"What makes you think lio married
her for her money?'' "She does." -jUtyvuland
Press.
j Kwry man has hi faults, but Tn
man hart n many as hi wife think ha
hae. Chicago Record-Herald.
"Weren't you fired by tho college
spirit when at Yaler "No. By tho
president." Cleveland Press.
Will they hang the prisoner?" "Not
yet. Ilia lawyers managed to bang
the Jury." Baltimore American.
"I would share your every sorrow."
"But I h.ive lid Borrows." "Walt till
we're married." Cleveland Leader.
"You ki.ss like an expert," Raid tho
pretty maid. "How do you know I
do?" queried the mere tuun.-Cblcago
New.
'How much did he make out of that
latest grm't scheme?" "A clean lull
llou." "You mean a million." Cleve
land I'laiii Dealer.
Mr, lloylc 1 hear that your eon
had to leave college. Mrs. Doyle
Yes; he i-tudi tl too hard, learning the
football tenuis. Puck.
"What tio yon think of tbla theory
of living tint of doors?" "It all de
pends on whether you leavo the bouse
voluntarily, or are put out," Detroit
Free Press.
Between Two fires
By ANTHONY HOPE
VA wlae man will make more opportunitlea
r than he finds." Francis Bacon.
CriArTKIt MIL (Continued.)
"How was he wounded?" I asked. "Tell
ma what the Colonel did to him, and be
ehort."
"Yes, sir. The Colonel told ns Mr.
Carr was to be kept at the ranch over
night; wasn't to leave It alive, sir, he
said. Well, np to yesterday It was all
right and pleasant. Mr. Carr wasn't
very well, and the doses the Colonel (cave
him didn't seem to make him any better
qnlte the contrary. But yesterday after
noon he got rampageous would go, any
how, 111 or well 1 So he got up and dress
ed. We'd taken all his weapons from
him, sir, and when he came down dress
ed, and asked for his horse, we told him
be couldn't go. Well, he Just said. 'Get
enit of the light, I tell you,' and began
walking toward the hall door. I don't
mind saying we were rather pat about,
air. We didn't care to shoot him as he
stood, and It's my belief we'd have let
him pass; but just as he was going out,
In cornea the Colonel. 'Hullo, what a this,
Johnny?' says he. 'Yon've got some
scheme on,' said Carr. 'I believe you've
been drugging me. Out of tho way, Mc
Gregor, or I'll brain you.' 'Where are
yon going T says the Colonel. 'To Whit
tingham, to the President's,' said he.
'Not to-day.' anvs the Colonel. 'Come,
be reasonable, Johnny. You'll be all right
to-morrow.' 'Colonel McGregor,' says
be, 'I'm unarmed, and you've got a re-
yolrer. You can shoot me If you like, but
"Bobby, did yon have n good time nnleis yon do, I'm going out. Y'ou've
at th plcuicV" "Yes, mother." 'Vny
didn't you stay until It was over?"
"What was thu use, mother? We were
through eating." Milwnukee Sentinel.
"Alan'." sighed the poet. "We can
no longer keep the wolf from the door."
"Ob. I tlon't know," rejoined his wife.
"You might Kit on tho front step and
rend one of jour poems aloud." Chi
cago Dally News.
"The undents thought the world
was flat." "Well, I don't bluroe 'em.
They had no chorus girls, no cigar
ettes, no bridge, no society Journals.
It must have been In tnose nays.
Philadelphia Bulletin.
Mr. Nervous I love tho smell of mo
tor ears' Hostess Beally? What an
extraordinary taste! Why do you
... I . h . . .. . TlnnaliaA U'tlf.tl
11K6 III air. jeruuo ih-vuhdu "
you smell It you know the danger's
past Topeka Journal.
"Here's something about the Dutch
stealing one of the Philippine Islands.
' I wonder what Dncle Sara will do
about tt?" "Well. It would serve them
right If he refused to take It bnck."
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
"I suppose you motto Is, 'Bo sure
you're right, and then go ahead.' "
Not la the financial game," answered
Mr. Dustln M.ax "My motto Is, 'Be
sure you're ahead; then you're all
right'." Washington Star.
"Well, Tommy," said the visitor, "I
Ilk onSria in ftchnol?"
A' " "
f'Ob, yes." answerer Tommy, "I like
join all right, and I liko comln' home,
but It's stuyln' there between times
thut makes mo tired." -Chicago News.
