THE ALLIANCE 1! EH A LP, TUESDAY, MAY 2. 1922.
nmEn
L
RANDOM SHOTS
1
A colemni.-t c-plains why
traveling men are !'.tt by a;
tiael I.Vo..dt us one.
.-o many
dig that
"Sometimes a m..n buys a u cd car
fur curiosity, and then .i ci.iio-ity
inn- iiuay with him," is the coiitriiui
t in of i.nn'hoi pio'cs-ior.al wit. In
tilis Cn o, the wii. ::..- Irird tun ha:d
to make a joke. Second hand cars
li.n t often run aw. .y -they u-ually
iic en the hi: d. :i' i ,i.-t Un iiti!c from
the r.eate-t garage.
i'iit of life. Golf willows at O'Xoill
ii.no had n telephone in-tallcd at the
ii.ik; mi they can clrtk up on their
hu. h .tins. . nd wlach i- woi-c a
loul .team whistle is Mown at 0 p. in.
Clay Cv: ter inti.n'u'cd n novrl
rie'.h"d of el no-ing parlt.crs at a re
cent (lani-e. . Fvery wviiien pic-crt rr
ir.ovrd I'll;' .-I, or :.n 1 thnw it on a ,i!e
i 1 the middle of the f'.oor. From the
ma s of 'hops each man selected one
rnd found his Cir !'"dl'i :n 1 partner
for the r.ct it. 1 1 c l tilth. g In r to,t.
Charily Organization
Scdiing Jobs for
Several Applicants
Wo never krew cd 1 ut one l.u;.or of
ii second tar who i;i t ti o r-.tich .-poo l
u' hi it. An Au:oia banker oihp
Km;: lit tin ( lu Ihoiiirs Flyer for nis
son, and tiif I o .t was geared up .-n
that it- (ovc-l spe. d was ; ,'i miles an
l our. 'i l.iri' wiv i.mr vicrk '.he
H, v. vi aid this
dies' choice.
thct.'.e wo;1,; for i.i-
Th
it'le
i'
want
OlMll'MI l! l', !! It I IIP
i I'al'ir.jr d-uvn on m1.
cameo v i - I ound mi I
' but l n il: imant--. U
) leu al lm.,1 oryard.
p-.di pr. ttv wcH
ll-rald i.ih'iit
An o poo.-i vi
ad ort i d .w it e
was found in i
f.r.-t nay, i; ii'
iiionth the oar v
ace an ! u; in !n
I. '. on in ti o: c
t.'iO 11, if
i ct;r. d
1 nt.'v I
-. l.C'V.
l.C W.'s lac; i. ;il e t t .i
v;.i to got ar.othci Kicr.
I
1; t.c
Oh, v. oil, ,
T'p :na lib o
' ii II .aiding
V.'Iiv n ; li
,s tin
; o a
mail
.. t y:;yy, t''
:n idw:'Vi en.
ir.e.
rd.iut llir; ruin
i'ri'i.i N."lrh'
To;
pponlo
off.'
l'r t
I'.ar
1 1 i's.
pnb-j
ii i- a !
10
,1 tllP
., Mid
don't
HP-..V rr;-
lic.i d:-;.; n, III. f-'oinp
line w v. 'if n tlu y'io v oll
What-' U'is I'l.r.k iilm' idl hr vorld
lovini; a lover. J.o ;'or M .'.i ns, the
1 la; tint. '.i n youth w ho oiau ii il a
l iiii-h :irl ly t'aMo cin't lc nm-
ir.cod ll.at tlxro'.s ;mythintr t that
.-v'ntii'.io-'.. For two niontls they've
I t on ti;. in;c to convince Idri that, he
i.-n't 1 1;-.; riid and tin t hi- wife may
not he adndaed to the foimtry, hut
havii'K U Ken the b';r ( hanee in jret-tin-r
I'vuiiod. lie i -n't w rryir.ir i hout
u.!i a little thiny: a- hv.-a! few.-', lie
..ly- he is "darn av,iou- to see that
j' ill,'" end so, we pie.-ume, is every
.ether re. ident til' Havtin.rton.
Some of the e I'lench srirl.- ro the
-overseas Mt-' ini t aie not nuu.h of
n strain on the eyes.
We 1
dial il
MO ,i
an I
L'ill
ATTF.X'i IO
( Nel'v.i.-ka ('it;
r.i ;p ill a:i As:
e .(nitty fo'k
h;.v e an o i ni1'
( I. ASS
I'M ! )
ii'ii HoW;-)i:iiei
of ths'.t village
j- of "wrt :
dance."
eld inat'.
('"il
the
any little
upei flaou-
hoy ( r
w o. d- '.'
