Image provided by: University of Nebraska-Lincoln Libraries, Lincoln, NE
About The North Platte semi-weekly tribune. (North Platte, Neb.) 1895-1922 | View Entire Issue (March 18, 1910)
BETZVIIXE TALES Orone McDooble and Andrus Gobbl . 3y Ellis Parker BuilefTi EMS Atrfhor of Pids IIIUSTRATED By Old AudniB Gooblc, of Bctzvllle, was ono of tho shrowdoat men In town, but twlco In his llfo ho mado mistakes. Onco was when ho lent money to Or ono McDooblo, nnd onco was when ho thought ho could work tho money out of Ornno. It seems that a couplo of years ago a syndlcato of prominent Botzvlllo ag riculturists decided to build a tolo phono lino, and when they went to Orono ho said ho would bo glad to go Into It, and ho subscribed ono hun dred dollars, but when tho time camo io pay up, ho did not havo tho monoy, so ho wont to old AndruB Gobblo and began talking a loan out of lriin. Old Andrus refused nt first, but Orono has a harsh, grating volco, llko tho rough edgo of a rasp file, and aftor ho had talked to old Andrus awhllo Andrus felt his car drump giving away. Ev ery tlmo Orono said a word It was llko rasping a filo across Andrus'a ear drums, nnd In a few minutes his car drums wern raspod down so thin that thoy palpitated painfully, and they were hardly any thicker than a sheet of tlssuo paper. Old Andrus saw that If Orono doaxed a few minutes moro his car drums would bo worn quite through, no ho told him to uhut off his volco ard ho would lend him the monoy. So Orono did, and Andrus mado tho loan. Thoh ho started right In trying to collect, but ho had a hard job of it Orono did not havo any cash, nor any thing to attach. AH he had wub the As Soon as Orone's Grating Voice Struck the Horse Radish R?ots It Began Grating Them, and tho Horse Radish Fell Like a Shower. right to havo a tolcphono instrument in his house nnd connection with tho Inter-farm Telephone line. Every tlmo old Andrus Gobblo telephoned him about tho debt Orono would begin a hard-luck story about eighteen fur longs long, nnd his grating volco would file n ltttlo moro off old An drus'B car drums, until tho old man had to slap up tho receiver In self-protection. Ilut tho tolophono lino was composed, part of tho wny, of tho top wire of old Andrus's barb wire fonco, nnd ono day when old Andrus wont out to look nt tho fonco ho found that evory barb on tho top wiro had boon filed off clone, nnd It did not tako him an Instant to realize that It wna Or ono's grating, rasping volco that had filed off tho barbs as It passed over tho wlro. So old Andrus, who is n cuto old codger, saw at onco how ho could got evon with Orono, and ho got right to work and planted his ten aero south field in horso radish. As soon as tho horso radish was rlpo ho dug a couplo of roots and went In to the telephone and called up Orono and asked him when ho would pay up. Vhcn Orono began ono of his long explanations, old Andrus took tho receiver from his enr and held tho horso-radlsh roots up 'in front of tho receiver, and tho result wns llko magic. Ab soon as Or ono's grating voice struck tho horso radlsh roots it began grntlng them, nnd tho ground horso-radlsh fell llko a shower. So old AndruB know thd'plnn would work all right. From that on, ab fast ns ho dug his crop of horso radlsh, old Andrus would tako It in to tho telephone and call up Orono nnd ask him about that hundred dollars, and Orone would bogjn explaining, nnd old Andrus would turn tho tele phone receiver on tho pllo of horse radish roots, llko the nozzle of a hose, Is Pigs Eic SKD PETER NEWELL and Orono's grating volco would grato up tho horso-radlsh. Old Andrus Gobblo used to stand by nnd weop, and ho wns nover exactly sure whether ho wept most for Joy or whether ho was weeping a plain horso-radlah weep. Ho would stand there and tho tears would run down his face In streams. Tho fact was that ho was weeping a full quantity of horse-radish weep, and a full quantity of Joy weop too. And thnt. was why old Andrus Gob blo over-reached himself, as I said. Tho human body should consist of two thirds wnter, and an avcrngo man perspires two pints per day, but old Andrus hustled ho over his horBC-rnd-Ish Job that ho wns perspiring about a gallon a day right along, and ho wns wcoplng