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About Dakota County herald. (Dakota City, Neb.) 1891-1965 | View Entire Issue (Dec. 7, 1906)
Didn't Knew the Game Clintineey Oleott toils n funny story, which happened so'iio years npo when tie this living nt lmtn? with his par cntfl. lie became Imbued with the Idea that ho wan quite a sport, so ear ly otic morning, as bo softly turned the latch-key hud stole into the paternal ball, he was surprised to find bin fa ther Awaiting hlin. "What Is this I hear?" asked the father, sternly. "I am told you arc playing poker." "Why, father, I haven't the leant Idea of how to play the name." "t know that," replied the reverend gentleman, grimly. "At least, no I an told by one of the fellows who was playing with you." The Canadlir West is fir Best Wer The "!imnti T nf tpnt of i hAlianffK during I) fast fear is tliul t)ie Canudian Went 1 the In west. Year by yt.t the agricultural rrtur. base increased in volume and in value, and at: Die Canadian tiovernmeut otters i0 acres free I cry bona hue acttlrr. Some of the Advantage' ' The nhenomenal Increase inrnilwav mil. uet main linra and branches lias ut ahauat Ctrl portion of the country within easy reach i churches, schools, markets, cheap luel aud eTet modern convenience. The NINETY MILLION BLSHF.LVHEA CROP of this year means foo,e,ooo to ti farmers of Western Canada, apart bom th reMilta of other eraiua and cattle. For advii e and Information ' address th &Uieriittcndent of Immigration, Ottawa, Canada er thn authorised Canadian Government naeut. , W. D. Scott, Superintendent of immigration Ottawa. Canada, or E. T. Holmes. tn Uckso. St.. St. Paul. Minn, and I. M. MacLarhlnn. llo Ire, Watertown, bo. Dakota Authorized Goveru aoent gent. Please ear wars fno aae? this adrwtlsaaasit. nrin City list ?fot Entirely Satisfactory, The Eskimo had eaten his first bowl of kerosene. "It bas a delicious flavor," he said: "but It isn't quite as rich and satisfying as a tallow candle. ' Catarrh Cannot Be Cured with LOCAL APPLICATION'S, as they can not reach tbe seat of .ha disease. Catarrh la a blooil or constitutional disease, and in rder to cor It yon must take Internal rem iiea. Hall's Catarrh Cure Is taken Intern ally, and acts directly on the blood and mu cans surfaces. Hall Catarrh Cure Is no: a ouack medicine. It was prescribed by on -of the bent pbyslclsus In this country ft years nod is a reruinr prescription, it i composed of the best tonics known, com ' blned with the best M',d purifiers .actlnj -dlrectl ob the mucAus surfaces. The Der feet combination of the two Ingredients Is what produces such wonderful results In cwrtof Catarrh. Bend for testimonials free. i. CHKN Ki A CO., I'rops., Toledo, O. Hold b Drurirlsts. nrlre lac. . Take Hall's Family fills for constipation. Had th Symptoms. ."McGlnnls was a man of somewhat hasty temper. A' long siege of sickness bad made hlni1 exceedingly Irritable; .and taking care of and waiting on him had proved a great trial to MrsvMeG.. under which she had borne up with commendable patience and fortitude never complaining, no matter In what form her husband's cranUlnen man! , Jested Itself. ' Oue day, when the doctor called on usual, he cheerfully remarked : "Well, Mrs. McGinn!, how is our pa tient getting along this morning?" "Sure, doctor.' ye're too late,',' she moaned, disconsolately. "It's after beln' dead he Is, I'm thlnkla'." ' "Why, It can't be possible your bus .liand has dropped off like that!" ex- 'claimed the doctor In tones of surprise. '"Lie was worth a dozen dead men when I saw him last Too certainly must (have made a mistake, Mrs. McGlnnls, LAre you positive that be Is really dead?" "Well, doctor," said Mrs. McO cbok lug back ber sob, "If the poor mon Isn't 4ead be has all the symptoms of It I went Into the room Jlst now, an' he didn't find fault n'r t'row annylhlng at ice." IlariK-r's Magazine. v Protected. . , Miss Wellon The impudent thing told me to my face that I was gettiug old aud wrinkled! Miss Tartun -I wouldn't mind it fibs didn't nay It to your real face, you know. - She couldn't see that. NEW YEAR'S CALLS. A Met Drink to RepUee th Old Twenty-five years ago the custom of making New I ear's calls was a delight ful one for all concerned, until some of the boys got more Hgg-nog' or 'apple- Jack' than tbey could successfully carry. Then the ladles tried to be charita ble and the gentlemen tried to be as chivalrous an ever and stand up at tbe same time. If anyone thinks there has not been considerable Improvement made In tho last quarter of a century In tbe use ot alcoholic beverages, let blm stop to con stder, among otlier things, the fact that tbe old euttoui of New Year's calls aud the geutfel tlpillng Is nearly obso lete. ' lae custom or calling en one u frleuds, however, At tbe beginning of he new year. Is a l'od hahlt, and an other good habit to mtrt at that time is the use if well-made Postum Instead of coffee or spirits. , A Statea Inland doctor has a sens! Ible daughter wbo bas set I'ostuu be fore ber guests as a geod thing to drink at Tole Tide, and a good way to begin tba New Tear. Her father vrltee : "My daughter and I bav used Pos tum for some time past and we feel sre It contains wholesome, food ma te a-tit . "I shall not only recommend It to my patltnts, but my daughter will be most T't3e4 to givo a demonstration of Pos tu3'to oar Christmas and Netr Tear's nKr.