.Iiiil(l4 V II .1.
"Miss Mnbol," began the young mnn.
Whose chin' wabbled a lift 1 e In spile of
him. "I hnrdly know bow to sny If. but
t feel as If the time hnd come or perhaps
I should have said that 1 nm Impelled to
pier Is a moment in every man's ca
reer, you know, when lie is no longer I
Is. re nay yon hnve not boon expecting n:iy
thing of the kind, but the fart in nnd I
m in A position now (lint warrants me I.'
offering which 1h the reason why I li.iv
hesitated till now because there are so
many thims lo be in short, the diffi
culties In the way have been "
"Mr. Packard," interrupted the youn?
woman, with a smile of encourngemont,
"will you plonse try to run your trains of
thought on tl block system V"
Mmmm
immmm
Good for a Cold.
Bishop Olmsted of Colorado was
making a Christmas address to somo
Denver clilldren.
"Eat heartily on Christina day," the
bishop said, smiling. "Do full Justice
to turkey, to cranlierry sauce, to plum
pudding, to nil the good things. Hut
don't give way to gluttony. Don't gloat
ever your Christmas dainties like a
Bala boy I used to know. This boy
said one Christinas morning:' '.My, I
wish I had a cold!' 'Why?' naked his
brother. 'Cause mother says to feed a
old, nnd If I hnd one to-day, wouldn't
I feed It, though!'"
In every 1,000 marriages in Great Brlt
In twenty-one are between first cousin.
Among the nobility the rate Is much high
r, amounting to forty-five In 1,000.
There Is mere Catarrh In this section of
the country thnn ill other lUsessea put ti
iretber, a ml until the hint few year wsi
uppnyd to li liienrshlc. Kor a (rreaf inniir
years doctor pronoiinrcil It a lo. nl disease
and preserllied local remedies, and by eon
atantly falllnc; to cure with loenl treatment,
pronounced It Inrtirnlilp. Kili-tue has prov
en estsrrh to. he a cnnstltntlonnt IIrn
and therefore requires constltiitlniinl treat
ment. Hull s ("ntiirrti Cure, tiiiinnruetured
ny K. J. fherx-T Co. TnNntn, (Miln u th
only constitutional cure on the market. It
Is taken Internally In dip( from lo lr
1? t'"Pwifl. nets directly on the
mood ind mucous surfaces of the system.
They pr one bnndred dnllnrs for anv case
It falls to euro. Send for circulars aud tea
tltnonlala ddreaa If. J CHENEY A CO., Toledo. O.
Bold hy DrurKlsis, "."Sc.
Taks Hall's Family I'llls for ennstlpntlon.
la m, Cbrlatmns Crowd.
Sir Thomas Upton had been compll
Biented by a Now York reporter on the
cup for Oahiiijf boats that ho hud just
ffered. ,
"I ought to offer n cup," said tho
enla1 Briton, "to the retail shopkeeper
srho dot tho biggest Christmas trade.
The size of your Christmas trade
mazes mo Its size, and the dexterity
with which It Is handled.
"I heard the other dny of a great
Christmas bargain sale in Qulney. To
one of the bargain counters a man was
rash enough to venture. Ho struggled
fcoroleally a little while among tho
press, then, with a loud cry, he sank.
" 'Help I help!' he shouted from the
floor. ,'Holp ! help 1 My leg Is broken.'
"The clerk, dexterous iu the handling
f Christmas crowds, got hlrn up at
nee.
"And you'll find our Christmas
splints and crutches, sir,' he said, 'on
the third floor back, fifth aisle to the
left' "
Damages vs. Repairs,
In t trolley accident In New England
in Irishman was badly hurt Tho next
lay a lawyer called on him and nuked If
she Intended to sue the company for
iamages.
"Damages?" said Tat, looking feebly
ver his bandages. "Sure, I have thim
already. I'd lolke to sue the railway
for repairs, sor, av ye'll take the case."
Youth's Conipanlou.
Under New Kales.
"I don't know much about your Con
gressman's otliclal record, but I hear he's
S finished parliamentarian."
"He Is now, you bet 1 He was married
lo Miss Strontrinlnd a few j)aya ago."
PUTS THE "GINGER" IN.
Tho Kind of Food Hard by Athletes.
A former college athlete, one of tho
long distance runners, began to lose his
power of endurance. His experience
with a change lu food is interesting.
"While I was in training o(t the
track athletic team, my dully 'jogs' be
came a task, until after I was put on
Grape-Nuts food for two meals u day.
After using the Food for two wek8 I
felt like. a now man. My digestion was
lierfect, nerves steady aud I was full
of energy.
."I trained for the mile and tho half
mile runs (those events which require
so much endurance) and then tho long
dally 'Jogs,' which before bad been
such a task, were clipped off with euse.
I won both events.
"The Ornpe-Nuti food put me In per
fect condition and gave me my 'glu
eer.' Not only was my physical condi
tion made perfect, nnd my weight In
creased, but my mind was mudu clear
and vigorous so that I could get out
nr studies In about li.Mf the time for
merly required. Now most all of .'he
I'ulverslty men use Grape-Nuts, for
they have learned Its value, but I think
my testimony will not bo uniiss nnd
may perhuim help some one to learn
Low the beat results can be obtained."
