EIGHT
THE ALLIANCE HERALD. TUESDAY, APRIL 18, 1922.
RANDOM SHOTS
1
The Herald never officially pays any
attention to anonymous letters, no
mutter what they nay, although we
always read them with considerable
interest. Therefore, unless the man
who signs himself "A Taxpayer" will
forward his name, we ran't discuss the
stuff he writes officially.
However, old kid, we don't mind ad
mitting that there are times, believe
us, w hen we're just as sicjc about pome
of the things you mention as you ever
were.
TODAY'S BEST STOKY.
One of the visitors to the Lions club
dinner last week told this one lcfore
the festivities began:
A colored man purchased a mule of
another colored man, under a. guaran
tee of perfect health. The mule was
good enough, as mules go, but he
stumbled a good deal and finally it
was borne in upon the purchaser that
the animal was blind. Thereuiwn he
hot-footed it to the man who sold him.
"How come you-all say that mule's
in good shape!" he demanded. "He's
blind as a bat, cain't noe nuffing."
"That mule ain't blind," said the sel
ler. tTositively.
"How come he runs into the bam
door, and bumps his head against de
wagon, then?"
"Man," said the former owner of the
animal, "dat mule ain't blind he just
don't give a damn."
Down in Omaha, a young gentleman
yclept Hoehner has 'bwn arrested
pimply because he had a quantity
of moonshine hooch in his pos.ession,
Hut so strong is the spirit of criticism,
represented by the old Omaha Bee at
titude toward' the police, that even the
good people of the city are admitting
that in this particular case, the cops
pulled a Bochncr.
TELLING THE. WORLD.
(Blair Pilot.)
To Whom It May Concern: T want
to coiTcct the report thnt I had left my
liu.-band, Allen Complon. 1 did not
leave him, 1 came here to my old homo,
I'olo, III., with my husland'. consent,
to help care lor my ageu jnvai.u
mother, Mrs. Heeling, (luring her last
days and eect to return to Btair in
the near future and again take up my
residence there with my husband. Mrs.
Allen Compton.
HINT TO MAIL ORDERS
She had purchased some goods on
the credit system, but shortly after
ward her finances gave out and the
payments to the dealer ceased.
In due course came a letter from
the firm demanding the money. This
is her renly:
"Dear Sirs: In answer to your let
ter, I have not received same, as I do
not live here now. Yours,
"NANCY WOTO,"
April 27 has been set aside ns Raisin I
day by Fresno, Cal., which has mailed 1
us a set of "suggestions" for observing
the day appropriately. The little I
booklet contains a number of recipes,
but before hoes are raised too high,
we hasten to explain that the recipes
rover only stewed raisins, raisin pie,
raisin bread and cinnamon toast.
A lot of good men made their annual
visit to ch kch Sunday. And not one
of them reports any ill effects.
We've dieted down to fit one of the
new tweeds, but the weather ever since
has been unfavorable to wearing it.
Probably we'll never look as devil-may-care
as Doc Jeffrey, but we're
not sure that we want to.
WHAT'S hTa NAME?
Pat: "Have you christened your new
La by yet?"
Mike: "We have."
Put: "And phwat do you call it?"
Mike: "Hazel."
Pat: "Sure, bad cess to ye, with two
hundred and twenty-three saints to
name the kid after, ye had to go and
name it after a nut."
Gawge Snow of Chadron quotes a
grocer friend as trying to explain the
meaning of "ambition" to a young son,
pnd in drawing the parallel which he
thought the boy could understand,
he said: "Why, son, a grapefruit is
only a lemon that has had a chance
and took it."
The Last Galley was brighter than
usual this week, there leing none of
Io Lloyd's poetry to mar it. He tells
of a man in a restaurant who gargled
his soup so loudly that a deaf nun out
in front yelled: "Run for your lives,
the dam is broken."
Paddy Miles probably wouldn't ap
preciate that soup joke. The Elks
v:iiilevillians sav he's sensitive on that
point.
Al Gavin discovered this one and is
entitled to due credit: A buxom col
ored ladv proposed purchasing' one
penny's' Worth of insect powder. The
jlruccrist politely explained that this
wasn't practicable, that the cost of
wrapping would exceed the amount of
the purchase but the customer inter
rupted: "Jest blow it flown ma wick.
Who tole you to wrap it up?"
A BEST SELLER.
(Empeco Newjs.) ,
As the boy who tended the news
stand was absorbed In reading a book,
1 hunted around until 1 .found the
magazine 1 wanted and then approach
ed him. When I spoke to him he did
not raise his eyes from the page but
held out his hand for the coin and
dropped it automatically into the till.
1 said: ' ;
"Where's the change?"
''What did you get?" he replied, still
without looking up.
I told him.
"How much is it?" he asked.-
said I did not know.
"(. an t you read it on the cover
he innuired crossly.
Thus admonished I searched the
cover until I lound the price mark
tucked away in the hair of the pretty
girl picture. Win n I told the news
deidcr he tossed the change over the
counter. One of the coins rolled on
the floor, but 1 recovered it while the
boy read on.
