HIE ALLIANCE HERALD. FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 26, 1920.
TWO
COMMENT & MSCOMMENT
A number of estimable SeottsMufT
ronrn are on the warpath. They
have discovered that a skin lotion can,
under certain cond'tinns, Iwvnme a
"skin time," and the way they ac
quired that knowledge hints exceed
ingly. Every little vhile the news
papers expose grafts of one sort and
another which are worked upon the
unsuspecting by sharper and city
alickers, but despite repeated warn
ings it's always possible - for the
smooth-tongued to find suckers. Us
ually they pick the men but some
time the fair ses fall for their guile.
j tho-e infernal words for a
utes. a grcut light burst
We remember, Ivrk in the days be
fore we had attained editorial dig
nity, we were work'ng the typeset
ting machire in the home ofTice. Be
ing the son of the boss, we had the
privileges of the front ofTice, and oc
casionally, when the beat was poor or
the copy shy, we would wander up to
the regions where customer were
dealt with. On the morning in ques
tion, we were toasting our shins atop
cold radiator when the door opened
and an angular lady of about fifty
fivo or sixty entered.
The visitor was tall and skinny, and
had a voice that reminded on in
stinctively of a can-opener. She had
hut one redeeming feature her hair
was beautiful, a very very few
heads of hair can be, especially when
they are streaked with gray as was
hers. It was a magnificent head of
hair, and the homely cut of her jib
didn't detract particularly from the
radiance with which it Impressed it
self upon those who gazed upon her.
few min
upon u.
Why, darn it nil. those weren't abbre
viation. They were simply woi'ds
spelled backward. Tla became plain,
common, every-day "salt," and Xorab,
that formidable looking word, was
"borax." Yet that infernal old
schemer had been felling bottle of
stuff that cost her not over fifteen
cent at Ave dollar a throw and she
had boasted to us that her customers
Included three bankers' wives, half a
dozen clubwomen and others. She had
showed us her sujes oks, with the
name written down.
With Yankee directness, she talked
business immediately. She wanted
tome printing clone some bottle la
bels for a hair tonic and scalp i.nvig
orant that was, so she confided in
Bs, simply wonderful in its efl'ect.
And looking at that mop of hair, we
mentally agreed with her. She ac
cepted our price after some attempt
to have it reduced, promised to call
for the labels at noon, and went out
to make up some of this tonic. The
demand for it had been something
terrific, she assured us.
And so, having no further excuse
to loaf in the front ofTice, we took
that job of labels out to the back
ioom and started to put it in type. It
was written in an execrable chirog
r.tphy, and this is the way it looked
to us, as near as we can remember it:
5 oz. Tlas.
IG oz. Xorab.
1 fit- Distilled Water.
3 oz. Glycerin.
2 oz. Ado.
3 oz. Grain Alcohol.
There may have been a few more
Ingredients, but if fo we have forgot
ton them. Now in those days we were
studying chemistry, and the more we
looked at those abbreviations, the
more our curiosity was aroused. The
handwriting was rotten, and we felt
certain that perhaps we hadn't been
We to read them correctly. We
wanted the printing to be O. K.
and we had collected half the price
In advance so we put on our hat
and ambled down to get a coke and
consult with Clark Neir, who kept
the drug store next to the corner.
We had quite a bit of fun out of
it eroturh to pay for the balance of
the bill she owed, anyhow. And that
eNperience is filed in the fanvly ar
chive along the the good-!ooking
young girl who sold dad a couple of
dollars' worth of that handy "Stick
alene," a stick of dried mucilage. All
you had to do was to wet it and it
could le used any time. Never
spilled on the desk never wore out.
Handy as a pocket in a shirt. Inside
of forty-eight hours it had dried to
the consistency of sealing wax, and
even hot steam failed to make it
loosen up. Even while it was young,
it wouldn't stick anything.
HERMITS AND
HUMBUGS
By JESSIE E. SMERWIN
And there was the young lady who
had a novel scheme of selling per
fumery. She didn't try to sell it to
women only men. v ifty cents a
throw for a one-ounce bottle. She'd
bn.ee one man in a crowd of men.
He!d turn her down. Then she'd darn
him to match her for it. If he won,
she'd give him a bottle. If he lost,
he'd buy one at fifty cents. They cost
about 2 cents each. We saw her mak
ing up a fresh supply at the barber
shop when we went home to dinner.
Of course, no man could refuse to be
a sport and decline to gamble with
her, especially if he were in a crowd.
