Dakota County Herald
DAKOTA Cm, JfEO.
tons 1L REAM, ... pnbllKlier
Good looks are also as gratifying as
Hood clothes and they last longer,
i. .
Ton don't blame that man who asks
for a divorce from his wife because
the smokes In bed, do you?
"Preachers," says the Brooklyn
feagle, "are not Infalllable." Why, no.
fhey contradict each other frequently.
One sweetly solemn thought com,
10 us o'er and o'er; the Panama ditch
i nearer dug thnn ever It was before.
Count Donl Is coming to this country
Jo hunt grizzly bears. If the bears
Ind It out there will be troubt for
Son I.
How many "best sellers" of to-day
tiave towns and babies named after
them, like Mrs. Augusta Evans Wil
son's "St. Elmo"?
Cole Younger, who has gone to lec
turing, probably hopes to find holding
jowu a platform more profitable than
lolding up a stage.
An Oklahoma surgeon, who went In
fifter an unruly appendix, got a collar
button. So that they do not always
foil under the bureau.
"Women's haU next winter will be
"like doughnuts," says a fashion ex
pert. And with the hole In father's
pocketbook, of course.
People may continue to preach about
tioneaty being the best policy without
fear of hurting the business of the
Cash register manufacturers.
A good deal Is being done at present
to prove the correctness of the theory
J hat United States Senators ought to
e elected by the dliect votes of the
Jieople. '
Rich deposits of gold have been
found In the Adirondack Mountains.
,We hope this may. not cause Mr. Bull
Ifl set up a claim that the Adirondacks
are In British territory.
Again they are talking about cobluss
torn. What will become of that hardy
perennial of American humor, the
tory of the foreigner who said he saw
Someone eating beans off of a flute?
Mr. Carnegie congratulated the King
f Italy upon the progress of his coun
try and the nice appearance of Rome.
Wasn't It John L. Sullivan who said of
tis Interview with Edward VII, "I
poke affable to the king and put him
At his ease"?
Apropos of signaling a message to
liars, it may occur to some folk to
Inquire why, If there be life on that
planet of some few million years more
development than life on earth, tho
Inhabitants of our sister planet have
fiot sent us some signals long before
his?
Nine-tenths of the books written for
Children in this country are trash of
the most appalling description which
ever Issued from a printing machine.
t)ut the remaining tenth of these books
are not only some of the most delight
ful work in the world, but are enough
to fill a child's whole literary life, how
ever capacious, to the brim from year's
end to year's end. Conaa Doyle, Bar
Tie, Anthony Hope, Stanley Weyman,
Rider Haggard, Mrs. Ewing, Charlotte
Tonge an! Henty what would a
French child, nurtured on the milk
and water of Mme. de Segur, give for
the crumbs which fall from this table
Of Its English companion!
Ambassador Jusserand recently pre
sented a gold medal to San Francisco
111 behalf of the French government.
The modal shows on one side an alle
gorical figure of the city throwing
Aside shroud and rising from tho ruins
caused by the earthquake. On the oth
er Pide Is a representation of France
presenting a laurel branch to America.
The relations of the two nations have
been friendly from the time when
Franklin went to Paris to plead the
cause of the Colonics, and Lofayette
came here to assist In the struggle for
Independence. On the two hundredth
anniversary of the birth of Franklin a
medal In commemoration of the evont
vas presented to France by order of
Congress. The San Francisco medal
was made by the French to show they
till prize the historic friendship.
Optimum la strong in the world of
finance and commerce. The coinci
dence of opinions expressed in a single
day recently by four of the foremost
figures in the financial and Industrial
life of the country certainly has its
significance. Secretary of the Treas
ury MacVeagh Is Btruck by the hopeful
appearance of the business situation
throughout the country and expresses
the belief that the completion of a tar
iff bill satisfactory to the people will
bring rational and permanent prosper
ity. James J. Hill, railroad king and
one of the keenest Judges of business
probabilities In the United Btates, de
clares the outlook fine in all direc
tions, with the country only waiting
for a settlement of tariff agitation to
turn in and make things hum. Out
aide of railroads the steel Industry Is
most keen to the ebb and flow of pros
perity and to the premonitory signs.