No Nerve Cbugit'jrton How's your
' new chauffeur? Carr Had to lire him ;
he nsed to be a motornmn. Cbugger
ton Too reckless, eh? Carr Beck
less, nothing! Why, I couldn't break
hlni of the hnblt of slowing up at
crossings !" Pnek.
Ascuni Is your boss going to give
you the raise yon asked for?' Clark
Well er rl'm afraid to say. I told
him I thought my pay should be com-
mensurate with tho amount of work I
do and he promptly agreed with me.
Philadelphia Press.
Footpad (with revolver) Hold up
yer hands 1 Victim You can go
through me If you want to, but I'll
bo dad-dinged If I'm going to hold up
imy hand any more! I'm tired of doing
1t. You're the third since I left tho
iodge. Chicago Tribune.
"They eay you allow your husband
to carry a latch key now." "So I do.
But the key doesn't fit tho door. I
Just let him carry it to humor him.
. He likes to show It to his friends, you
know, and make them think he's Inde
pendent" Ixs Angeles Times.
If ve nlease, mum," said the ancient
hero. In an ajipeallng voice, as he stood
at the back door of the cottage on
washday, "I've lost my leg " "Well, j
I ain't got it" snapped the woman
fiercely. And the door closed with a
bung. Ladles' Homo Journal.
An applicant for the post of mis
tress in a country school was asked:
"What Is your position lu regard to the
tw.Mpplng of children?" She replied:
"My usual position is on a chair with
the child held firmly across my knees,
face downward!" Rural World.
"You'll find I'm hard to discourage."
said the persistent suitor melodramat
ically. "Some day I'll make you ad
mit you love me, and then and not
till then I will die happy." "I'll say
it now," replied tho heartless girl. "I
dou't mind telling a He for a gooc", nL"
rhladephla Ledger.
Hotel Clerk (suspiciously) Your
. hiindlo has come apart May I ask what
new patent fire escape. I always car
ry It o to cn(l f nrc I caQ let my
self down from the hotel window? See?
Clerk (thoughtfully I see. Our terms
for guests with Ore escapes, sir, are
lnvnrlably cash In advance. New York
Weekly.
The Mean Thing!
J'i Praise from a husband's Hps is al
T'f fwuys p'easant to the wife; but the
praise may be too discriminating to
unit her.
"I thought it was nice of you to tell
that carpenter, who seemed to think
women know nothing, that I could
'hammer nails like lightning.'" said
Mrs. Morse to her husband. "But I'm
afraid, dear, you are not an unpreju-
nced Judge. I really dou't think I'm
asuch a very good hammerer."
"Oh. be knew what I meant," said
XZt. Morse, cheerfully. "ou know
lhtnlcg never strikes twice In th
tsare place, they say
been playing some dmlco on me, and you
shall pay for It.' With that ho rushed
straight at the Colonel. The Colonel, he
stepped on one side and let him pass.
Then he went after him to the door, wait
ed till ha was about fifteen yards off, then
np with his revolver, as cool as you like,
and shot him clean as n sixpence la the
right leg. Down came Mi. Carr; he lay
there a minute or two, and then he faint
ed. 'Pick him up, dress his wound, and
put hlra to bed,' says the Colonel. Well,
sir, It was only a flesh wound, so we soon
got him comfortable, and there ha lay all
night"
"How did he get to-day?" '
"We were all out, sir went over to
Mr. Carr's place to borrow his horses.
Well, when we'd got the horses, we rode
round outside the town, and came Into
the road between here and the Colonel's.
Ten horses we'd got, and we went there
to give the ten men who were patrolling
the road the fresh horses. We heard from
them that no one had come along. When
we got home, he'd been gone two hours !"
"How did be manage It?"
"A woman, sir," snld my warrior, with
supreme disgust. "Gave her ten dollars
to ondo the front door, and then he was
off 1 He daren't go to the stables to get
a hone, so he was forced to limp away
en his game leg. A plucky one he la,
too," he concluded.
"Poor old Johnny," said I. "You
didn't go after him?"
"No time, air. Couldn t tire the horses.
Besides, when ha'd once got home, ho's
got a dozen men there, and they'd have
kept os all night Well, sir, I must be
off. Any answer for the Colonel? He'll
bn outside tho Golden House by eleven,
sir, and Mr. Carr won't get in If he
comes after that."
"Tell him to rely on me," I answered.
But for all that I didn't mean to shoot
Johnny on sight.
