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About The monitor. (Omaha, Neb.) 1915-1928 | View Entire Issue (Nov. 11, 1916)
Brother Gardner] < 9 His Discourse on Getting Married ^ HE routine business of the Limekiln club had been finished when Brother Gardner arose and began: "My friends, some of de white people am mightily astonished when dey hear dat a col'd couple has bin jined in a holy bond of wed lock. It am a diskeevery to dem to l'arn dat a col'd pusson kin feel de pangs of lub. I notice dat Jupiter Mortimer Davenport Bones am yere among us tonight. Brudder Bones, will you please stand up whar all kin see you?” Brudder Bones stood up, but very modestly, an' if he had bin a young- white man it could have bin seen that he was blushln’ clear back to his ears. Most of those present knew what was cornin', and so did he. “Brudder Bones," resumed the president, "I have bin tole dat you am gwlne to be married soon to de ravlshin’ Arabella Cinderella Dorothy Sykes an’ dat you has already bought two flatirons an’ a washboard to begin housekeepin’ on. Data all right, brudder, an’ proves dat you am a four handed young man. “Now, Brudder Bones, I want to have a sort o' fatherly talk wid you. You has bin a-courtin’ dat gal fur six months, but what do you know ’bout her? You has found her sweet and smilin' when you has arove at her father’s cabin an’ when she has bid you good night ober de gate. But how has it bin when you was absent? You don’t know. Neither kin you find out. No young man kin, no matter what his color may be. Dat is one of de dangers we has to en counter in plungin' into matrimony. “What does dat gal know 'bout you, may I ask? You has managed to bor row $14 off members of dis club to >it married on. Dat will pay do preacher an’ take you ober to Hoboken an’ back, an’ when you find your money gone what you goin’ to do ’bout it? And what is she gwlne to do? ‘Brudder Bones,” continued the president as he solemnly shook his head, “dar am heaps o’ things dat you must look at in this marriage busi ness. You will think fur a few months after marriage dat you has won Just de nicest and sweetest gal in de world. Den dat feelin' will begin to wane, an’ if you don’t look out you will find yo’self wonderin’ why you didn’t marry her mudder instead o’ her. Don’t be a fule, Brudder Bones, an’ frow it up to her an’ run ’way. She will hev Just as much cause to wonder 'bout you as you hev ’bout her. “Brudder Bones. I was married fo’ty ye’rs ago. an’ dar am things I haven’t found out yet, an' one of dem things is .ryou found whar we can't keep right on makin’ stch fules o’ ourselves as we did durin' our courtin’ days. I reckon Cupid thinks he has finished his job when he has brought two lubin’ hearts together. He neber cums back to see wether de lub flies away or lingers round dar. “Brudder Bones, we shall expect dis Limekiln club to be widout you fur " ; de next free months arter your marriage. Y'ou will w-ant to sot home squeez In’ hands. As you am de fust one o’ dis club to git married in de last y’ar i [ we am gwine to show our appreciashun of you an de gal by presentin' you ij wid $10 in cash dat you kin extend your bridal tower as fur as Tren- |! [ton c.r Passaic an’ ride in a first class car an’ fur de fust time in your 11 life /»moke a ten cent cigar an’ tip de waiter at a restauranl. Dat am ]| all, Brudder Bones, an’ we will now disqualify de meetln’ an’ go home" || M. QUAD. Copyright, 1916, McClure Newspaper Syndicate. > I! £3 A DRESS REHEARSAL 4S !| I >-0-» « % » • •— ■ -• •••••• + <> AT a ball given by one of the political district organizations in downtown New York a subleader appeared wearing a full dress complete from the high collar and the swal — low tailed coat to the glistening patent leather pumps and the _ white kid gloves. Looking slightly self conscious, with a furtive glance now and then at his painfully large hands and feet and evidently governed by a desire to avoid straining the costume at any point, he remained modestly in the background. A prominent politi cian presently stum bled into him. “W h y. Tim.” he said. “I didn’t know you in the glad rags. Old. man you look “You look great in those clothes.” great in those clothes.” “On the level?” inquired the resplendent one. a “On the level.” The object of the compliment heaved a sigh of gladness. “Then durned If 1 don’t buy ’em!” be said.—Saturday Even ing Post. • i; ---_, Her Suggestion A | rpHE trolley car was crowded. She couldn’t find a seat. A man In front of her snapped, ‘Miss, 1 You're standing on my feet!" Y Y Then sweetly she looked down at him, A i. The darling little elf, T V • And said, “Beg pardon, but why don’t O : O You stand on them yourself?" O —Christian Herald. ^ ..... II 11 Snappy Styles S HO E S FOR MEN AND ROYS At M. S. 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