HOME-MADE MIXTURE
18
INEXPENSIVE AND EASILY
PREPARED BY ANYONE.
i Knlit to Promptly Itrltere mack
oelie and Oirrrome Kidney Trnn
Thle and Madder Weakness Though
Harmless and Pleasant to Take.
' What win appear very Interesting
to many reoplo her ' tno "'"Mclu
.sikeu from a Now York dally pnoor,
tlylng a simple prescription. a formu
lated by a irolod authority, wha claim
"that !m has found a positive remedy
;to cure almost any case of bnhache
or kidney or bladder derangement. In
the, following simple prescription. If
taken before tlio singe of Bright' dis
Me: Fluid Extract Dandelion, one half
ounce; Compound Knrgon, one ounce;
Oomjioaud Syrup earsapnrllla. three
ounces. Shake w?TI In a bottle and
tak in tciispoonful doses after each
meal and again at bedtime.
A .well-known authority, when asked
regarding this prescription, stated Mint
the. ingredient are nil harmless, and
can. be obtained at a amull cost froai
any gnod prescription pharmacy, or the
rotkture would bo put up If asked to
do. bo. Tie further stated that while
this proscription Is often prescribed In
rheumatic afflictions with splendid re
milts, be could ace uo renson why It
would not be a splendid remedy for
kidney and urinary troubles and backache-as
it has n peculiar actlou upon
the kidney structure, cleansing ihese
most Important organs and helping
them to fffft and filter from the blood
the foul acids and waste ninctar which
atise sickness and suffering. Those
who suffer can crake uo mistake In
giving It a trial.
Tha Trapper'a Redaction.
Tile professor bad complained tliat
the world In general ettll looks on sci
ence In a mighCTng wuy, and that re
minded one df. his companions, the
Washington Sttfr s2rys, of a story of a
Western trarmcr.
The tr.fppcr corldng a place where
roots had been dug up, examined the
apot carefully. Turn, as he rose and
brushed tiro earth, from his knees, he
aald.gvlfli calm cduvlcf lou :
"This vns dona cither by a wild hos
r by a tor-rantst." .
Mt. w:a-,mw swtniof syra-. for cim-irss.
tMUllKR; IH,, Dl gUIUfc tWItUMI lUttrnm
ttua. Msit ua.0. urai wait ooUa, M botua,
g
' Rood Strpplr of London Too.
Cabling fur It fumntcs of the Lon
don. "Am" a formidable, work, and
the fond Mfl for the. last year gives a
romiukii'Me rnrillit rn1o Hie variety of
tho. dlerteMc riv-nlrrnicnrs of the so
ciety's" niorragcrio. Altogether, the total
coHt of tlio nii'tiu was $10,000, and tlio
items Inelndo 2.K1 pounds of beef,
prmuds. of WscuitH, 2.9,003 egjfs,
713 gallons nf mIF:, 2S.100 tins of pro
erased oMi, 4,015 fionndcrs, 12.1SD
rlilloc, 7j(C0 lurriisB. y0,2T)i wbltlng,
2,555 T'lHt3 of shrimps nnd ill,2s2 purls
of fMvl. In addition, thiro wore rd
, poundd ot susrir, 70 Jnn of moat ex-tr.-U't,
012 loinons, 3KX) paunda of nion
kc nuts, 3"J0 bounds of gi-ccns, 11,01)0
pdunds of potubnui 4X. dozens of
bananas, orangca. 2,414 pounds of
grapes oiwl 6.0HI quarter loaves of
brepd. It Is Interesting to note that
the rico nnd preserved ml lk, of whhti
much larger qnnntltlcs were used In
the last year tlian In lfK)T), were re
quired mainly for the young elephant,
the yoiuig Indian nnd African rblnoee
roses aud tin young hippopotamus.
Carl Duneball Teams,
B:srbnN remiss existed as early ai
3845, but the first league was formed
in 18P7; whoji tho National Association
of, JJuBebnll Pinters was organized.
Th, , as tho Utlo Implies, was an or
ganization of players In fact, of ama
teur jla,vera They did not remain time
ajORtcurs for long however and In 1S71
bas(bnll was plawd squarely on a pro
seasloi;al basis when there came Into
exlstcnco thn National Association of"
Prpsional BawbaM Players. It will
be tXlud that tho players still governed
tho tnprt and they continued to do so
unlll 1S7U. It was lu this period that
there w np the great ubiuvH which
mcuactvl flio very lil'o of baseball,
namely, gambling and tho buying nisi
celling of ganieo. In 1S70 the players
were doponed from the government o'
irofclontil baseball, and they have
never" I nee controlled the game. Hen
ry Beach Ni!i!tlh:uu, In Success Maga
zine. rrool C rail a.
