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About The monitor. (Omaha, Neb.) 1915-1928 | View Entire Issue (Dec. 16, 1916)
<> OOO-0 MARY AND THE LAMP :: I o-OOO--0 TVTARY had a little lamp; She also had a beau, And every time the latter called _ They turned the former low —Kansas City Journal. n Old Pap Pinkham „ « _ K _,_ I Postmaster I Y DEAR MR. PRESIDENT—You ask me to write you plainly and truthfully what the particular situation is at Jericho. I will do J my best to tell you, but I warn you that things are mightily mix - ▼' 1\ ed up and I cannot decide for myself. v Ij] One day Ezra Wheeler, who is an old wheel horse of our I* party, comes into the postoffice and says: N ‘‘Pap, gimme a two cent stamp for this letter. We are goin’ to lick ’em sure this year, an’ don’t you doubt it. Wilson's majority will be big enough to prove to the infernal opposition that he is the right man in the right place.” And then, Mr. President, I feel cheered up and am nerved to battle. I will pass the day hurrahing for you and for me and go to bed feeling that you will carry at least forty of the states. Next day Josiah Williams, who belongs to the opposition, comes in and says: “Gimme a stamp, old shellback, for this letter, and you won't be selling many after election day has passed.” “And why not?" I pleasantly asks. "Because, old man, your party is goin’ to get the worst lickin it has had in the last 100 years. You oughter know It. You oughter feel that it is in the air around you. You oughter to see the hand writing on the wall. Yes, sir, you are in for a regular fall from the fourteenth story, and it’s going to break a heap o’ necks. Prepare for the bounce, old dub!” And, Mr. President, my heart sinks _ _ down about ten feet, and the word “de spair” appears before my eyes every where. Meanwhile, I am having my own troubles, which I will Just mention to prove to you that the road to fame and greatness lias its roots and mudholes to worry us. I got notice the other day that a petition was being circulat ed around Jericho to have me removed from this (>ostmastership on moral grounds, which are as follows: “That 1 play checkers with old Tom Turnbull during postoffice hours. “That when a horse trade is on in the street I leave the postoffice to take care of itself and go out as a spectator. "That I permit Mrs. Pinkham to read all the postal cards passing through the mails. "That I refuse to lick on stamps when asked to do so.” Let me say of these charges that, as to playing checkers, I have perhaps "Prepare for the Bounce!” played four games in the last year when no one was in the office. It is needless to add that I won every one of the four and that neither Tom nor I had the help of Satan. As to taking an interest in horse trading, it is only a human Interest. I don’t want to see either side cheated. I have on many occasions been called to ^ look at the teeth of a hovse to settle the question of his age, and I have thus Y prevented one party from being defrauded and have convicted the other ^ party of being a liar. A As to reading postal cards by Mrs. Pinkham, she has had sore eyes svsr since I became postmaster and could not read a card if I offered her $5. o As for licking on stamps, 1 have refused to do so on occasions be- Y cause I had a pimple on my tongue and not from any want of courtesy • on my part. A Thus all the charges melt away, and if you happen t<f see the post master general tell him how the case stands. OLD PAP PINKHAM, Popular Postmaster. M. QUAD. Copyright, 1916, McClure Newspaper Syncate. ••• ——• I ADVANTAGES OF EARLY CHRISTMAS SHOPPING jj | Complete Stocks! j | Good Store Service! J | Comfortable Travel! ■ If You Wait Till the Last Minute, You Will Find Stocks of Merchan dise Depleted, Salespeople Tired and Rushed, & Street Cars Crowded. ! I DO IT NOW! | | Omaha & Council Dluffs Street I j Railway Company j _T, .... ..