Chairman Gary of the United States
Bteel Corporation board of directors
and President Corey of the same cor
poration, one addressing a commercial
club In the West and the other sneak
ing as he sailed for Europe, declare
that the clouds of the last year and a
lialf are growing thinner and thinner
and Boon will disappear entirely. The
"picking up" process has been pro
nounced in the steel business for some
months, and now. a long spell of clear
weHther is scon. Leading business nun
throughout the country, experts on
conditions affecting trade, and the
weight of their opinion to that of these
more celebrated figures In the financial
and Industrial world. All along the
Vu there Is practically uniformity ot
belief that the country Is fast recover
ing the condition of Industrial health
that prevailed prior to the disturbances
in the fall of 1H07, and that with tariff
agitation ended prosperity will have
an unobstructed track.
They are discussing the question of
national forestry In England, and an
enthusastlc advocate ot the scheme
writes to the Spectator that there
should be an organized department as
there is in France and Germany. He
cannot see why a national forest
should pay on one side of the channel
and not on the other, and ho relates
some interesting experiences of his
own to prove tho value of tree plant
lug. He says that a dozen years ago
he planted some thousands of Corsl
can pine without any preparation of
the ground beyond placing little plants
in the grass or baro arable fields, the
soil of which was such that only the
hardest working man could make a
bare living out of It. But, bad as this
soil was, many of the trees grew twen
ty to thirty Inches in height in a year.
In another place, where cultivation of
the land was Impossible, he planted
Sitka spruce, and during the last year
some of these trees have niado a
growth of three or four feet. Of still
anther experiment the writer says: "I
sowed a poor, ill placed field with
acorns about thirteen years ago, run
ning the acorns in with the plow, and
It is now a promising wood. People
laugh at this as a means of making a
living, but a state which does riot die,
la in a different position. I plant bo
cause it amuses me, and I Ilko to see
the things young. We should remem
ber that a wood Is Its own cultivator
and finds Its own manure, its own
moisture even In the hottest summers,
and for many years requires little la
bor." It Is obvious that the State
could do much better than the Indi
vidual and also that it would have
acted wisely if It had tried to prevent
waste. We are more fortunate in this
country because the problem of con
servation was pressed upon us while
the country was eotmmrntivoiw
but already enormous damage has been
aone and we need not only to conserve
the old but to encourage the growth of
the new. As the English correspond
ent shows, it la possible to grow tim
ber to advantage. This can be done by
private owners, who may thus assist
In the work of conservation, and the
government should be able to accom
plish much on tho land that It re
serves. TOR STORING COMPLAINTS.
In all large department stores there
la now an office to which customers
who have any fault to find or sugges
tions to make may go. Mrs. Crawford,
however, on her first trip to Boston,
did not know this. "I uaw most ev
erything I set out to, in the two
days," she told her husband when she
returned to BuBhby, tired but tri
umphant, bearing many bargains and
samples; "but there's one thing I re
gret." 'Whafa that?" Inquired Mr. rmw.
ford.
'I got Shunt Of Cousin Anmlln fn.
an hour or so this morning. Just be-
lore train time." said his wife. "an,i
took my chance to look round n Ht.
tie. She was in the sntn hnfMin.
and she agreed to meet me over by
one of the elevators, so when I'd
gaped round all I wanted I went
there and waited for her.
"Well, as I ran my eye over the list
of things there were to see on tho
different floors, what should I catch
sight of but "Complaint Bureau.'
"I was Just going to ask a country,
faced clerk near by what It meant,
when along came Anieilu, and my
chance was gone. I gave over asking
her thlnga after the first hour the
day before, she had such a kind of
superior air when she told me about
'em.
"Well, I suppose folks never get
quite all they expect out of a visit, but
I keep wondering whether 'twas a
bureau for keeping liniments and old
cotton cloth and medicines for those
with complaints, same as they have
special things made for every kind of
use nowadays, or whether its ji,Kt a
name given some particular shape of
bureau, like Mission chairs and Queen
Anne cottages.
"I sort of Incline to think that's all
'twas, but I'd like first-rate to have
seen one."
An Iatellla-eat Jary.
The newspapers recently told the
story of a bud smull boy, who had
come up before the Juvenile court
charged with lneorrlglhlllty. A num
ber of little girls had been called In
to testify, and while the lawyers were
arguing the case before the probation
officer the Judge took them into his
private office.
"Now, little girls," he said, eravelr
"most of you came here in behalf of
the defendant. I have written my de
cision on a slip of paper. I want you
each to take one of these slips of
paper, and write on it your opinion
as to what the punishment should be
a good whipping by his mother, or
several long years In the house
correction."
The Judge left the amateur lurv
of
to
their deliberations for a few moments,
and returned to find that they all
lavoreu the thrashing.
"That Is exactly what I had writ
ten! he said, triumphantly. "The
Jury is dismissed."
The sentence was carried out on
the back porch immediately.
When lb Fight I. Mom.
