" -1-1 ..I- : ! t , ..: . ,
-'I v . h ... t .-: - .
Random Shots"
re wrote ,Jt:j?Oo 'bu ,Want to
Get Married TV, and Friend Op. made
It f ead "harried" In type. " '
le swears : that he had no inten
tion, of punning but we'll, leave, it
to you if it doesn't look suspicious.-
Still,- he's a" single man,- and Ex
perience has given him no leBsons.
Maybe he had a cold.
j rj , , ; v
Some day the' law. will not say It's
murder under certain circumstances.
Tragody in- the' movies: . The vil
lain drags the helpless canary bird
from its cage and throttles It.
' . . .
A 'South Alliance man says that
be has his eye on a parrot, that needs
the same treatment.
1 V
The dog poisoner and the "house
of mystery" seem to have ceased op
erations about the same time.
Today's best story: A gentleman,
more or less under the influence, was
returning from the Imperial late one
Saturday night. Ills feet failed to
track Just right, and he collided with
one of thOBe ' striped barber poles,
bead-on. His frlenQs helped him to
bis feet and heard him say: "Shay,
boysh, d'you remember that ; long
legged girl wisch. striped stockings?
I'll shay she's some high. kicker!"
yPe'd tell you who told. vus that
one, but you wouldn't believe It of
him. ." : .-'.! :f.;
1 ;
All we will admit Is that It wasn't
Look!
Do Your
They need hurt no longer. ' A
trip to this store . to consult the
'; Chicago Foot
Expert
whom we have arranged to have
here during business hour
VrlU 'examine ycvr feet and advise
Jou how to quickly obtain comfort,
le is a specialist, and he knows all
about foot troubles and their causes
and correction by scientific means.
Tflertisa
i M Scholl
Applixnc orRonegf RrEvayEx3tHouU
't He Is being loaned to this store to
give all our patrons and others the
" benefit of bis skill and knowledge.
There Is no charge whatever. His
' expert services are
; Absolutely FREE '
Everybody Invited. No one should
'think of missing this opportunity.
. There Is no foot trouble too small
or too great for him, Come and see
for yourself.
; This specialist Is a member of the
Staff f ; ' s ; .
Dr.WmlMSc!ioU:
the Great Foot Authority
and was personally trained by him
in his methods and in the use and
fitting of his scientific corrective
devices.' L-- a i.-,.
.Corns, bunions, callouses, weak
: arches, flat foot, weak ankles, cramp,
ing toes, "rheumatic",, foot and kg
; pains, tender feet and all other foot
i discomforts can be relieved at once
; and corrected quickly.
Come In Sure
Jan. 26 and 27
"WaichYotxrFeetV
- -r k
Alliance SKoe
- Trad
O Mark
Feet Hurt?
nufe Jones.
i i-:
'A Lincoln professor says that it
Is the duty of every family to hold
an artistic housncleaning every once
In a while, and throw away all pic
tures and statues which do not con
form . to the proper aesthetic
standard.; ; j , 1ifj ,., .. ,,
I This topic baa taken, a deep hold
oil us. j We are going to appeal to
ope of-the ypung men at the board'
id g house, in the interest of art,, to
grow a moustache.
,,We hope. Incidentally that red tarn
(hold 'er steady, op that's a bad
word to misspell) will disappear.
When art comes in at the door,' it's
time for tarns to fade away. '.
I i . ....... ' '
p Maybe : Park. wlll
green. necktie.'.. .'y
discard
: that
Our motto! "Art for art's sake.'
A Russian prince admits that a
vegetarian' dfej made blm muscular.
He can bend a quarter With his teeth
tid .crack walnuts, with his fist.
Russian prlnce3 are fortunate In
deed if they can get vegetables to eat
in these days of the soviet.
Now we know why it is tliat the
thin gentleman at the boarding
house concentrates on spuds.
-'The edict has gone forth in New
York City, the original habitat of
the(highball, that all signs advertis
ing liquor must be pulled down or
painted over.
Oh, well; the memory lingers, any
way. - 1 ..
t
' The tired married man has one
refuge amnesia. How simple It Is
to draw a big wad of money out of
the bank and then disappear for two
or three months. When you return,
pretend to have lost your memory.
The wife will fall on your neck and
weep, the children will suspec noth
ing and the family-dog will resume
friendly relations at once.