There's a reason for the i-fiect of
Grape-Nuts food ou the human body
and brain. The certain elements In
wheat aud barley nre selected with'
special reference to tbe'.r jHiwer for re
building the brain and nerve centers.
The product Is then carefully and sci
entifically prepared so us to make it
nsy of digestion. The physical nnd
mental results are so appuretit after
two or three weeks' use as to produce
a profound Impression. Bead "The
Itoad to Wellvllle," In pkgs. "There's
reason.'
i
Pf Si' I I . . Tl
i jyti
f. FEN1TIORE COOPER
STORY OF THE REVOLUTION
CHATTER 1.
It was near the close of the year 1TS0,
hat a solitary traveler was seen pursu
ng his way through one of the numer
us little valleys of Westchester. The
nsterly wind, with its chilling dampness
nd increasing violence, gave unerring no-
ice of the approach of a storm : and the
xocrienced eve of the traveler was turn-
d In quest of some convenient shelter.
The county of Westchester, alter the
Iritish had obtained possession of the I
slnnd of New York, became common
rround. In which both parties continued
o act for the remainder of the wnr of
he revolution A' large proportion of
ts Inhabitants stlected a neutrality tuey
lid not feel. Tho lower towns were more
articularly under the dominion of the
rown, while the upper were bold in ns-
erting their right to govern themselves.
Ireat numbers, however, wore musks,
nd many an individual has gone down
o the tomb, stigmatized as n foe to the
rights of his countrymen, while, In se
cret, he bus been the useful agent of the
eaders of the revolution; nnd, on the
ither hand, could the hidden repositories
if divers flaming patriots have been open-
d, royal protections would h:ive been
liscovered concealed under piles of Brit
ish gold.
Tired with the exercise of a day of un
usual fatigue, and noxious to obtain a
peedy shelter from the increasing vio
lence of the storm, the traveler determin
ed to make an application 'for admission
at the next dwelling that olTernd." and.
riding through n pair of neglected bars, he
knocked loudly at the -outer dour of a
building, of a very humble exterior. A
female of middle age answered the sum
mons. His request was listened to with
evident unwillingness, nnd eagerly in
terrupted by the reply;
"I can't say I like to give lodgings to
a stranger in these ticklish times. There's
nobody but the old gentlemnn nt hoaie;
but half a mile further up the road Is a
house where you enn get entertainment
for nothing. Harvey is away I wish
he d take advice and leave on wandering.
But Harvey Birch will hnve his own way.
and die vagabond nfter all !"
"Is this, then, the dwelling of Harvey
Birch?" Inquired the horseman in an in
voluntary nuinncr.
"Why, one can hardly say it is his
dwelling," replied the other; "be Is never
In It, or so seldom, that I hardly re
member his face. Turn In the first gnte
on your left," nnd sho closed the door
abruptly.
Sufficient light yet remained to enable
the traveler to distinguish tho improve
ments which had been mnde lu the general
appearance of the grounds mound the
building to which he was now approach
ing. The bouse was of stone, with a
small wins at each extremity. A ninzzn.
with neatly turned pillnrs of wood, gave
the plnce an nlr altogether superior to
the common farm houses of the country
Alter leaning bis horse behind an angle
Of the wall, the traveler threw his valisi
over his arm, and knocked loudly. An
aged black Boon appeared; nnd acceded
tp the request for accommodations. The
traveler was shown Into nn extremely
nent pnrlof, where a fire had been light
ed. After giving the valise into the
keeping of Ids civil attendant, and polite
ly repeating his request to the old gen
tleman who arose to receive him, nnd pay
lug his compliments to. the three ladies
who were seated at work with their nee
dles, the stranger commenced laying aside
some of his outer garments.
1 he host was by several years the
senior of the traveler, ami by his manner
showed he had seen much of life, and the
t. -, !.. M'l . ..... i . I
uri ui But-iuiy. xub mines were, a maiu
tn of forty, and two much younger. Mr.
Whartou, for so was the owuer of this
retired estate called, resumed his seat by
the fire. For a moment he paused, as if
debating with his politeness, but at length
threw an Inquiring glance on the stranger
as he inquired :
"To whum have I the honor of apeak
Ing?" j
. "Mr. Harper." I
The young ladies had taken their seats
beside a work stand, while their aunt.
Miss Jeanette Peyton, withdrew to super
intend the preparations necessary to en
tertaln their unexpected visitor. A short
silence prevailed. There was an evident
desire ou the part of the host to enter into
conversation, but from an apprehension
of treading on dangerous ground, he sev
oral times hesitated beforo he could ven
ture to make any remark. At length he
said:
"I wish from the bottom of my heart
this unnatural struggle was over, that we
might again meet our frieuds aud relu
Uvea in peace and love.
