MENiAKH ADVERTISER.
V. W. SANDEnS, Pliltlsh
URMAHA,
N KIMIA SKA
, 1
- - -
Dressmakers bills nrc tho root of
nuny dlvorco suits.
A, man's succors depends on what he
toes with his failures.
A. successful man roots while his
insuccossful brother stands around
md squeals.
When an old maid gets married In
Joap year it gives everybody a chance
to say smart things.
A woman is willing to take the bene
.It of the doubt and let man have the
loubt of tho benefit.
College athletics are deadly. This
f proved by tho fact that most men
tvJio play croquet are old.
It is not easy to decide which Is
the greater nuisance, a South Amcrl
:an republic or a North American dos
olisni. Sometimes u man loses his Job b
utuso ho doesn't know enough and
sometimes because he knows
jiuch.
too
Tho ill-fated steamer General
sum had an unlicensed first mate-
SIo--per
saps the other officers had permits to
take human life.
il! the millennium Is postponed until
i mother admits that her own children
ire lll-bohaved and those next door nrc
rhombs It will never arrive.
.Tust about the time the boll weevil
?ots up a good appetite for the cotton
plant along conies the red ant and
finds that tho boll weevil is good eat
ing. The Japanese people do not swear
as do tho3U of the West, but In an
Jniprgonoy the name of General
Kodama ought to servo all practical
purposes.
Some scientist has discovered that
the burning of" Incense will keep away
mosquitoes. Most men avIII, however,
-:llng to tho idea that tobacco smoke is
lust as good.
Now comes a bulging-browed profes
sor,, and tolls us that anthracite coal
is a luxury. Perhaps he will next tell
tie that George W. Ha or is a piece of
cckless extravagance.
The housekeeping of Mrs. Roosevelt
has been criticised by the Daughters
-of tho Revolution. Daughters who
lave time to criticise their mothers and
Sisters should bo careful about Invit
ing comparisons.
A Philadelphia chemist claims to
have discovered a process whereby
ho can reduce the price of radium
from 1(5,000,000 to less than $r(X),mjo
a pound. With meat and almost ev
erything else soaring skyward this
must be welcome news to the strug
jling poor.
If matters go wrong In the English
. House of Commons a convenient ex
planation would be to attribute the
fact to the "sophisticated air" which
the members breathe. According to
the London Guardian, the winds of
heaven are not sulToivd to visit too
" roughly tho Interior of the Palace of
Westminster, for they are "filtered
through cotton-wool, and warmed by
passing over hot pipes, and then the
dead and oppressive product Is forced
through gratings in tho lloor of the
Uouse, where It picks up tho mud from
honorable members' boots."
$ Medical colleges are responsible for
the horde of failures who narade as
doctors and do what they can to men
ace tho public health. Some of tho
medical schools are got-rleh-qulek
schemes, taking every applicant who
comes along with the requisite fees.
They spoil hundreds of good farmers,
mechanics, shoemakers and black
smiths, issue sheepskins and leave the
medical profession to struggle with
the reproach. Every decent doctor
should join him and pursue the fakirs,
grafters and moral pervert ers until It
is made too warm for them to con
'linuo In the profession. A medical
diploma ought to be beyond purchase-
by. anyone not fitted In every way for
llliti responsibilities of u physician.
From tho common school of tho coun
try district to tho highest university in
the land, tho fundamental Idea of
American education is to make Ameri
can citizens. There is no thought of
making soldiers or officeholders or mer
chants or traders or Inventors; make
citizens first, then let caeli young
American chooso for himself tho line
of life ho deems best suited to his ca
pacity; ho does chooso, .and that com
monly without bins what ho shall be,
for your young American lias Ideas of
his own and Is ready to air them, too,
on appropriate and even sometimes on
inappropriate occasions. After all,
however, the best method of Judging
of any system of education is In Its re
sults, and, without saying a word In
disparagement of the people of any
other nation, It muy ho said that in
every essential quality the American
fHtyii Iiuh demonstrated his efficiency
.... . . H jl... 1 it
in mo ami action mo vainu oi him
training.
Foreign critics frequently declare
that Americans arc living at too high
a pressure, that they have a strained,
nervous expression, take life too seri
ously and have no time to converse
and enjoy themselves. Now, Is not
(lie exact opposite of this the actual
case? Look at the biographical sketch
es in magazines and newspapers of
the most successful men and are they
not all longer-lived than their doctors?