So, much perturbed In spirit, I set off
to tha barracks, wondering when Johnny
would get to Whittingham, and whether
he would fall into the Colonel's hands
outside the Golden House. It struck me
as unpleasantly probable that he might
come and spoil the harmony of my even
ing; It he cams there first, the conspiracy
would probably lose my aid at an early
Moment. What would happen to me I
didn't know. But, as I took off my coat
In the lobby, I bent down as If to tie a
shoestring, and bad one mors look at my
revolver.
The room was thick with smoke. Me
chanically I led the chorus, straining ev
ery nerve ro hear a sound from outside.
I was growing dizzy with the movement,
and, overwrouitht with the strain on my
nerves, I knew a few minute more would
be tho limit of endurance, when at last I
heard a loud shout and tumult of voices.
"What's that?" exclaimed the Major,
In thick tones, pausing as he spoke.
I dropped bis hand, and seising my re
volver, aaid :
"Some row In barracks, Major. Let
'em alone."
' I must go," he said. "Character Au
rratnland army at stake."
"Set a thief to catch a thief, eh, Ma
jor?" said I.
"What do you mean, sir?" he stut
tered. "Let nie go."
"If you move, I shoot, Major," said I.
bringing out my weapon. I never saw
greater astonishment on human counte
nance, lie rrled :
"Hi, stp him he's mad ho's going
to shoot !"
A shout of laughter rose from the crew
around us, for they felt exquisite appre
ciation of my supposed joke.
"Bight you are, Martin," cried one
"Keep him quiet. We won't go home
till morning 1"
The Major turned to the window. It
was a moonlight night, and ns I looked
with him I saw the courtyard full of sol
dlcrs. Who was in command? The an
swer to that meant much to me. The
sight somewhat sobered the Major.
"A mutiny!" he cried. "The soldiers
have risen !"
"Go to bed." arid tho junior ensign.
"Look cut cf window!" he cried.
They alt staggered to the window. As
the soldiers saw them, they raised a shout.
I could not distinguish whether it was a
greeting or a threat. Tbey took it as the
latter, and turned to the door.
"Stop 1" I cried ; "I shoot the first man
who opens the door."
In wonder they turned on me. I stood
facing them, revolver In hand. Tbey
waited huddled together for an instant,
then made a rush at me; I fired, but
missed. I had a vision of a poised gob
let; a second later, the missile caught me
In the chest, and hurled me back against
the wall. As I fell I dropped my weapon,
and they were upon me. I thought it was
all over; but as tbey surged round, in
the madness of anger, I, looking through
their ranks, saw the door open and a
crowd of men rush In. Who was at their
head? It was the Calancl, and his voice
rose high above the tumult:
Order, gentlemen, order." Then to
his men he added :
"Each mark your man. and two of you
bring Mr. Martin here."
1 was saved. To explain how, I must
explain what had been happening at the
Golden House, and bow the night attack
had fared.
aal mnrderefl my best Men- Wet!, w
mustn't use hard naniea,' be went am Is
a gentler tone. I give In.' and, throwing
down his weapon, he asked, 'Have yos
quite killed Carr?'
"I don't know,' snld the Colonel, Im
plying plainly that he did not care, either.
"'I suppose It was you. that shot mm
"The Colonel nodded.
"The President yawned and looked al
his watch.
"'As I have no part in to-night s per
formanee,' said he, 'I presumo I ib at
liberty to go to bed?'
"Mf men must stay here, and yos
must leave the door open.'
" 'I have no objection,' said the l'resl
dent.
Two of you stay In this room. Twt
of you keep watch In the veranda, one at
this window, the other at the bedroom
window. I shall put three more sentriei
outside. General Whittingham Is not tc
leave this room. If you hear or see any
thing going on In there, go in and put
him under restraint. Otherwise treat him
with respect.'
"'I thank you for your civility,' said
the President, 'also for the compliment
Implied In these precautions. Is it over
this matter of the debt that your patriot
ism has drawn you Into revolt?
I aee no nse In discussing public af
fairs at this moment,' the Colonel re
plied. 'And my presence la required else
where. I regret that I cannot relieve
you of the presence of these men, but I
do not feel I should be Justified in accept
ing your parole.'
"Tho President did not seem to be an
gered at thia Insult.
"'I have not offered it he snld sim
ply. 'It Is better yon should take your
own measure, l detain you, LOio-
nelV
"The Cohnel did not answer him, but
turned to me and said:
Sighorina Nugent, we wait only for
yon, and time is precious.'
"Looking up, I saw a smile on the
President's face. As I ro reluctantly,
he also got up from the chair into which
he had Hung himself, and stopped me with
H gesture. I was terribly afraid that ho
waa going to say something hard to me,
but his voice only expressed a sort of
amused pity.