"Mj I Myl" exclaimed the good old
soul. 'Tbe-ie college are just brueding
regular criminals."
"sjVJiat's the matter now?" anked her
husband.
"Ili'i-o'a a report In this paper about a
Ilarvacd men beating all hltt rivals with
the hammer." Philadelphia Press.
Impoaatble.
Tdy. papa sny you mustn't come to
ee ni( any more."
, "Why, Anglo, how could I? I'm al
ready coining aeven limes a week I"
TRANSFORMATIONS
Carina Itvuulta When ('ultra Drink
Inv la A liaitdonrit.'
It ts alumni ns hard for an old coffee
oht to cnlt the use of cotfee us It U
for n. whlsUy or tobacco fiend to break
off. except that the coffee user can quit
-ofVcejiml take up Postum without any
fiMUu; of a loss of the inortiln bevcr
H"e. for when postum Is well lolled
nnd served with crcani. It Is really bet
ter la K'!nt of Haver than most of tlio
cofteij swpu nowadays, and to the
tatite. of the connoisseur It ts like tho
flavor of fine, mild Java.
A great transfornintl-n takes place
in the body within ten days or two
wocliti after coffee Is left off ami Pes
'tuni used, for the reason that the jiol
ou to tho nerves cnffclnc has been
' lUcont Inued and lu Its place Is taken
a ti'iuld food that contains the most
powerful elements of nourishment.
It U easy to make this ttt and prove
tbcsistutenienru by changing from oof
ftx I Pmtm. Bead "The Bond to
. . Vclfir1Je,, In pks. "There's a Uetw
Will on.-fc
rirErraioRi; cooper
"A STORY OF TKE REVOLUTION
rilAl'TKIt IV. (Contlnnefl.) i
"Von luive lint little to niiproheinl from
his clinrmtiT." nuswcml the d:-ngnon dry
ly ; "lint he in gone how wlieu and
w:tlipr'r"
'lie departed ns li arrived." said Mr.
Wlmnnn. "on horsebnrk, hut evening,
and lie took the nortln-rn road."
Tl.e oITieer lisienrd to him with Intense
IntriPNt. Inn roiiiitennnce erniliially light
ing into a smile of pleasure ; and the
instant Mr. Wharton concluded, ba turned
on his liecl and left the apartment. The
Wharton observed the lrn;roon, on gain
ing tho lawn, In earnest convention with
his two subalterns. lu a few moments
orders were given to some of the troop,
and l.orsemen left the valley, at full
peed, by various roads.
The heavy tread of the dragoon soon
announced his neroud approach, lie bow
ed Biain politely ns he re-entered the
room, and walking up to Captain Whar
ton, said, with comic gravity:
"Now, sir, my principal business beln?
done, mny I beg to examine the quality of
that wig?"
The I'.rltlsh officer Imitated the manner
of the other, as he deliberately uncov
ered his head and, handing him the wi?,
ohserved. "I hope, sir, It Is to your lik
ing." "I ennnot. without rlolntln-; the truth,
say It Is." returned the dragoou : "I pre-
'NOW, Hill, MAT I EXAMINE THAT WIG?"
fer your ebony hair. But that must have
been a sad hurt you have received under
hiii enormous black patch."
"You appear so closo an observer of
thimir. I xliould like your opinion of I
ir," sc. id Henry, removing the nilk, and
exh!' l:ing the check free from blemish.
"I'pim my word, you Improve most rap
Idly in externals," added tho trooper; "if
I coulil hut persuade you to exebnnge thin
old Hiirtout fur that handsome blue coat
by your side, I think I never could wit
ness u morn ngreeublo metamorphosis.'
Young Wharton very composedly did as
was iv.pilrcd; and stood on exMvmly
liniiflNOiiie, wcll-ilresMcd youns num. The
dragoon looked at him for a moment with
the drollery that characterized bis man
ner, mil llieu continued;
1 his is a newcomer in tri- ecene ; it
Is lixiiiil. you know, for Htriuccrs to he in
troduced ; I am Cuptniu Lawton, of the
irginin IIoiko.
"An. I I. ir, am Captain Wharton, of
his majesty's Cdth regiment of foot." re
turned Henry, bowing ftillly.
I lie counienance of Lawton changed
ln.sinm i.v, nun ins nssumeil (piainiuess
vanmhi.l, lie viewed tho figure of Cap
min u iiui iou, prouuiy swelling with u
pride i but disdained furtlier concealment
and esiluimed. with great earnestness ;
vnptaiu Hart on, from my soul I pity
you ;
"Oh. then," cried the father In agony,
if you pity him, denr sir, why molest
him? Ho is not a spy; uothing but n
desire to see his friends prompted him
to veniure no far from the regular army
in dis-Mise. I.eavc him with mi; there
is no ivward, no sum, which 1 will not
cheerfi.lly pay,"
Sir, jour anxiety for your friend ex
ruses your language," wild lawton.
