r
Lloyd's Column
-flxtnzTtntnn
It Isn't Hi" lnMr That's Higher
A Box Hutte county farmer etop
fed a BCBlber of The Herald force
on the street the other ilay and said.
"1 want to subscribe for your paper.
1 8 we that it's only $1.50 per year
I'm Pin prised that you haven't rais
ed the subscription price Iast fall
It would have taken two bushels of
potatoes at seventy-five cents per
bushel to pay for a year's subscrip
tion to The Herald. Now only one
half of a bushel at f 3 per bushel will
pay for a year. You folks ought to
tet more for your advertising and
for subscriptions. We get more for
what we have to sell."
l.lod' 1 olunt
t dit.it 'v six in Id Know lvcr thing
"Father." asked the small boy. of
an editor, "isJupiter inhabited?"
"I don't know, my son." was the
truthful answer.
"Father, are there any sea ser
pents?" "I don't know, my son."
"Father, what does the North Pole
look like?'' Hut alas! again the an
swer: "I don't know, my son."
At last, in desperation, he inquir
ed with witherin emphasis:
"Father, how ever did you get to
be an editor?" -Mutual Magazine.
l.lo'a lumn
A Hong of Hate
(By Damon Hunyan In the New York
American )
Now wealthy John P. Stubblefield
Has neither kith nor kin.
But he often speaks about the blood
We ll pay the Germans in.
Then up goes John P. Stubblefield
To the courthouse on the hill
To kick about his taxes
While your son goes to drill.
And John P. stands where he
can see,
And hollers: "(Jive 'eui hell for
me!"
Now this same John P. Stubblefield
Was young in ninety-eight,
And hated Spain and Spaniards
With a very savage hate.
Yes, this same John P. Stubblefield
With wrath was 'most insane,
fio some of us went marching off
To help avenge the Maine.
And John P. stood where, lie
could see,
And hollered: "(Jive cm hell fori And cuts bis chnuffeur's wane.
me! He fought against preparedness
Now he warns of army Kraft
And tells the War lepRrtment
To hurry up the draft
Well, my old man once said to
me:
" He's like his pa in sixty-three."
Well, this SHme John P. Stubblefield.
He started up n store.
And he was getting good and rich
When we came back from war.
And some of us were broke and sick.
And all were mighty slim.
But John P Stubblefield was glad
We gave cin lu ll for him.
And my old man. he said to me:
He's like his pa in sixty-three "
Now that's been nineteen years ago,
And John P.'s rich as mud.
But somehow he can't get away
From that strange lust for blood.
He hated Mexicans awhile.
And yelled when Company B
Went hiking off to Mexico:
"Boys, give Vm lu ll for MM!"
And John P. bid on army shoes
As soon as he received the news.
So this same John P Stubblefield
Is hating of the Huns;
He says he's sorry he can't send
A half a dozen sons.
Then up goes John D. Stubleflel.l
To the courthouse on the hill
To roar about taxation
As your boy goes to drill.
He raves about the horrid Hun.
While your son lugs a nine
pound gun!
I
Yes, this same John P. Stubblefield
Makes speeches by the yard;
Me criticises congressmen,
And criticises hard.
He wears a flag upon his coat
There's Hags around his store;
He's raised the price of woolen yarn
Because of this here war.
My wife is knitting sox these,
days- -
That's how I know about that
raise.
When some one said we all should
save.
Who was the first to send
A letter to the papers
Advising folks to spend?
"For saving would hurt business
In saving, panic lurks"
Why. tins same John P Siublelield
Then he laid off fifty clerks
And fifty teamsters at a slip,
While your son studies mark
manship'
Yes. this same John P. Stubblefield,
He burns with righteous rage.
He storms about the income tax
It's this same John P Stubblefield,
With neither chick nor child.
Who hates those (iermans with a
hate
That's very hot and wild.
Of course. 1 h.'te the (iermans. too.
For that is only fair
But I do not hate them half as much
As I hate John P. there.
Now, Lord, forgive such
thoughts, I pray
DM your boy fm to camp today?