'The money, was It, Signonna? he
said. 'Young people and beautiful people
should not be mercenary. Poor child, you
had better have stood by me.'
I answered him nothing, but went out
with the Colonel, leaving him seated
af!n in the chair, surveying with some
apparent amusement tho two threatening
sentries who stood at the door. Xha
Colonel hurried me out of the house, say
ing:
"We must ride to the barracks. It tho
news gets there before us, they may cut
no rough. You go home, lour work Is
done.'
"So they mounted and rode away, leav
ing me in the road. There were no signs
of any struggle, except the door hanging
loose on Its hinges, and a drop or two
of blood on ths steps where they had
shot poor Johnny Carr. I went straight
home, and what happened in the next
few hours st the Golden House I don t
know, and, knowing how I left the Presi
dent, I cannot explain. I went home,
and cried till I thought my heart woulf
break."
(To be continued.)
zzr 1 1
WITH UNCLE SAM FIFTY YEAR3.
MA
"Gumrrlldge Isn't n man I've a
great donl of use for," remarked the
citizen with the protruding waistband.
"I've only met him n few times, Just
when you've brought him In to lunch,
but I'm free to confers I dou't like
him. You know I never beat about
the bush. If I like a mnn I like him
and If I dou't I'm ns llablo to tell hlra
so as I ain to tell anybody else. I
know he's a friend of yours, or you
think he Is; hut he ninkes me tired,
and that's all there Is to It"
"Why, what's the matter with blni?"
asked the thin man with the bushy
black beard. "I never beard of any
body who hnd nny particular fault to
find with Gumerlidge. I think he's
one of the finest fellows that ever
stopped. I've known him for twenty
years and I've never seen anything
wrong with him."
Xo, I don't rprse you have." snld
the citizen of circumference. "Still, I
should think jcu'U have got sick of
It In that time."
"Sick of what?"
"Taffy, soft soap, flattery; that's
what I mean. That's what I don't like
about him. He puts It nil over you
with a spnde. That Bort of thing sick
ens me."
"P didn't notice him putting It all
over you. lie seemed to- be pleasant
ns he genernily Is with everybody, but
I don't think ho flnttered you."
"Xo, ho didn't flatter me. He was
flattering you."
"Gumerlidge?"
"Yes, Gumerlidge. Take It at lunch
the Inst time. 'Let Billy order,' he
says, 'I think Billy can order a lunch
a little better than anybody I know
of. If Billy wasn't a corking good
business man he'd have made the
bulllest kind of a head waiter. When
I want something extra good. Just th
right kind of combination of eatables,
I tell you I put my trust In Billy ev
ery time.'"
'Well," said Billy, "I guess I do
know a thing or two in that line."
'There are others," said the large
man. "rve got a sneaking sort or no
tion that I'm pretty good In that line
myself. But you were a 'corking ,-ood
business mnn' as well."
"Well, I'm not generally regarded ns
a slouch," said the thin man with the
bushy black beard.
'Terhnps not Mind you, I don't say
you are. I don t think I n any sioucn
ns far aa that goes, but I don t want
a man going around in front of me
with a trumpet proclaiming It 'Billy's
good fellow,' 'Billy always was n
good deal of n Indies' man,' 'You can't
fool Billy on a diamond,' 'You couldn't
get Billy to go Into nny crooked deal of
that kind.' 'That's one thing I can say
nbout Billy ; I always know Just where
to find him. ne'll stand by his friends.
Billy will 'When I'm In doubt I al
ways ask Billy's opinion and so on."
"I don't see nnythlng particular for
you to take exception to In that," said
the benrded mnn.
"You don't?"
"I certainly do not."
"You 'like a man who flatters you.
do you. then?"
"I don't see why you would call it
flattery. I may have a few good qual
ities and Gumerlidge may hnve dis
crimination enough to recognize them,
but I hope that isn't any hanging of
fense. For the matter of thnt, he was
a good deal taken with you and I
heard him cracking you up no end
the other day to some of tho people
nt the club."
"Well," said the stout citizen with a
slightly mollified air, "of course I may
bo mistaken In him. I wouldn't want
to Judge a mnn too hastily, and in oth
er respects he struck me as a nice fel
low. What did he say about me, Bill?"
Chicago Dully News.
NEW LEASE OF LIFE FOR TOGO'S FLAG-SHIP.
iiiiii
Mill
CHAPTER XIV.