a callon of jov tears and thrco gallons of horse-radish teara, nnd ho wns losing a good dcnl moro water than any mnn could afford to lose. Even the tooth, which nro tho dryest part of a man. contain ton per cent, of water. Old Andrus began to feel that ho was getting pretty dry, und he took to drinking wnter copious ly, but to save his life ho couldn't drink five callous of water a day. Thrco gallons was all he could possi bly manage, and that left him two gal lons short every day, and no man of tho ago of old Andrus Gobblo can af ford to shrink two gallons a day any length of time. In three weeks ho was so dry that ho rustled when ho walked, llko an autumn loaf, nnd ho kept get ting dryer and dryer. Two or three times n spark from hla nine fell on him nnd no't him aflro, and If It hadn't been thnt. bis hands woro wet with toars ho would probably havo gono up llko a flash. Ho was mighty careful about sparkB after that. liy tho ninth of November ho was so dry thnt. ho could not. weep nny moro, Ho had wept all tho weops out of him Thero wns no moro moisture In old Andrim Gobble. On tho tenth of No voinbor ho was perfectly desiccated Evon tho moisture In his oars, that mado hearing posslblo, had dried up, and tho old codger was as deaf as a bat, but ho wont richt on with his horso-radlsh job. Ho brought in a basket of horso-rndlsh and called Or ono on tho tolephono and asked him whon ho meant to pay that monoy and Orono began nnswerlng in his grntlng volco, but old Andrus could not hear a sound. Ho kept yelling at Orono. nnd Orono kopt talking, and nil tho whllo Orono's grating volco was getting In Its work on old Andrus, grating him down and grating him down, and In flvo minutes old AndruB was all grated to a pllo of whlto dust Then ho gave a last yelp at Orono . and passed nwny entlroly. (Copyright. 1909, by W. G, Chapman.) Increased Use of Rat Skint, Uso of rat skins In tho manufacture of fancy articles Is Increasing. Last year tho trade In Great Britain nlono amounted to $250,000, nnd supplies of brown rat skins aro being sought In lots of from 100 to 10,000. It Is proposed to start a business In Calcutta for Be curing and preparing tho skins of the brown rat, to ho used, among n variety of purposes, In tho binding of books und tho making of purses, glovos, and various articles for women's use and wear. Tho supply of rats In Calcutta ! is said to be Inexhaustible. BEGIN WAR ON D. A. R. HEAD Friends Resent Dismissal of Miss Gerald and May Sue Mrs. Scott, President General. Washington. A controversy that may dovolop Into an Issuo in tho annual convention has cropped out In tho Daughters of the American Revo- Mrs. Matthew Scott. lution, as a result of tho action of tho president general, Mrs. Matthow Scott, In dismissing Miss Agnes Gerald, t clerk at tho organization's hcadnuar ters, for alleged insubordination. Mist Gerald's relatives and friends assert that they will havo tho entire nntl administration contingent In tho fight they Intend to mnko on Mrs. Scott. Somo of Miss Gerald'a relatives threaten legal action for damages against Mrs; Scott. Tho young worn1 an, it appears, was dismissed becauso slio rofuscd to nnswer n question put to her in tho transaction of tho or ganlzation's business nt headquarters by Mrs. Amos G. Draper, editor of tht genealogical department of tho so ciety's magazino. Miss Gerald and Mrs. Draper, it seems, had not beer on speaking terms personally foi three years. ALARM CLOCK FEEDS HORSES Manchester Man Arrange Timepiece So That Animals Are Given Meals Automatically. During tho cold of two weeks ago, Gcorgo Howo of Center Hill, Manchos tcr, began to wondor how ho might havo his horses watered and fed early in tho morning and nt tho samo tlmo how he might bo able to stay snugly wrapped up In bed. Tho result was an invention- practical invention wulch is opera1 ting dally and well nt tho Howo Bta bles. Mr. Howo has rigged up an or dlnnry alarm clock, with a big gong, At tho samo tlmo tho key, which whon not nt 5:30 operates on tho back of the clock nnd unwinds a cord which, at tached to a doublo leverago light wlro releases n weight. This weight In turn slides several quarts of oats Into each stall and removes tho covers ol tho water palls. Thus