THE ALLIANCE HERALD. TUESDAY, MARCH "9. 1921
KEEP-U-NEAT PROMISES
ARE ALWAYS FULFILLED
IVoman Makes Quick New York Train
and Goes with Garments in
O. K. Shape.
MARVELOUS SERVICE
The busy merchant or manufacturer
f today must "go easy" on promises,
for in the stress of things it is easily
rossioie to xail down on getting out a
job of work at a promised time, even
though the promise were made in the
joesi 01 i aim.
But seldom, indeed, has the Keep-U'
JJeat fallen down on a job at their in
-anense Dry Cleaning and Dyeing es
tablishment at 207 Box Rutte
Here's an instance of a Keep-U-Neat
plfji Keep
fTTT Warm
Keep
y 1 Well
BESIDE the high
chair in the nursery
-wherever you need a
little extra heat that's
when the Perfection Oil
Heater shines.
Let us show you this
handy, economical, effi
cient heater and explain
'Perfection Selective
Heating."
PERFECTION
OH Healers
GEO. D. DARLING,
Alliance, Nebraska
nronv'e made and kept in a marvelous
manner:
ihe other day a lady customer of
the Keep-U-Neat came into the plant
and said breezily: "Mr. Hradnury, I
have just gotten word that I must
leave for New York tomorrow night,
and I know of no dressmaker who can
care for my gowns in so short a space
of time. You simply must fix up my
gown and my suit for me "and have
them to the house so that I can make
tHt train for the east tomorrow
night"
"Go ahead," Raid Chet Bradbury to
the lady, "you may go to New lork
tomorrow night and your garments
will be in a first-class shape.
And the suit and dress were- in
lovely shape at the required time, the
suit pressed and cleaned beautifully,
the dres3 as crisp and tidy as Uie day
it originally left the dressmaker's.
When the lady left for New York she
was toned to fashion perfectly all in
prim shape.
But it takes a whopper of a plant to
do such speedy work and do it good.
There must always be enough em
ployes about to permit oftwo or three
being put on to a rushjob with in
structions to "get the job out" at any
cost within a prescribed period of time.
Better depend upon the Keep-U-Neat
when you need cleaning work in
a hurry, but give them time to do the
work if you can see your way clear to
do so.
The Keep-U-Neat may be reached
by phoning No. 133. Advertisement.
Religious Fervor
Is Running High
at Hay Springs
ITnv Snrlnrra Kws! Pponl are fret-
- J I r ' ' VT
tinor such tvn written letters as this:
"Your family i on the road to heaven
and you ought to go along." There
may be a whole lot or train in tnis
statement but coming at a time when
tha twa minictoi la frvinir tl ndvanre
the church work and from anonymous
sources, nas a tendency to reneci ac
credit on him and his staff of co-
urnrlrora. The minister and his Co
workers have no part in thi3 seemingly
slight of hand performance on the part
of dramatic writers, as will be seen by
a statement over nis signature on me
front page.
AftpnH the Aluminum Sale at
the National 5-10-25c Store this
week and get in on some unheard
of bargains. 33-36
An v way a woman can shop twice
as hard and as long with a high-power
dollar as with an inflated one, so there
is no, reason why she should be un
happy.
A.l.litinnal nroof of the fiTOWth of
civilization in Mexico fs furnished by
the development of a row between two
factions of organized labor.
THREE
COMMENT & DISCOMMENT
The great American public is, as a
rule, lazy and indifferent, especially
so long as no effort is made to ntei
fere with it The result is, of course,
that not only welfare workers, vho
boost for bills which carry with them
appointments at good-sized salaries,
but all sorts of bureaus and societie
take advantage of them. American-
have been called gullible, when n r
matter of fact, they don't care. There
is usually a tainful moment once J
year, when the taxes are paid, mt the
most difficult thing in the world is to
get enough people interested in tax
reduction to howl at the con?rres and
the legislators at the same time.
Of course, one reason for this indif
ference is the fact that so much
money is spent that the average citi
zen, if he got interested, would have
to hire a corps of assistants and de
vote all his time to it if he were to
have a check on even a small portion
of public expense. The truth is that
the public money , is simply shoveled
out. Every department and bureau
head feels a sort of pride in having
the appropriation- for his department
kept up to the usual fisrure. or en
larged, and once he hires a clerk, dis
likes to let him go. it seems, some
how, rather a reflection on the impor
tance of his work.