- Bead Tbs Bvad i.WeU fi:; V ta X ."Thera'g reaacn." Between Two Flress By ANTHONY HOPE "A wine man will make more opportunities than he finds." Francis Bacon. CHAPTER VI. (Continued.) Ilnllo, Johnny! Why not at the tlouse?" said I to blm. "Tou'll want ev ery vote to-night. Be off and help the ministry, snd take Donna Antonia with you. They're eating op tbe minister of finance." "All right! I'm going as soon as I've had another muffin," said Johnny. "Hut what's the row about?" "Well, they want their money, I re plied; "and Don Antonio won't give It them. Hence bad feeling." Tell you what It lb," said Johnny ; "he hnsn't got a " Here Donna Antonia struck In, rather suddenly, I thought. "Do stop the gentlemen talking pon ies, Madame Devargcs. They'll spoil our ea party." "Your word Is law" I said; "bat I hould like to know what Don Antonio hasn't sot." Now do be quiet," she rejoined : ln t It qnlte enough that he has got a charm ing danghter?" "And a most valuable one," I replied with a bow, for I saw that for some rea ton or other Donna Antonia did not mean o let me pump Johnny Carr, and I want 'd to nu run him. Don t say another word, Mr. Carr, die said, with a laugh. "You know you Ion t know anything. Meanwhile Madame Devarges was glV' ing me a cup of tea. As she handed it to me, she said in a low voice: "If I were his friend I should take are Johnny didn't know anything, Mr. Martin." If I were his friend I should take care he told me what be knew, Madame De- varires," I replied. Perhaps that's what the Colonel thinks," she said. "Johnny has Just been telling us how very attentive he has be' eoine. And the Signorlna, too, I hear." "You don't mean that?" I exclaimed "Hot, after all, pure kindness, no doubt I" iou baTe received many attentions from those quarters," she said. "No doubt you are a good Judge of the motives." Don t, now, don't be disagreeable. Mild I. "I came here for peace." 'Poor young man I Have you lost all your money? Is it possible that you, like Don Antonio, haven't got a? "What Is going to hnppen?" I asked, for Madams Devargcs often had infor matlon. "I don't know," she ssid. "But If owned national bonds, I should sell." "Pardon me, madame; you would offer to sell." I did not see any need to enlighten her further. So I passed on to Donna An' tonla, who had feat somewhat sulkily since her outburst. I sat down by her and said : "Surely I haven't offended you?" "You know you wouldn't care If you had," she said, with a reproachful, but not nnklnd glance. "You will not let your real friends save you, Mr. Martin You know you want help. Why don t you consider the state of your affairs? In that at least, my friends In Whit' tinghnm are very ready to help me,1 answered, with some annoyance. "If you take It In that way," she re plied sadly, "I can do nothing." I was rather touched. Clearly she wished to be of some use to me, and for a moment I thought I might do better to tear myself free from my chains, and turn to tbe refuge opened to me. But could not do this; and, thinking It would he rather mean to take advantage of her Interest In me only to use It for my own purposes, I yielded to conscience and said "Donna Antonia, I will be straightfsr ward wiih you. Tou can only help me If I accept your guidance? I can t do that I am too deep In." "Yes, you are deep In, and eager to be deeper." she said. "Well, feo be it. If that Is so I cannot help you." 'Thank you for your kind attempt,' said I. "I shall very likely be sorry some day that I repulse it I shall always be glnd to remember that you made It" She looked at me a moment nsd said "We have ruined you amongst as." "Mind, body and estate?" 61ie made no reply, and I saw my re ran) to flippancy wounded her. So I row and took my leave. Johnny Carr went with me. Things look quesr, eh, old man?" said ha. "But the President will pull through In spire ot tbe Colonel and bis Signor lna." "Johnny, said I, "you hurt my feel Inns; but still I will gtve you a piece of advice. Marry Donna Antonia. She a rood girl and a clever girl." ' That's not a bad Idea." said be. "Why don t you do it yourself f "Because I m like you, Johnny an Idiot," I replied, and left him wondering why, if he was an Idiot, and I was an Idiot, one idiot should marry Donna An ton is, and not both or neither. Ah' I went along I bought the Gazette. tbe government organ, and read therein : "At a Cabinet council this afternoon. presided over oy nis exceuency, we nn derstsnd that the arrangements connected with the national debt formed the sub ject of discussion. The resolutions arriv ed at are at present strictly confidential, but we have tbe best