It is much to be desired," said Har
per, emphatically.
l near oi no movement or conse
quence since the arrival of our new al
lies." said Mr. Wharton
"Nons have yet reached the public, I
believe.
They appear active In tho South ;
Gates and Cornwallis seem willing to
bring the war to an issue there."
The brow of Harper contracted, and a
deeper shade of melancholy crossed his
features; Ids eye kindled with a tran
sient beam of fire, that spoke a latent
so a res of deep feeling. The admiring
sax of the younger of the sisters had
barely time to read its expression before
It passed sway, leaving in its room ac
quired composure. The elder sister mnde
one or two movements In her chair be
fore she ventured to suv, In n toue which
partook iu no small measure of triumph:
General (Jates has been less fortunate
with the Furl than with General Bur
tyne."
"But General Gates is an F.imlishmun
Fsrah," cried the younger lady, with
quickness; then, coloring to the eyes ut
her owu boldness.
The traveler hud turned his face from
one Kisti r to the other, and uu .almost
Imperceptible movement of the muscles of
lbs mouth betrayed a new cino'.iou ns be
playfully Inquired of the younger;
May I veuture to ask what Inference
you would draw from that fact?
Onlyonly sir my sister and my
self sometimes differ lu our opinions 'of
the. prowess of the British. Sarah thinks
they are never beaten, while I do not put
tit much ful'.b iu their imiucibility."
The traveler list.'iit.! to her with that
pleased Indulgence with which virtuous
age loves lo contemplate the ardor of
youthful innicence but milking uo reply,
he turned to (he fire, nnd continued for
some time gazing on its ember in silMice.
At the first sounds of the impatient
summons of some new applicant, Mr.
Wharton had risen from his sent In evi
dent uneasiuesH, Hu scarcely had tiuis m
bid tb black to show this second comer
In, before ths door was thrown hastily
ven and a slranrer sntcred the a part -
HPT
mem. lie paused a moment, as the per
ron of Harper met his view, and then, in
a more formal manner, repeated tho re
quest he hnd before made through the ser
vant. Mr. Wharton and his family dis
liked the appearance of this new visitor
excessively; but the Inclemency ,of the
weather compelled the old gentleman to
give a reluctant acquiescence.
"You doubtless find your present abode
solitary aner being accustomea to .tne
gayeties of the city?" observed Harper
finally.
"Oil. excessively so," said Sarah, hast-
ily. "I do wish that this cruel war was
nt an end, that we might return to our
friends once more."
'And you. Miss Frances, do yon long
as ardently for peace as your sister?"
"On many accounts 1 certainly do, re
turned the other; "but not nt the expense
of the rights of my countrymen."
Harper rising finally, desired to bo
shown to his place of rest. IA small boy
was directed to guide him to his room;
and wishing a courteous good night to the
whole party, 'bo traveler withdrew. The
unwelcome intruder, ns the door closed,
nroso slowly from his seat. In nn In
stant the red wig which concealed his
black locks, the large patch which hid
bnlf his face from observation, the stoop
Mint hnd made him nppenr fifty years of
age, disappeared.
"My father 1 my dear father!" cried
the handsome young mnn ; "and you, my
dearest sisters and aunt! have I at last
met you ngnin?"
"Heaven bless you, my Henry, my
son: excinunea i tie astonished nut ue-
IS THERE ANT PBOnABILITT OF MOVE
MENTS ni:Low?"
lighted parent; while his sisters sank on
his shoulders, dissolved in tears.
The faithful old blnck. who had been
"eared from Infancy in the house of his
mister, and who hnd been complimented
with the namo of Cresar, was the only
other witness of this unexpected discov
ery of the son of Mr. Wharton. After
receiving the extended hand of his young
mnster, and Imprinting on it a fervent
kiss, Ciesar withdrew. The boy did not
re-enter the room ; and the blnck himself.
sfter some time, returned, just ns the
young British cnptnln was exclaiming;
"But who Is this Mr. Harper? is he
likely to betray me?"
'No no no Massa Harry," cried the
negro, snaking nls gray beau confident-
Iv "1 kwin in ha AffiQun TTtifnan nn I.a
knpepra, t0 God-no eemman who pray
, -.,! u f nnA , m
' v v v.l.
fader."
CHAPTER II.
A storm below the highlands of the
Hudson, if It be introduced with an east
erly wind, seldom lasts less than two
days. Accordingly, as the inmates of the
Locusts assembled, on the following morn
Ing, around their early breakfast, the driv
ing rain was seen to strike in nearly hori
zontal lines against the windows of the
building, and forbade the Idea of expos
ing either man or beast to tho tempest.
Harper, after taking a view of the state
of the weather, apologized to Mr. Whar
ton for the necessity that existed for his
trespassing on his goodness for a long
time. To appearances, the reply was as
courteous ns the excuse; yet Harper
wore a resignation In his deportment that
was widely inherent trom the uneasy
manner of the father. Henry Wharton
had resumed his disguise. No communl
cations passed between him and the
strauger, after the first salutations of the
morning. Frnnces had, indeed, thought
there was something like a smile passing
over the features of the traveler. The
eyes of the affectionate sister were turn
ed in anxiety on her brother, and glanc
ing again on her unknown guest, met his
look ; and the heart of the girl, which
hnd begun to throb with violence, regain
ed a pulpntion as tempered as youth.
health and buoyant spirits could allow
Whilo yet seated at the table, CVsar en
tered, and placed a small parcel in si
leuce by the aids of his master.
f What is this, Ciesar?"' inquired Mr
Wharton.