To a great extent, this is true of
the state government, although a
legislature of tight-fisted natives
sometimes succeeds in cutting down
expenses a trifle. The national gov
ernment, however, is almost without a
check. Once in a while a congress
man or a senator lets out a howl, but
this is done usually for the sake of
impressing his constituents, and not
because he has any real desire for
economy. Some day he may want a
$50,000 postoffice for some little town
in his district, and if he had made him
self obnoxious, his chances of getting
it would remind one of the far-famed
snowball.
- - - Do you have
Music in your Home
If you are not having the enjoyment of MUSIC in your home, ,
you are missing one of the pleasures of living.
We will be glad any time to show you our line of
Pianos, Playerpianos and Victrolas,
Music Rolls and New Records.
WIKER MUSIC HOUSE
"Ererything in Music"
For instance, thousands of people
are employed in these United States
at gathering statistics. Many of these
are or doubtful value, and most of
them could be dispensed with without
causing any great concern. It's true,
of course, that occasionally statistics,
such as in life insurance, finance, and
other affairs, are of genuine value,
but as a rule one is reminded of the
old adage that there are three kinds
of liars plain liars, d n liars and
statisticians.
In Nebraska, it seems, there is be
ing issued volume after volume of sta
tistics, every state officer being not
only permitted, but encouraged to
print an annual report. The value of
an annual report is ordinarily gauged
by the number of pages of statistics.
Aside from the fact that it costs good
money to gather these figures, and
more good money to print and distrib
ute them, and thus keeps currency in
circulation and helps the poor printer
somewhat, there Isn't" any excuse for
a fifth of them.
Miss Benks some time later anil in-1
iuire., 'Haven't I met you some place
before? . . . It me think. . . 1
Oh, to be sure! It was in a bathtub
t Back bay the day of the foursome.'
"And if getting four people into a
tub is admittedly difficult, imagine
trvimr to crfiho r.i,ir.iinho nr tru
jerson as provided by the census fijr-1
ui
"Would the fifth person be willing
o l.4iiic im., torn -i.-iitn :
"And which four-tenths?
"Missachusetta is mum on these 1m
nortant questions, and lets it be in-i
ierre.1 that the fifth person at every
bathtub party will have to be content
with four-tenths of a bath, making it
necessary for him or her to make two
trips and a half in order to ret one
complete bath.
The cry of discrimination is sure
o go up from the throats of the Four
tenths classes, and the soviet ami no-
cial revolutionist movements given
further impetus.
Mill, it is well Massachusettn did
not announce the bathtub census years
ago, as the comparative figure now
made public for the first time shows
'hat in 18X0 there was but one bath
tub to 40.2 persons, a condition of
crowding that defiies the imagination!
"This is the first inference that
when they called Boston the Bay state
they used the word 'bay' in the color
shade sense.
"But, to repeat an old ndatre. where
there is life there Is soap: and Massa
chusetts believes that if the ration of
increase since 18X0 is maintained
there will be one bathtub for every
person inside of five years.
"In other words, Massachusetts is
hopeful of being able to allot one
bathtub per capita. This per capita
stuff is most interesting. For in
stance, the government says the per
capita wealth of the nation is $53.08.
You ought to have that sum, but have
you; similarly in Massachusetts.
when that glad day comes when the
governor can announce that every
citizen of the state should have one
porcelain bathtub there will be many
people able to take a complete inven
tory of their belongings without find
ing one.
"And, should the happy condition of
affairs lie really achieved would there
be enough Turkish towels to go
around,
"(N. B. Inquiry around New York
failed to reveal that any census had
been taken here to show whether New
York had one bathtub per capita or
forty per capitas per tub. Travelers
using the Bronx subway trains, how
ever, expressed the opinion that in
certain sections of the citv there could
not be more than one bathtub to 5,000
persons, and that that one was out of
order.)" ,
A World
. Necessity
w
HAT makes possible the running of
farms and businesses; the erecting of
schools and churches and homes; the
building of roads; the payment of wages;
in short, the carrying on of human activ
ities and life itself? It is saving, your
saving, our saving, the saving of those
who lived before us, that makes these
things possible.
You couldn't borrow if someone hadn't
saved and when you haven't saved
enough for your own use you must pay
others for the use of what they have
v saved. It's fair, isn't it?
But why not save for yourself, receive five per cent
interest on your savings and accumulate enough
to buy things you will want with your own money?