Are not the captains of Industry, all
well along In years, still In harness,
hale and hearty and traveling about
the country attending to a tremendous
amount of business? Why Is not
overwork killing them off? Simply
because with all their business cares
they are shrewdly dividing their lime
In such a manner that they have suf
ficient to spare In which to look after
the preservation of their health.
There Is almost a touch of person
ality In tho way American cities have
niovcu in relative position during the
nineteenth century. Their changing
fortunes are full of suggestivonoss.
New York, which had become tho
largest city by 1700, has held Its placo
In front In every census up to tho
present lime, and now, with a popu
lation more than double that of Its
next competitor, Is not In immediate
danger of losing pro-enilnence. Chi
cago first appeared on the list In 1850
as the twenty-fifth American city. At
each census it made a long stride and
passed many competitors, until it
readied second place in 1800. St.
Louis appeared one decade earlier
than Chicago, and by IboO had Jump
ed to the eighth place, a sensational
advance. Philadelphia started In the
second place, has never been below
the fourth, and is to-day the third
American city. Boston started as tho
third, and stands to-day the fifth.
Charleston, the fourth city In the orig
inal list, lost steadily In relative posi
tion, until In 1880 It appeared for the
last time among the first fifty. Balti
more has kept its placo very evenly.
Northern Liberties, the sixth city in
the first census, and SoutJiwark, the
tenth, are now parts of Philadelphia.
It is interesting to study the influ
ences that make cities powerful the
world over. The greatest gathering
of the Chinese Is at Canton. Hong
kong Island, at the mouth of tho Can
ton River, was well-nigh deserted un
til European commercial interests
found their way into Asia, formed a
new center of population, and found
ed a city which is already groat. Euro
pean cities have not had so many ups
and downs as those of America, al
though Uio population of Rome has
shown extraordinary fluctuations.
Careful estimates put it at more than
two million in the fourth century, and
at less than one hundred and forty
thousand In the eighteenth. It Is now
about half a million. For many cen
turies London and Paris have been tho
largest cities in Europe. St. Peters
burg, Rerlln and Liverpool are com
paratively modern. For the dwellers
In the town left behind in the race, It
Is well to remember that quality, and
not quantity, is the Important consid
eration.
How l,ng a Dream Lusts.
One sometimes passes through the
experience of a lifetime in a dream
that lasts but a few seconds or min
utes, so rapid is the activity of tho
mind during seinlsomnolence. To tho
dreamer a vision sometimes seems to
endure for hours and the general Im
pression Is that dreams continue for
minutes at least, while tho fact is that
the longest dream appears to be con
fined within a solitary second, even
though the events of It may Impress
tho dreamer for days. "The other
afternoon," said a doctor, "1 called to
see a patient, and, much to my satis
faction 1 found him sleeping soundly.
I sat by his bed, felt his pulse without
disturbing him, and waited for him
to awaken. After a few minutes a
dealer's cart, with discordant ringing
bells, turned into tho street, and as
their first tones reached mo my pa
tient opened his eyes.
" 'Doctor,' he said, 'I'm glad to seo
you, and awfully glad that you woke
' 'ip. fr I have been tortured by a
most distressing divam that must have
lasted for several hours. I dreamed
that I was sick, as I am, and that
my boy came Into the room with a
string of most horribly sounding bells
and rang them in my oars, whllo I
hadn't tho power to movo or speak to
him. I suffered tortures for what ap
peared to be Interminable time, and
I'm so glad you awoko mo.'
"The ringing of those bells for ono
second had caused all of that dream,
and just at tho wiping moment."
If you aro to bo hanged, peoplo
won't boast that they used to know
you.
Lota of worthy people aro not popu
hv. There's jour ease, for example.
Thought They Were I.lvltiK.
"And now when you get to our
homo," said Mrs. Blucblood, "you will
find a great many old masters hanging
around."
"Then the place won't suit me," re
plied James, the newly engaged but
ler. "I won't work under only one
master."
In Which History Repent ItHelf.
Barber Hair Is very thin, sir.
Customer Thinner than it was forty
years ago.
Harbor You don't mean it? Why,
you don't look over forty now.
Customer I'm not. I'm forty to-day.
She Wasn't Worrying.