by simply loading his inven lion with wnter and oats and winding tho alarm clock, Mr. Howo sleeps un til ho wishes to get up, whllo overy morning regularly, on tho dot, his horses hear tholr breakfast gong nnd by tho tlmo they nro on their feet nnd ready, their morning rations nro await ing them. Moreover, all tho horses are fed b! multnneously nnd thoro Is no jealous neighing becauso ono horse Is fed bo- fore his neighbor. STIRS IRE OF CONGRESSMEN justice wrigni, wno sentenced com pcrs and Mitchell, Orders Law makers to Explain. Washington. JuBtico Daniel Thow Wright, tho Washington jurist who sentenced labor leaders Goinpors; Mitchell and Mormon (o jail for con tempt of court, hno established an other procedont that may stir up all Justice Daniel T. Wright. kinds of Judicial and legislative Ktrlfo and now has United States Sonnt or Rood Smoot of Utah as an opponent. Justice Wright recently ordered th house nnd scnato committee on print ing tp appear beforo him and shoi cause why they should not nwnr.i th contract for certain government sup plies In tho umml mannor. The congressmen aro Incensed over what they term a usurpation of their mthorlty THE RETURN VISIT "I understand that you havo somo visitors from tho country nt your houso," said Mrs. Wilson, cheerily, whon eho met Mrs. Wnrburton wait ing for tho car on tho cornor. "That makes a pleasant change" Mrs. Wnrburton coughed ono of thoao noncommittal coughs that may mean almost anything. "Yes," sho said, "thoy nro relatives of my husband from down In tho coun try, whoro wo stayed part of last sum mer. They camo up to do somo fait shopping und, of course, camped down on us." "Of course," chirruped Mrs. Wilson. "It's a enso of turn about. Now you havo a chanco to repay them for your delightful stay on tho farm. I think It's so nlco to havo a big houso and " "You Just try having n big hous somo tlmo and sco how you llko It," suggested Mrs. Wnrburton, grimly. Not that theso aren't tho nicest pcoplo in tho world," sho Bald, hastily, recalling Mrs. Wilson's predilection for retailing gossip, "but it was rather unexpected, If tho truth must bo told. When I Invited them last summer in a general sort of wny I cortnlnly nov or expected flvo of them to come piling In on mo aftor telephoning from down town." "Flvo?" said Mrs. Wlbon, olovntlng horo eyebrows. "Fivo," ropeatcd Mrs. Wnrbuvton. "My husband's brother nnd his wlfo nnd tho thrco girls. What do you think of that? And mo Just breaking in nn immigrant maid that nover saw a gas range until last week! "You can talk all you llko," wont on Mrs. Wnrburton, "about paying up for visiting on tho farm by cntcrtnlnlng your country rclntlvefl In town, but let mo tell you they got tho best of It." "Why, I don't sec" began Mrs. Wilson. "Of course you don't," retorted Mrs. Wnrburton, decisively, "becauso you'vo nover been through It. When Jnmea and I wcro In tho country in Juno with llttlo Bobble these pcoplo nover had to do a hand's turn for us. At least they didn't seem to feel called upon to do anything to ontortnln us and wo woro satisfied to bo lot alone to wander around in tho woods or sit in tho shade whllo thoy wont on with tholr work ns though wo weren't on earth. Tho only tlmo thoy put them selves out was when they got up n picnic and It would have been a lot better If thoy had nover thought of It, Wo went trailing off to aomo crook In a wagon without springs nnd sat down to a cold lunch in tho dnmp woods, eating stuff ovorrun with ants and fighting mosquitoe3, nnd llttlo Dobblo fell Into tho creek nnd wna dried out behind a blackberry bush." "Tho idea!" said Mrs. Wilson, peer ing anxiously up tho street for tho missing trolley cnr. "Yes, but when thoy como up horo and pllo In on top of us wo havo to turn everything upsldo down to enter tain them," went on Mra. Warburtorf, bitterly. "Oh, yes, bless you! I.lko most women from tho country, tho girls want to go trailing about gaping in nt tho windows of tho big stores So I havo to pilot them nround. You know I detest shopping I don't go downtown onco n month. Honestly, I've been In somo of those stores so often In tho Inst fow days that I be llovo tho houso detectives aro hooping un oyo on mo, expecting to boo mo pick