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About The Alliance herald. (Alliance, Box Butte County, Neb.) 1902-1922 | View Entire Issue (April 24, 1919)
THE ALLIANCE (NEBRASKA) HERALD Thursday, April 24, Ulf 4 r ft- Lloyd's Col'm The fire-eating colonel had receiv ed a letter which consumed him with rage, but this wps his noble reply: "Sir My stenographer, being a lady, can not transcribe what I think of you. I, being a gentleman, can not think it, Dut you, being neKher, will understand what I mean." He called his typist to his office. "Miss Keytap, you dress neatly and you have a well-modulted voice. I anight add that your deportment. Is also above reproach," "You shouldn't pay me so many compliments." "I only want to put you In a cheerful .frame of mind before taking up the rx-atter of your spelling and punctua tion." The two friends met on the street jit they were hurrying to their re spective offices one morning. "Hello, Lander old man!" cried one, as he frasped the other's hand. "Congra tulations. I hear you have a new youngster at your home.'.' The new father glanced around apprehensive ly. "For heaven's sake you can't hear him way up here, can you?" William Howard Taft, In address ing a class of would-be editors at Yale, was trying to ImpresB upon Hhem the Importance of accuracy and the unfairness of misquoting public men. "Sometimes," he said, "a slight rror may have momentous conse quences. A friend of mine went Into a restaurant and ordered noodle soup In the very first spoonful he dlscover d a needle. 'George,' he cried to the waiter, come here. See what I found In the soup? A needle.' George exam ined t' e needle critically and grinned "Daft all right, sun, Just a little mis take, suh, Just a mere typographical rror, a typographical error. Dat needle should have been a noodle uh."' "Can anybody tell me what har ness Is?" asked the teacher. Not a aingle boy knew. "Well," she contin ued, "Is there any boy here whose father works among horses?" One mall boy stood up and answered. -Yes teacher; mine does." "Well." said t' e teacher, what does your father put on the horses every morn ing?" "Please, teacher, every cent lie has." Jane Addams of Hull House said at a mothers' meeting; "How quaint the minds of children are! One New Year's Day I gave a little girl a present of a diary. "This la a diary,' I explained to her. 'Every day you must write in it a record of your life a record of how you live." The little girl turned the blank pages of the book and asked: "But why Isn't it calleda livery Instead of a diary, ma' am?" Nobody Is having a harder time aolving the employment question than the returned doughboy himself. The chap who didn't have a string on bis Job when he Joined the colors Is prone to grab anything that comes his way, now that he's back. That's how It happened that a certain slight cf-band artist In one of the Main street side show came to grief. He had made a marked dollar disappear right before the eyes of his audience. Now he drew himself up and said: "And now, ladies and gentlemen, we'll find that marked dollar in the pocket of some one In the audience In fact it reposes in the pocket of yonder lad In khaki, Just returned from France." All eyes turned on the doughboy. He arose and amble awk wardly down the aisle. Fram his pocket he drew some coins and hand led them to the showman, saying: "Here's your change mister. I ran in to my trench mate out there and he was hungry, and seeing I had that dollar In my pocket you told me to keep till you asked for It I Just had tlon. One day a constituent asked to blow his to a bite to eat." him for a receipt for success. "Tern- perance," answered James, adding, The late Senator James of Ken- "Corkscrews have sunk more people tucky, tho he represented a wet state Cork Jackets ever saved." was a staunch advocate of pronlbj- It pays to advertise In The Herald. WeB'Armed! When company comes thsre i3 no time to waste no chances to be taken so mother sees that there is al ways a can of CALUMET BAKING POWDER on hand. Cakrs, pies, doughnuts, muffins and all good things to eat must be dressed up in their best taste and looks. Then, too, her reputa tion as a cook must be upheld and she "stakes" it on Calumet every time. She knows it will not disappoint her. Order a can and have the "company" kind of bakings every day. Calumet contains only 6uch ingredients as have been approved officially by the if. S. Food Authorities. Ts mm wha ym bay it. Ym mm wfe j m it. mm The Greatest Name In Goody -Land r'&ERFEC1 'GUM KMJl 9 Flour Feed Goal Farm Implements FARMERS' UNION COOPER ATIVEASS'N FOR SALE or TRADE . A five passenger Ht'PMOBlLE Touring car in excellent con dition completely equipped in every way. Will sell for cash or trade for cattle. Call at . The Herald For Full Information or Address Box 183 NOTICE All accounts due" Snoddy & Mollring are payable to Snoddy & Graham, at the same address Snoddy & Graham PUBLIC SAI J 1 will sell at public auction at my ranch, 21 miles northeast of Bridgeport, 15 miles east of Angora, on tr Monday, April. 180 SALE TO BEGIN AT 10:00 O'CLOCK A. M., THE FOLLOWING DESCRIBED PROPERTY: IEAD OF CATTLE 180 Thirty cows and heifers with calves; 50 cows and heifers, will have calves; 25 cows and heifers; 30 yearling heifers; 4 bulls, registered; 40 yearling steers These are all native cattle, grown on this ranch 15 HEAD OF MORSES 15 One gray mare with foal, 9 years old; 1 gray mare with foal, 12 years old; 1 gray work horse, 12 years old, 1 brown mare, 6 years old; 3 three-year-old marcs with colt; 1 three-year-old mare with foal; 3 geldings; 3 two-year-old mares; 1 Shire stallion, 3 years old. Seated TUht Kept Rltfht MISCELLANEOUS ARTICLES lhay wagon, 2 sets work harness; 2 saddles, 1 Buick car, 1 stirring plow, 1 breaking plow, 2 scrapers, 2 grindstones, 1 (?aso. line barrel, 1 cream separator, 1 phonograph, 1 dress form, 1 11x12 rug, carpet sweeper, oil stove, 2 dozen chickens; etc. FREE LUNCH AT NOON TERMS OF SALE: All sums under $10, cash; over $10, six months' time will be given on approved notes bearing 10 per cent interest. No property to be removed from premises until settled, for. " ' Mr So Licb Peer 9 OWNER HARRY GOLDEN, Auctioneer MARE SPANOOLE, Clerk