"Tho 'baccy, air; Harvey Birch, ha got
home, nnd he bring you a. little good
'baccy from York." ,
"Harvey Birch !" rejoined the master,
stealing a look at his guest. "I do not
remember desiring him to purchase any
tobacco for me ; but ns he has brought it
he must be paid for his trouble."
To Sarah Whartou. this intelligent'
cave unexpected pleasure; rising from
her seat, she bade the black show Hire
Into the apartment. In the deep recesses
of the windows of the cottage were seat
of paneled work with rich damask cu
tains. Into one of these rin-esses I'aptni
Whartou now threw himself, drawing tl
curtain before him in such a manner as t
conceal most of bis person from observe
tlon; while bis youti'.;.,r sister silently
took possession of the other.
Harvey Birch hnd bea a peddler from
bis jiutli. He was a native of ou of
the eastern colonies. Ten years before
he bi.d arrived in the vale, purchasing the
humble dwelling at which Harper bad
made his unsuccessful application. I'ntil
tr;e and liiliriniues hud prevented, the
father devoted himself to the cultivation
of a small sot of ground, while the son
pursued with avidity bis humble barter.
Their orderly quietude had soon given
t'uem so much consideration iu the neigh
borhood as to Induce a uiaid.-u of live
ned thirty to accept the office of presid
ing over their domestic comforts. The
roses bnd lpn( before vanished from the
checks of Ksty Hsyncs wheu she entered
the family of the Birches. On the on
band she mas neat, industrious, honest
and a g4 tuans(er. On the Miter she
-m. f, m;JM'iM lJy - Vji
was talkative, selllsli, superstitious sas
inquisitive. '
The wnr dll not Interfere with tVs
trnflic of the peddler. For a year or two
his employment nan uninterrupted, but
at length dnrk and threatening hints be
gan (o throT suspicion around his move
ments. His imprisonments, though fre
quent, were not long, and his escapes
from the guardians of the law easy, com
pared to what he endured from the perse
cution of the military. Still Birch sur
vived, and still ho continued his trade,
though compelled to be very guarded in
his movements whenever he approached
the neighborhood of the American lines.
On entering the room the peddler relieved
himself from his burden and saluted the
family with modest civility. To Harper .
he made a silent bow. Sarah commenced
her survey of the contents of the pack ; ,
nnd for several minutes the two were en
gaged in bringing to light the various ar
ticles it contained. At length, having se
lected several articles, and satisfactorily
arranged the prices, she observed In a
cheerful voice :
"But, Harvey, you have told us no
news. Has Lord Cornwallis beaten tho
ebels again?" j
"There Is some tnlk below about Tarte
ton having defeated Oen. Sumter on the
Tiger river."
"Indeed!" cried the exulting Sarah;
"Sumter Sumter who Is he? I'll not
buy even a pin ontiKyotl tell me all the
news," she continued, laughing, and
throwing down a muslin she had been ex
amining. For a moment the peddler hesitated ;
his eye glanced toward Harper, who was
yet gazing at him with settled meaning,
nnd the whole manner of Birch wnj nl
tered. A slight indication of humor show
ed itself on his face ns he said;
"They sny nt the Plains that Sumter
nnd one or two more were all that were
hurt, and thnt the rig'lnrs were til cut
to pieces, for the militia were fixed snug
ly in a log barn."
"Not very probable,'.' said Sarah, con
temptuously, "though I .mnke no doubt
the rebels got behind the logs."
"I think," said the peddler, coolly,
again offering the silk, "it's quite in-
cnious to get a log between one and a
gun, Instead of getting between a gun and
lost."
The eyes of Harper dropped quietly,
bile Frances came forward with a smile
in her face as she inquired, in a tone of
ffnbility :
"Hnve you more of the lnce, Mr.
Birch?"
The desired nrtlcle was immediately
produced, and Frances became a pur-
haser also.
Have you any other news, friend?"
sked Captain Wharton, venturing to
thrust hia face without the curtain.
(To be contiuued.)
UNLOADING BANANA STEAMERS.
Quick Work Made of It -with
AU
Work Hone by Hand.
Few If any seagoing vessels coming
Into this port are discharged of their
cargoes in less time than the Tianatm
steamers, says the Pittsburg Dispatch.
Not only Is time money in the banana
trade as In every other, but the freight
these vessels bring is perishable. ' So
when they got a banana vessel tied up
the fruit U taken out In mighty short
order.
