TWO
THE ALLIANCE HEItAM). FRIDAY, FKRRITAUY 27. 1 920
Random Shots
These rules are commended to the , Us men will have to be careful
attention
Elhs.
of Brother Eagles and I from now on.
The colored minstrel troup that
hit Alliance on Monday evening was
an aggregation of gentlemen. Thoir
demeanor was placid and meek, their
behavior exemplary and their per
formance excellent, by the way. We
happened upon the following Bet of
rules and regulations, propetly
signed and attested, which indicates
that there may have been a reason
for their conduct. We copy these
verbatim, whatever that Is:
It was noticeable that there was a
lot more spirit shown at the Junior
c1a3 play when it came time to give
their own ytlls.
RULES TO BE CARRIED ON
PERSON
And Must De Remembered and Abid
ed By Otherwise Subject to
Fines as Per Rules Named
Rule 1 Ten Dollars Fine ($10.
00) For using vulgar or profane
language in the presence of ladies,
on or off the show.
Rule 2 Five Dollars Fine ($5.
00) For kidding and arguing in
public; for news carriers and agita
tion. Rule 3 Five dollars Fine ($5.
00) For smoking In orchestra pit
or In any part of the front of the
house, or on parade or concert.
Rule 4 Two Dollars Fine ($2.
00) Orchestra must be in pit at
8:15 sharp; band in street at 12
soon or 4 p. m.
Rule 5 Two Dollars Fifty Cents
($2.50) That you must look after
all uniforms in your possession and
keep them clean as possible.
Iiule 6 Each and every individ
ual must take instructions from the
manager of the department in which
he or she is employed, otherwise will
be subject to fine whatsoever the
manager may see proper and fit.
Govern yourselves accordingly.
When those boya hit the univer
sity, one of them will be able to Mng
"Boola-Boola" louder than the whole
gang did at the performance.
The waiter brought the soft-boiled
eggs,
Boiled harder than a crock.
"Can't make 'em softer, boss," he
said,
"They're from a Plymouth Rock.
News report says that the oldest
horse in Massachusetts has died at
the age of forty-three years.
Shucks! We know donkeys who
are twenty years older than that.
And parrots live to a real ripe age,
Today's best story and, sad to
say, It's a true one:
An Alliance girl had company the
other night. The company was lib
eral and brought along a whole box
of chocolate creams. Our heroine
ate about half the box of candy
and It wasn't such an awful big box
either and then drank a whole lot
of water. We don't know how much
water a whole lot la, but it's con
Blderably more bulky than a whole
lot of other kinds of drinkables
Later in the evening, an arm stole
around our heroine, and Bhe was
hugged. Not an ordinary squeeze,
with caution due to lurking belt pins,
but a regular bunny hug. And our
heroine fainted dead away.
The company in this case was an
other g!rl. Honest injin! And not
a very big girl at that. We mean
she wasn't the muscular kind.
"Sweeps CLEAN Up to the Handle' '
THRIFT and saving in the home are becoming
more and more important every day. Why
overlook the saving which can be made on
everyday articles a broom for instance?
Practice real economy by getting a ZEDA-LEE, the
NEW STYLE LEE BROOM. Will not flare or
pread; will not scatter straws.
3f:-''iV shield
Cut the Sewing
vtbrn your ZEDA-LEE broom wear
down remove the threads. There'
lots of good sweeping left.
The patented fastening underneath
the shield holds the broom corn
firmly pointed downward in
the natural way. 1 his is
exclusive feature of the
ZEDA-LEE, It is this
feature that make it
possible to cut the sew
ing, and to use the broorn
close up to the handle.
The NEW STYLE
ZEDA-LEE is a double
service broom. Try one.
LEE BROOM A DUSTER COMPANY
Boatoa. Mass. Lincoln, Nebr. Day port. I.
Satin
ffyfc finUhad j
JprzJtfV awamalad I
MM
irL mil
W ' WMSS I AW
boulders it
aavea against
araarinf .cutting
ad bracking.
Mother (as John asked for some
Pie) "John, did you ever get
enough pie?"
John "Yes."
Mother "When was it?"
John "When we was studyin' It
at school."
In anticipation of the great need for more Building
we have assembled the greatest stock of Lumber iu
our history.
From Timbers to tne nnest Lumber we are ready to
meet your every requirement. ,
And because we bought early and in large quantities,
our prices offer most unusual opportunities. ,
Compare our quotations with others. We are confident
we can interest you. 5j.:J.S431
WM. BEVINGTON, Manager
No more chocolate creams when
you go up to see her o' evenings.
Health hint: Beware of eating
chocolates just before or during a
call.
An ardent basketball fan, who has
been taking In all the games this
season says there Is one couple who
are usually to be found perched on
one of the back seats. When Inter
est Is at fever pitch, and everybody
else is standing up and yelling, this
couple remain seated.
All the spooning isn't done In the
parks.
Some newspapers are said to give
papers away, and other newspapers
are known to run advertising that
Isn t ordered.
They're all of them a hard lo
THE SEVEN-YEAR ITCH
(If You Oct It Once You
Never Want It Again)
History of Jeff
His feet are big, and mostly all toes,
Ills cheeks resemble a worn out
rose;
His head is made of the very beot
Btone,
While his skinny fingers are mostly
all bone:
His nose is fiat like he'd had a hard
hit;
When he opens his lips it's either to
eat or spit:
His chin is pointed like the point of
a knife,
When we ask him to play a game, he
hasn't enough life;
When arithmetic time comes he be
gins looking pale.