authority for stat ing that tbe measures to be adopted will bave the effect of materially alleviating the present tension, and will afford un mixed satisfaction to the immense ma jority of tbe cltlsens of Aoreataland. The President will once again be hailed as tbe. savior of his country." "I wonder If the Immense majority will include ma?" said I. "I think I will go ana see bis excellency. CIlAPTEtt VII. The next morning I took my way to ths Golden House, where I learned that tSa President was at the ministry of finance. Arriving there, I sent in my card, writing thereon an humble request for a private Interview, I was ushered Into Don An tonio's room, where I found ths minister himself, the President snd Johnny Carr, As I entered snd the servant, on a akii from bis excellency, placed a chair (or me, tbe latter said rather stiffly: "As I presume thlv is a business visit Mr. Martin, it la more regular that I sbenla receive you in the presence of ens of say constitutional advisers. Mr. Carr Is acting ss my secretary, and you can speak freely before him." I wss annoyed at falling is my at tempt to see tbe President alone, but not wtahlng to how It I merely bowed and saM i . "X venture to lntruda on your excelten ry, la consequence of a letter from my directors, Tbey inform me that to use tneir words, 'dlsqntetlng rumors are stoat on tbe exchanges In regard te ths Auratalan4 loan, and they direct sne to submit to your exeelleacy be expediency (o( giving some nubile aodooaUo rU ! live to the payment of the interest falling ue next month. It appears from their communication that It is apprehended that some difficulty may occur in the mat er." "Would not this application, If neces sary at all, have been more properly made to tbe ministry of finance In tbe first Instance?" said the President 'These datnils hardly fall within my province." "I can only follow my instructions, your excellency," I replied. ' Have rou anv objection. Mr. Martin. said the President, "to allowing myself and my advisers to see this letter?" "I sm empowered to submit it only to your excellency's own eye." 'Oh, only to my eye," said he, with an amused expression. "That was why the Interview was to be private.' "Exactly, sir," I replied. "I Intend no disrespect to the minister of finance or to your secretary, sir, but I am bound by my orders. "You are an exemplary servant, Mr. Martin. But I don't think I need trou ble you about it further. Is It a cable?" He smiled so wickedly at this question that I snw he had penetrated my little fiction. However. I only said : A letter, sir." 'Well, gentlemen," said he to the oth ers. "I think we may reassure Mr. Mar tin. Tell your directors this, Mr. Mar tin. The government docs not see any need of a public notification, and none will be made. I think we agree, gentle men, that to acknowledge tho necessity of any such action would be highly deroga tory. But assure them that the President bas stated to you, Mr. Murtin, personally, with the concurrence of his advisers, that he anticipates no difficulties In your be ing in a position to remit the full amount of Interest to them on the proper day." I may assure them, sir, that the inter est will be punctually paid?" "Surely I expressed myself In a manner you could understand," said he, with tbe slightest emphasis on the "you." "Au rcataland will meot her obligations. You will receive all your due, Mr. Martin. That Is so, gentlemen?" Don Antonio acquiesced at once. John ny Carr, I noticed, said nothing and fidgeted rather uneasily In his chair. I knew what the President meant He meant, "If we don't pay, pay it out of your reserve fund." Alas, the reserve fund was considerably diminished ; I bad enough, and just enough left, to pay the next Installment If I paid none of my own debts. I felt very vicious as I saw his excellency taking keen pleasure in the consciousness of my difficulties, but of course I could say nothing. So I rose and bowed myself out, feeling I bnd gain ed nothing, except a very clear convic tion that I fchould not see the color of tbe President's money on the next interest day. True, I could just pay myself. But what would happen next time? And If lie wouldn't pay, and I couldn't pay. the game wonld be up. As to the origiual loau, it Is true I had no responsibility; but then, If no interest were paid, the tact that I had applied a second loan, tny loan, In a manner different from that which my instructions authorized and my own reports represented, would be inevit ably discovered. And my acceptance of the bonus, my dealings with tho reserve fund, all this would, 1 knew, look rather queer to people wbo didn t know the clr cumstances. When I went back to tho bank, revolv ing these things in my mind, I found Jones employed in arranging the corre spondence. It was part of his duty to see to the preservation and filing of all letters arriving from Europe, and, strange to say, he delighted In the task. It was part of my duty to see be did this; so I sat down and began to turn