Opening a savings account with us will help you to
do these things.
Come in today.
The -
First National Bank
Just as an instance of statistics gone
to seed, we might mention that the
bureau of biological survey is engaged
in working out an extensive plan to
keep tab on the travels of wild ducks.
When a wild duck decides to quit bis
summer home "somewhere In Canada"
he invariably leaves in a hurry and
neirlects to leave any forwarding ad
dress. This doesn't suit the bureau of
biological survey, United States de
partment of agriculture, who would
like to keep track of Mr. Mallard's
ramblings, so the department is work
ing out a system to offset this careless
ness. This consists of trapping the
birds and marking them with alumi
num leg bands, each carrying a num
ber and the address of the depart
ment. When a duck is killed the
hunter is requested to refhove the band
and forward it to Washington, to
gether with information as to when
and where the duck was killed.
Wanted to buy both your fat
And stock hogs. O'Bannon and
Neuswanger. Phone 71. 18tf
A cooking school for men has been
stablishcd by the state college in!
Pennsylvania. . More sobbing into he'
dish towel when she tell him the bis
cuits are not like father used to make.
We hope never to get so rich that
there won't still be something we want
for Christmas.
Massachusetts recently completed a
census of the bathtubs in the state.
II. I. Phillips, writing in The State
Journal, discusses the matter most hu
morously, but no one seems interested
enough- to figure just why money
should be spent to chai't the distribu
tion of bathing apparatus in the Bay
state. It s true that this information
ought to be of value to the manufac
turers of bathtubs, but if so, why
shouldn't they spend the money. If
the United Cigar Stores wants sta
tistics on the number of possible cus
tomers at any prospective location,
they send out their own scouts. The
state of Massachusetts, which planted
a heavy foot on the Boston policemen
in their fight for a living wage. oblig
ingly does this work for the porcelain
manufacturers.
However, the census expense hasn't
been entirely wasted. It will give a
few cheerful moments to some light
minded people to read Mr. Phillips'
observations on the bathtub census,
and we are going to reprint what he
has written:
"Massachusetts has completed a
census of bathtubs. Whether condi
tions in that particular state made
this highly imperative or not is not
disclosed, but the figures reveal there
is one bathtub for every four and four
tenths (4.4) persons.
"This is extremely unsatisfactory.
Four persons have never succeeded in
getting into one bathtub at the same
time with any degree of comfort.
In fact, it is quite a difficult trick.
"Even tho the four people are well
acquainted and able to make allow
ances for another s bathtub manners,
quartet bathtubbing is never a high
ly successful diversion socially, ath
letically, or acquatically. And a bath
tub census takes its people hit or miss
picks them at random, as it were I
GENUINE
HULL"
DURHAM
tobacco makes 50
good cigarettes for
rih ,0c
In getting back to dancing normalcy, Poll tax for women would brin
compromise might be reached on the them another of the doubtful joys of
...I.. 111.. I ,
cuizensnip.
a com
quadrille.
Imperial Theater
XT J. Warren TVT
ERRIGA
AND HIS OWN COMPANY
"$30,000"
5
ACTS COMEDY DRAMA 1
ADDED ATTRACTION
"HER CIRCUS MAN"
-WEDNESDAY, MARCH 30-
Madge Kennedy
in the :
"Highest Bidder"
Photoplay, Matinee at 3 o'clock
SPECIAL ATTRACTION
EVENING
Boane College
n MEN'S ' 1D
L E E G LUW
Tickets on Sale by
Members of Alliance Woman's Club.
-THURSDAY, MARCH 31-
Western I lebraska
Declamatory Contest
Afternoon and Evening.
PHOTOPLAY EVENING ONLY.
COMING FRIDAY, APRIL 1- -
James Oliver Curwood's
"Nomads Qfthe North"
"The Massachusetts census, followed
to its logical conclusion, simply hurls
the populace into the available bath
tubs, four to a tub, without as much
as 'Mrs. Jones, I'd like to have you
meet Mr. Smithers; Mr. Smithers,
Mrs. Jones, etc.
"And then come those embarrassing
aftermaths (or fhall we Fay after
baths?) when Miss Jenks runs across
USED CAR SALE
We Have On Hand
1 1919 DUICK 65 passenger
1 1917 BUICK 45 passenger
1 1918 REO 4 5 passenger
1 1918 DODGE, 5 passenger
These cars have been thoroughly overhauled and are
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Buick' Garage