According to size and capacity the
steamers lu the banana trade carry
from 15,000 to 30,000 bunches lu a
cargo. The biggest or the boats nave
four hatchways nnd besides four side
ports on each side, through which the
cargo can be discharged. Sometimes
when a vessel lying at her wharf has
moored alongside of her on the water
side a float carrying freight cars these
openings might nil be used nt ouce, and
then there would be golug out of the
vessel twelve practically continuous
streams of bunches of bananas, those
golug ashore on the land side being for
local and nearby consumption, nnd
those going out on the water side Into
the freight cars on the floats being for
shipment to Interior points by rail.
At Borne stages of the work of dis
charging a big banana steamber there
may be employed on or about her from
300 to 300 men. The bananas are not
hoisted out but each bunch Is handed
out separately, passed from man to
man along the line.
To handle the bunches near the sur
face of the cargo when the hatches nre
first taken off not so many men are
required, but it takes more men as
they go deeper, and when they have
got down to the hold, of the vessel nnd
they hnve to begin bringing bananas
to the openings from fore and aft there
may be In each Hue a dozen or more
men, each line stretching from some
point In tho vessel's hold through some
opening to the point where tho bananas,
passed from man td man, going along
these linos all the time; a mnn at each
discharging point tallying the bunches
ns they go out
Under ordinary favorable conditions
they put 30,000 bunches of bananas out
of a steamer In seven hours.
The Trnlr Itrnutlf ul.
There Is, It has been said, no fixed
standard of art criticism. What '.s
lauded to-day is discarded to-morrow,
and even connoisseurs disagree bevyil
derlnglyj but, glancing back over tho
ages, It will be found that the discord
has been caused by technical diverg
ence and that In every land and among
all peoples the truly beautiful has been
generally recognized and correctly es
teemed. No ono questions to-day the
beauty of o Greek temple or the
charm of tnw Babylonian pottery. It
does not require trained eyes to recog
nize the merit of au oriental fhnver
painting or to find delight In one of
Whistlers' nocturnes. The fundamen
tals lu each Instance nre tho same
rhythmical line, fair proportions and
harmonious coloring. We have to bo
led ofttlinos up the ascent of art, and
there Is much discusslou concerning the
liywnys, nut mice on iuu neigui an
dissension ends, nnd we no longer nod
:i guide. Iella Mechlin In Century.
- i
ot Furred la Work.
"lias your daughter ma do her society
debut yet. Mrs. Couieup?"
"No, sho ha.su't, and she don't hnve
to, neither. We can get all our society
tlxens from them Purls dressmaker)
now." Baltimore American.
A Proiuluvut t harMclerlmic.
"At least, there Is one thing to be
said of pickpockets as a class."
'What might that be?"
"They never fall to keep lo touch
with the iple." BallVnor American,
It's a wise son that knows be knows
less thai) his own futher.
"Homo wns "iM'V.'f lii;e this," snbl
Mr. tlonpcck. ns h: was shown about
the denf nivl (Uni'o iisyimn. Columbia
Jester.
Baron (to his servant) Johann, has
nnylmdy been smoking my cigars except
yonrfoK? S'orv.'tnt Vcsj sir, you.
FflceiuV Blatter.
".She did a very foolish thing when
she ii:arfi"ii." "Why, he was rich,
wasn't li;V" "Yes bo wfls the foolish
tlii:rj:."--('livcl;,::il Leader. '
"Percy, p::p.t says you mustn't come
to see me niiy more," "Why, Aggie,
how ennlil IV I'm nl"t':ly coming seven
times n wee!;!" Chicago Tribune.
"lio you think young Propsley will
iistoiiisli Ills friends yhen they pee him
on the st.ige?". "Yes. If they think he
can net." Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Mr. Jawhaek The biggest Idiots nl
wnys seem to marry, .the prettiest
women. Mrs. .htwback Now, you're
trying to (latter me. Cleveland Loader.
'Tin just crazy to be a reporter,"
said the rich man's daughter. "Iusau
ily is no qiulificntiot)," returned the
editor, closing the interview. Philadel
phia Ledger.
"Your wife needs exorcise; she sits
still too much." "I'll got hor n silk
skirt." "How will that help?" "She'll
keep moving So ns to make It rustle."
Houston Post.
Landlord .Sir, the other tenants will
not stay in the flat If you insist on
playing the cornet. Mr. Toots I'm
glad of that. They wore very annoy
ing. Cleveland Plain Dealer.
"Father,;' said little Polio, ".what Is
evolution?" "Evolution, my son, is a
sort of npology which man has invent
ed for displaying so many of the traits
of the lower animals. " Washington
Star. .
He I'm going to bring Jolt home
with me to dinner to-night. She Oh,
mercy, dear, don't! It's the cook's day
out, and I'll have to cook dinner! lie
Never mind; I owe Jolt one, anyway!
Yonkers Statesman.
"What has become of the maid you
thought such a prize?" "Oh, I had to
let her go," replied the second fashion
able woman. "After her operation for
appendicitis she thought she 'was one
of us." Philadelphia Ledger.
Dear little' Maudie awoke about 2
o'clock the other morning and asked
mamnm to tell her a ralry tale. "It's
too late, darling," mamma replied.