I shall never forget that supper aa long
as I live. Considered merely aa a social
gathmmg it would b memorable enough,
for I never before or since aat at meat
with ten such queer customers as my
hosts of that evening. The officers of
the Aureataland army were a very mixed
lot two or three Spanish Americans,
three er four Brazilians, and the balance
Americans of the type of their country
men are least proud of. It there waa an
honest man among them be , aedulously
concealed his title to distinction. Ail this
might hava passed from my memory, or
blended In a subdued harmny with my
genera, impression of Aureataland; but
ths peculiar position in which I stood
gave to my mind an unusual activity of
perception. Among this band of careless
revelers I sat vigilant, resiless and Im
patient; feigning to take a leading part
In tbelr hilarity, 1 waa sober, collected.
and alert to my very finger tipa. I anx
iously watched their bearing and expres
sion. I led tbem on to apeak of the Pres
ident rejoicing when I elicited open mur
murs and covert threats at bis baae in
gratitude to the men on whoae support his
power rested. Ihey bad not been paid
for alt months, and were ripe for any
niiscblct I was mora than once tempted
to forestall the Colonel snd begin the
revolution on my own account; only my
inability to produce before their eyes any
arguments of the sort they would liuton
to restrained me.
Eleven o'clock had come and gone. The
Senior Captain bad proposed the Presi
dent's health. It waa received In sullen
silence; I was the only man who hon
ored It by rising from his seat.
The Major had proposed the army, and
they bad responded to their noble selves.
A young tnun of weak expresion and
quavering legs had proposed. "The com
merce of Aureataland," coupled with tho
name of Mr. John Martin, in laudatory
but Incoherent terms, and I was on my
lega replying. Oh, that speech of mine!
For discursiveneaa, for repetition, for
sheer Inanity, I suppose It has never
been equaled. 1 droned steadily away:
as I went on tho audience paid less and
less attention. It was past twelve. Th
well of my eloquence waa ruaning drier
and drier, and yet no sound outside!. 1
wondered how long Ihey would stand It
and bow long I could stand it. At 12:13
I began ray peroration. Hardly had 1
dona so, when one of the young mon start
ed In a gentle voice a ditty. One by one
they took it up, till the rlxing tide of
voices drowned my fervent period. Per
force I stopped. They were all on their
feet now. Did they mean to break up?
Jn despair at the Idea I lifted up ray
voice, lond and dU'ifet, In a verse of tie
eosipositlon, and Ulnx my neighbor's
hand began to m nv slowly round the
tabla. The move wis :ieccHful. Each
man followed n'.l, and thu whole pirty.
kicking back tht-ir cUaiis, revolved with
Urching stcpa.
CHAPTER XV.
- It la a sad necessity that compels us
to pry into the weaknesses of our fellow
creatures, and ace to turn them to our
own profit. I am not philosopher enough
to aay whether this course of conduct
derives any justification from Its univer
sality, but in the region of practice I have
never hesitated to place myself on a
moral level with those with whom I had
to deal. I felt, therefore, very little
scruple In making use of tho one weak
spot discoverable in the defence of our
redoubtable opponent, his excellency, the
President of Aureataland.
Thu President had no cause to suspect
a trap; therefore, like a sensible man,
he chose to spend the evening with the
Signorina rather than with his gallant
officers. It appeara that at a few min
utes paat eleven o'clock, when the Presi
dent was peacefully listening to the con
versation of his fair guest (whom he had
galvanized Into an affected liveliness by
alarming remark on her apparent pre
occupation), there fell upon bis ear the
sound of a loud knocking at the door.
Dinner had been served, and tha Prcsi
dent could not command a view of the
knocker without going out on to the ve
randa, which ran all round the house,
and walking round to the front. When
the knock was hoard, the Signorina start
ed op.
"Don't disturb yourself, pray," said his
excellency politely, "I gave special In
structiona that 1 waa visible to no one
thia evening. But I waa wondering wheth
er It could be Johnny Carr. I want to
speak to hitn for a moment, and I'll just
go round outside and see if It is."
As he spoke a tap was heard at tha
door.
"Yea?" aald the President.
"Mr. Carr Is at the door and part Ion
larly wants to see your excellency. An
urgent matter, he says."
"Tell him 1'U come round and speak to
him from the veranda," replied the Preel
dent.
Ha turned to the window, and threw It
open to step out. Let me tell what fol
lowed in the Slgnorlna's words.
"Just then we heard a sound of a num
her of horses galloping up. The Presi
dent atopped, and said :
"'Hullo, what'a up?'