up a waist or a pair of shoes." "Why, you poor thing!" said Mrs Wilson, sympathoUcnlly. "But that Isn't tho worst," contln ued tho Indignant hostess. "Oh, dear, no! James has to como In for his 'sinro of It. After dragging mo all over town every day until I'm tired out, thoy havo to haul us both out to a theater nearly every night. Why, I need a rqat cure." "You can hardly blamo them though," argued Mrs. Wilson. "Thoy don't havo big stores or theaters nt home, you know." "That's not my fault," Biiappod Mrs Warburton. "Why should I bo made to suffer for tho shortcom'.nga of tho rural districts? Country pcoplo think that city pcoplo llvo In a whirl of ex citement nnd hnvo nothing on tholr minds except racing downtown to Bhop In tho daytime, tearing homo on crowded clovnted trnlns to oat n plckcd-up dlnnor nnd dnshlng bad; downtown again to tho thentor. I do dare, as James says, I'm all in!" "Why, you poor dear!" cxclalmod Mrs. Wilson. "You must bo really fagged out!" "Well, I am," ndmltted Mra. War burton, "but don't mention a word to anybody, becnuso thoy'ro James' rein Uvea and really they're tho nicest pcoplo In tho world." "When thoy aro at homo," suggest ed Mrs. Wilson, motioning to tho mo tormnn. "Exnctly," Bald Mrs. Wnrburton. Won bv Dlnlomacv. In 1747 Mr. John Brown was invltod to becomo tho pastor of a church Hlnfihnm. Thoro was but ono onnn nont to hla settlement, a man whom Mr. Brown won over by a strokn good humor. He asked for tho grounds Of his opposition. "I llko VOUr nnrsnn and your manner," wna tho reply, "hut your preaching, sir, I dlsapprov "Then," enld Mr, Brown, "wo i agreed. I do not llko my pronchlng very well myself, but how groat n folly it is tor you anil mo to sot up om opinion against that of tho whole pur lah," Tho force of this reasoning nn pealed to tho man, and ho at onco wmiarew nis objections. CONVINCING EVIDENCE. Out in San Francisco Sherlock Holmes yawned ns ho road a wlrolcBs message, which conveyed to him tho tact that an airship had been stolon in l'lttsburg. Ho put on his overcoat, lighted n "two for 60" cigar, walkod leisurely out of tho houso nnd moved slowly toward tho "municipal air-craft landing." Just ns he reached this place n majestlcal bird swoopod down and Bottled nlmost nt hjs foot. Sherlock Holmes glanced cnBuallyat this vorkoI, then, addressing Its cap tain, ho said, blandly: "Whon did you leavo Pittsburg?" Tho cnptnln turned whlto. "Loavo Pittsburg?" ho blustered. Why. I'vo nover boon thero In my llfo; I'm from Denver." Sherlock Holmes placidly took n pair of steel hnndcurts from hla pocket nnd nppronchod tho captain. "My dear sir," ho remarked, softly, "beforo mnk. tug your uhsortlon you should hnvo . boon thoughtful enough to elennso your craft of Us Inch-thick coating of soot." Just a Raise. "Now look at Mrs. Scribbler's hus band," snld tho poofa wlfo, bitterly. "Last wook when thoy woro short ho pawned his watch. Ho nlways has something to 'put up' on n rnlny day." "Well, my dear," laughed tho Jolly bard, ns ho edged noarer tho door. "I always havo somothlng to put up on n rainy day. Don't forgot your own llttlo hubby." "You? And what did you over put up on a rainy day,?" "Why, my doar, an umbrella." And then ho dnrtcd dowrr-tho stroot so fnst ho dropped throe odes nnd a rondeau. Real Magnet. "Undo Itufus," snld tho young col ored man, "how wud yo' hnb lnkod to boon body servant to Gcawgo .Wash ington?" "Go 'way, boy," responded Undo Itufus, with n broad Binllo. "Go 'way f'm heah. Ef Ah had to bo body Borv ant Ah'd ruthor bo ono foh PrcBldont Tuft." "Think yo'd Ink him best, oh?" '.'Yens, boy, en' think ob dem fnt possums arriving ot do Whlto Houso nlmos' ebry day." Rather Discouraging. "Yes." whtannrcd tho lovelorn clrl. tho big tears shining In hor eyes, "I told nn vnn woro a trnvollnc man nnd allowed him your card. Ho wroto 'K. O. T. in ono corner." "What In tho deuco la that?" asked tho surprised young man. "Somo so- crot order code?" "No. I am afraid noL It means 'keep on traveling.'" A HOT ONE. Mian Oldglrl. On my birthday papa gives mo a roso for every year of my age. Miss CauBtlquc. In a year or so ho'll have to buy a wholo greenhouse. Get One. Theso bo tho dnya ' Whon wild winds hoctor Tho man without