The ScottsblufT women invested in
a recipe for a skin lotion, which Is a
variation of the hair tonic game. The
Star-Herald describes the modus
operandi thusly:
"The smooth talking agents, after
tossing several bouquets to the lady
on whom she was calling proposed
the sale of a face lotion recipe, as
suredly the finest thing ever offered.
Only ten dollars for the recipe, which
also carried the sole rights for the
preparation and sale of the lotion in
Scotts BlufT county. Sold again, doc
tor. It was as easy as snatching the
proverbial sweetmeat from the also
proverbial kid. It worked splendidly
and to the satisfaction of all con
cerned until a day or so later when
a couple of ladies met and in their
both talking at once managed to con
vey to each other that they had very
fortunately had the opportunity of
securing the sole agency for a fnce
lotion. Then they stopped talking,
looked at each, other a moment and
then laughed. Investigation brought
to light the fact that the suave agent
hart disposed or some six or seven
"sole rights" in Scotti-blufT, and good
ness knows how many may not be re
ported, all at ten dollars each. The
same thing occurred at Gering, and
is presumed at all of the other
towns of the valley.
ut an sai worn ,or tongue or
pen, tnc saddest are these, 'Were
vtung again.
We confided our troubles to Clark
while sipping at the coke, and he got
out his glasses anil examined the old
girls' formula. Then he shook his
head and went over to his copy of
the pharmacopeia. We joined him
and looked through the T's. There
wasn't a single drug that' had the
abbreviation Tlas., and yet that was
ne of the words that was written
comparatively plain. We looked
through the X's and Xorab. was a
new one on the compiler of that mas
sive work. And so was Ados. We
finally decided that she had made
some error in the spelling, but she
was to call at noon, and we rushed
back and printed the bottle labels as
she had them written.
When she came in, however, we
mentioned the fact that she had evi
dently misspelled the words. She
looked at the labels. "No( a bit of
it," she said crisply. "They're exact
ly right." We ventured to suggest
to her that our favorite druggist had
not been able to place them. "He's
just a simple-minded country phar
macist, probably," she said. "He's
irot a whole lot to learn abput drugs.
And yet he pretends to be able to com-
-pound prescriptions. It's an outrage."
.We went into details with our custo
mer, and explained that in the whole
of the pharmacopoeia hot 6ne of her
drugs had been located. You see, we
wanted to set her right. We didn't
want her to continue to spell those
names wrong,
i -
Then6ur customer blew up. She
- Upbraided us for being suspicious of
her and up unlil that time we hadn't
the least suspicion. Honest! She
told ua a lot of other things, meant
for our own good probably, and after
assuring us that she was a lady, she
took that package of labels and beat
it up the street, declaring that we'd
never get another cent of her busi
ness, even if she stayed in that town
thirty years. Incidentally, she neg
lected to pay the remainder of the
bill, and we were too dumbfounded by
her flying off tho handle to remind
her of it.
But after she had gone, we picked
UD that label we'd sared one for
seed. Maybe we hoped we could get
it filled, and crow as nice a head of
feair as &ha had. And after studying i
Stock hogs want?d by the Ne
braska Land Company. 103-tf
THE LAST STRAW
A well-known packing firm is ad
vertising a number of brands of can
ned meats, among them was humbur-
ger steak and onions. It was noted
that complying with the pure food
iw, the cans containing the hambur
ger carry the legend, "With cereal
added. Just why it should be neces
sary to add oatmeal to hamburger is
one of the mysteries of the age. We
can forgive the butcher for putting
it m sausage; it is so much cheaper
than pork, and quite filling, if not so
tasty, but in hamburger! Stars and
garters! When we figure out what
hamburger is made of we marvel that
expensive oatmeal should be added.
C. M. Jackson in San Francisco Bui
letin.
TURN OLD CLOTHES INTO CASH
Get the best price in the city for
used clothing, shoes, trunks, bags,
guns, etc. Workman & McLaughlin,
Corner Second and Box Butte. 104tf
Ala-
the
SELF-PROTECTION
''You admit, then," said an
bama judge, "that you stole
hog?"
"Ah sure has to, Jedge, said the
colored prisoner.
"Well, nigger, there's been a lot of
hog stealing going on around here
lately, and 1 m just going to make an
example of you or none of us will be
safe." Lawyer and Banker (New
Orleans.)
Stock hogs wanted by the Ne
braska Land Company. 103-tf
Mrs. Fred Nelson of Lingle, Wyo.,
who is at St. Joseph hospital recover
ing from a serious operation, is re
ported to be doing nicely.
See the Fur Man
Monday and Tuesday, at
IIIghland-HolIoway Co.