Then up goes John P Stubblefield
To the courthouse on the hill
To kick about his taxes
While your son goes to drill.
And when the transport's, loaded.
And Its nose swings to the sea.
With Sons of Men along the decks,
1 know where John will he.
John P. will stand where he can
see
And holler: "Give 'em hell for
me!"
l,lo.vrt' 1 olwmw
OM si sijrii. "Don't Yarn Advertise"
"Folks says it pays to advertise."
said old man Bangs to me. "Folks
says the merchants that is wise
prints prices folks can see "' But Si
las Sanders, poor old jay, says, "No,
not on your life!" for advertising
was the way old Silas got his wife.
He sent an "ad" all wrote up slick,
to some dern magazine that says an
"ad" will do the trick and fetch a
i queen, ai. suns novel
a lot; he Went and wrote a let-
Yoti orter see the Queen he
The queen got him," is bet-
Fair List Prices" nflj
m
man
knew
ter.
ter.
She seen the "ad" and came to Si
as fast as steam could bring r: and
bye and bye she tan the ranch, gol
ding 'er! So if yon don't want no
black eyes or no disturbance near
you, don't say it pays to advertise
where poor old Si can hear you!
William f. Kirk in Cleveland News.
Clear Your Skin in Spring
SiMing house cleaning means
cleaning inside and outside. Dull
pimply skin is an aftermath of win
ter inactivity. Flush your intestines
with a mild laxative and clean out
the accumulated wastes, easy to
is
HLAm AFE7Y TQEA rl T DBS P
JUMP FROM BED
IN MORNING AND
DRINK HOT WATER
Open sluices of system each morning
wash away the poisonous, stagnant
matter, says authority.
and
glass of hot water with a teaspoonful of
limestone phosphate in it, drank each
morning before breakfast, keeps
us looking and feeling fit.
Life is not merely to live, lint
to live well, eat well, digest well,
work well, slecj well, look well.
What a glorious condition to
attain, and yet how very easy it is
if one will only adopt the morning
inside bath.
Polks who are accustomed to
feel dull and heavy when they
arise, splitting headache, stuffy
from a cold, foul tongue, nasty
breath, acid stomach, can, instead,
feel as fresh as a daisy by open
ing the sluices of the system each
morning and Hushing out the
whole of the internal poisonous
stagnant matter.
Everyone, whether ailing, sick
or weli, should, eactr morning,
before breakfast, drink a-glass
of real hot water with a teaspoon
ful of limestone phosphate in it
to wash from the stomach, liver,
kidneys and boweUl the previous
day's Indigestible waste, sour
bile and poisonous toxins; thus
cleansing, sweetening and puri
fying the entire alimentary eanal
before putting more food into
the stomach. The action of hot
water and limestone phosphate
on an empty stomach is wonder
fully invigorating. It cleans out
all the sour fermentations, gases,
waste and acidity and gives one
a splendid appetite for breakfast.
While you are enjoying your
breakfast the water and phos
phate la quietly extracting a large
volume of water from the Mowl
and getting ready for a thorough
flushing of all the inside organs.
The millions of peope who
are bothered with constipation,
bilious spells, stomach trouble,
rheumatism; others who havo
sallow skjns, blood disorders and
sickly complexions ape urged to
' lift a quarter hound of limestone
phosphate from the drug store,
which will cost but little, hut is
sufficient to make anyone a pro
nounced crank on the subject of
internal sanitation.
-BBSS K--t-SSSBP-Z 1
sc.
' "V '
- .... ,".
viiftv
SI
ILLIONS of miles of roughing it over
the worst roads of our country produce
Goodrich Black Safety Treadsthe
TESTED TIRES of America.
Millions of miles of mauling against the teetn
of the road confirm Goodrich's UNIT MOLD,
unbroken cure, as the BEST construction for
fabric tires.
Millions of miles ground over sand, rock and
gravel by Goodrich's Six Fleets of Test Cars
eliminate the RISK, preserve the BEST, in
tires for you.