"Daddy will be in shortly, and he'll tell
us IkiUi one." Philadelphia Inquirer.
"Willie, did you put your nickel In
the contribution box In Sunday school
to-dny?" "No, mamma. I ast Eddie
Lake, tho preacher's son, If I couldn't
keep it nn' spend It fer enndy, an' he
give fne permission." Denver News.
"The lady whose name you gave as
reference, Delia," said Mrs. Hiram
Offen, "tells me you were uot always
truthful and obedient." "No, ma'am," '
replied the new servant, "I couldn't be,
wld her telliu' me all tho time to say
she wasn't at home." Philadelphia'"
I'ress.
"May I Intwoduce to you my
fwiend?" 'asked a fashiouable young
man at a' recent dance, "ile Is a lit
ewawy man, you know." "Indeed !" ex
claimed his partner. "Aw, yes. He '
sent the Society News a list of the
guests nt the last pnhty, and the etlitah
accepted It." Tit-Bits. t
"I am afraid, madam," said a gentle
man who was looking for country lodg
ings, "thnt the house Is too nenr the
station to be pleasnnt." "It Is a little
noisy," nssented the landlady, "but
from the front veranda one has suph
a fine view of people who miss the
. trnln." Philadelphia Inquirer,
Her (sighing) Oh, I met such . a
lovely, polite man to-day. Him
Where was that? Her On the street
I must have H'eon carrying my umbrella
carelessly, for he bumped his eye Into
It. And I said, "Pardon me," and he
said, "iKin't mention It I have another
eye left." Cleveland Loader.
1 Minister (on return from holiday)
Well, Daniel, my good man, and how
have things been going on In my ab
sence? Daniel Deed, sir, a' things
been gaun on brawly. They say you
mecnlsters. when ye gang frae home
aye tak' guld cure to send wnur men
than yottrseelfs to fill the pooplt But
ye never dae that, sir ! Punch.
French 1:k llllth Priced.
A collector of rage offered the man
ager of n lnrga new York boarding
house a certain price for a bag of woro
cut linen.
"Tluvf r.-iijs are worth more than
that." slid the shrewd landlord. "I
run several houses in this neighbor
hrod, ami :'ll nre occupied exclusively
by French gti 'sts."
Tlu' dealer apparently considered
that reaiai'A sufficiently explanatory,
1!;' cast a !.as;y glance uimui the cory
Icn.'.i ( ," t'.i bag, li:e:i raised the price,
"A'ld h. muhl well aiford to raise it
t; ,." sai l t'n landlord. "Kveti at that
ral. lie will make money off the things,
l'rcMch r.it i he- world over bring a
h leT p '
s i.i w h.v ':
; :' i;. !.!:'.
ir n " Us.
I'.h-ailV.'-:
e thaa any other. The rea-Freat-h
pLsipIo wear a bet
'( r.nci and their cast-off
i:e In d.'Jiand by nil manu
r 'l-'i :i ,i naner."
t il ir ..
1 ihe wi-e little boy, "how
!i.-;; a ship':"
m- neve;- loniied up from Ids
:i a'.:sw;Ti'd oil' hand ;
a V: Whv-or why, they
; I'.i '.lc. of Vourse." Judge.
".a. ;
" t :i -y
M'.'. V.
I :''.-. hi
"D ick
- i-.t of.' i
('OUillu't.
orator tou iiedly) The American
eag'.f, whi'Mi.-r dt is roaming the des
erts of ladia or ciiaibiug the forests of
t'aa.iil.i. will not il;aw in its horns or
re; re lut i li t shell. Independent.
f'.'iiero are sennous In
.rvau la bricks.
to ues aud let
SHARK PUTS ON STYLE.
tvar Ilnrrel-lloop Necklace And Is
Choked to Dcnth.
Nature fakirs, attention!
Here Is the story of a vain shark thnt
attempted to wear n barrel hisp as n
necklace nnd choked herself to death,
says the Now York World. Of course,
It must have been n female shark. She
was found on the bench at Itockaway
to-day, having arrived at night with
the high tide.
The shark wns nhotit ton feet long.
Fitting close alwmt her nock was a bar
rel hoop and hanging from a jwlnt
whore hor Adam's apple ought to be, If
a shark had nn Adam's apple, was a
barrel since attached to tlio hoop, like
a pendant. F.nrly nrrlvnls on the bench
assert that the siave wns hr.indtM "Oy
sler Buy," but this could not be veri
fier, for one of these confiscated It as
n souvenir.
Tho carcass of ..the shark floated
ashore at u point near the Park inn.
It was discovered by a man on his way
to take nn early morning dip. He
f-pren.il tho tidings nnd soon a crowd
gathered. In tho crowd wns a docp
sea .Sherlock Holmes, who knows all
about the habits of dwellers In the
ocean.
"It Is all very plain,' 'he explained.
"We-know that shirks frequent tho
ocean c.uk where the garbage scows are
dumped. This wns probably a social
lender of the school.