"Have you considered the future
with its many responsibilities?" asked
the parson.
"No," replied the bride-to-be. "Papa
lias given us a house in the suburbs,
and we are going to live in the pres
l
ONE WAY TO AVOID GRADUATION EXTRAVAGANCE IN DRESS.
f : : TH8,CUWk5 f WcW?W&:4ffiMft &
'"SfiFfta ":: $ o? B" r o'v&z Lm
9 Nil ffiS-
Let the young ladies appear through a screen, their heads only
visible. Chicago News.
All Fixed.
"What have you done about that
supposed nihilist?" inquired the
Czar.
"I told him, your majesty," replied
the chief of police, "that if he did not
leave the country in twenty-four hours
we would consider him guilty and ex
ecute him."
"What! Such leniency Is "
"Pardon mo. I have made It abso
lutely impossible for him to secure a
passport and he cannot leave without
one." Philadelphia Ledger.
Feminine Charity.
He Miss Eldrldge tells me she is a
Daughter of the American Revolu
tion.
She Indeed! I have always boon
under the Impression that sho was a
sister of It.
Kxpceled a Heavy Penalty.
Judge You don't seem to realize the
mortnlty of tho charge against you.
Prisoner Naw. I haven't got me
lawyer's bill yet, but I bet it'll bo a
:orkor.
In the Stilly NlKht.
"Who Is that?" demanded tho worn
in who had been aroused by the rat
tling of silverware in the dining room
Delow.
".linimy Dores, ma'am," replied tho
ourglar, 'at your service." And, gath
ering as much of tho latter as ho
ould lie (led Into the outer darkness.
Philadelphia Ledger.
' " f
.4-jiL
nv
TrtmklcHH Klcplmiit.
"Mr. Skinner Is an elephant on my
hands," remarked the landlady confi
dentially. "I can't Induce him to set
tle." "Why not seize ills trunk?" suggest
ed tho star boarder.
"He hasn't any," replied the land
lady. Not n Hit Theatrical.
"I can't say that I admire
Wedderly," said the tall blonde.
Mrs.
"Sho
Is too dramatic In her ways."
"Dramatic fiddlesticks!" protested
the petite brunette. "Why, she has
been married to the same man for
seven years.
I'or the Proverbial Man.
Giles There is one decided advan
tage about a folding bed.
Miles What is that?
Giles A woman can look under it
before she pulls It down.
Real Good of Him.
Kind Lady Let mo seo, this is tho
second time I have given you a meal,
Isn't it?
The Hobo Dat's wot, ma'am. An'
jlst tor show dat I ain't ungrateful
I'll give youso a testermonial wld me
autergralt tor be used for advcrtisln'
purposes.
Handicapped.
Hifkins I know one girl who
doesn't try to conceal her age.
Mifkins What's the explanation?
Hifkins Sho has a twin brother.
holm
.For lliiiiMelf Always.
Goodley Ho says lie always be
lieves in "the greatest good to the
greatest number."
Sharpe That sounds all right, but
his idea of the greatest number is al
ways Number One.
Those Pool QuciitioiiH.
Hoaviuui Did you ever drink any
of those substitutes for coffee?
Lightly What a foolish question!
You know 1 have sojourned In boarding-houses
for the past ten years.
Chicago News.
At 1 1:110 1 ir.
He I dreamed of you last night.
Do you ever dream of me?
She (suppressing a yawn) No, but
I'd like to very much. Detroit Free
Press.
An Aid to JNonjievity.
"I noticed tho other day, MJss Clln
key, that some papers say that mar
ried men live longer than single
ones."
"And haven't you any desiro to live
long, Mr. Puttyblow?"
"Why, yos, of course I have, Miss
Ollnkey."
"Oh, Mr. Puttyblow, this Is so sud
den!" Cleveland lMaln Dealer.
.Domestic Scrapper.
Giles Old man Greening has a
groat war iword.
Miles Indeed! I wasn't aware that
lie had ever been a soldier.
Giles -Hut ho lias been married six
timos!
Keeping Tally.
Policeman What's the uso of ring
ing your gong after you have run over
tho man?
Chauffeur I wasn't ringing my
gong. I was ringing him up on my
register.
Tho Policy.
"Have you heard about the latest in
suranco company?"
"No; what is it?"