The Suffragette Well, day-day!
Vex'll hov t' git the lunch an' dinner
yersilf! It's a watcher ;.t the polls I
am, an afterward I'm goln' to th'
Dimmyeratlo club t' hear th' retur-rns,
Puck.
A woman always insists upon decid
ing whether she does her duty as a
wife; she will not permit her husband
to decide.
Taking the average for the world,
there la one newspaper for 82,000 Inhabitants.
1 V 1 F' -.fir . - .. W
fori
Oil-' II ' A I tiVV 5
He How Is it you are always out
when I call? She Just luck. Life.
Many a girl thinks she has broke
her heart when she has only spralneed
her Imagination. Life.
"Does you son profit by your exam
ple?" "Thunder, no! Why, he wants
to get married." New York Herald.
"My wife can cook," said the bene
dict, proudly. "Don't worry. Maybe
she won't." answered the bachelor.
Life.
Sentimental young lady Ah, profes
sor! what would this old oak say If It
couM talk? Professor It would say,
"I am an elm." Fllcgende Blaetter.
Lady (to applicant for post of care
taker) And your name? Applicant
Mrs. 'Edge, please, ma'am. Spelt with
a hnltch, same us the 'edges outside!
Punch.
"Say, Daisy, did yer see when I took
hold of yer hand the funny look yer
ma gave me?" "(io on, Tim, ma
dldu't give it to yer; you've always had
It." Life.
The Husband Well, say what you
will, my dear, you'll find worse men
than me in the woild. The Wife Oh,
Tom, how can you be so bitter? The
Sketch.
Economy Is a human eccentricity
which will cause a woman to spend
half a day and 10 cents street car faro
in order to get a G-cetit spool of thread
for 4. Judge.
Jack Ho your engagement with Miss
Upp.son Is off, eh? How did it hap
pen? Tom Oh. it was all my fault.
I flattered her until she got too proud
to speak to me.
"Don't you suffer with ennui out
hore on the farm?" asked the fair sum
mer boarder. "No, indeed," replied the
farmer's wife. "This 1b the healthiest
place In the state."
"Have you ever loved and lost?" sigh
ed the swain. "Nope," responded the
maiden, promptly. "I've won every
breach of promise suit I ever brought."
Cleveland lender.
Hubbubs Hello! Subbubs. Have
you a good cook now? Subbubs I
really don't know. I haven't been
home since eight o'clock this morn
ing. Philadelphia Record.
First Burglar I tackled the resi
dence of a real-estate agent last night.
Second Burglar Did you get anything.
First Burglar Yes; I got away with
out buying a liou.se and lot.
Mistress What did you tell those la-
diea who Just called? Servant Oi told
'em you was out, mum. Mistress And
what did they say? Servant "How
fortunlt," mum. Plck-Me-LTp.
"How's collection at your church.
Brudder Shlnn?" "Well, we alnt neb
ber had to stop in de middle of a col
lection to go an' empty de box."
Louisville Courier-Journaal.
The Doctor Young man, It will not
do for you to stick In an office. You
must get outdoors must have air. By
the way, what Is your occupatlou? Pa
tient I am an aeronaut. Lite.
Son What is the meaning of econ
omy? Mother Economy, my son. Is
going without something you do want
in ense some day you should want
something which you probably won't
want. Life.
The Barn-Stormer was playing Rich-
ard the Third. "A horse, a horse, my
kingdom for a horse!" he roared. "If
ye quit now ye'll be able to catch the
ten-thirty trolley," came a tired voice
form the gallery.
Brown I hear you celebrated your
sliver 'wedding a few weeks ago?
Green So we thought at the time.
Brown What do ycu mean by that?
Green Late returns show that it was
a silver-plated affair.
"I'm afraid," s.ild tho lady to a
diminutive applicant, "that you are too
small to act as nurse maid to my chil
dren." "Oh. I'm not too small," replied
the applicant. "I guess tho trouble is
your children are too large."
"Those apples you sent up," said
Bifklus, "were not half bad." "I'm
glad you liked them," rejoined the
grocer, cheerfully. "Yes," continued
Bifkins, "only about a third of them
were bad." Chicago Daily Nows.
nizonner You are charged with
breaking a chair over your wife's
bend. Prisoner it was an accident,
your honor. Ulzonner What! Didn't
you intend to hit her? Prisoner Yes,
but I didn't intend to break the chair.
Tit-Bits.
lliirilup I'll never go to that restau
rant Hi: 1 1 1. The last time I was there
a man pit my overcoat, and left his lu
Its place. Wei luff But thw proprietor
wasn't to blame, was lie? Hardtip
No; hut I might meet the other man!