'.h id. the Morteon pro; ht was
A.n aw. e.oy :"ni.n ran;
wi,r,J,.u how hi; win enjoyed
1 1 is piiitit-.-liari'iK plMi.
Not I'V I At) I.'o; d.
Oz Il'nck, cc.rtoi.r.i.-t for the l.im om
j Star, p u I the polite i' u.t man tf'.'.TO
t fr the iiiv;l 'i.e of liii'tie; his pep
v, aeon fa-t'T than the lew allows, and
the hoy., have I iron khldinu him
eutldc V'.'i'iit it. it e-ppoa'-. ivoni tlie
tee. nd'-. Fut (it. e would be. wit has
lioon handed thr lapherry. "IIae
oii ever lien linel.ed for coiner too
fa.-t'.'" he my red lit his un. oi lunate
fihnd, who, v.rt ,i dinu' to heresay
(iidcldy icpled, "No, hut Fve. heen
tlafiped."
Frolics
curr t s.
with a chorus of fifty numi
C( n din;:
ha i der jvu
t htnio ht for to lay. The
all, the higher ou hounce.
Whcroas others have to
through .smoked f.lat-scs.
he
view
,ed
Our old friend Waffle Wiley so
nicknamed hocau. c of l is t-hape used
to -;iv tat if one were only sufficient
ly filled with ho hut there, we've Kot
one oi tho-e W. C. T. U. posters up in
the window now and what Watlle said
was piohably incompetent, irrcvelant
iiiid immatei ial.
Cler.n-Up Wcclv for
Alliance a Topic
for Vcrsc-Makcr
Finer on school inspired by Cler.n
Up Week, has Ik en hainjr a pKtieal
contest. FollowinL,' is the er.try of
Adah Turner, six'di ji-rade of that
school :
TODAY'S I3FST STORY.
The Sunday school teacher was talk
ing to the children about cruelty to
unimals. "I once knew a little l.oy
who cut off a cat's tail. Think of it,
children: took a knife and cut the tail
lijrht of! ! Can anyone tell nie a verse
in the IJihle that would have taught
this cruelty?"
A moment's silence. Then a small
tioy with a "happy thought" expres
sion held up his hand.
"What it is. my boy?" asked the
teachor, hopefully.
uvi.it foil hath ioined lot no man
.... !-- . I kn ,,l.lll I
fiwi asunoei, ifsiniui.ii un rumw
boy.
The court hou e law n, after its first
ree-ular mowinir this season, looks like
a child's head after an amateur barber
has been usinp: the dippers on it.
Shades of J. S. Corp!
After Frank Prince had explained
lihvsieal culture week, and read all the
points on the pledge, one of which had
to do with eastinjr meat only once a
t'.av, Pol) Graham told of a speaker at
a meeting of stocktfrowers who had
m-ored meat-eating as a builder of bod
ii v strennh. His sloiran was "Red
Meat for Rcd-Fleoded Men." When
authorities tlill'er this way, the aver
ii ee man is apt to consider all slopans
the bunk. In this case, one wonders
whether Prince, the A. M. or the P.
M. has the right dojie.
These Mexicans have the art of pil
fering developed into a science. They
uiw-ivs Vmnt in nairs: one buys some
thing while the other steals somethinff
TVi nnU- ilitficultv with the system i;
that thev so seldom steal anything
that is worth the risk it takes to ac
quire it.
Now that Ole Buck has a newspatier
off his mind, his column of Puckshot
isn't half o tiuarrelsome as it used to
be. Probably he'll have time now to
learn how to drink properly out of
the moustache cup hi.- wife and dauuh
te'r presented him on his last birthday.
'Tis "Clean Up Week" our mother said,
and so we tumbled out of bed,
We wa bed our head, we cleaned our
ears
Until it almost brot the tears.
We found a match to burn the trash
So we could earn a I t tie cash,
And oh my! how the flames did soar
Till we could see the trash no more.
And so I think if everyone
Would clean up for the summer's
done.
That they would always cheerfully
"We have a clean back yard today.
The following was also rendered by
Miss I ouise Cogswell of the Sixth
grade at Fmerson:
They tell us a very strange story
We must believe it's true,
So vou may learn a lesson
If I tell "the tale to you.
Onee in a western village
The people's pride so I am told
Was found in "Clean-up Week,"
Until they t;uite forgot their gold.
They cleaned their lawns, picked up
the trash
poked everv bit of earth;
And had the garbage cans cleaned out
And ashes from the hearth.
The women took the curtains down,
They washed out all the grime,
The boys beat all the carpets
That'could hang upon a line.
The little girls and big ones,
Wa-hed woodwork, pots and pans,
Thev liked this work extremely well
Becau.-e it whitens hands.