(Copxriii m, mil). Mrri.ra Nttinn.i I nionl
Fufl and cult mine only occasion
ally to Hrookton. hut when they did
they found a ready high priestess lu
the shape of Mis Allre Wade. She
was thirty, comely still, and prided
herself a the object of adnrati d
Severn I widower mid bachelors, but
o fur lind Ulsdnined till suitors except
Robert Siiniii.
"And sli keep rue trifling along."
Sluinis told Id sister lluth. "a though
we were gninj; to lie young foreveV."
"Alice- loves youth and variety mid
excitement." lluth reminded Hubert
Indulgently.. "She tins plenty of mon
ey and enjoy spending It."
"Frltterliia it away, you mean. cor
rected Sitinns with some asperity.
"There wti Unit moon-faced prophet
of the stilt, (hut HNtrologlcnl humbug
who won her "over as patroness of the
occult ll-lit of the tirent Hear, lie
managed fo Dwindle her out of a cool
tllOIISMllll.
'What Is the trouble now?" Inquired
Ituth.
"Oh. a new exponent of spiritistic
science cnMs himself Professor Abou-
kar Hnmnd. lie ha delivered a lec
ture on his new theory of soul cul
ture, and Alice nnd the society of
which she I secretary have gone wild
over his economic and social nostrums,
Idealisms and llluslvelsins.
But Professor Abouknr llamnd lind
no Men of departing from the rb li
field he had wandered Into. lie pro
fessed to have found In these new
devotees "mystic mediums," capable.
under culture along psychological
lines, of aiding him lu his great experiments.
"It Is only by segregation that a
revelation, from the spirits can ma
terialize." he pronounced. "I have dis
covered a natural hermit cell over nt
the edge of the town, and a week of
solitary reverie may fit me to revenl
absolute demonstration of ghostly suggestion."
The "hermit's cell" proved to be nn
abandoned habitation on the lonely
summit of Prospect hill known to
every resident. It hud been the home,
or rather den. of an eccentric old man
who lived all to himself. After he
died the rumor thnt he was a rich
miser lead to the ransacking of the
place, but no hidden treasure wn
found, although the professor Indi
cated that by til magic art the same
might come to light.
A generous purse was made up for
him and a wagonloari of provisions
brought to the place by three asso
ciate mystics, as he termed them.
Some marvelous developments were
pledged ly the professor as the result
of his Isolation. Ills faithful sponsors
looked learned and solemn as they
spoke of the week of retirement and
reverie to which the professor had
sacrificed himself for the. good of the
cult.
Hubert Slinms went nut of his way
to evade passing the Wade home. He
railed to his sister every evening
against the faddist and declared that
all was over between himself and the
lady he loved.
"Why, those infamous swindlers. I
learn, used to travel about the country
with a cheap show, playing the clair
voyant and mesmerizing fakes to
credulous audiences. 1 have found out
that the money donated for their reve
lation rncket was Invested mostly in
liquor ami cigars, and Farmer Albin
told me that he drove past the old
hermit place last night and the Il
lustrious professor and his fellow I
scientists were having a regular Jamboree."
The special committee of the club
that had financed the retirement of
the professor was In session in their
quarters two nights later, when there
was a great commotion In the street
outside. Then the doors were burst
open. In horrified amazement the
ladles shrank hack as the professor
reeled Into the room. His nose, always
red, was more rubicund than ever; his
long hair was matted and In disorder.
He was followed by his three devoted
assistants, and the quartette fell
against one another and engaged In
the maudlin chorus of a drinking song
as they staggered towards the plat
form, - k -
rUreat materialization, ladles," pro
nounced the erudite professor. "Spirit
of Plato fully materialized. I will tiow
make my famous address on the
divination of spectral entitles."
Not here you won't." announced
the village marshal, coming forward
with several assistants. ."You and your
crew are wanted by the police of May-
rllle for passing counterfeit money.
Peter Potts, alias Professor Aboukar
Hamad, your career of glory Is over."
Miss Wade rushed from the hall In
tears. She fled even rroin ner cumul
ated sisters. A crowd outside Jeered
and yelled. Some one caught her arm
and led her out of the hubbub and
commotlou.
-Oh Robert," she sobbed, looking v
and recognizing her rescuer, -wow
can I look respectable people In the
face again?"
"Look me In the face," directed Rob
ert seriously, "and assure me that this
Is your final faddist experiment, and
I will see that the incident passes Into
oblivion."
She obeyed him, and so pleading, so
penitent was the expression of that
tear-stained face that Robert Slmms
bent down and kissed it and felt sure
that his bride soon to be wss safely
cured of her folly.