"Then there waa a sheut and a volley
of shots, and I heard the Colonel's voice
cry :
"'Down with your arms; down, I say,
or you re dead men !
"The President took out hla revolver,
went back to the window, passed through
it, and without a word disappeared. I
could not hear even the sound of his feet
on the veranda.
"I heard one more ahot then a rush
of men to tha door, and the Colonel burat
lu, with sword and revolver in his hands.
' ad followed by ten or a duxon men.
"I ran to him. terrified, and cried
'"Oh. Is anyone !?'
"He took no notice, but asked hastily
'"Where is he?'
"I pointed to tho veranda, and gasped
"'lie went out there.' Then I turned
to one of the men and said again :
"'Is anyone hurt?'
"'Only Mr. Carr he replied. 'The
rest of 'era were a precious sight too care
ful of themselves.
"'And is he killed?'
"'Don't think he'a dead, miss,' he said.
'But he's hurt badly.'
"As I turned agulo, I aaw the Presl
lent atnfidiug quite calmly In the win
dow. When the Colonel saw him. he
raised his revolver and uid:
'"Do you yield. General Whittingham?
We are twelve to one t
"As he spoke, every man covered tfc
President with his aim. The latter stood
faring the twelve revolvers, his own wea
pon banging loosely In his left hand.
Then, smiling, he a.iid a little bitterly :
"'Heroics are not is my linn, McGreg
or. 1 suppose tills s a popular rising
that la to ear, you have bribed the men
Copt. Chonncey Ilae Dees Employ
of Congress (or Half a Century
There Is now on tho house rolls a
man who has been here for fifty years.
He Is Captain Johu T. Chauncey, nnd
he Is a sort of general foreman of the
rages, doorkeepers and other employes
whose business it is to do the crrana
running of tho house, says Congress
man C. F. Scott in the Iola Begistsr.
Ho is re-elected year nfter year by the
unanimous vote of both sides of the
chamber, nnd It Is more than thirty
years since any effort was made to dis
place him. He came In first la the
Thirty-fourth Congress and Is one of
the few surviving wttuesses of Uia
memorable contest which resulted, after
two mouths of excitement and bitter
ness, in the election of Nathaniel
Banks ns spenker. It sounds like a
voice from the dead to hear the old
captain toll about the events of that day,
when the know nothings Uelu the oa
ance of power, when nobody dreamed
of the possibility of a civil war, when
Abrahnm Lincoln bad not been heard
of except In n few counties in Illinois.
Of course Cnptaln Cuauucey has known
Intimately all the great men who have
served In the House of Representatives
since that time, and what a long lino
of them he has seen come "strut and
fret their hour upon tho stage" and
then depart
And how many strange and stirring
scenes, how many comedies and trage
dies he has witnessed. lie saw the
only wedding ceremony that was ever
solemnized In the cUamber of tha
Hou?o of Representatives the mar
riage of a young couple who appeared
there one Sunday during the war, when
tha room wns used for church services
on the sabbath, and asked that tho nup
tial knot be tied In the historic place.
He saw also many union soldiers
brought there wounded when the room
was converted Into a hospital and ta
ken out dead. Onco he prevented a
shooting affray and possibly a murder
on the floor of the House. Singularly
enough, one of the participants was L
Q. C. Lamar, then a rcmber of the
House, afterward Senator from Missis
sippi and a member of the Supreme
Court and an uncle of Representative
William B. Lamar, who was recently
engaged lu a controversy upon the
floor with John Sharp Williams, the
mluorlty leader. It was at night dur
ing the closing hours of Congress and
the House had taken a recess to wait
a conference rcjwrt
Lamar entered the House and was
approached by a member from Virginia,
Douglas, with whom be had previously
had truuble. Douglas applied an in
sulting remark, whereupon the fiery
Mlsslss'pplan reached to his hip pock
et and was about to shoot when Cap
tultt Chauncey and others Interfered
and prevented what would doubtless
have been an unfortunate tragedy.
What a liook he could write, if be
hud the gift.
k - v "
. ' . " rc?rv-2. 'CWwI - wW f .
' ' i v n ,u i
NO NEW CATCH PHRASES.
llil Ones that Delia '.ir;: t.onilo An.
dlenres All If at-Vm-retl.
"Song writers are liec niilns nlarmc-ri
nt the continued nhsen'-e of n catch
phrase," snld Ch.irlcK Wlltnoll, thu
well known muslenl nut'i-.r. "'Are wo
downhearted?' has lia.l n pod Itininss,
but nothing new, I'm ufrtid. Is likely
to turn up until the? p.intomiine senson.
