THE ALLIANCE HERALD, TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 15, 1921.
Chicken Dinner
Bazaar Starts' at 3 p. 01.
FANCY WORK BOOTH, CANDY BOOTH, PARCEL POST BOOTIi
Dance and Bazaar
DINNER WILL BE SERVED FlfcOM 5:30 TO 8:00 P. M. LOTS OR
EATS FOR EVERYONE.
-AT THE-
ROOF GARDEN
F
Tuesday, November 15
DANCE FROM 9 to 12 WITH BURMEISTER'S Western Jazzadorea
Come Early and Stay Late.
Under the Auspices of the Ladies of St. Matthews Episcopal Church
RANDOM SHOTS
NEVER AGAIN.
Whereas, We dolled up in our navy
uniform on the evening of Armistice
day to please the chairman of the Le
gion dance committee, several ex
soldiers and one ex-gob, as well as to
.Sive other natives a treat (and it
ihould have done so, for Beda Thara
herself never wore any clothing that
was skin-tighter); and
, Whereas, We discovered that it took
us seventeen minutes to don the afore
said uniform, as compared with three
minutes in the days when we wore it
every day and many of the nights; and
Whereas, The evidence is complete
that we have outgrown said uniform,
which bulges in entirely too many
.places; therefore, be it
Resolved, That we lay it away rever
ently in mothballs and the family
celar chest, until such time as we get
&ack to normal weight or the head of
-the household decides to put in a suffi--cient
number of gussets and extensions
to make it comfortable; and be it further
Resolved, That on Memorial day,
Armistice day, the fourth of July and
other patriotic occasions, we remove
said uniform from its refuge and drop
three tears upon it, or more if we can
.squeeze them out.
This resolution is prepared in ad-
vance of New Year's day, and Brad
bury, Joe Williams, Jimmy Burling
ton, Dr. Morris, Windham and others
who had to use shoe boms to get into
Their uniforms last Saturday are wel
come to make use of the idea.
Now that we've got our growth, we
"Ifave regretfully concluded that the
only article of clothing that fits us
.ready-made is a cigarette.
At the minute Sheriff Miller was
closing the front door of the Morgan
grocery, the milkman was unloading
sl supply of milk and cream at the
rear door. He discovered the sad fact
too late, and started to take out what
lie had just lugged in. Sheriff Miller
stopped him. In vain did the milkman
protest that he had just brought the
tuff the hard hearted sheriff insist
ed that it was inside when the place
-was closed and that it would stay right
there. "All right," said the milkman,
"'all right, if you insist on it.". And
ahen, as he climbed into his wagon, he
added, "It's half water, anyway."
THE COLUMN STRETCHER.
(From the Norfolk Press.)
"Mortal man never seems happy un
less striving for the unattainable. For
centuries the alchemist has wasted his
life in the attempt to make gold from
the baser metals without success. For
mm'mv vonra tVia invpntiir haa tried his
J -" " ' - -
hand on perpetual motion and up to
, the time of going to press has not
.succeeded in making a motor that will
ar.ote. The railroad man's specialty is
the attempt to have two trains use the
same crossing at the same time. The
last case of this kind happened Tues-
lay noon when "
A BOLD HUNTER.
Lecturer (in loud voice): "I venture
to assert there isn't a man in this au
dience who has ever done anything to
prevent the destruction of our vast
crests."
Man in the audience (timidly): "I've
shot woodpeckers."
There are two kinds of men, those
who do what their wives tell them,
4.nd those who never marry.
We're not naturally suspicious, but
when we see four likely looking young
men carrying a long red scratch on
the right cheek we begin to wonder
idly if they're all calling on the same
girl.
un nome niamtuic rem ovia
Jow as two bits, there's no excuse for
t . 1 A I A ..r, A tiofr-
weanng em long wiese uajo. "
pin provides much better protection,
anyway.
The story drifts in from the fillum
lots in Hollywood, Cal., of an old gen
ti.moii hircwl as an extra, who kept
wnn.lprinir out of the picture and
hnmnim, intn thft camera. "What's
the matter with you? Have you lost
minH V vnwled the director.
MKVu " taid the old man. and then
hft added thoughtfully, "But I don't
miss it none."
ASK DAdJHE KNOWS.
Hamilton County Register.)
tv, Inenn W Rio-elnw u'hn siiras the
call for the new political party is the
same A. H. Bigclow who once was at
the head of Aurora schools and who
had the writer print for him a book.
He then stood high in the Knights of
Labor and presumably would deal hon
.tly and squarely with men who lab
ored for him. That was nearly thirty
years ago, and at that time he was
much better able than we to stand the
load. He has since held important po
v itfin3 but he has never paid the debt
He still talks as nice about labor and
the rights of labor as he did when a
young man, but the hard labor we did
for him was never recompensed and he
nas never even paid for the material
that we paid cash for. Do you wonder
that we are somewhat loth to enlist
under his leadership to improve politi
cal or any other conditions in Ne
braska. The Hay Springs Improvement cub,
which is a sort of a youthful chamber
of commerce, received a setback last
week. A committee of twelve mem
bers, armed with spades, shovels and
other tools, started out to construct a
dam across Hay Springs creek, the ob
ject being to turn the water from the
creek into the Alkali lake and feed the
fishes. The club neglected, however,
to consult the owner of the land as to
the proposed improvement, and he an-
peared with a shotgun and ordered
them off. They stood not on the order
of their going, but went at once.