over tho pile of letters and messages which be had put on my desk ; they dated back two years ; this sur prised mo, and I said: "Kathcr behindhand, aren't you Jones?" "Yes, sir, rather. Fact is, I've done 'em before, but as you've never initialed 'em, I thought I ought to bring 'em to your notice." "Quite right very neglectful of me. I suppose they're alt right?" "Yes, sir, all right" "Then I won't trouble to go through them." "They're all there, sir, except, of course, the cable about the second loan, sir." "Except what?" I said. "The cable about the second loan," he repeated. I was glad to be reminded of this, for ot course I wished to remove that docu ment before the bundle finally took Its place among the archives. Indeed, I thought I had done so. But why bad Jones removed It? Surely Jones was not as skeptical as that? "Ah, and where have you put that?" "Why, sir, his exeellcucy took that." "What!" I cried. "Yes, sir. Didn't I mentlou It? Why. the day after you and the President were here that night, his excellency came down In the afternoon, when you'd gone out to the Pinna, and said he wanted it. He said, sir, that you'd said it was to go to the ministry of finance. He was very at fable, sir, snd told me that it was neces sary the original should be submitted to the minister for bis Inspection ; and as he was passing by he d take It up himself Hasn't he given it back to you, air? He said he would." Slipped his memory, no doubt All right, Jones." May I go now, sir?" said Jones, "Mrs. Jones wanted tue to go with ber." I saw all now. That old villain had atolen ths cable. And his excellency's words came back to my memory, "I make the most of my opportunities." CnAPTEIt VIII. The next week was a busy one for me, I spent it in scraping together every bit ot cash I could lay my hands on. It I could get together enough to pay tbe In tereat on ths X'JOO.OOO supposed to be in vested la approved securities really dis red of In a manner only krtewn to b! excellency I should bavs six months to look about me. Now remaining out of my "bonus" wss nil, out of my "reserve fund" $10,000. This was enough. But, alas, bow happened it that this sum was In my hsnds? Because I had borrowed $5,000 from tbe bank! If they wouldn't let their own manager overdraw, whom would they? So I overdrew. But if this money wasn't back before tbe monthly balancing, Jones wonld know ! And I dared not rely on being able to stop his mouth sgaln. Wben I said Johnny Carr was the only honest man in Aureataland I forgot Jones, Jones also was honest and Jones would consider It bis duty to let the directors know of my overdraft. If oneo they knew, 1 woe lost for sn over draft effected privately from the safe by tits manager Is, I 4o net deny It, decidedly Irreirnlar. Unless I could sd.l f.S.000 te my $ 10.1)1)0 before the end of tbe month 1 ah nn I J hive to default! This melancholy conclusion was re-enforced and rendered demonstrable by a ltler which arrived, to crown my woes, from my respected father, Informing tns that he had unhappily become indebted to mie chairman In mm nf 10.000. the result of a deal between them, that he had seen the chairman, that the chairman was nrgent for pajment, that he nsed most violent language against our family In general, ending by declaring bis -in tention of stopping tny salary to pay the parental debt. "If he doesn t like It be may go, and small loss." This was s most unjustifiable proceeding, but I was hardly In a position to take up a high moral attitude toward the chairman, and in the result 1 saw myself confronted with the certainty of beggary nnd the probability of jail. But for this unto ward reverse of fortune I might have tak en courage and made a clean breast of my misdoings, relying on the chairman's ob ligations to tny father to puli mo through. But now, where was I? I was, as Donna Antonia put it, very deep in indeed. So overwhelmed was I by my position, snd so occupied by my frantic efforts to im prove it, that I did not even find time to go and see the Signorinn, much as I need ed comfort; snd, as the dys went on, I fell Into such despair that I went no where, hut sat dismally in my own rooms, looking at my portmanteau, and wonder ing how soon I must pack and fly, if not for life, at least for liberty. At last the crash came. I was sitting In my office one morning, encaged in the difficult task of trying to make ten into fifteen, when I hear dthe clatter of hoofs. A moment later the door was opened, and Jones ushered In Colonel McGregor. I nodded to the Colonel, who enmo in with his usual leisurely step, sat himself down, and took off bis gloves. I roused myself to any: "What can I do for yon, Colonel?" JIc waited till the door closed behind Jones, and then said: "I've got to the bottom of it at last, Martin. That old scamp'B villainy," said he, jerking his thumb toward the Piazza and the statue of the Liberator. "lies very cute, but he's made a mistake at last." Do come to the point, Colonel. What's It all about?" 