Iiiitiiihtily ; "but you forget I am a Vir
ginian, ami a genllcmnn. luruiug to the
young uiau, be coti'iuned: "Were you Ik
nornnt, (.'uptaiu Wharton, th.it our pick
eta have beou below von for several
duys?"
I did not know it until I reached
them. r:ul it was then too lute to retreat
said Wharton. "I came out, ns my fa;lier
hus mentioned, to rci? my friends, under-
ntuiiiling your partieo to be near tho lli::ii-
liu.ils. or huiely I Mould not have ven
tured." ,
All this may be very true; but the
9
affair oi' Andre has made us on the alert.
When I reason reaches the glade of gen
era I uHicorn, I iiplnm Ubartou, it be
hoovea i lie friends of liberty to be villi
Ian'..".
Henry bowed to this remark la distant
silence, but Sarah ventured to uri;e no:ne-
iliiug in nehalf of her brother. Thi? dru-
uoon heard ber. appuremly with co niiiis
nation ; but, willing to avoid useless nnd
embarrassing petitious, bo answered mild
ly :
"I am not the commander of the party,
madam; Major Ihinwoodio will decide
sbat niuft be done with your brother.
"Durwoodie: exclaimed Frances, with
face In which the rones contended for
ibe mastery with Ihe paleness of appre
hension ; "thank God! then Henry 1b
La Won regarded her with a mingled
expression ot pity nnd admiration; then
shaking bis bead doubt iiii'ly, be coutin
ued :
"I hope so; nnd, with your permission.
we will have ihe matter for his decision."
"Then. bir. we may expect ihe pleasure
cf Ma, or Duuwoo. lie's company short
ly?" i.ked Miss Peyton.
"Immediately, madam," nnswered th"
dniRoou; "expresmcs nre already oo the
road to nnuuuiico to blm our Hituuliou."
"We Khali always be happy to see
Muloi liuuwoodie."
Cup'.i.in I.uwtoa inquired if there was
not a peddler of the uiinvi of Birch who
. lhl iu ihe valley at tiuieu.
j "A I limes only, I believe, sir," repllerl
Mr. Wimriou, inutiomdy; "ho Is seidoin
here; I may mi.v 1 never h"e him."
'"ll.el 1h n! range, ton," said the trooper,
lookiti.- at tL. d.sconcird host luteutly,
"ciiis,.'r.;ini iu in your ne;;t O'dghbor;
aud to i he ladies it must be oaiewlint in
eouve.i. 'iit. I doubt not that that muslin
in the nindow stvit cost twice us r.;uoli as
he wo'i'd h ive ssked t! cm for it." s
Mr Wl.artou turned iu coa'.enintion,
nd miv koine of tho recent purchases
scattered about the room.
"X tad t wbb to Lrtak this Mr. Blrcb
rif Mm
ft. L. r--V
of his unsocial hahits, nnd gave him a call
this morning, suit had I found him within.
I should have placed him where he would
enjoy life in the midst of society, for a
short time at least.
"And where might that be, sir?" asked
Mr. Wlm ill n.
The guard room," said the trooper,
dryly.
'What Is the olTens of poor IlircU?"
asked Mis Peyton.
"Poor!" cried the captnln; "if he is
poor. King tieorse is a bad pnymaster.
If I catch him he will dangle from the
limbs of one of his uamesnkes."
It was no new intelligence to any of
the family that Harvey Birch was dis
trusied, and greatly harassed by tho
American army. Ilia escapes from their
hands, no less than his imprisonments,
had been the conversation of tho country
In too many Instances, and under circum
stanced of too great mystery to be easily
forgotten. In fact no small part of the
bitterness expressed by Captain Lawton
ngainst the peddler arose from the tinac
countable disappearance of the latter
when Intrusted to the custody of two of
1:1s most faithful dragoons.
lie sat in portentous silence brooding
over the exploit of his prisoner until a
trumpet suddenly broke on the ears of the
party neuding its martial tones up the
valley In stortling melody. The trooper
rose instantly from tho table exclaiming:
'Quick gentlemen to your horses; there
comes Ihinwondie," and, followed by his
officers, be precipitately left tho room.
With the exception of tho sentinels left
to guard Captain Wharton, the dragoons
mountel, and marched out to meet their
comrades. On getting sufficiently near,
however, to a body of hcrsc of more than
double bis own number, to distinguish
countoiances, liwton plunged his rowels
into lii. clmrjpr, and in a moment he was
by the sido of his commander.