Oh, yes! the dingy houses
Were chantred both out and in,
with the system is , A coat cf paint, :-ome paper too .
Thev all : hone up uKe tin.
She is a litt'e, energetic but ratln
f i . d woman; under thuiy; with time
bibies the oliie-t truer tic ia;s to.
i :ge. llei hustund tie cited her some
n t ilths ago, .-nice w !roh time ;ho ba
Ke:i I1'!"!.: lier nest to make a livii ;:
tor heijtl: mhI tne hahio; . 'I he be t
few weeks .'lie ha.- been living in a
otio-ioiii'i shatk in the nit-Kilts (if Al
l.ance, i-vr.ii a I tde here at.d there,
but watt Inn;! her . toie of groeerio.-
te:idilj dinijlii: 11.
The ca-e v brought to the atten
tion of the Allium e Charity oigan'.a
lion i.i.d tlie ( hainlHt' of connne. re
Seturday evenne:, by kind nei; "lib or
,hu had helped, but who nie l one too
';hi li' th.emclvi- with t Lis Vniid.
( i o Is.
At ten o'clock S iturd iv night, the
set rotary of the charily organisation
loi.ti d ( u a tired gtucei, li led a bi
box w .tii ; 1 1 cei'i '--, i".y:- and neat, and
in i-nhi'iiiiv Willi the wife of a local
iidni. tir, wh.n o'.untcercii to how tho
a iv, was diiton oi.t In the home o
tlie l.tlle riothor. On their nriival.
'J'CV 'ou.-'i! t1 o ihark neat. Mid cle.i'i.
w ith the b. bios all a -hoji. The
"o.her y fat e li h'ed up with nl:cf n
the sieht of the I n. of ;;i ( aries, end
. he i ol .ictalitly told her -imy.
' With a biave ttiiile, di alueteere !
!o do any kind of work to earn a living
for her liable - and hdeil. Mie v mi
In: (i(i'ivP.I a;. r by the (.'harity oigMi-
ii-.atioii a long ;is rece.-'sary, but sh.e
i, cod.; a h.im '. She i a good cock
and would gladly take a plate
as lvni rk( t'j er in a ranch er country
I (: --Mii'io place where . he can have
her b-sbies wild her. If or.ie kit.d
liealled o'd bachelor or widower, who
iiitds a hnu.-okeeper end who has a
suit spot in his hi ait for the needy,
v ill advise the secretary of the cham
ber of (oinmerce in Alliance, he will
be put in tourh w:th the bi-ave little
woman who is lookiag for ju. t sucli t;
place.
Another eve for 1' et'erl !'-n of
those who have been thinking that Al
liance h;.d no nee i c e-, or h n ' ; il
were plentifully provitl d for these
cases are coming steadily to the in
tention of the Charity organuatioe
and to the chamh.r of commerce
through the employment department
a mother with a baby girl tw enty -one
month-- old wir.ts a position in a ceun
trv a - hou ekeetK'i' or cook. She i.-
willing and capable a-d needs 1 he i
work '1 once. A colored womr.n, ex-1
nriienced, wants woik in a private;
home. A man w'ih two ch hlren. boy
an I a girl, wants woik on a farm
where lie can have his childien with,
him he reeds the work and is exper-
ienced.
The employment (lcpnrtmrr.1 of the
chamber of commerce places from one
to four persons in po.-itions every day.
The most needy ca-es are given the
preference. If ranchmen and farmers
us well as business institutions, vi
cot in touch with this department.
they will le provided with help. An-
other thing, those who need help
should ntit pay the lowest wages just
because the person given the position
is out of work and needs it badly; pay
the workman his just w ages and he
will be the better for it more con
tented, and you will have a better
feeling yourself for the few extra dol
lars paid.
Can you imagine going into one of
t'.c.-o li.ii berets and asking for a have
a l.i-minuic 7
Sti'l thi- i- n't any worse than a; king
ioi a . Iiampoo i n casserole.
li won't seeri like anything to go in
ard ii-k for a haircut with Thousand
I . hind dies; ing.
It
will be woiidoiful to he shavo,)
you're dr.t.kipi; tea and h-letting
ie i.reho t:a play opciutic .-cbv- I
from 1 eroxi le. I
66 n n
; '
':''
a a
; 1 t
mm ihMlJ hi! h'af I
9
cigarettes
lta-iness men wont cave
lie- bailors a'e a I
I. to' a - ll'e I. iu- : l gogd.
richt e
whi'tiior
not, so
The 1
1111 !"T:
will
KMin be rurninir
'n il adiei t.- t-nii n'.s en the theiiti x d
I'vofoie long- we may read an ad
i;r,i-tki:ur like thi-: "Come in and
ten to our Saturday afternoon coti-
t of special miade. I i ics by Wil-
I. an .Mtei'.i!
II, rbi it."