There's a lesson here for all reform
ers, if they feel like looking for it.
Even with fair indications of oil
production, the chances in the west of
wildcat oil wells run about one out of
twenty-five. If some wealthy syndi
cate oners to arm a well on your
place, let them hop to it, provided you
are protected, but let the fellows
spend the money who can afford to
lose if it don't pan out.
Funny that a wealthy syndicate
would have to advertise for an oppor
tunity to erect an oil well on a liberal
royalty basis, isn't it? One would
think all they'd have to do would be to
select their location and put it up to
the owner of the land. He'd bo an
everlasting chump to turn anything
down that sounds as good as that
does.
But maybe the best locations in the
wildkitty oil game are those chosen in
this way.
All of us, as Lydia Pinkham used to
say, have our little superstitions.
Today's Best Story.
I There hasn't been one worthy of the
I title for a month. If you hear of a
good one, pass it along and rescue a
perishing editor.
Wonder what's happened to our lit
tle playmate from Bridgeport, Abe
Martin the Tooth.
1 W. K. Miller went to Marsland Man
I day for a short visit with relatives.
"iiiiiiiiiimtminiiiimm;
inmimtiiiiiiuiiiiiiiininiim'HTr
Festival Bargains
ON SALE MONDAY, NOV. 21st v
FOR THREE DAYS
Two boxes Medallian Sta
tionery for ' 76c
Two pounds Cascade, high
grade Linen Stationery,
for t . :61c
Two pints of pure imported Spanish
Olive Oil, for $1-26
A
Two bottles of fine grade Toilet
Water, your choice of either
Violet, Wisteria or Lilac,
for $1.26
Two bottles DeWitt's Cough Syrup,
for . .' 36c
Two bottles Kodak Dyspepsia Rem
edy, for $101
Two boxes Imported Rice Face Pow
der, for 61c
HOT WATER BOTTLES
$2.50 guaranteed Hot Water
Bottles and Fountain
Syringe, two for $2.51
ftp
BARGAINS IN
ONEIDA COMMUNITY SILVERWARE
One Set Six Knives and Six Forks $4.58
One Set Six Teaspoons .98
One Set Six Salad Forks 1 .2.49
One Deny Spoon 1.19
One Gravy Ladle ,. 1.19
Make Our Store Yours While Attending
the Festival.
HOLSTEN'S
Dr. Weyrens Talks
to High Students
on "Tuberculosis"
At the high school auditorium last'
Wednesday morning Dr. J. P. Weyrens
addressed the students on the subiect
of "Tuberculosis." He took up the his-1
tory of the disease stating that
through the ages enormous numbers
of deaths occurred from the disease
but still no one knew what tne cause of
the trouble was. It was in 1882 that
Dr. Robert Koch of Berlin discovered
the bacillus tuberculosis, the cause of
tuberculosis. From this date on great
strides were made in the prevention
and cure of the disease.
He stated that the number of adults
who have had tuberculosis some time
or another during their lives is much
higher than is generally supposed. He
1 . . J
an persons oeyonu miny years oi age
have had the disease and that all but a
comparatively small number have been j
cured by their own resistance and most j
of them never knew that they had the j
disease. '
He pointed out that the things which
prevent and cure tuberculosis are fresh
air, good food and regular hours for(
resi ana mai urux me prucucaiiy ui
no value as far as curing or preventing
the disease is concerned.
He stated that tuberculsois cannot
be inherited, but that a weak constitu
tion may be inherited and that if these
weak individuals -unduly spend their
energy,, it might be easy for the germs
of tuberculosis to infect them and
eventually destroy them.
New potato sacks, in any
quantity. 0'Bannon &
Neuswanger. 96tf
Your Battery Can Freeze
When a battery freezes it is ruined. Any battery in &
discharged condition will freeze in cold weather.
Store your battery with U3 when you lay up your car
and save money.
Come in and let us explain our method of "dry storage"
which stops the chemical action and prevents deterioration
of your battery while not in use.
If you need a new battery get a "Vesta" Storage Bat
tery with the plates locked apart, which eliminates short
circuits due to buckled plates.
ABSOLUTE GUARANTEE
We guarantee every Vesta Battery sold by us for two
years, and will make repairs if it fails to give perfect satis
faction within this time. This is the longest guarantee of
any battery on the market, and is absolutely definite and
unqualified. It will pay you to see us before buying a new
battery. Sizes in stock for all cars. , '
All Makes of Batteries Recharged
' and Repaired.
Free testing and distilled water. Rental batteries for
all cars. Batteries called for and delivered. Bring your bat
tery and starter trouble to us. Expert workmen latest
equipment complete facilities.
YOURS FOR SERVICE
Alliance Tire Works
Phone 7
Times Dldg.
I-
IN THIS ELECTRICAL AGE OF OURS man or
woman can use some sort of an appliance almost
every hour of his or her wakeful day. Electricity
knows no blue days. It is as faithful and willing in the
morning as it is in the evening.
Here is everything of "UNIVERSAL" quality in things
electrical Electric Toasters, Grills, Vacuum Cleaners,
Electric Irons, Percolators, Electric Fans, and a host
of other things that will lessen work and make life worth
while.
Tickets Given on Festival Prize
MAKE OUR STORE YOUR HEADQUARTERS