"Why, It's ono that promises to pay
alimony t,o botli parties in case tho
marriage proves a failure." Detroit
Free Press,
Intoxicants affect men In different)
ways. When a Frenchman has
imbibed too much, it enlivens his
legs, and ho wants to dancp; a Ger
man to sing, a .Spaniard to gamble,
an Englishman to cat, an Italian
to chatter and boast, and Irishman
to light, and an American to make
a speeuli.
Government analysts have ex
amined the various patent medicines
sold In Germany, and asuettained
that fully eighty per cent of them
arc without medicine value, whiJa
twenty per cent or them aro ,1
jurlous to health. The so-called
tonics aro nearly all hurtful, be
cause of the alcohol they contain.
Shouting Their Pi-hIhch.
Frla-rpoint, Miss.. Aug. Ul!. Special.)
Cured of Bladder ami Kidney Trou
blo after I'O years of suffering, Rov. II.
II. Hatch, of this place. Is telling the
public the good news and shouting the
praises of the remedy that cured him
Dodd's Kidney Pills. Rev. Mr. Hutch
says:
"I have been suffering from Bladder
and Kidney Trouble for 'Jd years and I
have tried everything that people snld
would do me good. But nothing did
me any good except Dodd's Kidney
Pills.
"I haven't felt a pain since I took
Dodd's Kidney Pills. They gave mo
health and I feel like a new man alto
gether. Dodd's Kidney Pills are the
best I erer had."
All Urinary and Bladder Troubles
are caused by diseased kidneys. The
natural way to cure them is to euro the
kidneys. Dodd's Kidney Pills never
fail to cure diseased kidneys In any
stage or place. They always euro
Backache and they are the only remedy
that ever cured Bright's Disease.
To crush a half-inch tube of gran
ite requires a weight of 11 pounds
Tame snakes aro used in Morocco
to clear houses of rats and mice
A formal call between women, 1
have observed, usually lasts half an
nour Ten minutes of this is con
sumed In greeting, five in getting
seated and the other fifteen walking
to the dour and saying, goodbye
There would be no "servant prol
icm" if only those who could afford
servants employed them
I always suspect the man who
wear a silk hac continu illy ; ho is
apt to be either in poslitics or
patent nostrums
If you wani to thoroughly under
stand how the dinner guests of the
Hurras felt, visit a house wiiere the
hostess has the dialling dish habit
.Japanese dwellings are usu illy of
but one lloor They are divided into
the number of bedrooms the owner
reulres by paper shutters which fit
into grooves These paititions can
be removed at will
Potentially, the worst case oi
marital infelicity that lias come
under our reservation is that in
which a deaf woman married a dumb
man
The problem of life with men is
to get enough to eat, with women,
to get enough to vear
AS EASY
Needs Only n kittle Thinking.
The food of childhood often decide)
whefher one is to grow up well nour
ished and healthy or weak and sickly
from improper food.
It's just as easy to be ono as the
other, provided we get a proper start.
A wise physician like the Denver
doctor who knew about food can ac
complish wonders, provided the patient
is willing to help and will eat only
proper food.
Speaking of this case, the mother
said her little four-year-old boy waa
suffering from a peculiar derangement
of tho stomach, liver and kidneys, and
his feet became so swolllen he couldn't
take a step. "We called a doctor, who
said at once we must be very care
ful us to his diet, as improper food was
the only cause of his sickness. Sugar,
especially, lie forbid.
"So the doctor made up a diet, and
the principal food he prescribed waa
Grape-Nuts, and the boy, who was
very fond of sweet things, took the
Grape-Nuts readily, without adding
any sugar. (Doctor oxidalned that tho
sweet in Grape-Nuts is not at all like
cane or beet sugar, but is the natural
sweet of tho grains.)
"Wo saw big improvement Inside a
few days, and now Grape-Nuts are
almost his only food, and he Is once
more a healthy, happy, rosy-cheeked
youngster, with every prospect to grow
up into a strong, healthy man." Name
given by Postum Cereal Co., Battle
Creek, Mich.
The sweot in Grape-Nuts is the
Nature-sweet known as Post Sugar,
not digested In the liver llko ordinary
sugar, but predlgested. Feed the
youngsters a handful of Grape-Nuts
when Nature demands sweet and
prompts them to call for sugar.
There's a reason.
Get tho little book "The Road to
"elhille" in each package.