemingly fifty years
old.
"So you got your money?" asked the
officer, as he got his neck loose from
the old man's grip.
"Got 'er right down in my breeches
pocket, safe as a bank. IIow much
more time have I got?"
"An hour and a half."
"Wall, 1 guess I'll take another little
walk around. Mebbe I'll meet some
body else who don't know that I run a
side-show with old Dan Kite's circui
fur better than twenty years, and who
thinks I'm a kitchen door for Uieg to
roost on."
A I-'air Kxrhnii;je.
In one of the big up-town, boarding
houses they are talking about a cer
tain married lady who sat on her
hubby's knee the other night and strok
ed his side whiskers so tenderly that
he blurted out:
"Well, go ahead. What, is it? A
now hat ?"
"(), no, you old darling. It's a sur
prise I've got in store for you."
"IIow much loes it cost ?"
"O. who cares about the cost? iL's
the sentiment of the thing."
"All right; let's have t he sent iment."
"Well, you see, never wear tho.ie
neckties I give you every (,'hri-tma-.
and it isn't fair that I should have all
the benefit and you none, so I've; mado
a change t his year and got you a pair
of slippers."
"That's very kind."
"I knew you'd appreciate it and want
to give me something in return, so I
though I'd arrange a surprise for you
and I went and got something real
nice in return."
"Ah, you did, eh? What is it?"
"A beautiful diamond bracelet."
"Jehosaphat! A thousand dollars?"
"O, more. Twenty-live hundred.
You are surprised!"
If he wasn't the people in the next
room were when they heard the lan
guage he used. San Francisco Chroni
cle. Harvard College has 219 courses in
liberal arts and sciences.
Thought on Tbfnffs.
This is not a fable, but the record of
a few reflections prompted by the ex
ercises in English composition of two
deserving school children. Here is
one of them:
"The ostrich is a large and beautiful
bird. People ride on them when tbey
are going a long way, and once I saw
a picture of a boy on a ostriches back
they have very large wings. The
pruice of Wales has "ot a ostriches
feather in his bat. The ostrich is a
large bird and the humming bird is as
well but the ostrich is tbe largest of
them. The ostrich is found in Man
chester and they live on sand and
make their nests on it and lay their
eggs on it. -
ft is clear that tbe author of this
essay is a person not only of much in
formation, but also of a philosophical
mind. '
' Essay on a- Parrot: "A parrot is a
bird that reads a thing through and
never thinks about it, and it ia a very
nice bird, and some of us do as well as
parrots. I think we all ought to learn,
because that is what we are sent to
school for. And when we read athing
we sboald not half read it over,' like
parrot, wheu a parrot read it over
they don't think of what they ara
reading. But we hoold think abou
a word before we read another, sod
not do like a parrot does at all. There
is a great many who act like a parrot
in some school rennd thin cmiulrj."
Strdut Hrrittr.
Zraa Owburu wan the ut gifts"
matbrtnaliciau. ever known. When
onlv years old he raiwd the number .
sueeessively to th- sixteenth power,
aud ia nsmrig tbvreuit. which con
siated d fifteen figures., h was right
in ever on. On being asked tbe
square 'mot of 16,9, he answered.
327 hfre the obi grey-haired philoso
pher questioner had time to put it
down. He wa nrxt aked how many
aainiUf -fher. wsrs iu forty-eight
Tears, and, instantly replied J:,22&JiU
ud live seconds la'ter gar the astoa
JfeisVasd aevanis tbe exact aiiaaWfw