Millions of mlUs whirled off by the tlx fleet
midst New England hills, the pin lands of
Dixie, the, peaks of Ysllowstona and Glacier
Psrks, on the plains of Kansas, be aids th
Minnesota lakas, and along the Pacific Coast
make Goodrich Tiree TESTED by ALL America
Get the benefit of the lessons of these mil
lions of miles of tire testing only the BEST
survives THE TEST in Goodrich, matchless
fabric tires Black Safety Treads.
wmi
THE B. F. GOODRICH GO.
Akron, Ohio
In. li nfo mi.k' s the famous
SilviTiown t'.ord Tires, which won
the M( Itacing Championship
Alxo the lirtl TubrJlrou)n and Gray
LOCAL BRANCH ADDRESS
ym stis y
'Best in the Long Run
A Complete Stock of Goodrich Tires On Hand and Sold By
KEELER-COURSEY COMPANY
Phone 19 112-114 East Third Street Alliance, Nebraska
'take, they do not gripe. Dr. King's
New Life Tills will clear your com
plexion and brighten your eye. Try
, Dr. Kind's New Life nils tonight
'and throw oft the sluggish winter
Bhell. At druggists, 25c.
Adv 2
GOVT. WATKItS MILLION At His
I Secretary Lane announces that the
1 1916 census of the government re
I cla ma t ion projects shows an Irriga
i hie art'ii of land within these pro
jects of 1.426.000 acres. Of this
I acreage water wan actually furnished
to and crops harvested on 925,800
acres. The value of the crops was
i approximately $3;,000,000. or un av
) erase of $38.25 per acre c ropped.
The value of the ciyps as shown by
line preceding year's census was $18
000.000, or an average of $24 per
acre cropped.
I In addition to thiM. the Kovernment
reclamation projects also furnish wa
ter to outlying areas served by pri
vate canals. It is estimated that al
together the government projects are
now furnishing water actually used
on at least 1.000,000 acres.
Heal Skin KiuptJoiiH
l'ainful eczema is more active in
spring when the blood is over-heated,
the burning Itching torture is un
bearable, relieve it at once and heal
the eruptions with Dr. Ilobson's Kc
zema Ointment. This antiseptic rem
edy is promptly effective in all skin
1 roubles. I'imples, blackheads, acne,
tetter, ring worm, scaly blotchy skin
all respond to Dr. Hotonon's Kc.ema
Ointment. Jet it todry at your drug
gists, 50c, guaranteed.
Adv 2
PICTURES RETAIN
THEIR SUPREMACY
"Itirlb itl a Nation," Soon to ApM-ar
at Imperial Theatre. Ool la.se.
All Other rictmes
I Ik- world advances, should it
liappi ti iii his time and while he still
tins ins vondarfnl urasp. porhipt i
YV. tirilfith may tind a subject to
produce that will mean intiuitelv
more to all the people, thai will be
in far Ml more eta borate and entail
inconceivably more expense and dif
liciilty. but, until mk-Ii a time comes,
if it ever does, his III rt h of a Nation
spectacle, covering as it does, tin
Whole rupture hetween the two dis
tinct factions of a treat country and
whai ami' out of it. to a glorious
conclusion will remain the high
water mark.
It shows what can be done, it is
true, and most people believe thai
what has been done can be done, yet
Shakespeare, hundreds of vears ago.
proved what it was possible to do
with the Kngltvh language ami still
lie has ni,l heeli sill passed oi even
approached to this day ami likelv
never will be.
In this glorious spectacle one is
actuall ywltneHSiiiK in a single sitting
the condensed action of a lifetime in
the annals of our nation. I
War, romance and sociology play
immense parts but the entire gann
telet of human emotions is played
upon as never were they before and
as it is doubtful If they ever will be
again.
Mad t ough".' Feverish? (ii'lppy?