A chust protector. Moro Practical. "You Bend mo violets every morn ing," said tho bonutlful girl. "I do," responded tho ardent lover, "no mntter what tho cost." "Quito so. Now, why not send up a bunch of uBparngus to-morrow In stend? It would bo Just as oxponalvo und would muko n big hit with pa." They Look Alike. "Ono should never Judgo by outwnrd appearances," Enid tho morallzor, "That's right," rojolncd tho do morallzor. "Tho coat of an honest man and that of n grafter may bo cut from tho samo cloth." With a Diamond. "A proposal of marrlago Is somo thing to bo whlBperud In Iovo'b low, swoet tones. "Yet by Ita very nature, It In n ring Ing declaration." First Catch Your Hair. Tho Harbor (to customer whoso hair is standing on ond na ho read pa por) Would you mind leaving that murder, sir, whllo I'm brushing your hair. Tho Sketch. Congratulations, Trotter So you aro married at last, old man. I'm vory glad to hear It. Bllklna Oh, you nro, oh? Sayt what havo I dono to you?" No Lack There. ' "In your cook good at auucoV "la eho? You Just ought to hear tier!" GIRL WHO LOOKED DEHIND. The girt who looked behind her With shy nml timid glance, Such wondroun graco ontwlnodher Hho set my heart n-dnnce: Then, llko a nymph nfrrlghted, Bho vanished In the throng And left mlno e.ves delUjhlcd, ' My fancy fraught with on. Tho girl who looked behind her, And lied on frightened feot, Though memory hutli shrined her, I novor moro may meat. Another mnn may fetter Tho heart that flod from me But who could lovo her hotter. Whoso lovo moro fnlthtul bo? Tho girt who looked behind hor Oh, may Jhe future bring Fur fairer things and kinder Than nny bard can sing: Though I may novor greet her, 1 prny my song may And Tho Inns who mado llfo BWeotor For him alio left bohlndt -Samuel Mlnturn Peck, In Uoston Transcript. A SHORT TRAIN. Muriel. Her train Is rather qklm py, Isn't it? Myrtllln. Yc3, I guosa It's ono ot thoso limited trains that you sco ad vertised. Sticky. "Stick to tho farm," nays Taft, It's a good hunch, wo ray so. too, Stick to It llko n black land farm In rainy wenthar sticks to you. Eyo for loudness. Thoro waa a mighty collision be tweon tho aturdy wnrrlora ot tho grid Iron nnd teeth flew nround tho Hold llko grnlnB ot corn. "Ha! ,ha! ha J" laughed tho llttla man In tho grnnd stnnd. "That's tho boat I havo 8oon for n long time," Tho crowd wna disgusted. "And you stand thoro nnd laugh whon n scoro of men nro losing tholr teoth?" thoy demanded savngoly., "Aro you n bruto?" Tho llttlo mnn lnughod all tho louder. "No, I'm n dentist," ho said simply Current Gossip. Mrs. Krcotscr I'vo heard Iota ot pcoplo aay your frlond, that rough looking Smith, treats his wlfo shame fully, nnd I bollovo they speak tho truth. Mr. Krcotscr Well, 1 don't. If nny thing, I bollovo that Smith treats hut wlfo too well, lie has told mo him solt thnt ho Is up bofaro her overy, morning and gota her breakfast. Mra. Krecbscr Ho told you ho got hor breakfast, did ho? Woll, I guess ho was right. Ills poor, little, peaked wlfo looks as If ho got all her meals. Work for the Tailor. "But, darling" murmured tho lovo lorn youth, "evory night for two wcoku I hnvo boon on my bonded knees bo foro you. Havo you no pity?" "I certainly hnvo, Hornco," spoke up tho pretty lllrt, as alio reached for her . hand bag; "hero'a n wholo quarter. Go havo your trousers pressed. Aftor so much bonding thoy must bo baggy at tho knees." Wusp. Wasted on .tho Air. "You look cwoot onough to kiss," said tho lmprosscd man. . ,. "So.muny gentlemen toll mo that," coyly nntiwors tho fair girl. "Ah! That Bhould make you happy." "nut thoy moroly Bay thnt," sho rc plica. "They moroly toll mo tho (nets In tho enso and novor prove their etatomonta." Lite. A HOT ONE. Mr. Boozer (2 a. in.) My doarsh hlo scientists cla'm hlc hlc that nl l t 1 conoi is n niu iuuu. Mrs. Boozer. You must havo had a vory hearty meal. Lying Among Them. "I llko to Ha among the leaves," '' ml... n.ltnl. .nl... 1 liu until (iti.vn luii.i v.iwi., "Tliu pngos of your latent book Show that," his foe lupllcd. ' Heard All RlghL Stage Manager Now, you must glvo thoso linos In trumpot tonau. Will you romombor? Actor I can't forgot t'f.oso trumpot tones tho way they're dninimi'd lute pip