An Alliance young man who Is
particular about his washing, the
other day, wrote a note to his wash
erwoman and one to his girl, put the
wrong adress on each envelope, and
sent them off. The washerwoman
was well pleased at an Invitation to
take a ride; but the young lady wept
when she read: "If you ever again
muss my shirt bosom and rub the
buttons off of my collar as you did
the last time, I will go somewhere
else." . ..
THESEVEN-YEAR ITCH
(If You Get It Once You,
Never Want It Again)
Punk Poetry of (Guess Who)
The paper of the Seven Year Itch
ain't Bore,
If you get it once, you get It noamore.
It tells of the kids with a yellow
, bean,
And also of the kids that's awful
green; ; :
For instance there's a guy a gen-
' ulne regular guy,
With , a dandy smeller and a very
clear eye. '
i :
His mouth is open all the time about,
And from this he waits for the words
to come out.
He sits real tight never says a word
, J J 1 . . . . a
auu aiways Been uki never ueara.i
He's the only guy with a very bad J
voice, , f ' . '
An' between him an' a mule you ain't
got much choice, i
From lack of vegetation on his head.
The hair that he has Is turnln' red.
He's the nicest, sweetest little child,
An' the Rabbit's a good name be
cause it's so mild. )
- ! By WillumV
We don't know about the first
' anamalad f . 1
VROoMHrvrs '
iwi in briuh roA
Ml
pa Am floor. I'm
troom-hlter or
ue ikI of Ui
biu-n it Mt
TIIK ALLIANCE HERALD, FRIDAY, JANUARY 23, 1920.
fart of ScotBblhft's name, but" we
sure do about the second.
Herbert (to .Taul) "Why ain't
you going to the show lately?" -
; , Paul ''Oh, Willum run "out of
money." (.t ;.;,,,!,,t i..-.;, ., ; :
' ". . i'm- : . K'i
Roses .la red an', violets Is blue
See the Seven. Year Itch for all dope
. , that's new. , . ,.
... ,
, P. "Why does Herbert's feet stay
so flat on the floor in penmanahfp."
'" W. "Because his feet are so big."
The Seven Year Itch
It's on the Jump all the time;
It prints all the news from a Joke to
a rhyme. : f j
If you get It once you subscribe for a
i dime, i : -v, ' ' .-''!
: : , t ' -By Us Editors
' If all of us santf like Herbert the
other rooms could study better.
Two papers', The Rabbit and The
Hornet have tried to start ftp against
us since , we began , and both have
caught The Seven Year Itch and died
from it. ' ; i
Thing That Make "Smiles"
There are papers that people call
"punk";
There are papers we say are "rich."
But; the paper that fills our. heart
with gladness, ' . -.
Is the good old Seven Year Itch. ;
. Br Paul. ;
Paul "Bill, 1 saw Herbert going
to Sunday school."
Bin "im from Missouri; you'll
have to show me before I'll believe
that";, ..... ..- '(,, ; ; , . ;
T. "Why Is Willis so sorrowful
now?" -
W. "Why, you poor nut, he's go
ing to Emerson'. today and he will
have to leave his girl."
When Herbert was young he was
in the dairy, business, but he had to
quit it because the pump gave out!
CHURCH OP CHRIST
0
The 'WimOne" campaign as sug
gested, by the American Christian
Missionary society will meet with the
approval of all and calls for a unan
imous effort on the part of the con
gregation fpr a gracious fulfillment.
Now is the time to begin. Keep this
in mind at every service, Inside the
church and out. Paul said: "Thli
one thing I do." The winning of
souls and training them in Christian
service , is the Christian's privilege.
Jesus said; "What doth it profit a
man if he gain the whole' world and
lose his own soul?" With this In
view we announce our sermon sub
ject for next Lord's day morning:
"The Power of Faith." At the eve
ning hour the ladies' missionary so
clety will give a pageant, "Forty
five years of service." This will be
a program you will desire to see s?nd
hear. You will also be welcome at
the Bible school - and Christian, en
deavor prayer meetings. The mid
week meeting Wednesday evening is
one of the best.. Come to the church
with a message and a welcome. '
STEPHEN J. EPLER, Minister.
' !-' '; 'T
FIRST BAPTIST CHURCH
i '"'' .