MAKSLAND
Mrs. William Tarbutton returned i
to her home at Osnge, Wyo., this week
after spending a few days here visit-
Ing her Fon, Virgil, who attends school i
here. j
Dr. Rogers, who had intended loent-
in Marsland, left Monday morning for j
another location after staying here for
a week. I
The Junior league held a box social
and program at the church Saturday
evening. The youngster enjoyed
themselves and realized a good sum
from the sale of the boxes.
Mr. Ycung returned to her home
in Scottsbluff Thursday afer a short
visit with her sons. Mrs. Young, Jr.
entertained a few ladies Tuesday
afternoon in her honor.
Mr. and Mrs. Harry Townley ate
moving into the Trussel house this
week. Their goods which they have
had stored arrived here Tuesday.
Wade Curry ha gone to California
where he will spend the winter.
Frank Black was in Hemingford be
tween trains Thursday.
S. H. Trussel came home Sunday
afernon from a business trip to Kan
sas and left again Monday morning
for the eastern part of the state.
H. A. Huntley left Monday for
Sheridan. Wyo., where he expects to
locate.
Mrs. Holingrake, Mrs. W. Kendrick
and Mrs. Snow have all been sick with
the grippe the last week.
Dayton Sullenburger was in Craw
ford on business several days this
wek.
Mrs. J. M. Tollman entertained the
M. E. r'd society last Wednesday
afternoon.
Miss Helen Brown of Alliance spent
Thanksgiving with her friend Mrs.
Earl Gregg.
Mr. and Mrs. G. C. Alexander left
for St. Paul. Nebr., last Thursday
after a two weeks' visit with the lat
ter's parents, Mr. and Mrs. Steve Ar
rents. Fireman Whittier of Alliance visit
ed Ernstine McLaughlin over Sunday.
Alex Smith who had a hard seige
of pneumonia is able to be up and
around again
RADIUM
THE NEW
Scientific Surgeon
CURES CANCER
Also Tumors, Bleeding from the Womb, Tuberculosis of
the Skin, Birthmarks, Deforming Scars, Many Types of
Ulcers, Etc.
WITHOUT THE USE OF THE KNIFE
Employed by the Specialists connected with the
HOT SPRINGS CLINIC
Hot Springs South Dakota
Stock hogs wanted by the Ne
braska Land Company. 103-tf
t . GS FIRST.
A visitor at an Irishman's farm in a
southwestern state did not find every
thing as he deemed it should be.
Anomg the first things he said was:
"See here, Pat, you keep your pigs
too close to the house."
"That's just what the doctor told
me," said Pat, "but for the life of me
I don't see how its going to hurt the
pigs."
UNIVERSITY OP NEBRASKA
SCHOOL OF AGRICULTURE
AGRICULTURAL FOUR WEEKS COURSE
Monday, January 24. 192i to Friday, February 18, 1921
Students choose from following courses ottered: Live
stock judging; live stock management; dairy; crops; pro
duction; diseases of animals and plants; horticulture; farm
organization; farm accounting.
Registration Fee $10.00. Minimum Age 18 Years
AUTO-TRACTOR FOUR WEEKS COURSE
Opens Monday, November 29. 1920. New class may reg
ister every Monday after opening date until March 7 with
exception of December 27. v
Practical instruction and shop work in repair work and
operation of Automobiles and Tractors.
. Registration Fee $20.00. Minimum Age 18 Years
For further information address
PRINCIPAL, SCHOOL OF AGRICULTURE
University Farm, Lincoln, Nebraska
REAL HUMOR.
"I'm putting on a show for the boys
from France, and I want something
funny. What do you suggest?"
"Show them some battle scenes
from the war movies produced while
they weite away." Life.
New Market Prices Show
20 to 50 Reduction, at
Highland-IIolloway Co.
Curtis Best Flour
White and Yellow
Cora Meal
Graham Flour
A fresh car of the above just received.
Remember we also carry a full line of
Shorts, Bran and Mill Run Bran.
Also Rock Springs Lump and Nut Coal.
O'Bannon & Neuswanger
E MAN
A WIS
Once Said.
v "The average person handles thousands of
- dollars every ear which is his own money
TEMPORARILY. The trick is to make
more of this money stay with you."
- If those people who do not have a bank account could be
made to realize the satisfaction obtained from knowing
just where your finances stand at any minute, there
would be no question of their starting one.
Let this bank help you form the habit of saving money,
more easily thaiv spending it.
-A '
THE FIRST NATIONAL BANK
Alliance, Nebraska
i