CHAPTKB V.
The ladies of tho Wharton family had
collect d about a window. Frances Razed
willi'a siugleness of interest that absorbed
nil othr cotisidcrations. The two parties
hud net yet joined, before ber quick eye
diHtiiif.uislied one horseman in particular
from I nose around him. Ihe dragoon sat
m inn hiiikiiq wan a urmncKs anil ease
that it'.iowcd blm mnster of himself nnd
horse- bis figure uniting tho just propor
tions ii f strength and activity, beiug tall,
round, aud muscular, io his officer Law-
ton made bis report, and, imle by side.
they rode into the field opposite to the
cottngi.
The heart of Frances beat with a pulsa
tion tji-arly stilling as be paused for a
momeat aud took a survey of the build
ing, with sparkling glance; her color
chnug.'d aud us she miw the youth throw
liimse.f from the Middle, she was compell
ed to seek relief for ber trembling limbs
in a (. hair.
Thf. oHicer gnve a few hasty orders to
his s(.''ond in command nnd approached
the cMtnge. Frances rose from her teat,
nnd uiiiished from the nparlmeut. The
dniKix.u ascended the steps of the piazza,
and l td barely lime to touch the outer
door, when It opened to bis admission.
rniKCil silently I 'd the way into a vnennt
parloi , nnd, turning to the nohlier. frank
ly ph'."ing both her hands in his own, ex-
Iniinxd :
AH, ItunwooiPe! now happy, on many
accounts, i am to see you !
I have
brought you in here to prepare you to
meet f u unexpected friend iu the opposite
room.
T whntever cause It may bo owlo3,
cried the youth, pressing her hands to his
lips, "I, too, nra bnppy in being uble to
see yju alone. Frances, the probation
you have decreed is cruel ; war nnd dis'
tunc may shortly separate us forever,
We must submit to the nwesslty
which, governs us. But it is uot love
'CiM'ft
i AirroN was koon ur tub sim: or uis
COMMAMlllK.
spew-lies I would bear now ; I have other
and more important matters for your at
tention. Dear Duuwoodie, you know my
sentiments this war once ended, and you
may take that liaud forever but I can
never consent to tie myself to yoa by any
closer union than already exists, so long
as you are arrayed in arms against my
only brother. F.ven now, that brother is
awsltlug your decision to restore him to
liberty, or to conduct him to a probable
death."
"Your b',other?" cried Dunwoodie,
starting and turning pule; "your brother I
explain yourself what dreadful meauiug
Is concealed In your words?"
"Hun not Captain Lawton told you of
the arrest of Henry?" continued Frances,
In n voice barely uudib!e.
"He told tie of arresting a captain of
the UOth in disguise, but without men
tionlng whero or whom," replied the urn
jor in a similar tone.
"Dunwoo:lio ! Liuuwoodie !" -exclaimed
France, in the most fearful nporehen
sions, "wh:it means thi agitation?" As
the major tlcwly raised his face she con
t'need, "Sun ly, surely, you wI nr.t be
i ray your friend, my brother your broth
er to an Ignjininioim death j , '
"Frances!" exclaimed the younj limn
In nsony. "wl nt can 1 do? I would this
moment d;e for you fjr Henry hut I
ennnot forget my duty cannot forfeit my
'innor; you ycurself would be tho first to
despVe me If I did. '
l e vt on i uimvno'iie . saiq 1' ranees.
Ko!eaiuly, end with a free of nshy pale
ness, "you have to.d me--you havn sworn
that you loved n.e. IH you think 1 cnn
throw myself Into tho arms of a inaa
whoso lmnils are ninee! with the bio J
of my only bro.hcr?"
"Frances I you wriict my very benrt
then pausing, tastruule wild bis fe.din.
be endeavored to force u Kinlle, as be hdd
ed, "hut 4ir all, we may be torturing
ourselves with uuneccssr.ry fears, and
lleury, when I know the circumstances.
may be nothing u.ort than a prisoner of
war; la which casa, I eta liberate aim
on parole."
'Oh I there can be no Just grounds to
doubt It; I knew I knew IJunwoodie,
you would never desert us in the hour of
our greatest need !" The violence of her
feelings prevailed, and the agitated girl
fctitid relief in a flood of tears.
fc'rnnce having sufficiently recovered
her recollection to comma nd herself, now
eagerly led the way in'o tho opposite
room. T'le salutations of tlio young men
were cordial and frnuk, and, on the part
of Henry Wharton, ns collected ns if noth
ing had occurred to disturb his self-pos
session.