"Some time yesterday she encoun-
tet.vl this stave nnd hoop flontlng on
t!i; waves. Tho Idea of decorating her
self o'-riKTed to her. She slipped tho
lino-i ever her head nnd held a recep
tion, lu tii; course of which refrcsh-
liie'.its were served.
Alter pr.ruiiing freely of the re
freshments her shark ladyship attempt
til to.re:::jvc the nacklace, but discov
ered that it had become attached to
her. These marks around the edge of
the hoop show where her maid and. hus-
. band made vniu ntte.npts to remove the
I ornnivc.it. Finally discovering that the
resources of her habitat wore Insuffi
cient to rid her of h;r deocratlon, she
started for Kocksrway, In tho hope that
Bill Devery might run across her and
take it away from her." ,
j tAt the conclusion of the lecture of
I the deep-sea Sherlock Holmes those In
the audience fell upon the remains of
the vain shark and despoiled them.
Commuters, under the ' Inspiration of
tile signs they read every morning on
, the p.-iinlo's ilentlstry emporium across
from the .tl:;jitL' nvenue station of'the
Long Island road, removed tho teeth.
Others hacked off the tail and fins. Va
rious boardlug-house keepers were not
ed hovering in the distance awaiting
the departure of the souvenir hunters
j and', various gnstronomlcal - novelties
will undoubtedly appear ou the tables
of some Koekawny feeding places this
evening.
An enterprising showman eudeavored
to corrall tho carcass for purposes of
exhibition, but wns deterred by a re
cital of the experience to a couple of
amateur P. T. Barnums, who ran a
show consisting of a decensod shark at
Coney Island some eight or ten years
ago. Between the board of health and
the exhibit they wore driven Into bank
ruptcy, one losing $1 nnd a tent, the
other a straw hat and a megaphone.
i
TUGBOAT ENGINEER AT 08.
nllv of llruoklyn, of Adventurous
I.lfe, Hopes to Go to Sea Anln.
Dr. Osier's ago limitation is strik
ingly falsified In tho ense of an Amori
can ; Sydney Talbot, aged 08 years, who
worked all his life without an ailment
until a few weeks ago, when he was
ndmltted to the Seamen's hospital here
suffering from a slight stroke of paral
ysls, says a London cable to the New
York Sun.
He was then earning $25 weekly as
engineer on the ocean going tug Ulln,
to which he hopes to return In a few
days. He Is already able to walk brisk
ly with the aid of a stick, and Is other
wise quite fit. He Is a remarkable
specimen of hale old age, being upright
and nctlve.
He was born In Brooklyn, May 1,
1S00, and came to England when he
was 21. After seven years In nn engi
neering college he soon got employment
as a marine englnee, which profession
he has followed ever since with expert'
ences enough to fill a library of sea ro
mances. He served the White Star
Steamship company nnd numerous oth
er employers, ne wont around the
world In Lord Brassey's famous yacht
Sunbeam. ,
He has boon wrecked four times, and
wag 01,ce cast away for five days In the
Red sea, when he nnd his companions
nearly went mad 'from thirst.
He confidently expects to live and
.work for six or seven years more, bas
ing his expectation on his family his
tory. His father died at the age of 10(1,
his mother at 103 and his sister at 102.
Talbot has always beeu temperate in
drinking and smoking, but he Is uot a
teetotaler. He says cheerfully:
"I hone to rejoin the Ulln la a few
days. I am almost well, and when I
get to sea again and get nicely soaked
I will be all right." ,
How We Do C'linnse.
"Aha!" exclaimed Mr. Jellus. "Been
treasuring another van's picture all
these yv-ars, eh?"
"Not exactly," answered his better
half. "That's a picture of you. dear,
taken when you had hair." Louisville
Courier-Journal.
In A alomobltediMii.
Scientist Light travels nt the rats
of about IST.fHH) miles a second. Chauf
feur Gee, tlint's goln' some! Auto
F.nthuslast (slightly deaf) Pardon
mo, sir. But what make machine was
It you Just mentioned? Bohemian.
Helped Some.
"Has your automobile helped you In
retting into society?"
"Well, If you refer to the society of
tho company's collector nnd n lot of
country constables, yes." Philadelphia
Ledger.
Hat Not the Duutb.
"Is Shouters really very strong In
his convictions?"
"Well. no. If there's a bet up of
dollars to doughnuts, he's the kind
that would lie betting the doughnubV
Mt Tree Tresa.
"Msggle, bow many times a week does
Clarence come to see you?"
"Never less Hum kven times, and gen
erally oftener."
"Mercy! I flinnld fh'iik such persist
ence ns thv.t - laid bother you to death."
"It doesn't wither me In the least."
"Then you must be as far gone ns h
l"
"I 6ti't enre a snap of my finger fol
him."
"Then why don't you stop him?"
"Because lie amuses me."
"Poor fellow ! Doei n't your mother ob
ject to .lis co ning so often ?"
"I don't tell her." '
"Thnt doesn't expla.i It. either. Where
do you recci- him? .In the kitchen?"
"1 don't receive him nt nil."