Stray Stories.
"If you struck one of those golf balls
and hit a man In the eye, what would
you do?" asked tho man who was in
terested la first aid to the injured.
"Oh, I'd have to play it from Just
where 1 found It," replied the enthus
iastic golfer. "A player can't touch
a ball after the drive, you know."
Yonkers Statesman.
"Sir!" exclaimed the injured party,
"you stuck your umbrella Into my
eye." "Oh. no." replied the cheerful of
fender, "you are mistaken." "Mistak
en?" demanded the irate man. "You
Idiot! 1 know when my eye Is hurt,
I think!" "Doubtless." replied the
cheerful offender, "but you don't know
my umbrella. I borrowed this one f-om
a friend. Good day." Boston Globt).
The Abyamal Cnuae.
Mother (in desporatlon) Willi
you're a very naughty boy.
Willie- lloo hoo! It's your own
fault. I warned ye I wanted some
candy, an' ye wouldn't take my advic.
Harper's Bazar.
How generally real nice people ars
admired! Why be rude, when you
might be respectful with leas effort?
Why he hated, when you might as easi
ly be respecK'd?
The morning after a big wedding,
the women are nearly always cross.
TOINTS FOR PIPE SMOKERS.
Tow lo Met Mml lOnjorment Oat of
Tohnrro Trent I fig n Xft rope.
Of the several ways in which to
bacco is used, the original one of
smoking It in a pipe Is undoubtedly
the least harmful. If It Is not begun
too early in life or carried to an excess
It Is perhaps difficult to prove that
pipe smoking Is Injurious in any de
gree whatever. Tho best pipe is made
of briar root, with a short nnd straight
or very slightly curved stem, says Tll
Blts. The mouthpiece should be amber
or ebonlzed gutta peri ha. Such a pipe
Is easy to hold In the mouth and does
not Interfere with reading.
When breaking In a new pipe i(
should be filled with cold water for a
moment or two before filling and light
Ing. Tills should lie repeated for half
a dozen or more times, In order that
the char shall begin to form without
really burning the wood. It Is not
necessary or desirable to dry out the
bowl before every filling, but merely
to turn out the water.
Another point about the treatment
of a new pipe Is not vo smoke up all
tho tobacco until It is somewhat sea
soned. The weakest part of a pipo Is
the Iwttom of tho howl, and many old
smokers make a practice of always
leaving a pinch or so of. tobacco un
burnt in It.
When char begins to make the bowl
of the pipe appre( lably smaller It
phosld bo cut out. If this Is nt)t done
the difference in the contraction and
expansion of char and of the wood will
cause the bowl to split open.
But care must lie taken In cutting
iway the char hot to remove it all.
When it Is cut too thin the wood will
burn and make tho fact known In ex
treme cases by frequent crackling
tounds. In such cases the breuklng
n process Bhould be resorted to again.
A long brad awl of medium size Is
ihe best implement with which to
tlean out the wooden part of a pip's
Item. When away from home a bit of
Itecl wire of the size used in making
bicycle spokes will answer very well,
t ran be conveniently carried in a
pencil case alongside of a pencil. A
Itraightened hairpin will generally do
In default of anything better.
But the great point of all In pipe
smoking is to learn to smoke slowly.
When this habit Is acquired the full
flavor of the tobneco will always be en-
Joyed, every smoke will be a cool one
and tongue burning will be unknown.
It is, however, very hard for ner
vous people to smoke slowly. We know
of cases where smokers have tried for
years to check their smoking speed
without succesB. They probably did
not begin to make the effort early
enough In their smoking careers.
With good tobacco and a root pipe
the slow Bmoker attains a degree of
pleasurable enjoyment in smoking cf
which the rapid smoker has not an
Inkling.
Perhaps all smokers do not know
that It makes any difference In the
flavor of pipe tobacco how many times
a pipe goes out. A cigar which la al
lowed, to go out once has Its flavoi
ruined and Is most appropriately term
ed a "butt." A pipe, howevr, tastes It
anything better for going out.
Fastidious smokers always have at
least two pipes at hand, and never fill
one unless H has entirely cooled off.
This Is a help toward cool smoking
and reasonable life In a pipe.
A good test by which to tell If you
are smoking too fast is to hold the
bowl In your hand. If It Is too hot lo
do so, then you may know that your
speed Is too great.
lie I,lkMl the Sonnil.
Mr. Goff has a humor peculiarly his
Own. He looks at tho world In a half
amused, half-Indulgent manner some
times very annoying to his friends.