Melodies bv 'ittr
Ano'br ere V.'U vc;
e i .ti call. i ret , e.li oiu
a u i,-l progratn !' any
in Li'.-, n."
d: "Yi.-it mr
, ly the be t
barber shop
t-i
in:
til.
net ft a" I'riliK' lv tint the big
-' nr'.ht add a few baiber .hops
ir ; tring of iho-dev .
So ('on't be : in .ri-( d if yen see en
li etrit ' irn tut in frer.t oi' a L'ti-o'-ial
o nlor w hich n'-'d.-: "High Class
V:nido ilie ar. l HaiiCiits."
' . 8k
:y :
Tliey are
Good!
Buy this Cigardlc and Save Money
HE KALI) WANT ADS HRING HEST KESULTS
in
SAYS
JOHN P,
MEDBUR
ANNOUNCING-
Initial Appearance
- - of the New - -
LEL AND-BUI LT
Some of the large barlier shops are
installing orche.-ttr.s and serving tea
and cakes. The first thiu.g we know
we ll have to be paying a cover charge.
Wet wash calls received before
S :."() will be returned by 2 p. m
m lh. for SI. Alliance Steair
Laundry.
38-tf
Herald Wart Ad.s are read.
The head barber will hand us a
of fare to order from.
bill
If you want something light you can
order a shave and if you want some
thing heavier you can ask for a sham
poo or a massage.
The musicians will come in handy.
While the barber is tryintr to ell yu
a bottle of hair tonic the orche.-t'.a
enn be plaving "Silver Threads Ann ng
the Gold."
A lot of bail er shops already have
fancy rams. One guy thought ;t l.n
soriiil parlor was a place where yu
went to have your tonsils taken out.
Those baiber shops will soon b" tun
on the order of Ziegleld's Mi Inight
THE AKISTOCKAT
OF THE MOTOR WORLD"
at the - - -
Alliance Auto Show
May 4, 5 and 6
DO NOT FAIL TO SEE THIS AUTOMOBILE
COURSE Y & MILLER
We learn If.
to five new profane words H
::
n
iH
!:
tt
t-.
Coif is a great sueces
f n, i-t Iwn
I . .T . 1 1 ..m 4l,rt
t-very time we piay, eepeiHiiiiK on
jiartner's linguistic ability.
It's but fair to admit that "darn!"
is the verv wor-t we've heard Foe u e,
but it vdl take at least live more 'es-
ons to get the vicious twang to inai
innocent word that they j o- e. .-es
when tooted by our tutor.
We have jit learned tint Albion
ha- both a Community club and a
chamber of commerce. We were in
the mood to coneratulate Alliance, un-
til' the thouy ht struck us that Albion
Fas no public forum.
Wind's !n a name? The public
forum title is almost as broad as an
te, her one that comes to mind. In
1 ir-oiln there once exi-ted the "Lan
caster County Athletic Association and
Fe idinir Circle," until some Iowa boy
got lolled for :mio and the police
i aided the joint.
Despite the pleadng of fiiends, A.
V. A. refuses to reduce.
There's hope for the prohibitionists.
A friend figures that the country will
ultimately go dry when the bootleg
gers have all the money.
A Lincoln flapper rdmitted the other
day that .-he thought Grainger Twist
was a new dance.
Somebody is always taking the joy
::::::::::::::::::::::::
Western Nebraska
TRACK
MEET!
f.vjirr?Tm-MaiByrBwi3W V.
Friday, May 5
STARTING AT 2 P. M.
Ninety-five high school trade athletes
will compete for honors.
SEE THESE EVENTS:
100-vaVd Dash
220-yard Dash
410-yard Dash
Half .Mile Hun
One Mile Hun
llifh Hurdles
Low Hurdles
Shot Hut
Hole Vault
Discus Throw
Lavelin Throw
High Jump
I 'road Jump
Half-Mile Helay.
9
n ife;; i iiio'iV'iliii Uvm iy.
,Ii mm ;h m ' 1 jfi
1 li' ' f f i:i'::i'' ; hiif
tHft -L-. 'rrv1- !ai I -ami
li
Pure Ice Satisfying Service
Pure healthful Ice that's Summer's greatest blessing.
Please pause a minute and consider this What would you do
without Ice vyhen you need it?
Good Ice is as essential as the air you breathe for without it
you wouldn't be able to eat the fresh things you do daily.
Then why not get the best; th purest? Arkl with it enjoy a
certain, positive, satisfying service.
If you have not got your ice card, Phone 41 and we will send
one lo you.
M. D. NOLAN & COMPANY