For the first time f r .1 good many
years London Is without Its eateli
phrase. Go to any music hull, which
you must bear In mind is the quickest
reflex of nny street phrase struggling
for popularity, nnd tltcre Is no effec
tive substitute for 'Now we shan't be
long 'Where did yon get that hat?'
'Knocked 'em in the Old Kent road' or
'They're all very tine and large-.'
Whether the creators rf these phrason
each of them famous In their day-
have lost their originality er whether
the public tnste Is becoming more re
fined I do not know."
Tho art of wlnnlnj the public fancy
with a catch phrnse depends on the
skill of the mnn wli seeks to de so.
A politician may unconsciously coin a
phrase that will cling to him forever,
such ns Mr. Balfour's "I nm n i-lilld
In these matters," Winston Churchill's
"terminological Inexactitude" nnd Lord
Roseberry's "plowing the lonely fur
row." But with a professional Yorlck
it is different
The way Harry Randall popularized
"Get your hair cut" at the Grand Thea
ter some years ago wns a masterpiece.
At his entry In every scene In the
pantomime the trombone played the
opening air of the song. As scene fol
lowed scene his hair gradually got
shorter, till at Inst lie was perfectly
bald, and when the trmnb.mo played
the notes again he brought down the
house with the remark. "You're Just
too late." Tears ntfo at th" Standard
Theater Cyrus Bell, a well known com
edian, leaped Into fame ns the origina
tor of "I never expected thnt"- a,
phrase uttered by Mm each time n
property brick or cat greeted hitn as
he took the 6tge. The following year
he won more popularity by twisting the
phrase Into "That's just what I ex
pected." There Is a faint hope that the open
ing words of the song "Put a little bit
away for a rainy day" may soon he
transformed into a catch phrase. Tt is
popular just now on account of Its
homely melody and the catchy render
ing of the old proverb. It is sung hy
the Sisters Levy. "Waiting at tho
Church" Is another popular scng which
has met with great success In America,
where cartoonists hnve seized upon a
certain line in It and ure booming It for
all they are worth.
MIXED ENGLISH OF INDIA.
A JAP ENGINEERING TRIUMPH : THE RAISING Or THE MUvASA.
Tho Japanese never consider a vessel lost AH the battered bulks of the
Russian navy have been recovered from the mud of Tort Arthur, nnd are
now elllclent members of the Mikado's navy. Togo's flagship, tho Mikasa.
which took fire and sank In the harbor of Sasebo, has now, after months of
patient engineering effort been refloated. The hull was boarded up, all leaks
stopped, and the water pumped ont The vessel rose to view mud-covered
and rusty, but still capable of refitment, and very soon the admiral will bo
on his old bridge again. The fire Is now known to have been due to sponta
neous combustion caused by the decomposition of chemicals.
II HeineinbereU.
Mrs. Scraggs (viciously) It seems
like a hundred years since we were
married. I can't even remember when
we first met.
Scraggs (wearily) I can. It was at
a dinner party, nnd there were thirteen
at table. Famllle Journal.
aal Womau.
"Man," quoted th mornMser, "Is
made of dust."
"And woman rejoined the demoral
izer, "Is mail t acutter man's AaaC
AT THE LIGHTHOUSE.
A Little kernna Heard There from
an Inexpeeted Source.
A merry crowd of young people had
run over In a launch thnt clear August
morning to visit North Island light
Thev scrambled laughingly up tne
rocky path and then stood breathless,
looking across the desolate pne 01
r&tka, softened only by n few huckle
berrv bushes and stunted firs. That
was not quite nil, either, for In a shel
tered nngle of the house was a tiny gar
den of portulnca, marigolds and in-
ilas.
Tho keeper and his wife und son met
the visitors, the two men with a cour
tesy none the less genuine because it
wus silent, thi little gray-haired wom
an with vivid Interest. The eagerness
In her bright, dark eyes appealed Irre
sistibly to one of the girls, fcbe
dropped Uhlnd ns the crowd troojied
after the men, and turned back to the
little woman.
"I've sceu lights before," she said.
"I wonder If you'd let me come in and
make you a little call lnstend."
She wns almost sturtled at Uie sud
den Illumination of the old face.