One day, when In town, he dropped
Into a restaurant for lunch. It was a
tidy although not a pretentious estab
lishment. After.a good meal, he called
to tho waitress, and inquired what
kind of pie could be had.
"Appleplemlnoepliralsinpleblueberry
plecustardplepeachpte and strawberry
shortcake," the young woman repeat
ed, glibly.
"Will you please say that again?"
he asked, leaning a trifle forward.
The girl went through tho list at
lightning rate. "And strawberry short
cake!" she concluded, with emphasis.
"Would you mind doing it once
more?" ho said.
The waitress looked her disgust,
and started in a third time, pronounc
ing the words In a deflautly clear tone.
"Thank you," he remarked, when
she bad finished. "For the life of
me I can't see how you do It. But I
like to hear it. It's very interesting,
very. Give me apple pie, please, and
thunk you very much."
A Urate.
Mrs. I.alaprop Young Sharp will
have to apologize before I speak to
him again.
Miss Interest Did he insult you?
Mrs. Lalapro Did he? The last
time I met him I told him that my
uncle. Lord de Style, had locomotive
atacksla, and he had the Impudence
to ask If he whistled at crossings.
He's an unsympathetic brute.
4 nnarnitilrftr.
II(boltnxnndwl(immlNoiiiebeans,
Apieeenrtwoofpie ;
AndgiiliwarupoffonVcdown
Whileyoueanbatyoureye.
Then, later on, thrre conies to him
A very cvniuinn question;
He wonders how it wnt that he
Contracted inlisction.
Cobtirn Giant Talks.
Where Ihe Trouble Lies.
"After all. you know," Raid Mr. Old
beau, "a man is only as old as he
feels."
. "Yes," said Miss Teppery. "but somo
old men make the mistake of think
ing they are as young as they think
they feel." Philadelphia Press.
I.ente ! Purae la Can.
Every month atout 3,700 articles are
left In the Berlin street cars by their
owners, about fiou of them being wom
en's purses.
The blindness of pups and kittens
ends In nine days; that of men and
women lasts until tho undertaker gets
them.
pcooooooooco:
J THE INVALUAELE CAMEL.
DCKX)OOOOOOCOCOOOOCCOOOC
Camels, art Mr. Kipling says, have
Do "ramelfy tune cf their own," but
they powss n very marked Individ
uality for all I hat. A writer who
states that he has "known and loved
and Journeyed on him the camel
for many yearn," describes in T. P.'s
Weekly soma of the charms of thiJ
curious bea:;t.
As the horse Is giving way before
the' motor, so the c&mcl the ship of
the desert must give way before the
advance of the more prosaic and more
useful railway.
The Hodjuz Hallway ha3 reached
Medina, nnd In due time tho 2S0 miles
between this town and Mecca will be
covered, nnd then the Bedouin camel
proprietors on this great pilgrim route
from Damascus will be in a worse
state than the owners of the old stage
coaches were when railways were In
troduced In Britain. It is desirable
before the camel pusses to get Koine
idea of his true character.
Those pious linpo.stois who produced
the books on which our lnfint Intel
lects were condemned to batten wrote
of the camel as "patient," and de
scribed him ns "good and mild and
docile." A boy with leanings toward
truth aptly described the horse as be
ing an animal with a large head and a
leg at each corner. Roughly, a like
description mljtht fit the camel, but
with this indispensable addition, that
he has the hump.
A peculiarity, of the camel Is his dis
likes likes he has none, save for mi
mosa thorn, and perhaps for dying.
He hates red, and when in '84 some
bright genius equipped tho squadrons
of the Camel Corps with bright crim
koii saddles, the nnimala so resented
the outrage that numbers of them gave
up the ghost In sheer disgust.
He always, of course, hates man. and
sometimes displays his vlndlctlveness
In no uncertain manner. I have seen
a dignified and elderly British officer
footing it all round the camp in blue
silk pajamas, with one slipper and a
shaving brush, closely pursued by his
ovrn nninial, grousing horribly, with
Its long neck stretched to the utmost
and Its Kavcge mouth much too near
that sleeping suit to be, pleasant. At
length p. I'atit ue party was summoned,
who, with telegraph poles, young trees,
railway s.l.eepers, nnd such affection
ate cajoleries, 'prevailed upon the foo
to desist.
As a mount the camel, without
doubt, possesses distinct advantages.