'Would you bo surprised to hear," snld the Colonel, adopting a famous mode oC speech, "that the interest on tbe debt would not bo paid on the 31st?" "No, I shouldu t, " said I, resignedly. "Would you be surprised to henr that nu more interest would ever be paid?" "What do you mean, man?" I cried, leaping up. The President," said he, calmly, "will, on the 31st Instant, repudiate the national debt!" (To be continued.) MEALS OF THE FUTURE. Co-Operatlve Kitchen Inspected ta Solve Servant Problem. It Is to co-opcratlve kitchens thai many people iu London look for tho purtiul solution of the servant problem, says tbe Philadelphia Ledger. The be liever in co-oiierutlon sees a street of little villas, occupied for the most part by uilddle-clnss families of luoderute or even scanty means. In every bouse there is a kitchen; in every kitchen there is u range, and before every range there la u woman, who, be she mistress or tuuid, is with very imper fect knowledge engaged lu cooking meals that are generally both wasteful and unsatisfactory. A common kitchen for tho whole street would mean an im mediate saving of nn immense amount of labor now expended with very little result ' Tho plan appears ot first sight to bave so much to recommend It that one wonders some euterpriblng capitalist has not come forward and built a street with a kind of "administrative block" nt one end, which should contain tho kitchens nnd a proper staff of cooks and housekeepers, whence proper meals should be sent out to all fio tenants of the houses. General domestic service could also be provided in tho same way. It sounds most attractive; yet after all, It has to some extent been tried and not with brilliant success. Sets of munslon flat have not infrequently been run on these lines. Experience in these has too often shown that domes tic service provided in common is even inferior to that which the individual can obtain for himself separately, and thnt meals, from a general kitchen are ruinously expensive. Further,' there is something about "restaurant meals" and menls provld cd from a common kitchen must alway be of the nature of restaurant meals against which the soul of man revolts, ltnther would bo have cold shoulder ot mutton nnd over-boiled potatoes thai have been cooked In the domestic buck kitchen than the most varied of entree and reloves that yet In some mysterloin- way always contrive to have tho satin ilnvor the restaurant flavor. Is titer a stronger proof that nature Intends man to live In a family than the rapid Ity with which be wearies even of tht best of restaurants? The part that meals play In the main tenitnce of homo life bus never been suiUeiently recognized. Yet ufter all, meals form the chief occasions In which members of a family are brought Into contact with each other. However In explicable It may be, '.t Is clear that the custom of entlng together, as a ru!e. engenders of Itself a certain friendli ness. Dining In public dining rooms, such ns suggested In "Looking Back ward," would never bave the snmo so cial and friendly influence. Members of a family would, indued, soon cease to meet at all, probably . The early and lnte risers would breakfnst tipnrt The dinner hour would in tbe same way be varied according to tbe caprice or occu pation of each Individual. Still more gloomy, from a social and human point of view, is the further revolution with which some scientists threaten us. This W tho total abolition of cooking and kitchens alike. Meals in the ordinary sense of the word will cease, and we shall take ail necessary sustenance In tabloid form. Breakfast will consist of a capsule of concentrated milk and two tabloids of bacon and egg esseuce aud three of concentrated toast powder; dinner will ne on the same lines. Social intercourse would then cease, for bow ran social Inter course be imagined without hospital ity? And hospitality under such cond tlona would be a farce. Partlealare Wanted. Lswyer Are you married? Lady Witness No; unmarried, Lawyer What Judge uumtrried yawl aeatoiiet eeeekesewaawar : LD Mr Grand mother' Old Armchair. My grandmother she At the age of eighty-three One day In May was taken ill and died, And after she was dead The will, of course, was read, By tho lawyer, as we all sat side by side. To my brother it was found She hod left a hundred pounds; The same to my sister, 1 declare; But when It came to me, Tho lawyer said: "I see Granny's only left to you her old arm chair." CHORUS. How they tittered, how they laughed!! How my sinter snd my brother at me chaffed, When they heard the lawyer declare "Granny's only left to you her old srm chair." I thought it hardly fair. But still I did not care. In the evening I took the chair sway. The neighbors at me laughed, My brother at me chaffed. Said he : "John, the chair will be of use to you so.in' day. When you settle r!"rn In life And find some lki to be your wife The chair will be of nt to you, I declare. On a cold and sti'im.v right When the fire is burning bright. You con sit in your old armchair." Whnt