Curious to learn the nature of the
book he was reading I glanced over
his shoulder at the title.
It was called "The Science and Art
of Salesmanship."
I of communities throughout the coun-jupon it in person, are welcome to the
?' I try are honoring the soldier dead in I assistance of the legion's decoration
uifir mmst, ine oisiani
Alliance Elks to
Have Privileges of
New Omaha Club
Exalted Ruler K. O. Strand, B. IN
O. K. No. 90 1, and Secretary Percy
H. Cogswell of the Elks club at Al
liance, have been asked by Exalted
Kuler H. S. Daniel of the Omaha Elks
lodge, to advise all Alliance Elks that
thev will have the privileges of the
new million dollar Elks club building,
to be erected in Omaha.
Mr. Daniels has sent to the officers
of the Alliance Elks lodge a copy of
a prospectus, which outlines the entire
plan for the Elks new home in this
city.
There will be a campaign by the
Elks lodge in Omaha, April 24 to 29,
to sell $1,000,000 worth of mortgage
bonds for the erection of the build
ing, which will adjoin the Fontenelle
hotel. This campaign will be con
ducted among Elks only, by an orpani
zation or 4(x men. lne Domts win also
be available to all Elks in Nebraska,
according to Mr. Daniel's letter o
Strand and Cogswell.
There are about 14,000 Elks in Ne
braska, and when this building is fin
ischd it is the intention of the Omaha
lodge to have a big Nebraska opening
day on which all Nebraska Elks will
le asked to come and see the new club.
This club will le the fine.-t club house
of any description between Chicago
and the Pacuic coast.
graves in
France and England, Italy and Kussia
are the legion's eculiar care.
Jt is requested that Nebraska raise
from tne members in its department a
sum equal to five cents per memlior
in good standing on Decemlter 31.
1921, nnd that no post contribute less
than $5. For the last two years it has
leen the custom to collect a fund from
our membership for this purpose and
the response ha3 shown that the policy
is popular.
With all letters of transmittal
which should be sent through the Ne
braska department headquarters, it
should be stated that the sum is for
the graves' decoration fund.
"Those who cherish some grave
overseas and cannot place their tribute
American Legion Notes
"FACTS NOT OPINIONS"
committee in all foreign field... who
will personally visit the grave and
give it special attention. Such re
quests and funds must be rent to ra
tional headqarters, however, and not
later than May 10, giving the name of
the dead, rank and oiganizat'on, serial
number, grave number, lot number,
name of cemetery and (Lite of death.
"The American region will accept
and administer contributions from the
public, but this should not reduce the
amount donated by legionnaires. We
have an individual obligation to our
dead."
ON SECOND THOUGHT;
V
so long now that it would be an in h
for me to pay your bill, so I've ?
ranged a handsome
inv will."
Doctor "You don
overwhelmed by the
take a look at that prescription again.'
Banter.
legacy for you
Most liquor Is consumed on the At
lantic seaboard. So that's what makes
the west wild. Richmond News Leader.
The average American's understand
ing of Scotch to-day is limited to
hooch, mon. Philadelphia North American.
Wet wash calls received before
8:30 will be returned by 2 p. m.
0 lb, for $1. Alliance Steam
Laundry. 38-tf
A call to all the members of tlw
American legion in Nebraska to len
their moral and financial support to
the national campaign for funds to
decorute "the holy acres of American
soil ovcras," on Decoration flay, May
30, has been issued by the state head
quarters of the Nebraska department.
How the Nebraska quota is to be
raised is left to the descretion of the
It cal posts.
"Memorial day is approaching, the
day sacred to those who died that
America might live," says a statement.
"It is the honor and a privilege of the
American legion to decorate on this
day the graves of our comrades who
fell on foreign soil. While thousands
IF IT'S STANDARD, THE FAMOUS SELLS IT!
STYLE
has to be
"sewed in"
Good designing gives you
"the style" in clothes; ex
pert needlework and fine
woolens make it last Get
it all here in
Hart Schaffner & Marx clothes
They cost less than other
clothes because they last longer
Famous Clothing House
? WHERE THE NEW STYLES COME FROM
I
The best suit value
in towe
After all has been said about
style, fit, and pattern, the fact remains that actual value is
determined by the quality of materials and workmanship.
Without good quality there can be
neither lasting satisfaction nor real economy. So we say,
in all sincerity, that we are giving the biggest value in
town with these splendid
L Wj Ifck -Ci Ut.
Kuppenheimer
Suits at $35
because we know the materials and
workmanship are the very best. We know these suits will
fit perfectly and keep their stylish appearance as long as
the clothes last
We invite you to try on these very
unordinary clothes before you decide on your Spring Suit.
Models for men and young men. i
Other Fine Kuppenheimer Suits 'rT; "
$40 $45 $50
cllcR.6HwncrDcpt:Storc
BIO STORE
the house of Kuppenheimer good clthes
OA
1