His gait Is comfortable when you have
learned to ride him, and for really
long journeys, which must perforce
be made at blow pace, he la much less
tiring than a horse. Besides, ho car
lies' with him the elements of many
comforts. You hang about him all the
little articles you are likely to want
en route canvas buckets of water,
say, in which bottles stand to cool,
writing desk not necessarily of tbe
American roll-top sort, but still an effi
cient subst itute luncheon ' basket,
rifles, telescopes, a mountain gun, If
required, and as like as not a banjo;
and of course you have your umbrella,
books, maps, and other needfuls.
I have tasted camel, which Is, I
should say, not unlike bicycle tire, and
am prepared to own that, as an article
of food, the camel does not greatly
appeal to me.
RICH MAN A BOOK THIEF.
KnthtixltlKtlr Collector Stole From
Other nml Vu Cleverly Cannrht.
"Tlicre used to be a New York book
collector," said a book dealer the other
day, "who was the terror of all who
knew him. The possessor of a large
fortune, he was an enthusiastic col
lector, bi't his enthushiFm made him a
dangerous man to know. No one's li
brary was safe, provided he had access
to it nnd it contained a book or a
manu-iipt which he regarded with
covetoii'i eyes.
"For a long period he was unsus
pected. He would call, pass a few
hours in the collection of ono of his
victims and go away. Frequently
books v oce missed directly after his
departure, but no one connected him
with their nbsence. His vast wealth
for one thing lulled suspicion, for,
argued his friends, why should a man
steal bookish treasures when he had
money enough to form a dozen fine
libraries if he chose?
"Finally a bibliophile, whose collec
tion had been grievously despoiled, be
came suspicious. He did not care to
accuse the man dfrectly, so he went
to his lawyer Instead. The latter
asked him to compile a list of the
missing rarities. It was a somewhat
lengthy list, considering the extreme
rarity and value of tbe items In ques
tion. Possibly twenty books in all were
concerned.
"Armed with this list, the lawyer
called on the man, to whom he was
personally unknown, and introduced
himself as n collector from the South.
He had repeatedly heard of the gen
tleman, he told him. as a bibliophile
of recognized authority and wished to
consult him about a number of hooka
which had been offered to him by a
dealer before he decided upon tnelr
purchase or rejection.
"'What are the books?" asked his
host.
'The lawyer mentioned the titles of
some of the missing volumes.
"'Ridiculous,' said the collector. 'No
one can sell you thoso books. I own
the only copies In this country.'
"Making a hurried departure, the
lawyer went to his client's house. The
following day he wrote a letter which
resulted In the restoration of the spoil
to its rightful owner. Other biblio
philes learned the facts in the case
and upon the collector's sudden death
a year later leg il steps were taken to
compel the return of other rare books
thought to be In the collection. One
hundred and twenty-five books la all
were ret ti mod, I believe, by the heirs
of this collector, whose name, although
not exactly revered. Is remembered
with lively Interest by certain N'w
York book lovers." Boston Trans
cript. A fool woman is one who can make
her own living, but marries a man
who can't make it for her.
l Good
I Short Stories I
Mr. Jones had recently become tho
f.itber cf twins. The minister stopped
him on tbe s rect to eonprntulate him.
"Well. Jones," lie said, "I hear that
the Lord h:is smiled on you." "Smiled
on me!" repcat'-d Jones. "lie laughed
out loud r.t mo!"
The story Is an old one of the party
of tired travelers who entered a house
decorated by a peculiar sign and de
manded ojster.s. "This Is not a res
tauiant," said the courteous gentle
man who met them; "f am an aurlst."
"iMi't that nu oyster hung outside the
door?" asked one. "No, genUenien it
Is an cc.r."
An English paper says that the
champion absent-minded man lives at
Balham. On one occasion he called
upon bis old friend, the family physi
cian. Aficr a chat cf a couple of hours
the doctor saw hi in at the door and
bade him good-night, saying: "Come
again. Family all well, I suppose?"
"My heavens!" exclaimed the absent
minded beggar, "that reminds rr.e of
my errand. My wife is in a fit!"
Ever since entering the train, two
stations back, the Yankee In England
had been talking about the speed with
which buildings were erected across
the wnter. Finally, to cap th climax,
he tcld of a twenty-two story building
which was started and finished in one
month. His follow passengers had
given up all hope that he would ever
stop, when a burly Yorkshlreman
turned to him, saying: "Why, mon,
that's nowt. At home- I've seen 'em
laying foundations for a row o' houses
In the morning when I'm goin' to
work, and at night when I come back
they're turning f people out for back
rent."