my brother said was true, For in a year or two. I, strange to say, was settled down in life, At first the girl I courted, And then the ring I bought. I took ber to the church, and she's my wife. Oh ! that dear old girl and me Were as happy as could be. And when my work was over, I declare I never cared to roam, But always stayed at home, And would sit in my old armchair. One night the chair broke down And on picking up I found The bottom had fallen out upon the floor, And right before my eyes I saw to my surprise Notes for a thousand pounds or more. When my brother heard of this Why, the fellow, I confess, Was maddened with race and tore hi; hair. But I only laughed at him, And said to him : "Jim. Don t you wish you had tho old arm chair?" CHORUS (to last verse). How I tittered, how I laughed. How I at my brother and my sister chaffed. When I henrd the lawyer declare "Granny's left a fortune in the old arm chair !" SOME RURAL SAYINGS. There Are Many of Them In Whlc Belief Can Still Be Found While, signs and sayings are not so rife as they once were In the New En gland country, they are still extant to a considerable degree among tbe old people, aud perhups still more so among the children. This sort of thing al ways bas appealed to the imagination of the child, and very likely always will. Clifton Johnson tells In tho New England Magazine a number of bits of superstitious lore which he gathered from an elderly farmer familiarly known as "Grnmp," diminutive for "grandpa." Their first experience to gether, with the wltchhazel crotch, seeking for water, did not prove to be successful, for although the crotch, which the old farmer held firmly In both hands, with the extremity point ing vertically in tbe air, tipped strong ly downward when over a certain spot Subsequent digging failed to disclose any water. The farmer's faith In the method, however, was not in any way dissipated. Another superstition In which the farmer placed implicit confidence was thnt storms always clenr off nt 0 In the morning, at noon, at 3 o'clock In the afternoon, at sunset, at midnight r at sunrise. Mr. Johnson feels, how ever, that it would be a very ingenious storm which could clear off at u time sufficiently removed from the times named not to be assigned to one of them by the weatherwlse. It Is also believed that the weather on any given day will be ns it Is between 12 nnd 2 In the morning. A cold snap can be de pended upon If the dog comes Into the house and puts his head under the mat If tho wind dies down at sunset it will blow again tbe next day. One of the populur fcratulne beliefs Is that If a pin is held between the teeth while peeling onions It will prevent the tears jomlng. Bats enn be driven out of a house by catching one, tarring und feathering it and turning It loose. A simple cure for hiccoughs is fot tho afflicted one to see how near to gether be can bold Ids little fingers without their toucumg. loouiucne may bo prevented by cutting n little, from each toe and finger null, wrapping the cuttings in white patter or birch bark and nutting them In a hole bored In a pine tree.. "Close the bole by plug ging," Bald the farmer, "and you won't have any trouble from aching teeth ns long as yon live." Unfortunately this will not prevent the loss of teeth by decay, nheumntlsm can be cured by putting mustard in the shoes, and nose bleed by putting a piece of paper under the tongue or a key on tho buck of the neck. A cure-all almost equal to some advertised remedies Is water bottled at a spring on Easter morning before sunrise. "Drink a little of it if any thing Is the matter Inside of you and If you have a acre spot rub it on out aide," advised tbe old farmer. "You'll be surprised to see what It does for yon, no matter what disease you've got" Unfortunate fishermen will do well to beed tbe admonition not to cut a twig to string the fish on until tbe first la caught. If they do this they cannot hope to catch any fish. Carry Ing a cat across running water must be especially guarded against "It will,' announces "Gramp," "ruin your Ufa, Yon might' Just as well take a dose of deadly poison and be done with Ouesfs of ecnslilo resorts, too, may save tliPinsolves inuli unn-csMry exerclw by rrmpmhcrlnp; tlmt when one kills n mosquito two will come to the funeral and the unfortunnto person will be bothered worre than before. New York Tribune. MIGHT PUZZLE THE BARD. Suppose Maebeth's Cihnst Slionm Meet Thnt ot Shakspeare. Shakspeare has lately been de nounced ns a snob, and I nm afraid that affair of the bogus coat of arms shows that he was not entirely free from the snobbery of feudullsm, but no one knew better than he no one felt more strongly than he that above all monarchs sits a great suzerain, the Lord of the Pen, who unes klugs und who utters truths or lies according to bis pleasure, says a writer in Harper's Magazine. When Charles XII. wanted his librarian to hand from the library a volume of history, he used to say, "Give me my liar." And well he might. But