A very Interesting program is be
ing carried out by this church, and
the people of the community are re
sponding most heartily In their at
tendance at the services of the
church. Next Sunday morning at 11
o'clock the pastor will speak on thp
subject '"Intercession." In the eve
ning the subject will be "Tbs Great
Temptation." ; Special music at each
of these services. In the evening we
expect to have some, special features
that will appeal to anybody ' and
everybody present." Remember you
are always welcome at the church on
the corner ' of ' Seventh street i and
Laramie avenue, the ' "Home-like
Church." Bring yonr friends and
you will never regret it. - i
An Economical Broom
NOW comes tKe DAISY-LEE.
a new style, differently con
structed broom, with an im
proved and patented feature that
makes it: s-ukku'.-z -u.i:
DR00MS1
The protective' fibre shield over th
shoulder prevents breaking. aJJndcr
noath the shield the patented fastening
of the body of the broom to the handJo '
holds the broom corn in a firm position
and keeps it pointing down.' When
worn pretty well, cut the sewing re
move the threads The New Style
DAISY-LEE BROOM is still good for
lots of sweeping.
Only a test can prove how one DAISY
LEE will outwear and outlast two or
three of the old style, straw-littering
kind.
tJf-1t
a muL
Up '
baodW'
" The Junior and young people's so-
cletles meet at A .'SO p. tn. Special
program and everybody Invited.
J. ORRIN GOULD, Minister. .
METHODIST CHURCH '
-The Sunday school banner will bo
given next Sunday morning to the
class having the largest number whb
have not been there for three months
or more. They may. be either new
scholars,' or old ones.1 " " '
''There is a good spirit at the cot
tage prayer raeetlugs., The, Interest
and numbers are Increasing.' All the
units will meet at the church next
Week, it being The last Wednesday of
the month. ., ; o , ,' ., ' , , .,'
'At the service next Sunday eve
ning, a few minutes will be devoted
to a testimony meeting, when the
queetiou will be answered, "What led
me to Christ?" Another feature of
the service will be, the illuminated
cross, when all the. lights, of the
building will be turned out .except
those ou the cross, and the choir will
give several special selections. , i
i MEARL C, .SMITH Pastor, . .
i :n .i ii i i ...; ' !
5
Many a7 man's only extravagant
habit la a wife.
( ' '' ' '.' '
lJMv?M "Ask the Man!" Vpvi
jQb (Permit No. 709)
-
r
In this day and age of high prices it is good to hear a man say: "I got
my money 'a worth.' It affords no end of pleasure to Ford dealers to hear ,
this statement reiterated time and again in the course of a day's work among
satisfied Ford owners. ! . !j , v. n,
The Ford car admits, of , no dissatisfaction,. It is profitably made by
profit-sharing employes, profitably sold by dealers ready and Willing to Berve
and profitably bought by discriminating buyers.
Will history repeat itself t You remember that during the course of the
late war our Ford car was last to take a jump in price. You have noticed
that car prices are still steadily increasing. Better get your Ford car now.
You know the price and you know it's wort!h the "price. ' " v '""
DRAKE & DRAKE
OPTOMETRISTS
i . .; i - -
Hotel For Sale
Mi ' ' : i f i
This includes "prosperous hotel business;
hotel building ' and five : town ; Jots ; ; fifteen
bedrooms; dining room serves ' 150 meals a
day at the present time;..Ternis vill be rea-;
sonable., Tames interested inquire at or
can
! I t ;i '! 't'i :; !, 1 1
v' ' ': '! .1 .' : ' T 1 -t
LAKESIDE HOTEL
..'Mi I
Lakcsidei INcbt. ;
if.' r n
The Alliance Packing
Company
ALIiMNCR, NCnRASICA
Is no longer a project, . It is a reality!
The most important industry in Western
Nebraska is now an accomplished fact,
and the people hereabout incidentally
have th opportunity , of ah investment
that is legitimate, safe and ' highly,
THE UNIVERSAL CAR
Courey & .Miller
FOEDSON TRACTORS AND POWSR FARMCfQ EQUIPMENT
. Insist on Genuine Ford Part
THREK
''''Glasscs-'-ii
Accurately Fitted
w" -r,-
8Irt'llox,Ilutte Ave. rhone "lit
j-.i'i . i iin y f 1 . h u r ....
i ) r i
: i
I !!''! v.- I I :.', .I.T'.i,,. ' u
l! i!f
i
Same Hatanaka, Prop!
i "!'. - , !! . 'i 1. '.'I ,lt I
! ' I ." !'. '
mm
Store;
S. 'A. Miller Prop.
pJ mm, two or mar DJTT
U.& tocUjr. UtWi r,iiv