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THE ALLIANCE HERALD, FRIDAY, NOVEMRER 26, 1920.
RANDOM SHOTS
DWl you ever read the jokes in the
telephone directory? Here's one, tak
en from "How to Use the Telephone"
pasre: "After you have passed your
call, licten carefully while the operator
repeats it If she repeats it correctly,
say 'Right'; if she repeats incorrectly
say 'No' and pass the call again."
Did you ever hear anyone say
"Right", as the directions plainly say,
when central caught the number?
Neither did we.
"In answering the call, say, for ex
ample: 'Mr. Jones speaking,' or
Smith & Co. Jones speaking.' This
method of answering identifies you,
and saves time,"
But isn't it a waste of time to say: ,
"Smith speaking?" Why say that
you are "speaking" when it must be
apparent to anyone save an incurable
lunkhead?
Third and last joke from the di
rectory: "The success of this com
pany depends upon our operating
along lines that meet the approval of
the public"
TOR SALE Two elegant Simmons
twin beds, or will exchange for baby
crib and carriage. Oorge Stout, 911
South 15th St. Omaha World-Herald.
The sailor who won the lady fair
must have voted the republican
ticket If Burleson hadn't been in
charge of the mails, he would prob
ably have won her several months
ago.
Those sailors have a way with 'cm.
Speaking of Thanksgiving dinners,
we have never been able to under
stand just how it is that even the best
of cooks will dish up mashed pota
toes with the turkey. We have made
it a rule never to eat vegetables so
long as there is any food left on the
table.
Looking Forward
The other day, over at the Talace
Market, a woman and her little boy
stood at the counter awaiting the
preparation of an order of lamb
chops. While the cutter was french
ing the chops and getting them ready
for their little white pantalettes the
boy pulled his mother down to whis
per into her ear, "Mamma, aren't you
going to get some wienies?" "S-s-h,
Lawrence," she admonished, "we have
T1IREF
We Announce
A New
DEPARTMENT
OF TOY
Open About
December First
All New Goods
Is
to have something different for com
pany." There are two ways in which we
have never offended we have never
printed any homemade poetry in thia
column; and we have never made any
home brew.
And. as yet. we have never printed
any "bright sayings" by the children.
We hope Some Power will keep us
firm and steadfast.
Though we have been tempted from
time to time.
Extracts from a Thanksgiving poem
featured by an exchange, which says
that the authoress rend it twice with
out any serious results to the audi
ence. One of these was before the
Pleasant Hour club, but maybe they
had something else to make out the
hour:
With peace and plenty, the year 1920
Has swung 'round and Thanksgiv
ing is near.
And with thankful hearts all we are
pleased to recall.
The blessings that have come with
the year.
And first and foremost of prohibition
we boast,
A country, a nation gone dry;
No saloons to be had, we can't help
being bald,
For their return none but drunk
ards will cry.
If on a journey you go, as you very
well know,
Your ride's not under government
regime.
That scheme is now past; it sure
couldn t last,
Though wonderful at first it did
seem.
But here, not so fast, the best is the
last,
The women are voting today.
After all these years, with their hopes
and fears,
The women can have their say.
The city youth was taking Thanks
giving dinner with his uncle on the
farm. He saw the table loaded with
things to eat, and no sooner had he
seated himself, and tucked a napkin
under his chin than he started wad
f f a - At
ing mio me lurKey. "Mold on,
nephew," admonished the uncle. "Not
so fast out here we usually say a
little something before we eat" "Go
right ahead, unc," said the city lad.
as he scooped up another mouthful of
potatoes and gravy, "go right ahead
you can t spoil my appetite."
After the feed we had, we can for
give anyone amateur poets not
barred.
Wasn't it a glorious day?
What has become of the fond
father who used to promise his small
son, for good behavior, the first silver
dollar he found floating down the
river on a grindstone?
What do you think of a man who
will call another from a Thanksgiving
dinner, only to impart to him the in
teresting information that the whole
city was excited over a most brutal
murder
And then have him say that an
unidentified turkey had been killed.