After exchanging greetings with every
member of the family, Major Dunwoodie
luckoned to the sentinel, whom Captain
Lawton had left in charge of the prisoner,
t leave tho room. Turr'ng to Captain
Wharton, he Inquired, mildly;
'Tell me, Henry, the circumstances of
this disguise, in which Captain Lawton
reports you to have been found."
The disguise was nsed by me to en
able me to visit my friends."
'But you did not wear It until yon
saw the troop of Lawton approaching?"
Oh I no, interrupted Frances, eager
ly, forgetting all the circumstances In her
anxiety for her brother: "Sarah and my
self placed them on him when the dra
goon a i pen red; it was our awkwardness
that led to the discovery."
The countenance of Dunwoodie bright
ened, as, turning bis eyes in fondness on
the speaker, ho listened to her explana
tion.
'Probably some articles of your own,"
he continued, "which were at hand, and
were used on the spur o the moment."
'Xo." said Wharton, with dignity;
"the clothes were worn by me from the
city, they were procured for the purpose
to which they were applied, and I intend
ed to use them in my return this very
day."
(To be continued.)
B0AST3 OF OLDEST PULPIT.
Chareh In Albnnr, W. V., Has a, Desk
Imported In lUliO.
Albany, N. T has the honor of own
ing the oldest pulpit on tho continent,
along with that of being tho oldest
chartered city In the United States. Tho
pulpit stands In the First Reformed
church, which was built In the year of
tho building of the old California mis
sions, 1793, hut, unlike them, It Is an
strong and In im good repair as It was
when the builders left It.
The pulpit was brought over from
Holland by the Dutch In K5oG to stand
In their new church, which was Just
building. Twenty-live beaver skins were
sent to Holland ns part payment, but
they became damaged In transit, so tho
pulpit was donated by the Dutch West
India Company. Tho building served
as a fort as well ns a church, cannon
being mounted upon the roof, and while
tho service was going on within senti
nels watched for algm! of n foe.
To-day the old hour glass and an
cient Dutch Biblo nru still iu their ac
customed places, while in tho olden
time tho pews lu front of It were occu
pied by Col. Peter Schuyler, Albany's
first Mayor; the patrons of tho Van
Kensselncrrf, who owned land nlong
both shores of the Hudson river for
twenty-four miles, and Con. Philip
Schuyler, one of the first three major
generals !n tho Revolutionary army.
lso first United Istatcs Smiator from
New York.
Within Its shadow the famous Iro
quois chieftain, King Hcndrlck, who
with Rlr William Johnson defeated tha
French and Indians in the ' battle of
Lake Ciorgo, was converted to Chris
tianity and Col. Aaron Burr, United
States Senator from New York and
Vice Ptesldent under Thomas Jefferson,
was married to Theodosla Provost.
President Roosevelt sat before It and
listened to the preacher's words ns a
member of this church when Governor
of New York State.
The old pulpit Is rich Ui years nnd
honors; .ts history Is Albany's history,
the chufch's members having taken
part In all the events of Interest that
have happened In "ye oldo towno" sluee
Its founding.
Defrauded.
That -this Is n world of disappoint
ments, Mrs. Green hud lotig ago learn
ed ; -but she found one more disappoint
ment to add to her list during her visit
to her daughter-in-law.
'I declare, you never can count on
what folks will do, and you might Just
ns well give up first ns last, she said,
dejectedly, to Mr. Green on ht-r re
turn.
"Tliero I counseled them to name
that baby Lnima Louisa, for aunt; nnd
what do you suppose aunt has doue
uready?"
.ui. iini-ii pruies.scu uiuiKcir unnuio
to conjecture.
"She's willed away the Bunker Hill
teapot nnd the Paul Revere sugar
tongs to the Historical folks," said Mr
Green, bitterly. "And I exnect noth
ing but what the blue and white coun
terpano will go next, and there'll bo
that s3or, helpless baby without a sin
gle Inheritance to her name:"
"Wltu 1IU Wife's Mourr."
Ouco upeu a time a uiau married a
woman who had Inherited ?.00 from a
gruuefather. This was all she ever
recelvixl, but tiio man never got credit
for his efforts the rest of his life. He
built a new store. "Did It with his
wile's money," tho neighbors said. Tho
home was mado over and enlarged.
"Ills wlfo's money did It," was the only
comment The ltttlo measly Sodo sim
inherited was given the credit for cv
erythlng ho did during life, nnd when
he died and his widow put up a monu
inent with bis life Insurance, "Her
Inoney paid for that," was said again.
But tins 13 wbat her money really
went nr: luring tier engagement she
twilight hers. If a $.'!r.O piano and a $150
diamond ring, andlu a few weeks lost
the ring and there was always soma
regret that the didn't alsj lose thi
phr.io. Atcl.sou (Kan.) Globe.