Matters theatrical were on the tapis
and Robert Edeson was cheerfully re
marking the tolerance with which the
public frequently flock in crowds to
productions of no especial merit. "It
reminds me," said Mr. Edeson, "of a
brewer I once knew who had a large
family, and each child had a number
of animal pets. One evening a cler
gyman and his wife were making a
formal call on the brewer, when one
of the children burst riotously Into
the room, accompanied by his favorite
goat. Tho callers were, of course
plainly disconcerted by this unexpect
ed visitation. 'Louie,' said the father
reprovingly, 'how many times have J
asked you not to bring dot goat into
der barlor? I must 'nzlst dot you keep
mm in tier library!' "
They were playing a game in which
snnie one glves out the initial of some
Object In the room and the rest of
them try to guess the object. So they
irieu to get the host's gray-haired
ratner into It. But he held off. "Sure.
said he, "I'm a little bad in me spell
ing. I a make no hand at such a
game. "Oh, come on," they pleaded:
"you pick out some object, tell us the
letter It begins with and we'll guess
it." So the old man, cajoled, finally
yielded. "Well," said he, "then I will.
The letter Is TV" They tried and
tried to guess what he meant. Know.
Ing his weakness in spelling, his son
picked "phonograph," thinking the
old gentleman might imagine It began
wnn an i ; hut no, he was wrone
Finally they all had to give It ud. and
appealed to him to tell the article. He
looked wise and said. "Well, since
you all give up what the thing is that
begins with an 'F,' I'll tell yez. It'3
tho rwhat-not."
HI3 JOKE OH THE BAHBEE.
i-roperoua-l.ooklnyr Man Scored
'1 lionc- Who Oppose Tift pin a-.
"Nope," said the prosperous-looking
stout man in the downtown hotel bar
ber shop, genially addressing the
suave, expectant barber who was
trimming his hair with extreme care
"I confess that I can't understand all
this talk that some cheap skates are
making with regard to the tipping of
barters. It makes me very weary,
(That's right, just take a little oft the
left Fide, but not too much)."
The barber beamingly bent to his
work, says the Washington Star, while
tho prosperous-looking stout man In
the chair flicked an Imaginary hair
out of his eye with the third finger of
his left hand, thereby showing a fine
blue-white three-karat diamond set in
a Roman gold band.
"A man," went on the prosperous-
looking stout citizen, "who'll buck
about handing over a quarter or a
half-dollar, or even more, to a barber
who has satisfactorily performed his
tonsorlal stunt ought to be working on
tho slag dump at 9S cents per diem.
"You'll always find, as I dare say
you've noticed, that the man who fails
to slip his barber a tip almost invar
iably slinks out of the shop with his
shoulders hunched forward and with a
hang dog look about him that all too
plainly betokens the Inward self-scorn
that he feels.
"Now, even the choap and parsimo
nious skate who sneaks out of a bar
ber shop w ithout, paging over a little
piece of superfluous silver to the man
who has been exercising his skill upon
him always yields to the Ingratiating
persuasiveness of the Pullman porter,
you'll observe he always executes the
dig for at least two bits at the wind
up of his little railway Journey.
"Is there any good reason why a
Pullman porter should be slipped two
bits for merely making a bluff at
brushing the cinders off a man's
clothes, when a barber, who has spent,
riuybe, a half or three-quarters of an
hour Mpon the same chap's hirsute, is
Ignored in the distribution of this
chicken-feed wealth?
"Not a bit of reason In the world,
my boy, so far as I can see. and so a
man who'll tip a Pullman blackmailer
and fall to tip a barber is mean
enough to swipe the milk and news
paper off your doorstep at dawn's early
light, and you can just stick a hatpin
in th.it fact so that you won't fail to
remember it. (I'm er that's right;
go i bit ilphi on that top epot where
It's beginning to get a trifle attenuat
ed)." The barber wore a grin all over bis
countenance a he handed the prosperous-looking
stout man a hand glass In
order to enable him to examine the
brtck of bis hpad. nnd the number of
ingredients nnd sweet-smelling oint
ments nnd fragrant toilet waters that
the barber sprayed and scattered over
the hair and countenance of the gener
ously inclined citizen with the soft
spot for barbers was surely a caution.
Then he prettied the generous man
up with powd.'t, twisted his mustache
into nall pclp.t '.. scrutinized him with
great care nil ever to see if he'd made
any mistakes cf oini.s-lon or commis
sion nnd removed tin? apron with &
flourish and an expansive, expectant
smile.
The prosperous-look !ng stout mnr
adjusted his collar and cravat with
great care, smiling the while ns If lt
anticipation of tho pleasure that he
was about to bestow upon the barber.