"Would I let you. deary? Land
sakes, guess you don't know what It's
like to live on a rock. I tell father and
William the only time I envy them la
when visitors come, and go tagging off
after them. Most always they have to
hurry right off as soon as they've seen
the light, and I scarcely get a look at
them. I tease the men-folks powerful
to tell me what they wore and bow
they looked, but neither of tbem Is of
the noticing kind, and when men-folks
ain't noticing they ain't, and you can't
make 'em,"
The sirl leaned forward, moved by u
sudden Impulse.
"How do you endure It?" she asked.
They have the light, but you, off here
alone oh. I don't see how you endure
It!"
The wise old eyes met the young blue
ones with quiet humor. "Oh, there's
lots of ways of enduring," the keeper's
wife said. "I think of farmer's wives
as far off from folks as I am, with only
land all around them. I was born in
sight of the sea, and It doesn't seem to
me I could live away from It Then I
belong to the light too you hnve to If
you keep one. And If I don't touch the
lamp, I cook for the men that do, and
thnt counts. They'd get blue and queer
In a hurry If they had to do for them
selves. I guess that's the real secret of
It. You don't get very much out of
sorts as long ns you've got somebody
to do for nnd I guess most iteople
hnve that. If they'd only realize It"
The girl drew a long breath. "Thank
you," she snia. "It is a renl lighthouse
sermon." Youth' Companion.
Kative Lsirrn GItc Queer Tarn ol
Speech to Argument.
In an argument before a court In
British India a native lawyer used tho
following language:
"My learned friend with mere wind
from a teapot thinks to browbeat me
rom my legs. But this Is mere gorilla
warfare. I stand under the shoes of
my client nnd only sock to place my
bone of contention clear In your hon- .
or's eye. My learned friend vainly
runs nniuck upon tha sheet anchors of
my case.
"Your honor will be pleased enough
to observe that my client, is n widow, a
noor chap with one postmortem son. A
widow of this country, your honor will
be pleased to observe. Is 11. t li!;e a
widow of your honor's country. A wid
ow of this country' Is not able to cat
more than one meal u day or to wear
;lean clothes or to look after n man.
So my poor client had not much
physic or mind as to .be able to as
sault the lusty complainant
'Yet she has been deprived of some
of her valuable leather, the leather of
her nose. My learned friend has thrown
only an argument ad hominy upon my
teeth, that my client witnesses are all
'ier own relations, their relationship is
jnly homeopathic. So the misty argu
ments of my learned friend will not
bold water; at least they will not hold
good water. Then my learned friend
has said that there is one the side of
his client a respectable witness, viz.. n
pleader, and since this witness is in
dependent he should be believed.
"But, your honor, with your lienors
vast experience, is pleased enough to
observe that truthfulness is not so plen
tiful as blackberries in this country. I
am sorry to say, though, this witness
is a man of my own feathers, that
there are In my profession black shpep
of every complexion and some of them
do not always speak gospel truth. Un
til the witness explains what has be
come of my client's nose leather he can
not be believed. He can not be allowed
to -raise a castle In the air by beating
upon a bush, so trusting to that admin
istration of British Justice on which
the sun never sits I close my case."
He Need More.
"That stage manager is a very good
one, but there is oue Inconsistency
about him.
"What is thnt?"
"He gives a bad actor more prompt
attention than a good one." Baltimore
American.
When a girl goes with a man a great
deal, and aays she Isn't particularly
interested in blm, It means that she
hasn't hooked blm ; that she Isn't cer.
tain she can get him.
From the present prospect, the wo
man with a new for coat Is going to
get more enjoyment out of life this
winter tnau she did last
At the Consignee's Itlik,
There used to be In Philadelphia,
says a writer In the Gentleman Farm
er, a commission firm noted for It
close dealing. It was a habit with
this firm always to demand, or at least
to request, some discount from the
original bills presented to them.
They dealt for several years with a
Rhode Island fanner who sold them
live turkeys. One year they ordered
dressed birds Instead, but it is evident
that the clerical force was not Inform
ed of the change. A week after the
turkeys were shipped the farmer waa
surprised to receive the usual com
plaint that four of the turkeys were
dead when they arrived, and the re
quest that he deduct the price of them
fiom the bill for the consignment.
"It Is with regret," he replied, "that
I have to advise you that I cannot
make the coueesslou requested.
"It Is my custom to require that all
patrons desiring dressed turkeys to
notify us in advance, so we may for
ward them In hea'ed cars. Owing to
the chill prernlllng at Thanksgiving
time, turkeys without feathers or In
sides are liable to take cold If shipped
In the ordluary manner. The mortal
ity among dressed turkeys waa very
large this year."
After a man hus earned your busi
ness, don't give It to the other fellow
Just to be contrary.