Cor res io n 1 r hoc
Sehotil of I, or.
Gilisic Do you
think she'll marry
you ;
Jail; Im :,l'ra!d not, I proposed by
mail, you know, mi l iil!h.'ug!i she
wrote two letters lu i-ply them wan
tncourugouiei.t In them.
Indeed?"'
"Yes; the letters were 'N-o.' "
Yule Maiiiu.
What's read in the Bohu won't al
ways couio out lu the recltatlun. Tale
Record,
Sr
"Ills ryes seemed glued to my every
movement." "Yes? That's u sign that
he's stuck on you."
"Are you married?'' "Yep." "Are
you happy?" "Didn't I Just tell you. I
was married?" Houston Po;t. .
"Papa, Is n frog fish or. an nnltnnl?"
"Yes! Now ruu out nird play and give
me a chance to rend my paper."
"I was one of thosy? saved In that
terrible wreck." "How did you es
cape?" "I changed my mind nt the
last minute and tojk another train."
"Yes: It was hard luck. He fell In
love with her at first sight, bought a
fifty-trip ticket nnd was refused on Ms
second vlnlt." Browning's Magazine.
Little Willie What Is Joy, pa? Pa
Joy, my son. Is the peculiar feeling
experienced by tho man who counts his
money nnd finds more than be expect
ed. Chicago News.
Mother What's the matter, Joseph
ine? Josephine Lolo hurt me. Mother
How? Jrsephlne I went to hit blm
on the head and he dodged nie aud I
banged my hand ngalnst the wall.
"Did you get home before the storm
broke last night?" asked tho first club
man. "Of course," replied the other.
"The storm never breaks nt my houso
until I get hnme." Pnilndolphia Press.
Dicky Y'our dad always goes to
sleep In church. Georgey My dad has
a right to g5 to sleep In church, if ha
wants to. He gives more to the preach
er than any other man In tho congre
gation. Examiner (to medical, student)
Now lot us take nuncndlcltis. On what
grounds should you decide that nn Im
mediate operation was necessary. Med
ical Student On tho financial condi
tion of the patient.
Townc I understood you to call
Mrs. Rownder a widow, but her hus
band Is living. Browne Oh, yes; she's
what you might call n "club widow;"
she's a woman who has a late hus
band. Philadelphia Press.
Inquisitive Acquaintance! Have you
ever ftionght what you would do If
your gas bag should collapse while you
wero half n mile or more up la tho
air? Daring Aeronaut Often, I
should stnrt nt once for terra firma by
the shortest passible route.
"From tho grammatical standpoint,'
said the fair maid with the lofty fore
head, "which do you consider correct,
'I had rather go home' or I would
rather go home? Neither, prompt
ly responded the young man. "I'd much
rather stay here, Answers.
"So you quit smoking because she
asked you to?" said the youth with the
clamshell cap; "Y'es," answered the
lad with the turned up trousers." "And
then?" "Then she went walking with
a man wiio smoicen u pipe, uei-auw one
said it kept away mosquitoes." Wash
ington Star.
A prominent society women tohl her
butler to tell all visitors that she was
not at home. At night, when enumer
ating the persons who had called dur
ing the day, he mentioned the lady's
sister, when his mistress exclaimed:
"I told you, man, that I was alwnys at
home for my sister! You ought to have
shown ber in." Nest day the lady
went out to make n few calls and
during her absence her sister came to
the house. "Is your mistress nt home?"
she asked the butler. "Yes, madam,"
was the reply. The lady looked every
where for her sister. She said to tho
butler: "My sister must have gone out,
for I cannot find her:" "Yes, madam,
she has gone out, but she told me last
night that she was alwnys nt home to
jrou." Philadelphia Record.
AN UNEXPECTED INSPIRATION.
How a Wnlter and a Mustard Jar
SiruueMloil a Sons; Refrain.
Alfred G. Bobyn, who composed the)
music for the lyrics In "A Yankee Tour
ist," confesses that the refrains of his
songs come to him sometimes in the
least expected way, says the New York
Tel ecru ph.
"For instance," he nald, "Wallace Ir
win nnd I turned up last season nt
F.lyrla, Ohio, for the first night of 'A
Y'nnkee Tourist.' We had traveled nil
night throuv'h rain, lying under blan
kets that possessed the peculiar quality
of cold flap Jacks, nnd we were anxioiu
for something hot. So we hustled to
the nearest hotel, seated ourselves nt
the breakfast table, hailed th sleepy
waiter and ilem-uiiled lamp cdTips and
coffee.