You need Dr. King's New Discov
ery to stop that cold, tho soothlni
balsam ingredients heal the irritated
membranes, soothe the sore throat,
the antiseptic qualities kill the Kerm
and your cold is quickly relieved. Dr
King's New Discovery has for 4$ -years
been the standard remedy for
coughs and colds In thousgnds of
homes. Uet a bottle today and have
it handy In your medicine cheat Jor
coughs, colds, croup, grippe and all
bronchial affections. At your drug
gist, 50c.
Adv- 2
ger, showing Confederate soldiers on
the firing line eating sparingly of
short rations of parched corn - In an
other, the capture of a supply train
is an impressive lesson of the bard
ships of war.
The splendid bringing of this
mighty attraction to this city, by
Manager Dubuque is not alone con
spicuous for the enormity of the ac
complishment (which is the very
greatest any manager could do for
his patrons) but the event of Grif
fith's Mirth of a atlon for Alliance
will long be remembered as one of
the greatest occasions in the history
of the city.
VETERANS APPROVE
BATTLE SCENES
Alliance IV., pi, Will lb Interested
In WaotcliiiiK Accurate llattle
Scene ill tbirttl of Nation
in the list of accurate battle
scenes and maneuvers in Grillith's
"BiVth of a Nation," noted pictorial
drama of the Civil War. which vis
ualizes the problem of slavery and
state sovereiiity, now attracting large
audiences in several of the large
cities, and which Manager Dubuquc
is bringing here for presentation at
the imperial theatre, is an accurate
production of Sherman's march to
the seu. It depicts realistic views of
the Union troops passing through
Oeorgig, the burning of Atlanta, etc.
Sherman's move was one of the
dec 1st vs arts of the long, bard-fought
war as it divided the South and took
away food supplies which were need
ed for the support of the Confederate
army.
The siege of Atlanta and the Might
of the population to the country is
also a realistic i vpi odin I ion of a his
toric event In this and in all of the
bat tie set lies i W tirittith. the
producer i obeyed the directions of
Military experts who mapped out the
movements of the I'nioil and Confed
erate armies as dcscribi d in the ac
curate reports in the possession of
the United Stall's government. In
fad. man) weeks with spent in the
aciiuiremeiit of data for the sta-in-of
the battle scenes.
Many old soldiers have witnessed
and approved of these reproductions,
saying that they recalled with vivid
impressivetiess the hazardous experi
ences which the) endured ill arm)
service.
Coitions impress one with a last
ing sense of the suffering due to bun-
SAYS HOT WATER
WASHES POISONS
FROM -THE LIVER
Everyone should drink hot water
with phosphate In it,
before breakfast.
To feel as fine as tho proverbial
fiddle, we must keep the liver washed
clean, almost every morning, to pre
vent ItB sponge hi. e poit-s from dog
ging" with Indigestible material, sour
bile and poisonous toxins, says a noted
physician.
If you get headaches, It's your liver.
If you catch cold easily. It's your liver.
If you wake up with a bail taste, furred
tongue, nasty breath or stomach be
comes rancid, it's your liver. Sallow
tkin, muddy complexion, watery eyea
nil denote liver utuleanllness. Your
liver is the most important, also the
must ahubed ami neglected o . an of
the body. Few know its function or
how to release the dammed-up body
waste, bile and toxins. Most folk3
resort to violent calomel, which is a
dangerous, salivating chemical which
can only tie used occasionally because
it accumulates in the tissues, also
attacks the bones.
Kv cry man ami woman, sick or
well, should drink each morning be
fore breakfast, a glass of hot waler
with a teaspoonful of limestone phos
phate in it, to wash from the liver and
how ds the previous day's Indigestible
material, the poisons, sour bile and
toxins; thus cleansing, sweetening
and freshening t tie entire alimentary
ranal before putting more food into
the stomach.
Limestoue phosphate does not re
strict the diet like calomel, because it
can not salivate, for it is harmless and
you can eat anything afterwards. It
Is inexpensive a"'' almost tasteless, and
j my pharmacist will sell you a quarter
pound, which Is sufficient for a dem
onstration of how hot water and lime
stone phosphate deans, stimulates and
freshens the liver, keeping you feellug
fit day in and day out