If you come to the fine accomplish ment of lying, what Is the mere Jog trot muse of history to the muse ot Ioetry, agiilnst whose slanderous utter ances there Is no appeal? Supposing that In the unknown coun try of shndows which lies beyoud the stiors of the shade of. King Macbethnd. son of Flnnlaech (who fell at the but tie of Lumphnnon, after having foi seventeen years reigned over Seotland reigned with so generous a hand that he was called "Macbcthad the Lib eral") supixmlng that this wronged hero en blen should happen to meet th slind' of the author of Macbeth, anil suppose that the warrlor-klng shouU. protest, with the meekness that be comes a king hi confronting a poet ngainst the wrong done to his memor.t suppose he should nsk the poet wlm: was his justification for having de plcted him as the protagonist of assas sins him who had never killed a man In his life save In open battle, while Duncan, his supposed victim, really db: succeed to tho Scottish throne becausi his path had been somehow made clear for him by a family mnrner suppose Macbeth should presume to nsk such a question of the poet, whnt 'reply would the shade of the suzerain make': Would he deign to make any reply at nil, or would he simply beckon to the shade of Raphael Holtnshed (from whose chronicle the story of Macbeth Is drawn) to relieve him from the Irk someness of answering Idle questions? MORGUE MAN FEARS CRICKETS Miclit Attendant Fleea When He Hears One. Fright Is a condition unknown to Fritz Weiderman, except when he bears a cricket says the New York WorM For twelve years Fritz has been a night employe of the Philadelphia morgue, and for four years he hue been sleeping there. Yet this man, wbo can handle a body with as little emotion as If he were put ting ice In a refrigerator, to whose nostrils the odor of disinfectants is as grateful as that of violets to a spring poet, has one vulnerable spot in his armor of unconcern, and it is pierced by the chirp of a cricket Nothing so sinister as a centipede or so threatening as a mouse can shall Fritz' stolid sensibilities, but a cricket, a little, hopping, skipping cricket, with its ragtime chirp, can throw him into a clammy perspiration. Then bis voice quavers like that of a woman who bus just discovered moths in her best car pet, and dozens of sturdy shivers go sprinting up and down bis spinal col umn. When asked about this idiosyncrncy, Fritz was down In the cold, chill base ment, and as be spoke be shoved a body back Into Its compartment with tbe affectionate concern of a house wife putting a. loaf of bread into the oven. "Yes," be admitted, trembling. "I'm afraid of them crickets. I don't know vy It lss, I ain't afraid of nutting else in dls vorld, bnt If I bears vun in der room I'm all ofer In a tremble. "Vun night It vas obond at mid night I vss down In der basement fix ing up an nrrivnl von 't'vcok went vun of dein grlckets In der vail. Veil, I vas so scared I let der lee fall nnd broke It into bleces and mit all my might I hurried to der ofilce up, und der elec tric light turned on full. Den, py und py, I schneaked ouid on tiptoe, like dls." (And he gave a ponderous dem onstration of his methods) "I tell you." ho added, "I don't vnnt no grlckets In der morgue. I von't efen taken der det body of an unidentified grlcket, for you can't never be sure vot dose grlckets are going to do, llfing or dot" Before and After. President Buchanan's home still stands In the outskirts of Lancaster, Ta. Buchanan was a close friend of Abraham N.'Cassel. He was president of a turnpike company wb'.rb owned it road leading from Lancaster past the Buchanan residence. During tho campaign which gave Pennsylvania ber only President thi turnpike prospered ou the tolls of the callers who dally thronged to tbe can didate's home. "Abe," said Buchanan, cne day. "can't you abolish the tolls, fr give a special rate, for all these eople? I want to encourage tnem to come want em all to come." Mr. Cassel promised to consult hl directors, and a concession was grant ed. After election came the otlice seekers, and the home of the President-elect wa compassed about like a beleaguered camp. Meeting, Buchanan again en treated tbe road owner. "Cassel," be said, "for heaven's eakf keep 'em away! Can't you build toll gates clear up to the sky so tbey can'i climb overr Saturday Evening Post Th Only Enjoyable War. Bounder I Was at the hop last night Knox So I beard. Miss I'echls was telling me bow much site enjoyed the dance she gave you, j Ikmnder Why, I only had one with ber and she insisted upon sitting that out Knox Yes, so she told me, Pblla- It , delpbja Press, . . , . RrplnlrefT. Bsplelgh Why you dlsllte cigar ettos? Miss Knox Because they nn dan fereus. Ssplelgh But I litre smoked them. for ten years and fiey haven't killed! me yet Miss Knox Yes. I know nnd that one reason why I object to them. DISnOTTRTNCr SKIN HUHOH. - Impossible to Get Employment, at Face and Body "Were OoTered with. Beree Cured by Cnticura. Since tbe year 1S04 I have been