And his hair stands straight up as
stiff as a rail:
He then rubs his head an begins
looking sick,
An tells the guy next to him how
he hates arithmetic:
He squirms around in his seat and
wags his head just so.
An' looks up at the clock an' says
be s sure it s slow.
An that recess ought to be here
mighty dern quick.
So he could go out an play hard an'
forget arithmetic,
By Taul.
P. "It seems that since that guy
was born the leather factories have
grown a lot. I wonder why that Is?"
W. "Oh, he takes so much
leather for his shoes."
When Mack takes his vacation
half of the police force is removed.
Will Itazor
He's got dark hair and yellow eyes,
His feet are of immense size;
His uioulh is not croo&ed but very
straight,
While some dope he calls hair covers
his pate;
His nose sticks out like a woodpeck
er s bill,
While his homely chin gives you a
chill;
He wears long pants and a real vest,
too,
And sometimes a coat and a nice
smelling shoe;
His teeth are large as are hia feet,
While for size hia hands are hard to
beat.
By Paul.
It was arithmetic time when all
'round the room,
The kids were restless and full of
gloom.
The teacher's thoughts were on some
other guy,
With a checkered suit and a green
necktie.
While I was having the time of my
life,
With my pen or my pencil, or maybe
my knife,
The other kids were reflecting the
sun on their rings.
While the girls had dolls and other
girl things.
" By William.
We are going to raffle off our mod
ern picture machine. The lucky
number wins it. Announcement will
be made next week.
THEY WERE ALL, THERE
In the bureau of war risk Insur
ance, the files of our fighting forces
indicate that many prominent men
were represented by namesakes. Of
"George Washington" there were
123, "General Washington," six;
"Robert E. Lee," 119; "John Qulncy
Adams," forty-seven; "Abraham Lin
coln," only five. General Grant,
General Wellington. General Pickett.
General Jackson, and even Napoleon
Bonaparte were all there, although
their rank in the world war was that
of private.
A DISTINGUISHED FAMILY
The Rodrlguea family from Porto
Rico, according to the files of the
bureau of war risk insurance, tent
894 nn Into the American forces
and among this number, which wa
almost large enough for a battalion,
there were but seven first names, as
follows: Domingo, Frnnchco, Jose,
Junn, Konion, Toning and Antonio.
Tha serial number of each man was
In the COO, 000 class.
Oil Is now being pumped trom
completed wells In the Mule creek
field Into the new 35,000 barrel tank
erected by the Illinois Pipe Line com
pnny and the company Is now wait
Ing on pipe to complete Us line to
tho railroad at Dakomlng.
w
fit-.
ry .1.-:
t:..Z.i-.mf
a
2...;. """ T "Mrowft
Vnclo Doc Pays:
"If anything makes me
mad it's the Wise Boy who
hugs his carefully saved
dollars to his wish bone and
nays: 'Not me! No, slreel
I don't build this year.
Everything Is too high.
"Listen, son. Everything
Is high but everything in
the building line Is going
higher. . It took years for
prices to come down after
the Civil War. Will it take
less after the World War?"
When You Put Your Own Key
In Your Own Front Door
That new home you are building, will reflect your own personality,
your foresight, your wise planning and your good taste.
You may find it difficult to get certain products in the builders'
hardware line. The demand is great and we are bending every effort
to meet it.
Building activity will be wide spread and all-inclusive in character.
Homes, apartments, office buildings and industrial plants must and will
be erected. .
So, by all means avoid the delay by anticipating your wants well
in advance use Corbin Hardware throughout your home. We will be
glad to assist you in making your selection.
That back stair door, cellar door, storm door or closet door would
never need be ajar with a Corbin door closer on guard. In home or office
Corbin door closers will do their work faithfully and silently and give
dignity to their surroundings.
If you don't want to build
to inhabit, build to rent.
Probably ten to twenty fam
ilies stand ready to pay you
a big profit on your enter
prise. This is (he time to
build!
yp
80
MX
PIANO SALE
Our Side Your Side
The piano purchasing public of Alli
ance, Nebraska, we wish to inform, wc
have inaugurated our great Clearance
Sale because we found our ware room
bulging with high grade pianos of stand
ard make makes that made our stock
ideal for this great sale.
Wc also felt the purchasing public was
now in ideal position to take advantage
of our great piano offerings at this time
with a most prosperous year looking them
in the face.
We have always been favored with a
very generous share of the patronage of
the music loving pubic, for which we wish
to thank them and take this opportunity
of expressing ourselves to our numerous
patrons and friends for their valued sup
port and patronage, and would also like
to impress on any one contemplating a
piano purchase within the next five years
the fact that this great sale of pianos of
high standard make is one that they can
not afford to miss.
Wo are presuming that you are the
head of a family and that you have chil
dren in whom you take great pride. Wc
arc also presuming that you would like
to give your children a start in music and
purchase a piano.
You have had this in mind from time
to time, but you have delayed purchasing
for the reason that possibly you were
looking for a bargain in a good piano, or
you may have said the piano I want is
priced at more than I can pay convenient
ly, or terms asked are too high.
No doubt you have thought or 6aid all
of these things. Now let us tell you in
candor, now is the time that you have
been patiently waiting for. Now the pur
chasing public has an opportunity of pur
chasing the highest grade and the best
make of pianos ever offered at the old
prices. The new prices on pianos will be
much higher. Now is the time to act ami
select a Baldwin, Ellington, Hamilton or
theManualo Player piano.
Our factory representative is here to
demonstrate.
MANN MUSIC & ART
COMPANY
ALLIANCE NATIONAL BANK BLDO.
ALLIANCE, NEBRASKA