"1,00k here, M.it. Do you suppose you
enn make me believe "
"I'll tell you all about it. Begulnrly
every day be passes niong lierj on the
other side of the street, lie always looks
over, and I nm nlwn.vs sitting in this
Window nnd pretend:. i not to'see him."
"You heartless wrch 1" Chicago
Tribune.
On a charge of insulting the memory of
the late King Gen re of Saxony a sol
dier had been sentenced in Dresden to
tweuty-one months' imprisonment.
A MIS30irr.I WOIIAIT
lells u Story of Aivftil SnlTcrlnat and
Wonilerful llellrf.
Mrs. J. D. Johnson, of (!0.'t West
Hickman street, Columbia, Mo., says:
"Following nn oper
ation two year3 ago,
dropry set in, and my
left side was so swol
len the doctor said he
wculd have to tap
out thef-water. There
was constant pain
and a gurgling sensa
tion urousa my bonrt,'
and I could not ralso
my arm above my -h.'id.
Tho kidney ac
tion was disordered and paasages of
tho secretions too frequent. On the ad
vice of my husband I began usiugi
Doan's Kidney Pills. Since using two
boxes -my -trouble has not reappeared.i
This is wonderful, after suffering two
years."
Sold by all dealers. CO cents a box.
Foster-Milburn Co., Buffalo, N. Y.
11 Not Much to Say.
"Yes, sir," said Bragg, "I've decided
to hnve a long talk with the bo,ss and
tell him Just what I think."
"Is It possible?" remarked Nagg.
"Why? Don't you believe I've got
the nerve to tell him what 1 think?"
"Oh. yes; but If -you tell him Just
what you think how are yoti going to
have a long talk?" Philadelphia
I'ress. ,
THE BRITISH GOVERNMENT AND
AMERICAN FOOD STUEFS.
Contract for Canned Stents Placed
in ChlcaKO British War Office
Has Every Confidence la the
Stockyard Product.
Another large contract for tinned
Vieats for the British Army has boon
placed with Libby, McNeill & Libby of
"Chlcagq, through the Director of Sup
plies Department of the British War
Office. This contract was a competi
tive affair, England, Canada, Australia
and Brazil entering with tenders. ' It
w;J. quality and method of packing that
got the Chicago firm the busiuess. Gen
eral Clayton of the War Department
In an Interview, according to the Lon
don Standard, stated that the British
Government Is highly satisfied with the
Foodstuffs supplied by Chicago, and
they have every confidence in the manu
factures entering Britain from the
Stock Yards.
"The foods for t'.:o Army will be
packed under the supervision of British
representatives at the invitation of the
packers," he said. "Although the Gov
ernment Is ready to rely upon the new
Pure Food Regulations recently Inaug
urated in the United States. All the
talk about the Inefficiency of the new
law is sheer nonsense. British officers
in America have gone fully Into the
matter and the authorities are per
fectly satisfied to place orders In Chi
cago when conditions call for outside
supplies of canned moats."
A Distinction.
"A cook In one respect is different
from all human beings."
"Why so?"
"Because she ni r wants any other
human help In her hour of knead." '
Baltimore American. t
FIFTEEN YEARS OF ECZEMA.
Terrible Itchlnjf Prevented Sleep
llnnds, Arms ami I. ears Affected
Cutlcara Cared In Sis Days.
"I had eczema nearly fifteen years.
The affected parts were my hands,
arms and legs. They were the worst
In the winter time, and were always
Itchy, and I could not keep from
scratching them. I had to keep both
hands bandaged all the time, and at
night I would have to scratch through
the bnnduges, as t!i3 Itching was so
severe, and at times I would have to
tear everything off my bands to
scratch the skin. I could not rest or
sleep. I had several physicians treat
me. but ' thoy could not give nie a
permanent cure, nor even could they
stop the itching. After using the Cutl
cura Soap, one box of Cutlcura Olut
tnent and two bottles of Cutlcura Re
Solvent for about six days the itching
bad ceased, and now the sores have
disappeared, aud I never felt better lu
my lire than I Uo now. i,uwaru or
relltoBaud aoth U. S. lufautry, Fort
Crook. Nebraska."
Wont I hliitf About iTIiei
"Appearances," remarked Mrs.
High-
mus, "are so deceitful.
"I don't mind that so much," sighed.
Mrs. Aniblsh, "but they're expensive
to keep up !"
Guns, Traps, Decoys, etc. Lowest prices.
Write for free catalog No. 1. N. VfJ
Hide & Fur Co., Minneapolis, Minn.
And lie l.ot a Sale.
The aristocratic young lady was look
ing nt some dress patterns.
"Here is a piece of goods," said the
man behind Hie counter, "that I can'
especially reeonmeml for service."
"Sir," rejoined the fair party of the,
shopping pa-t, haughtily, "l am not
going out to service."
Mr. Wlsa'Wt tnottitas Sw rap tor Cbltdroa)
tMiuuif ; tWlt..a lb (uu. imimm lufUinaM
(loo, alkrt a-a. mum u4 mint, ate a Wsiia
t
r