"Wouldn't you like to have a little
mustard?' asked the waiter.
"Loud utilsuii chorus,' 'No!'
"In the course of a long hour tho
waiter returned with the fodder. 'I
did not order chicory,' said I, after
sipping the et:p.
"I did not iirder sheep,' mild Mr.
Irwin, after tastirg a chop.
" 'Wouldn't ymi like to have a Ilttl
mustard?' risked the waiter.
"'I will take sumo Worcestershire
an nee,' tmM Irwin, 'In disguise the
sheep.'
"In que f of the sauce the wnlter re
mained ten minutes. He returned with
a Jar of mustard. 'We got no Worces
terslilrc' l:e said.
wou!d;s'l y u I'-ke 4
tardr
"I tV.'ik that
Itep-vt i: '.".'.
" 'Wi.uV.ll't - nil
:iHilogetienlly, 'but
ohave a little mus-
cans, said Irwin.
like to hav
lit tie 1:111s --tan!?'
"'Why, t!ia!'s good meter for ma
Fie!' I sai l and hummed a tutio which
llttel the words.
"We drive the waiter away, ond,
with the m;;;ard Kit set In the ta'de'i
eeu'-r 11s a I'ouvt of inspiration, trwln
Ihv'H'I Io I.' ''i' l-: ' "ml I to comp.so on
the talile linili.
"We'll cl:ai:-e the word 'mustard'
to 's,v.'.'!;c: ri.' said l:wlii, and with
that as a rei'rnlii we liml workivi out
one of the i';-i.i"'i,i'.l mugs In the opera
In n half nr."
Most pcicile ;::v "with" you as lou
as they uie talkii g tu you.
Some men would rather take a whip
,plng thau t.'Le a d.uu.
Vt.r
B W 1 M
AMERICAN WTN3 H0N0D
i AJrZJW& ' ' 1
: IP
1 Ay7iv, sib
w f , s ve"',f ' k'v- ni
iW-v- i "vlf
Iflilik Vvy vfj'gkLziJL. B
Mrs. Burckhardt, of New Y'ork, is balled by her friends ns the most beau
tiful woman In the world, following her victory in winning tho beauty prize
nt Franzensbnd, a German watering place near Baden-Baden. Mrs. Burck
nanlt competed with famous beauties of Germany, France nnd other countries.
The "beauty competition" Is nn annual evcut in Frunzrnsbnd. It was
organized by the town council, and any woman who Is not a professional
beauty Is eligible to compete for first honors. Professional beauties, however,
nre barred from the contest.
By winning first honors this year Mrs. Burckhardt added to the American
woman's general reputation throughout the world of being the most beautiful
of all women.
VrrrVWrrVsrVrVVV'
I CARRYING OUT THE BARGAIN
VlVVSrVsr)rrrrrrXrrV
It was Mr. Sedgwick's first visit to
the new country home of his brother-in-law,
Mr. Drake, and he was much
Interested In the place. As he and his
host were strolling round the grounds
after dinner, he asked, "Who was your
brawny friend who ore with us?"
"Oh, didn't I introduce you to Ole?"
"Yes, you Introduced him, but you
didn't explain him," was the smiling
reply.
"Ho Is nn old Norwegian wood-chop-nor,
nnd he has two more of my "din
ners coming to him." Mr. Drake
chuckled. "The fact is, I'm not used to
dealing with these rural workmen, and
Ole got rather the best of me, I think.
"You see that great pile of stove
wood ranked up by the barn? Well, I
engaged hi in to split it, nnd when 1
was trying to got him to name hit
price for the work h said It depended
on how hard it was to split that some
wood was much easier than other wood.
"'Can't you tell how much It would
be worth a cord to do it? I asked.
"'No,' he answered, 'for maybe It
would be hard and maybe It would be
easy.'
" 'Will you take ten dollars for the
Job? He looked at the cord-wood med
itatively, and after a moment, said,
Yes, If you'll give me my dinners.'
"But how many dinners will there
be? How long will it take you?'
" 'Can't tell how loug, wood's so dif
ferent,' he said. But we needed the
wood for Immediate use, and laborers
are" scarce in the neighborhood, so I
s:.ld, 'I'll give J"u yur dinners for
two weeks, but after that you'll have
to bring your lunch.' I didn't intend
to have him dawdling over the Job for
the sake of the dinners.
"He accepted the offer, and he didn't
dawdle. He completed the work In
eight days, but he's faithful to his din
ner engagements. He comes regularly
everv noon and eats 11 hearty meal.
nnd I half believe, from the twinkle
in those blue eyes of his, that the old
man enjoys the Joke on me as well as
ho docs the dinners.