The brush boy, who b.-vd been a de
lighted listener to his conversation In
the chair, put a vns-t amount of elbow
grease into dusting off 'the clothing,
and hat of tho prosperous-looking stout
man.
When he was all fixed and rendy,
with hat and overcoat donned, the
stout man advanced upon the barber,
who was snillinply holding out the
check, while the brush boy stood by,
grinning from car to err.
The adipose man pulled from his
trousers pocket a larpe fistful of quar
ters nnd halves, jingled the money
musically, took the check from the
fingers of the barber, picked out a
large, shiny and perfectly new half
dollar from his bunch of change,
smiled with great amiability upon the
barber, cleared his throat and
Then he turned upon his heel and
strolled toward the pay desk, where
he paid his check, took the change,
turned about nnd grinned at the bar
ber and the brush boy and walked out
with his shoulders erect and looking"
not in the least hangdog or sheepish.
It's queer how mnny of these grisly
Jokers drift Into Washington during:
the sessions of the Congress.
AT HOME ON THE RIO GR.AI3TJE.
Tjpe ot Primitive IMtcIIIiiith Hap
Mly I'u.Mlnjr from F.xlMtenee.
The Mexican Indian huts in the vil
lages and upon the ranches of the
lower Rio Grande border region of
Texas have a style of architecture and
construction that is distinctly their
own. This type of primitive buildings
Is rapidly passing out of existence,
modern structures taking their places,
and at many points on the border fam
ilies of Mexicans have abandoned their
jacals and moved into more preten
tions lvynes. - . .
Oiie tnlng"that recommended the old
style of residence to the poorer Mexi
cans was Its cheapness of construction.
No money outlay is necessary in erect
ing the picturesque structures; neither
Is a knowledge of carpentry needed.
A double row of upright poles firmly
set or driven fnto the ground forms
tbe framework for the walls. Between
these two rows of poles are placed
other poles or sticks of shorter length,
forming a thick and compact wall. At
each of the four corners of the build
ing posts are set, reaching to a height
of about eight feet. Roughly hewn
stringers are laid from one post to an
other, and to these stringers are tied
the other poles that form the frame
work of the walls. The strong fiber
from the maguey plant or strips of
buckskin are used to tie the poles into
position. The rafters are tied to the
ridgepole and stringers in the same
manner. At one end of the building
is built the opening through which the
smoke of the Inside fire may ascend.
Stoves are unknown among these Mex
icans and the cooking is all done upon
the ground.
When the rafters are in position the
thatched roof is put on. Palm leaves
form the most satisfactory roof, both
as to durability and effectiveness In
shedding the rain, but owing to the
scarcity of this material on the Texas
side of the International boundary
stream, grasses and the leaves of
plants are used for the purpose. The
roofing material is tied to the rafters
In layers. Some of the Mexican house
builders exercise great ingenuity In
putting on the thatched roofs. The
only opening in most of these Mexican
jacals Is the door which extends from
the ground to the roof. The floor is
the bare earth and ventilation is ob
tained through the crude chimney open
ing, though the door Itself Is seldom
closed. The Mexican Indian is usually
a man of large family, but a one-room
house accommodates all. and perhaps
several dogs and a pig or two may
share the comforts of the room with
them on cool or disagreeable nights.
SAM HOUSTON'S MOTHER.
For the Children' Sake, She Fared
Perils of the Wlldernenii.
The mother of Sam Houston was an
other woman who, for the sake of her
children, hazarded the dangers of the
wilderness Journey without the protec
tion of a man's strong arm. Smith's
Magazine says. Houston's friend and
biographer, C. Edwards Lester, por
trayed her as "an extraordinary wom
an, distinguished by an Impressive and
dignified countenance and gifted with
Intellectual and moral qualities which,
elevated her in a still more striklug.
manner above most of her sex."
The death of her husband left Mrs..
Houston In poor circumstances and
with a growing family of six sons and
three daughters. Knowing that many
of her neighbors who had gone west
had prospered, she determined to fol
low their example in order that her
children might get a good Start in life.
sola her irglnia farm, and journeyed
to Tennessee, ending her migration
only when within eight miles of the
boundary between the settlements of
the whites and the wigwams of the
Cherokees.
There she erected a rude cabin, with
the help of her oldest boys, and there
she labored diligently to bring up her
children to be useful men and women.
It was for them that she tolled and
prayed and denied herself, personify
ing la her devotion another trait of
the mothers of the early west.
Ileleen "l'ni."
Madge Was it a spectacular catchf
Mabel She rau to Europe for him,
Puck.