Ho hum! It's difficule to work
when all you can think about is the
THE UNIVERSAL CAR
To the business man, retail or wholesale; to the manufacturer; to the commit
ion man; to the trucking company, the Ford Model T One Ton Truck makes
an irresistible appeal because it has in its chassis all the merits of the original
Ford car; the wonderful Ford Model T Motor, the dependable Vanadium steel
chassis, and the manganese bronze worm-drive. A strongly built truck that
serves satisfactorily and lasts in service If these statements were not true
the demand for Ford Trucks wouldn't be so constantly on the increase. We
will be pleased to take your order for one or more Ford Trucks, will see that you
get reasonably prompt delivery, and will give you an after service that insures
the constant service of the Truck. But don't wait too long. Get your order
in promptly.'
Coursey & Miller
mm
-3.
mm
5i
last eighty bites too many you took
of turkey and pumpkin pie.
But newspapers have to come out
and somebody has to furnish the
copy.
And the boss of this column is the
goat the stuffed goat.
The meanest man in the world is
the father who gave his small son a
nickel to go without Thanksgiving
dinner, then in the night stole the
coin out of the boy 'a trousers, r'l
in the morning spanked him for loos
ing it
Upper Box Butte resident naw a
disheveled man, without hat, rum
pled Hair, soiled collar and necktie
awry, chasing a turkey down the al
leys the day before Thanksirivinc
The gobbler was dressed in a loose-
fitting gunnysack, through which his
legs hit the ground with some speed.
ReDorts differ as to th uinrlnn of fh
chase. Some say the bird, being
Mindiouted, ran into a fence post and
broke his neck; others say that his
legs got tangled up in the sack-suit,
thus cutting down his speed.
But, after the turkey had been cap
turned, they cut oq his head to make
sure it wouldn't happen again.
Today's Best Story
"The women folks up to Kansas
City are mighty public spirited about
some things," said Gabe Gosnell of
Grudge, who was just back from a
short stay in the Big Burg. "I seen
a fine looking girl on Twelfth street
using a lip stick and a little mirror
as she walked along."
"Say you did?" interestedly return
ed an acquaintance. "Well, d:d you
happen to see any of 'em taki'tir them
public baths we read about in v.e Kay
See papers?"
NO TICKET FOR THE BRIDE
They had been married at high non
with barely time to reach tho train
amUOie new husband rushed up to
the ticket window once ami then
once more, they nad run the gauntlet
of friends, who hnd sneaked down to
the station to throw rice.
They got aboard at last, and when
the train started they sighed with re
lief. When . the conductor enme
around for the tickets the young man
handed his over. After looking for
a moment, the conductor asked if the
lady was travePng with him.
This was the lut straw; so the
young man snapped out: "please mind
your own business!"
"Just what I am trying to do," said
the conductor with a grin,
fare, please."
"One mor
Place orders now for Canyon City,
and Kirby coal. Dierks Lumber Com-'
pnny. 103-104
Maybe we can import a few Au
trian archdukes and archduchesses im
aid the servant problem.
See the Fur Man
Monday and Tuesday, at
Highland-IIolloway Co.
New Market Friccs Show
20 to 50 Reduction, at
Highland-IIolloway Co.
Red Moon Flour
Takes First Prize
In the recent Campfire Girls' Contest
First Prize was won by Wauneta Robin
son, who used Red Moon Flour. You may
have first prize bread, too, by using this
flour.
We Carry All Kinds
of Chicken Feed.
Farmers Union
Set (hit down, tool
Spurt are crimped
'not pasted. You'll
tee it in the seam of
every Spur. You'll
find it means letter
laste, easier draw
ing, slower burning.
What Do We Mean
We put Spurs on the market with our
eyes open. We knew "There was Room
at the Top for highest possible quality
at lowest possible price" and we said so
in print.
And now Spurs are perched at the top
but tec didn't put them there. Smokers
did it themselves. You can't keep a good
thing down and it didn't take smokers
long to discover that Spur had something
they wanted.
What was it? Just that good old
tobacco taste; that quality of bygone
days. Spur's blend is choicest Turkish
fine Burley and other home-grown tobac--cos
and it's some blend.
Now how about smoking a top-notch
cigarette?
Liggett & Mters Tobacco Co.