— 1-."* • * • •"* * * * | The Monitor’s Classified Columns i Give Our Advertisers Your Trade- They Deserve It J ADS FOB AUTOISTS “Two in One” Vulcanizing Co. Tire and tube repairing. New and second nand tires. 1516 Davenport St. COMSUMMERS AUTO SUPPLY CO. We save you money. Douglas 5230 1921 Farnafn Use only Deep-Rock Gasoline and Motor Oils. Twice the power—Lasts twice as long. MISSOURI VALLEY OIL CO. BAKERIES THE LAKE BAKERY “ Choicest Cake, Bread and Pastry Webster 3387 2504 North 24th St. F. WILBERGS The Best in Bakery Goods Webster 673 24th and Parker Sts. CLEANERS AND DYERS — DRESHER BROS. Cleaners, Dyers, Hatters, Furriers Tyler 345 2211-17 Famam St. OMAHA DRESS CLUB We Take Pride in Giving Satisfaction Douglas 3660 2225 Cuming St. COAL I. ABRAHAMSON Coal, Kindling, Hay and Feed Prompt Delivery Webster 46 1316 North 24th St. GOODELL & CO. COAL Phone Web. 344 30th and Pinkney. J. T. BEATTY Ail Kinds of Coal Webster 1868 1627 No. 24th St. S. KATLEMAN All Kinds of Feed and Coal. Your Old Neighbor and Friend. Doug. 6620 2560 Cuming St. DRY GOODS AND NOTIONS J. LEWIS Valuable Coupons Free With All Pur chases of Shoes, Ladies and Gents Furnishings. Webster 3103 2503 No. 24th St. JOHN A. JENSEN Ladies and Gents’ Furnishings, Boots and Shoes 2220 Cum-'-- St. ELECTRIC FIXTURES AND SUPPLIES WOLF ELECTRIC COMPANY^ Tyler 1414 1810 Famam HOUCK ELECTRICAL CO. Electric Light and Power Contracting Harney 4600 2629 Cuming St. GROCERIES AND MEATS MRS. LENA WOODRUFF Best of Everything in Meats and Groceries. Colfax 70 and 71 3702 No. 30th St. BERNSTEIN & COHN Fine Fruits and Fresh Vegetables. Webster 1788 2501 No. 24th St. M. R. COHN If You Don’t Trade at Our Store, We Both Lose. Harney 2560 2706 Cuming St. AUG. ANDERSON The Best Goods at Right Prices Web. 2274 24th and Clark Sts. THE PEOPLE’S MARKET The Store of the Low Cost of Living Douglas 1530 2311-13 Cuming St. J. BERKOWITZ Where Trading is Worth While. Webster 850 24th and Charles I JOE MARGULES i Where a Little Money Goes a Long Ways. Webster 4378 24th and Caldwell HARDWARE _ J. F. McLANE Paints, Window Glass, Oils Webster 3516 24th and Lake Sts. JEWELRY—WATCH REPAIRING E. R. SMISOR •Anything in the Jewelry Line Webster 4916 2505 North 24th St. S. LEWIS Just in Time to Get Watches and Jewelry While the Sale is on. 1707 North 24th Street. LOANS ~ DAVID B. GRuori Offers Watches, Diamonds, Clothing and Jewelry at One-third off. Red 6081 410 No. 16th St. MEAT MARKETS HENRY SCHNAUBER Best of Everything in the Meat Line Webster 6564 1906 No. 24th St. J. ROSENBLATT Live Spring Chickens All Year Round. Phone Doug. 2306 219 No. 13t.h St. NEW AND SECOND HAND FUR NITURE —Two Stores— CITY and LOYAL FURNITURE CO. Our Motto: A Square Deal. Doug. 4177 107 So. 14th St. Doug. 5831 223 No. 16th St. PAINTING AND PAPER HANGING O. S. WIEMER Wall Paper, Paints and Glass. Low Prices on Wall Paper. 2302 Cuming Street. Douglas 8763 Walnut 449 PLUMBERS YOUSEM AND NIBLOCK Best Plumbing and Reasonable Prices Harney 3383 2627 Cuming St. SHOEMAKERS DOMESTIC SHOE REPAIRING First Class Work Guaranteed H. C. Hensen 2307 Cunming St. SHOE STORES F. R. OSBORNE SHOE CO. Why Go Down Town and Pay More? Webster 1412 2606 North 24th St. TEA AND COFFElT" HOMAN’TEA AND COFFEE CoT” We Roast Our Coffees Daily Webster 370 2608 No. 24th St. WINES AND LIQUORS WM. HOLM When You Want Fine Wines and Liquors 24th and Burdette Streets. Butternut Coffee! Did you ever hear of it? Better yet, did you ever try it?—Adv. - ■ « - <•-' *•< ‘ - *'*“