JOSS WAYLAND'S CONTxtlBTJTION,
Shm Thonnht the MUslonarjr'a Wife
Mluht Ue Human, Too.
Before the ladles In the vestry parlor.
engaged In packing the box for the
family of the Rev. Joseph Gordon, wUj,
lu a far-away western field, performed
the duties of missionary, teacher, law
yer aud patriot for the salary of five
hundred dollars a year, mere appear
0,i sudden vlslo-.i. The vision was In
the most stylish of new spring fashions,
from the top of her exceedingly-expen
sive hat to the tips of her handsome
nlioes. Beneath the hat her eyes were
half-npologetic and half-daring.
"I've brought my contribution," she
said, putting a package down before
Mrs. Henry Thorpe. "1 didn't ask you
this time what was needed becau-e
well, because I struck. It came to me
suddenly b;w. If I were a missionary
wife, I should loathe the sight of cotton
cloth and second-hand clothes yes, and
new ones, too, when they're all so
dreadfully Henslblo and tiought to last
and how I'd long with all my soul for
something frivolous. Of course," with
11 sudden dimple, "Fin not claiming that
I know anything about how mission
nrles' wives really find. I supp ise they
are all dreadfully good, aud don't ban
ker at all after worldly vanities; but
still, I don't believe it will hurt. I'm
going now, so that you can disapprove
of me. Good-by!
In dead silence Mrs. Henry Thorpe
opened the package.
It contained
AS GREATEST B.ZAUTY.
two-pound box of the best bonlsins
three of the latest novels, and n bit ot
green pottery. The ladies looked al
each other In dismay. '
"It seems wlckol," Mrs. Henry
Thorpe said, in honest distress.
"Novels when the missionary must
so need new books!" Mrs. Harper la.
mented.
"I can stand tho books better than
the vase," Miss Ambrose declared.
"Well," Mrs. Tkoriic said, with n
sigh, "I supiMise they'll have to go.
But I must say it hurts."
So tho things Eleanor Wayland's
Idle, useless things were packed and
sent In the box, and In duo time n let
ter of thanks reached the church. Mrs.
Thorpe read it aloud In tho missionary
meeting. At the close came a peculiar
paragraph.
"And now, dear friends, I'm going to
make a confession. I suppase you'll
think me terribly frivolous and unlit
for a missionary's wife, but there were,
tnree tilings mat 1 just cried over 1
the candy, the new stories, and that
lovely, lovely vase.
"I don t believe you can imagine how
starved one gets out here for something
that Isn't desperately earnest. I haven't
seen a ' bonbon since I was married,1
two years ago, nnd, oh, how hungry.
I've got for a new book oneo In a while!
And the vase well, I shan't care If wo
do have nothing but potatoes for break
fast If I have that vase full of flowers
on the table. Thank you all a thou
sand times; but thank especially the'
dear friend who remembered that mis
sionaries' wives nre terribly human, af
ter all."
A girl In the back of the church slip
ped out softly.
"Oh, I'm so glad!" she said ta the
November sky. Youth s Companion.
The Manchester Martyrs.
Along in '17 or thcreahouta some
Irishmen tried to rescue n bunch of
Feulnu prisoners in Manchester, aud 11
police seregaut was stmt and killed.
The prisoners got away, which may
have had something to do with tha up
shot, too. The government was natur
ally sore, and they managed to hang
three of the rescue parry without too
much fine haired fuss as to whether
they had anything to do with the shoot
ing or not At that time Fenians and
Nationalists were at daggers drawn,
and the church was heavy against the
Fenians, of course, but they were all
one. one In agony and shame over those
Irish boys strung up in an English
town. All their helplessness, all the
bitterness of England's might, England
managed with those halters to drive
festering deep afresh. Think of a town
the sizoof Dublin turning out a fun
eral procession of liO.C(M) people, nnd
think of bow those UO.IKiO Irish were
feeling when I tell you they were quiet
quiet lu those streers where the low
est hovels had hung out their tilts of
green-twined black. Mcl'lure's Maga
zine. Trictl Uvrry Oilier War.
Church "I see the custom of t,tand
Ing up when a patriotic song is an
nounced Is becoming istpular."
Gotham "Yes; 1 think some day I'll
start a patriotic song In 'a crowded,
street car and see if I can steal thatj
seat away." Yonkers Statesman.
Kw Home Into Sucl.My.
Pater Amerlcanus So that was tla
great Mrs. Roliudust, was It? Lat'
si't; she married Into society, didn't
she?
The Innocent Abroad Oh, father!
No! She divorced Into It. Pock.
Open u door lu sunniKT, aud files
slip In; In winter, It's cats. Always
Bome reason for boys to keep the door
1 1 cloeetL