troubled with a very bad ease e eczema which I have spent hundreds ot dollars trying to cure, and I went to the hospital, but tbey failed to cure me, and It was getting worse all tho time. Five weeks ngo my wife bought a box of Cutlcuru Ointment aud no, cake of Cnticura Soap, nnd I am. pleased to say that I am now com pletely cured and well. It was Impos sible for ne to get employment as mr. face, head and body were covered with It. Tbe eczema first sppesred on the top of my head, and it hnd worked aft the way around down ihe back of my, neck and around to my throat, down, my body and around the hips. It Itched so I would be obliged to scratch it. and the flesb was raw. I am now all well, and I will be pleased to recom mend tbe Cnticura Remedies to all per sons who wish a speedy nnd perma nent cure of skin diseases. Thomas M. Rosslter, 290 Prospect Street East Orange, N. J. Mar. SO, 1005." What rn; Said. Illm What did your father say hen you told him I bnd nsked you to marry me? Her Shall I leave out the swear words? nira Of course. Her Then I don't believe he snlj anything. In tbe Orera llm. Miss Peachley Wiiat funny slcevef' yours are ! Miss Capsicum Yes; I have been laughing in them at that gown of yours. Webster'a Dictionary. It Is the conservatism backed by thi ' scholarship of the eUitor-ln-chlef, Will iam T. Harris, Ph. D., LL. D., lat United States Commissioner of Edu cation, and hundreds of others of the greatest educators of this and othei nations which has made tbe Webstei International Dictionary the standard In the United States Snpreme Court and all the State Supreme Courts, also the standard of the Government Print ing Office, and the basis of nearly nil the schoolbooks In the country. Our renders shiuld write for 'Th Storv of a Book." Ponrtment 0, G. 4 C. Merrlara, Springfield. Mass. Side Light on Shakspeare. Othello had smothered Desdemona. "I wanted to see." lie explained to tht coroner, "if the audience would Insist oi both of us coming before the curtain aftet inch a scene as thnt." It appearing on Investigation that tht audienoe had insisted, the disgusted coro ner let him go. Cbicigo Tribune. Mrs. Wlnalsnra Iostsits eranr tee esoiersai Jsatbtnci Ktmi tiie r.u.ndim tuSsseutiaa. a mn aaia. suraa sriaS ooiic. X vmim a Settle Hopeless Case. "Here's a letter from a woman," snld the nnswers-to-correspondeiit8 editor, "who wants to know how to make a lemon tart" "That's Just like n woiyan," rejoined the snake editor. "Tell her If the lern. on Isn't tart to beeln with she'd bettei consign it to tbe (lump and let it go al that" FILLING UP THE CANADIAN WEST The American Settler la Welcomed to ( anadn. A nnmber of the leading newspaper! on this side of the line have been no ticing the growth of the Canadian West In recent years, and draw atten tion to the fact that there seems to be no abatement of tbe Influx of settlers to thnt great grain-growing country, Tbe Buffalo Express thus refers to thf subject : "Canada West continues to grow. There were 4,174 homesteads entries, there In July of this year, as againsl 3,C71 in July, 190.". Canada slumes herself over this fact with becoming pride. But what appears to make out neighbors happiest la the statemenl that of these 4.174 homesteaders, 1,213 were from this side of the line. Little Is said about the U7 Canadians who re. crossed the border to take up homes In Canada West, of of the 808 from Great Britain, or of the 1,230 from non-British countries. It appears that the Item In this July report that makes Canada rejoice most Is this of the 1,213 American farmers who decided to try their fortunes In Canada West. "The compliment is deserved. Tbe 1,212 were mostly from Dakota and ither farming States, and go Into Can ula fitted better tlinn any other class if Immigrants for developing the new luntry. They take capital with them, io. say Canadian papers proudly. Iu very-way tbey ura welcome over 'iere." As the Express well says, the Amer an Is welcomed to Canndn, and the tjsons given ure suiticlent to Invite e welcome. The American farmer :ows tboroushly t!ie firming condl- ins Jhnt prevail In tbe Canadian pral e provinces, and Is nwnrs of every inse of agricultural development In cent years. In practical knowledge whnt I.i wanted to get the largest turn for labor nnd Investment he Is long odds superior to nny Eunpoan tier. He knows whnt Is requlrtd to '.ng success, nnd he Is able and wlll ir to do It, aud his future causes no prehension to the successful Csua Inn farmer. The agent of the Canadian Govern- tert whose address appears else where, says that the difference b wecn the manners nnd customs of the ,'s.rmer from Dakota, Oregon or Mln lesoto and the farmer from Manitoba! Jnskatchewan or Alberta is not nearly so marked as that between tbe farmer of tbe Maritime provinces and the On tario tiller of the soU. Hence the wel come to tbe free homesteads of the Canadian West (nnd there are hun dreds of thousands of them left) that Is extended to the settler from tbe) Western States, .